


A Breath Of Reality

by Fluffyplum



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Background Relationships, Change of Character, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Family Drama, Fluff, Hate to Love, M/M, Rich Louis, Slow Burn, Smut, Zayn just isn't around much, at least that was the idea, change of heart, drama-lama, even a bit yoga, ridiculous and funny as well, sappy & gross, some recreational drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-05 15:08:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 166,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5379767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluffyplum/pseuds/Fluffyplum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>**Updated 2017**</p><p>The one where Louis is a angry shit who hurts those around with the pain he refuses to feel, while Harry can relate in more ways than one and suffers the consequences of having a heart that's just a tad too big.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \---- Updated ----
> 
>  
> 
> If you decide to read this story then know it's going to piss you off, it pisses me off as well.  
> I kind of hate it, but at the same time, I love it since it's the first story I managed to finish and had the guts to publish so it automatically became my baby.. There's a few attempts at humour in there since I think I'm capable of being funny at times, but you decide. 
> 
> I'm Norwegian so excuse the grammar mistakes all through this, and the loose ends. The other characters are all made up.

** Updated **

_It was a big house, perhaps even too big when rooms had started morphing into one another, and every angle turned out looking the same. Maybe it was a mansion to get lost in, or maybe the shots he'd been taking, caused his focus to malfunction. It didn’t really matter, he had fun either way. Crowded was one way to describe his surroundings, with intoxicating people stumbling through smoke thick as a blinding fog, intense was another. His personal description was relaxation, his way of keeping life on pause where he was freed from having to think nor speak, and simply be. The sedation in his head swirled with a false sense of satisfaction, blinding his thoughts, while his body's hunger for attention grew with each new shot and cigarette. The euphoria of being barely present, pleasant blurriness and a strong heat which consistently made him feel on top of the world, were how he desired to live._

_When someone approached with the same glazed eyes full of want and a lustful smile widening a wet mouth, it didn't take him long to guide them both back to his home. Sluggish feet brought them away from the pounding music and out in the frosty air, where the company at his side stumbled along with words he didn't listen to. Talking wasn't the agenda on his mind, and he'd made it clear what he was after. Once inside his flat clothes fell in quick movements, lips messily met and before he could truly feel it, he groaned out the usual prickle of pleasure tickling his nerves._

_Heavy breaths and skin laced with sweat were left, it had been fun, but the fun quickly ended like it always did. He’d received what he’d wanted, the itch of need had been scratched for the night, and the last thing he cared for, was a useless company by his side. Being with the same people for too long bored him and eventually made him irritated with their effort of meaningless conversation and interest. He stiffened when thin fingers slid around his waist and settled above his stomach, stroking his skin with what he presumed was meant to be a soothing effort. The previous euphoria where his head had drifted with the bass of the music had left along with the quick pleasure of their act, and it returned his pounding thoughts._

_''What do you think you're doing?''_

_His voice was bitter, laced with irritation as it dripped from his mouth like a sour breath, and it didn't take long before the hand moved away. The claustrophobic warmth left his side as his company hesitantly sat up with confusion trailing weakly behind in slurred words._

_''Going to sleep? I’m exhausted.''_

_He tossed the duvet that barely covered his thighs over to the side and sat up, sliding fingers through his damp hair while silently cursing. The routine was always the same and knowing from experience what was coming, he needed his stress relief to keep his anger down. After fumbling with the trousers on the floor, he found what he was looking for, and turned to face the frowning blonde he’d wanted to leave the moment he’d been done. Observing the smudged face made him more impatient to be left alone, and if he looked long enough, there was a small chance he would end up remembering it. Which was something he had no desire doing._

_''Did I say you could stay? I have classes tomorrow so I both want and need my sleep, leave.''_

_A snort reached his ears as the bed shifted slightly, feeling the loss of another person’s weight and he arched a brow to emphasise he was serious._

_''What class, you've barely shown your face since it started. Whatever, I'll go, but you should make it up to me later.''_

_It would have been funny, how the stranger tried acting confident but the shaky voice betrayed her, and he felt more annoyed at repeating himself. He flicked his eyes back to the cigarette he twirled between his fingers and ignored the rumble of motion from the other side of the room. The initiating never seemed to change and he sighed heavily as he dragged a hand down his forehead before pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn't even know her name, nor did he care when he had no intention of them crossing paths again. With a light shake he brought the fag to his mouth, rolled his lighter and lightened it up. Eyes closed as he deeply inhaled the rough smoke, sensing peace as it burned down his throat and into his lungs like fire, but it was a sweet burn, and it calmed his head._

_''Do I seem like someone who wants anything more from you, or anyone else?''_

_More noise of feet stomping around reached his ears while he rolled his eyes at the sound of a sharp breath echoing, and he didn't meet her gaze when he wasn't interested in seeing realisation settle through her features._

_''So this meant nothing, you just used me for a shag? Did you even bother to pay attention when we spoke, and did you even bother to learn my name at least?''_

_The shake of nervousness was gone, but he could tell the mood was quickly shifting from the faltered tone coating the words. Being used for nothing more than physical pleasure and then dumped without another care, which was correct, their encounter meant nothing to him besides a short moment of fun. It wouldn't take long before he would hear crying or receive angered shouts to his face, most of them reacted that way, and he was already counting down in his mind. Rarely had his fun just left quietly without causing some kind of scene he barely bothered to handle, and it made him tired. At times he wondered why some automatically thought he’d promised them more when he'd made it perfectly clear what his intentions had been from the start._

_''Yes, and honestly, why learn it when this, you and me, won’t happen again?''_

_He took another drag while rolling his eyes as he heard a quiet sniffle break through the silence. Perhaps his behaviour was cruel, but he didn't see the point of feeling guilty about it when he’d never forced anyone to join his bed or treated them viciously. Distant, cold and harsh he could be after he’d gained what he'd wanted, but it was the easiest way to stop them from hoping it would be more than a one night pleasure. It should’ve been enough when it was for him, and the drama was unnecessary when his company had themselves to blame. They were the ones who didn't listen to his disinterest and chose to ignore the reputation he lived up to._

_''Can’t fucking believe I thought you could be different you manipulating shit. The name is Hazel, remember it and stay the fuck away if you ever see me again.''_

_The corner of his mouth rose into a cocky smirk, which was his signature, as he angled his head back towards the girl. Oh, he had no intention of approaching her when he never approached anyone. They always flocked around him where he could just take a pick._

_''Ah, it's easy darling, you’re shallow. I'm easy on the eye, and you fell for the physical along with the fact I'm rather wealthy. I know you know so don't bother denying. Says more about you than me when I don't put on an act.''_

_He was served what he wanted whenever he wanted, and no one should take him for a fool; he knew the last name he carried made people swirl like moths to a flame. Drawing hungry vultures closer, ready to pick him apart just to get their greedy claws on every last pound his bank account held. Why they even bothered to try reaching under his skin, he didn’t understand when most people knew what kind of person he was, and yet they threw themselves at his feet. It made him laugh whenever people blamed him for being the manipulating one._

_''Then I suggest you buy yourself a heart, you clearly lack one.''_

_The girl grabbed her coat as she stumbled out of the room and slammed the door hard enough for the frame to rattle. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, and it wouldn't be the last, so he didn't flinch from the sound. He waved his fingers towards the door as he chuckled to himself, glad she was finally out of his sight._

_''Buh-bye.''_

 

*

 

''Seriously Louis, would it kill you to keep it in your briefs for one night? Ary is fucking pissed after you shagged Hazel and threw her out like a piece of trash. So thanks, I’m getting the shit you deserve. ''

Liam was sitting on his couch, massaging both temples with a sigh and perhaps trying to ease a headache that wouldn't seem to leave from the sight of frowns forming. Their gazes locked and he could see just how much Liam desired to smack him over the head, undoubtedly from the situation he’d brought up including some girl. 

‘‘Uh sorry? Why the hell does she care about who I shag or not?''

''Hazel is her cousin. You're ruining my comfort zone when you bring your shit into my play yard. She already hates that we’re friends and last night she was two seconds away from sterilising me when she found out about it. For your own personal health, you should stay clear of her group of friends, I’m not going down because you’re a bloody wanker.''

He wasn't even sure if he knew exactly how Liam’s girl looked like, he had no chance at remembering the other one.

''Right. But why is this all my fault, I didn't force or pay the girl, she wanted it as much as I di-.''

''It's your fault.''

''that’s-''

''No, it's your fault. Acting all charming until you get what you want and then treat them all like gold digging whores. I've seen you, and you have some serious issues.''

''Alright alright, I'm sorry. What more do you want from me, how was I supposed to know who she was? She surely never said, look, I’ll try to avoid every girl with black curls from now on. That’s pretty much all I remember about last night, and excuse me but they’re the ones approaching me, begging for attention. You know how I get, being served like that.''

A sarcastic bark left Liam, he, like the rest of the city, knew perfectly well how Louis acted with alcohol in his system and even worse if he was high. Liam was honestly surprised he hadn't fathered the whole city, which he made an example of saying too often.

''Sadly I do. Wait, last night? If it had been Hazel last night, Ary would be here herself to slaughter you. I’m talking about that house party we went to a few weeks ago.’’

Louis brows reached his hairline as he blinked dumbly at his friend, who brought up something that had happened a life ago.

‘’That’s ancient history for Christ sake. Your girl needs to let the past be Liam. Apparently, it didn’t bother this Hazel if she didn’t mention it to her before now.’’

A warning glare was shot his way, and he raised his hands up in surrender, wanting to avoid Liam’s sour mood that always came with some parental preach.

‘’Aren't you tired of this? Screwing every girl you meet, drinking and smoking at every opportunity instead of actually doing something useful with your life?''

It was frustrating for Liam, Louis was aware when his friend wouldn’t shut up about his choices, but he’d always acted as the arrogant one and thought of himself as better than most people since he had money. He’d grown distant and angry in his early days, Liam had been there to see it happen but the whole reason as to why wasn’t for Liam to know. He just had to deal with it, just like Louis had to deal with all the lectures of disappointment.

''We've been over this, you worry about your life, and I mine. It was nice catching up, but I have somewhere to be, and I'm already late.''

Without waiting for a reply he jumped from his seat and walked away, he'd heard it all before too many times, and he was beyond fed up. It wouldn't solve anything, and he didn’t have the energy to always repeat how useless the effort was. Being free, young and having absolutely no responsibilities was everything he wanted. He had no intention of changing that. Partying wasn’t a crime, and he liked getting wasted, it made things easier and he could do what he wanted without having people throw the regular judgement at his face. During his highs, everyone seemed to be on the same page with paying little attention to those around.  
It was his life and not Liam’s.

 

*

 

It went on for a loop were going out was the priority, any thoughts on education couldn't be further from his mind and the sound of working repulsed him. He didn't need to when the flat he lived in was paid for, and he had enough resources to live a pleasant life without lifting a finger. Company ran down his door whenever he let it, and he knew all the right people to take care of his other needs. In his opinion, he lived the dream life where anyone would've killed to be in his position, and he felt smug about it. Attention wasn't something he turned down when he enjoyed being the centre of it, and the more he was, the more it nurtured his already blown ego.

Weeks blurred by and he hadn't seen or heard from Liam since their disagreement, but when a surprising knock reached the door, he smirked. Liam was perhaps the only person who dared stopping by without being invited, and he knew Liam secretly enjoyed sharing his lifestyle when his prison guard wasn’t keeping him on a tight leash. So he walked over, ready to see the look of surrender on his friend's face, but as soon as it opened his own fell hard. A strong urge to slam the door shut trickled through his fingers when he met two narrowed eyes and an unfortunate familiar scowl. It was the last person he'd expected to see, and he couldn't quite understand why, after so many years away, she suddenly chose to approach. Their little communication through rare texts was more than enough, and the only thing she brought with her was foul memories and problems.

''Mother.''

''Louis.''

She stepped past him, not waiting for an invitation she would never receive and barged in. Willingly inviting the devil wasn’t what he’d signed up for the day, or any other, but with a struggle, he swallowed his comments. Instead, he stored a mental note to bless his door and nail a few crucifix’s with bells around the frame so she wouldn't be able to ambush him on a later matter. He groaned and pressed his head against the wooden material as he closed the door, a little too hard as he felt pain spreading through his forehead.

''What on earth could you possibly want enough to show up here in the flesh?''

His tone was bitter as he forced himself to meet her gaze where he saw nothing but coldness. She was the queen of ice herself, and the few times they actually spoke on the phone, it was in a flat tone to argue about every flaw and mistake he’d done throughout his life. They had the ability to bring out the worst in each other, and the thick tension felt heavy on his shoulders.

''We had a deal. I didn't buy this flat so you could live some rock star life and trash it. Look at this place.''

Yes, there was a small hazy memory of an education deal he’d made with her a while back forming in his mind. Taking it seriously he had not, but the sound of a free flat had made him agree when he'd wanted to try something other than hotel suites. Having a flat was the only thing he couldn’t afford, not when the obstacle of his mother wouldn't allow him full access to the family money but instead gave him a ridiculously high amount to survive on each month. Which he should've found strange regarding their unhealthy relationship, but he'd never bothered to think twice about it. Not as long as enough money was within his reach.

''Yeah well, I don't want to be a fucking lawyer.''

He strolled into the kitchen and found himself a beer from the refrigerator as he wasn’t able to stand her presence without one. 

‘‘I let you live here in exchange for you to finish UNI, where you have a minimal chance at doing something with your life. But all I see is you dragging our family name down with you. I hear you've barely shown your face in class since you started.''

Real shocker that one.

''You're checking up on me? Wow, are you actually trying to be a parent, that's a first. Here I thought cornering me to attend UNI after years and years of silence from you was strange enough, but this takes the bloody cake.''

He rolled his eyes and dumped his arse on the couch, leaning his head back to ignore her existence. The same headache he'd felt earlier kept growing stronger the more she spoke, which wasn't surprising.

''Careful. I gave you this, and I’m about to take it all away. This pathetic lifestyle has been going on too long, you’ll be twenty-five but are still acting like a teenage rebel. I’m done paying for your shitty existence when it's a waste of time and money. This is your last option to prove you aren't the disgrace I think you are, and I'm already disappointed. You have shamed me enough, you will not continue to be a part of this family with the standard you've chosen.’’

The seriousness in her voice made him straighten up, staring at her with a dull but yet suspicious expression.

''Part of the family? We haven’t been a fucking family since my father died and you ignored my very existence. You’ve paid me to keep away so what do you mean by one last option, what’s this desperation about an education from you so suddenly? What good does it possibly do you to have me change my life around, don't bullshit a bullshitter, you prefer me rotting away.''

Their staring contest broke when another knock echoed through the silent room, and his mother flicked her wrist to check her clock.

''Ah, right on time.''

He watched her swing the door open before shaking someone's hand and then stepped aside to reveal the most pathetic sight he'd seen. Beige grandpa trousers that didn’t seem to stop until they reached a strange boy’s armpit and a blue shirt covered with a brown knitted vest glared at him from the door-frame. The ugliest red bow tie he’d seen curled around the boy’s neck and seemed tight enough to strangle any breath he tried taking. The only unnatural with the picture was how the tall boy held himself, he had a straight back and there was something near confidence in his posture which seemed out of place. As Louis' gaze traveled up to take in the face, his eyes rolled, and he swallowed several rude remarks as the gel-slicked hair accompanied with huge glasses covering pale green eyes met his vision.

''Who the fuck is that, your new slave of an assistant?''

He took another sip of his beer, too grossed out to observe the bloke who screamed anti-social. It wasn’t even a bloke, the boy looked nothing more than a sixteen-year-old virgin covered in pimples.

''This is your roommate, Harry.''

Beer shot from his nostrils, and he coughed roughly for tears to seep from his eyes while his lungs burned from the sudden shock. Each breath felt like slices from a knife, and a sudden tightness in his stomach made him nauseated. 

''Excuse me? You’ve got to be kidding me.’’

‘’I’m not.’’

‘’He looks like bloody Eugene from Grease for fuck sake. What's this nonsense really about, you can't honestly want something like that living in your flat.''

‘’It isn’t for you to decide who lives here or not, I have that right.’’

He shot up and stormed over to his mother, sending her a death glare before moving it to the disaster at her side. The boy seemed far too calm for his liking and he already hated his existence.

''I can't live with something like that! He'll ruin my social life if people finds out, just look at him. If this is your sick twisted plan at forcing me to behave nicely, it'll fail miserably.''

‘’You have this year Louis and only this year. Pull your shit together, or you’re done. I suggest you start attending some classes before they kick you out, or perhaps it's already too late. Either you accept this last chance, or you stay where you are, find yourself a job and a new place to live. Harry will move in anyway, but remember, if you chose the latter you know what happens, and those promises in your father's testament, will no longer exist.''

''That's what you really want, to write me off, so I won't be your burden anymore. You’re not giving me a choice; you’re cornering me with the threat of kicking me out on the street if I don’t do what you want.''

His eyes narrowed when he saw the small but noticeable smirk that formed on her mouth. She enjoyed ruining his life, and he shouldn't be surprised when she’d done so since the beginning.

''I never said I wasn’t, but you can still choose the other option. You can walk away just to prove me right, I certainly won’t stop you. I’m sick and tired of paying for your fix and you keep embarrassing me-.'' She bent down and grabbed something behind the couch, lifting up a pair of laced panties. ‘‘-I will definitely not tolerate some bastard grandchild on top of it.''

''I'm embarrassing you with my lifestyle yeah, well sorry to say, but you think I'll stop and turn into some angel just because you fetched me a bloody nanny? Look how well I turned out after the last time you did that.-''

A scoff fled his mouth, and he rolled his eyes as he glanced over at the quiet lad, who hadn’t dared to utter a single word since the argument started.

''-What makes you think that-'' He waved his hand dismissively in front of Harry, letting him know how unimportant he was in his eyes. ''-will magically change my personality and 'cure' my behaviour?''

''I don't. Harry's presence is for my benefit, and he'll keep me updated this year on how serious you're taking this chance. If you decide to take it, that is. Don't pin me for a fool, if you do take it, you’re obligated to finish what you've started. Manage a year, and I'll give you the benefit of a doubt by letting you stay. Manage two, and I'll consider you aren't a lost cause, but not unless you fulfill all three and achieve an education withing law, will you gain full access to your share.''

Louis' mouth fell open as eyes bulged, the demands weren't exactly new but hearing it was his final chance would be the end of him. They both knew he would never be able to get through three years to gain a bachelor. He would end up failing and she would cut him off without giving a fuck her son would die like some homeless slag on the kerb.  
Mother of the year she was.

''Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.-''

He groaned and gritted his teeth, swallowing the quick gag of anger that threatened to burst and instead thought everything over when blowing up would get him nowhere. At least with the nanny option, he could postpone the lack of income, and he would have a roof over his head for a while. Having access to the money for the year would give him the option to stash some of it, he just had to be more careful. There was always loopholes, he just had to find them.

''-You're making me live my last months with some anti-social no lifer, do you want me suicidal, so you’ll get rid of me even sooner? A patted cell or being chained to a bed would be more enjoyable.''

The boy didn’t have an idea what he'd signed up for and Louis had no trouble making his stay unpleasant when he could definitely be a shithead and make it too uncomfortable to stay. Clearly, she was eager to cut him out of the family picture if she went far enough to find a random guy to move in and watch his every move.

‘’Well, you would know son.’’

His anger flared at her comment, and for a split second he wished his mind would collapse and send him far far away from where he didn’t have to deal with her, but it dropped just as fast when it would’ve made her day. There had been a time in his life where he’d been happy or at least thought he’d been and the wholeness of his family hadn’t been entirely broken. It felt like another life, a lie he’d been told when he couldn’t really trust himself it was true joy he’d remembered feeling back then. 

''Yeah, thanks to you, mother.''

He’d stopped caring about people a long time ago, and all he really had left was resentment, anger and hatred. A part of him had always known she’d never loved him and it had stopped hurting early on when he'd accepted they unfortunately happened to be related. Their relation gave him one thing though, he'd grown up with her view of the world, and he knew the right buttons to push. He could try twisting the situation where his mother would be the one to kick out the new addition, all it took was a bit of humiliation. A humiliation he was willing to endure when it would piss her off, and hopefully, make her realise what a ridiculous plan she'd cooked up. Using her flaws to his advance was the last ace up his sleeve, and his eyes darkened as a stupid idea formed at the back of his mind, blocking out any protest it could backfire.

''One thing though. If you lock me in here with that one,-‘’ he flicked a finger in Harry’s direction. ‘’-which come on, you see it right, he’s probably undressing me in his mind as we speak. With him blocking every social pleasure from me, and you shoving education down my throat I'm bound to end up very sad and lonely. Not forget desperate. Aren't you afraid he'll take advantage of my lack of judgment, I would think that’ll be a much worse humiliation for you than what I'm already doing.-''

Before she had the chance to reply, he grabbed hold of Harry's collar and stepped closer, removing the space between them in a smooth motion so chests met and their faces were inches apart. Observant eyes skimmed over the younger features, and he registered how the green gaze slightly widened while the rest of his body didn’t automatically jerk away. Not missing the rosy colour painting his cheeks either, made Louis’ smirk appear while a glint of victory flashed over his harsh stare. The boy could be embarrassed and uncomfortable of the closeness or blushing in a slightly more comfortable way, but in the end, it let Louis know he could be toyed with to his benefit. 

''-I mean, I'm a simple guy with strong needs-‘’ He lifted his other hand and trailed fingers down the flushed chin on the boy and neck as his gaze followed. ‘’-Guess I'm already desperate since it doesn't sound too awful when he is the only one available. Perhaps-‘’ His head slowly dropped to the side as he dragged his eyes back up while fluttering his lashes. An evil flare lit them up as he noticed the touch of red that painted the boy’s cheeks deepened. ‘’-it could be interest-''

‘‘Stop! Harry here has no interest in ruining his life as you do and after we spoke I believe his values of education and gaining a good career might make you realise how embarrassingly pathetic you are.-’’ Her hateful scowl was back, and he could see the disgust forming in her eyes as her gaze darted between the two. ''-I would never place someone who could behave so wrongly in direct contact with me, so stop making him uncomfortable and let him go, this isn't some power game Louis.’’

Mischief flared through as he noticed how Harry stiffened and how his jaw tightened a notch at the sound of his mother's words. Just the fact that he reacted offended was proof enough he didn’t share the same view, and Louis mentally high-fived himself. At least there was something to work with, and if his suspicions were right, it also proved his mother was firmly dedicated to finally cut their weak ties for good.

''Really, you absolutely sure about that?''

Everyone needed to go through embarrassing moments in their life, and he guessed it had to be his turn eventually. Small puffs of breath kept brushing against his chin, and he couldn’t fight the mortification dusting his own cheeks pink. Kissing someone wasn’t new for him, but kissing another man would be, and even though the thought didn’t make him jump with joy, he would gladly shove it in his mother's face just to disgust her. In his mind it was only fair she had to suffer as well when she was the reason his life would end in misery.

He moved his eyes back to her, dark with detest and dislike as he closed the final distance that kept his mouth from meeting unfamiliar lips. They connected forcefully, and he held them locked, unbothered by the squeal of protest Harry made, with no motion to move as he never, not once, broke eye contact with her. Childish satisfaction hit him hard when a horrified expression manifested in her features and how her distaste practically exploded from her eyes. It didn’t take long before she lunged forward and ripped Harry away, possibly hard enough to dislocate his shoulder from the grunt he made. It sent Louis’ wicked smile wider as he bit back the urge to wipe his mouth and the sudden gag he felt coming. It was the reaction he'd expected from her, and he could die satisfied knowing she would never be able to un-see it.

‘’I apologise Harry, I guarantee you he won't try again and don’t let his immature actions change your mind about staying. It simply proves how much of a spoiled child he’s always been-'' She snapped her head back at Louis and spat, shaking with rage. ''-If you try anything, and I mean anything to make Harry that uncomfortable, in any way, I will call this whole thing off, and you dear son will find yourself homeless immediately. Trust me, I will know, and if I hear something I don't accept you're done. You should be fucking thrilled I'm not ending it right here and now.''

Maybe he'd gone a little too far.

His mother had only behaved as angry and scolded him as harsh once before, a time he'd tried to erase, and her threats shook something inside him, a small fear that she was too serious. Serious enough to take back her year and the security net of money before he had the chance to save up. He would rather die than be broke. Eventually, he would die either way, there was no question about it. But his ego was too huge while pride blocked his rational thinking as it always did and he scoffed back at her.

''Like he didn't secretly want that, you're fucking blind if you don't realise as much. I’ll take your year and live with him, but don't blame me if he manages to crush my sanity and manipulate me into becoming one of his kind, it will be all on you.''

Both Louis and his mother were too busy screaming at each other to notice how Harry was the one wiping his mouth with a sour scowl. The one who hadn't seen it coming and been too late to prevent it from happening. Louis had heard enough, he was tired, too angry to look at either of them and he turned on his heel to stomp away when he didn't get his way. Being intimate with a man was one moment he would never get undone, but he would try anything to forget it. He slammed his door and threw himself on his bed where he screamed into his pillow until his throat turned sore and then some.

It was ridiculous, everything was ridiculous, and he hated it. He would find a way to at least end his new living arrangement with his mother's approval and then his problem would be out faster than he could blink. She was ashamed of his rock star lifestyle, but if he brought just the smallest evidence of Harry's presence making it worse, then she wouldn’t take the risk of people finding out. Or have it connected to her by any chance, which meant more to her than Louis himself in the end. 

 

*

 

A few hours later, after a nap which had turned rather long, he got up and checked his phone. A few missed calls and more text's than he could read met his sight to brighten his mood and gave his mind something pleasant to focus on. He wasn't going to change overnight, preferably he wasn't going to change at all. He opened his door and inspected the living room to see if it was empty, and he sighed in relief when it was safe to say he was alone. If a certain someone had been there he'd probably lost it, and he wasn't ready to see another person walk around as if he had a right to. He picked his keys from the small bowl by the entrance, and as he grabbed the door knob, he noticed a little post-it stuck to it. With a grunt, he ripped it off, and as he read, he grunted louder.

_-Help Harry with his stuff tomorrow, it will arrive around noon._

That wasn't going to happen.

He clenched his fist to crumble the paper into a ball and threw it carelessly to the floor before walking out, without another thought and a fresh cigarette rolling between his fingers. Having a drink was all he could care about when he sorely needed one. One turned into many, too many to count and he didn't go home for the night or the following one when he had no intention of witnessing his flat being corrupted. Instead, he wiggled some cash at a reasonable fellow he'd hung around at parties, someone Irish from the accent he'd picked up on and bought a stay at his place when he was one out of few who could keep up with his thirst. He was easy to choose when Liam's manslaughter cave was a dangerous territory for his physical health with his girl around. 

So two days later, after ignoring a text from the creature that called herself his mother he finally found his way home. A shower was strongly needed and a change of something clean when he was starting to smell. Two nights filled with alcohol, sex and getting high hadn't left him with the best odour, and his temporary Irish landlord had been kind enough to point it out too often as well. It was gross, he was gross, and he didn't do dirty unless it was in bed.

He opened the front-door and strolled straight through, only slowing down when sounds emerged from the room furthest away from the kitchen. Which he recalled was the guest room he'd used to ditch stuff he didn't necessarily need or any other place for. A small wonder where all of it had went popped in his head, not that he particularly missed it or anything, but he wanted to know. The slightest thought of it being thrown away without permission fuelled his anger, and he shifted direction to walk closer. Fingers twisted the door knob, and he slammed it open with impatience.

''pal, where the fuck is my-'' 

The sound of his voice died, and eyes widened when the open door revealed someone he couldn't recognise. A bare chest decorated with different shades met his vision, and it turned his brain activity drastically slow as his IQ dropped. Nerdy boys like the one he’d seen only days earlier usually weren't the kind to permanently mark their bodies with black ink, and he wasn't quite sure what he was observing. 

''If I didn't know any better I would accuse you of ogling. Which is amusing, perhaps you were the one undressing me in your mind when we first met.''

The raspy voice caught him off guard, and his mouth dropped in disbelief, only making him look more pathetic where he stood. He blinked rapidly at the words and quickly shook his head while an angry scowl replaced his surprised shock.

''What the... What kind of freak are you really?''

He would definitively be killed in his sleep when he least expected it. His mother would set that up, hire some lunatic to do the deed to spare her from taking the fall.

''My name is Harry as you know, and it wasn’t as pleasant as I'd hoped it would be to meet you either. But will you please excuse me, I'm trying to change here..... Privately.''

 _It_ answered back, even a bit sassy to his new round of surprise. He didn’t understand what was happening when nothing seemed to fit his expectations of their second encounter. Harry stood there, staring back with a blank face like he couldn’t care less what he had to say or thought. Not a single trace of being intimidated was found in his features, and Louis' mind had trouble working efficiently as more changes decided to announce their presence.

The round glasses had vanished, and Harry's hair hung freely down to his shoulders in a massive amount of curls instead of the greasy 50's look he'd wore earlier. It was almost impressive how he'd managed to hide it all underneath the sleek style, and kept it tamed. A smooth face held no pimples, or other puberty marks Louis swore he'd remembered seeing, just clean skin. The boy image suddenly didn’t fit any longer when Harry looked mature, broader and more masculine when all the accessories were lost. Maybe he'd drunk too much, even smoked too much since he was clearly not sober if he was hallucinating that badly.

''You having a stroke or something?-'' Harry waved his hand and rolled his eyes when he didn't get any sort of response. ''-Fine whatever, stay and watch me then. Flattering, but also quite disturbing.''

His brain seemed to kick start again when the trousers around Harry’s hips fell to the floor and huddled around his ankles, leaving him in only tight briefs.

''What the bloody hell are you doing, can't you see I'm still standing here?!-'' He threw his hands up in a fit and stormed away from the room, shaken by the sudden sight. ''-Fucking wanker.''

He went straight to the refrigerator to pop a cold beer, and he downed it quickly when the day had already stressed him out far too much. Going against his own rule about smoking inside, he flipped out his pack and didn’t let his shoulders sink before the familiar burn eased into his lungs. It relaxed his nerves, and he bent over to lean his elbows on the kitchen counter while placing his face into his palms. 

Apparently, he wouldn't be living with a terrified nerd after all, and the thought made him upset when he couldn't tell who the person in his home was supposed to be. It gave him another massive headache, and he willed the problems away as he threw himself into the couch. Some distraction was found with the telly he eventually managed to flick on, and he spent the next hour staring dumbly at it before Harry reappeared from his room.

The skinny black jeans entering his vision sent his brows into a frown, they had to be either glued or painted on, and it caused Harry to appear twice as long and skinny as fuck. Two ripped holes showed off kneecaps, and he couldn't stop the quiet curse leaving his lips when he looked down to see he was wearing a very similar outfit. Even the white, simple tank top swaying down Harry’s torso, which showed off more tattoos on the left arm, was too similar to his own white t-shirt. Or almost white, it had a few unfortunate stains from his hectic days, but still, they were too alike. As if having a matching outfit wasn’t humiliating enough he hated how they sort of matched with their ink as well. The familiar dark lines were scattered over both their arms and he'd never desired to bleach his skin more.

''What the fuck do you think you’re wearing?''

Harry stopped right beside the couch with a perplexed expression, his hair once again tamed but by a black beanie instead of the wax or glue he'd used previously. A silver necklace dangled back and forth from his neck as he looked down with a small frown. 

''Uh. Clothes?-‘’ Long fingers, which held several rings in different sizes, flicked the hem of his shirt as he stretched it out, and a small crooked smile lifted the right corner of his mouth as he glanced back. ‘’-Oh, did you realise you actually prefer me without any? Had a good look earlier?''

Somehow the whole image managed to fit Harry, and Louis glared, hating how it was possible to pull off the style. A style of rubbish really when there were no labels on Harry’s clothes to indicate they were designer material and of a high standard. Either Harry had some serious messed up wardrobe, or he was just fucking around, throwing him off his mental game. He didn't like how the awkward nerd persona had suddenly changed into some laid back bloke with an attitude.

''Piss off. What happened to your horrendous outfit the other day?''

A smirk touched Harry's lips, and he looked amused from the scowl he received, another point Louis didn’t like, Harry wasn't supposed to smirk. He was expected to be frightened and hide in his room.

''As much as I enjoy baggy, comfortable trousers and glasses, I don't find that particular style very appealing on a daily basis. Doesn’t quite fit my body the way I like, but they are always acceptable on slow Sunday nights. The other day I came from an acting class I take on the side which involves something called costumes. If you've ever heard of that.''

Acting class. Costumes. He had to be kidding.

''So you played my mother to get in here, wow you've got some bollocks, I'll give you that. Just out of curiosity, exactly where did she find you?''

''At the University? Maybe you would've known we're going to the same had you bothered taking an interest at showing up. I didn't play her, she was the one who offered this sort of deal.''

His mother had clearly lost it if she sincerely believed some guy she found at the musical or drama class or whatever, would be anything but a disaster to place in his flat. He threw the thought away as soon as it entered when it actually made perfect sense. Her goal was to drive him insane so why wouldn't she place someone completely opposite with him. She would have a stroke if she saw how Harry really looked like, which was actually a close yet a cheap copy of her own son.

''Well I know her personally, sadly, and she would never let someone like you live with me. Or, at least not in something she owns, like the flat. I can't wait for her to find out, not only your appearance but the other little detail you didn't inform her about too.''

''Which is what? That I'm not afraid to answer you back?''

A bark left as he shook his head, for the first time he honestly couldn't wait for another visit from his mother. 

''That you really are fucking gay, Einstein, I was just fishing for something to exploit during our first encounter, but I didn't miss your reaction. Especially when my mother chose to voice her opinion on the matter. Just pack your bags, have them ready because you'll be out the second she connects the dots.''

Silence filled the room as they stared at each other, Harry unamused and unimpressed while Louis hummed with satisfaction. When his mother realised her own bloody mistake, he would be even smugger.

''I sincerely don't care what you have to say or think, so tell your mother what you want but from what I saw, she probably won't listen much to you. What I do care about is how she offered me a free place to live in exchange to supervise your progress. If the downside is to endure your sunny personality and keep in contact with her, I'll manage fine.''

''This is fucking ridiculous. How did you manage to scam your way in here?''

''Your mother approached me at the university, I hardly did anything, simply listened to her suggestion. My outfit that day might’ve helped gain her attention and probably sold the excellent choice for a roommate, but she wasn’t wrong. I'm an A student and know what I want to do with my life. If that magically helps your attitude, then I won’t complain.''

The obnoxious smile plastered on Harry's face only sparked his anger more; he was repelled at the thought of his mother stalking the university to find someone naive idiot she could use. 

''Jesus, she didn't pick you because you're a good student, you clueless twat. What a fucking mess, and what did you just say, you'll be staying in touch with her?''

''I'll be giving her monthly updates on how you commit to this agreement. I suggest you want to ease down a bit or I guess she won't be too pleased and you're out of here.''

''Then I suggest you tell her what she doesn't want to hear, that I'm turning into a fucking angel who does nothing wrong and her plan failed miserably. If I'm out of the picture, there's no reason you should be allowed to stay. No lost cause to survey, no free living for you.''

Maybe they could form a win-win situation, both live separately and focus on their own lives without communicating. He could continue his life, and the idiot could have a taste at the sweet life for once, probably. It was a good idea. Apparently, a humorous one according to Harry as he started laughing.

''Ah but it would be too easy, and you’re wrong. I didn’t agree to this arrangement without a safety net of a contract. I still get to live here, even though you're not, for a year.''

His jaw hit the floor so hard he could feel the phantom pain sizzle through his entire face, leaving him stunned beyond belief. It wouldn't matter what he did or behaved, Harry would certainly screw him over and have him kicked out. It's what he would have done, at first chance. It took him a few silent minutes before his brain restarted, and he snorted when he remembered who exactly his mother was. If she'd went to such lengths messing with him, then surely she must've had something up her sleeve regarding Harry as well.

''Oh you poor naive little shit. You have no idea who you're dealing with, and if you actually believe that bullshit contract will keep you safe, then you deserve the backlash coming your way. Enjoy the fucking flat until then, I'll start planning my funeral, so it's ready by the time you doom us both.''

That was it then, he would be homeless, and by homeless he meant dead. At least he didn't need to play up an act, he would go out with a bang and pour some extra shame on his mother.

''I won't do anything, if you give me no reason to, Louis.''

A sarcastic laugh shot from his gut and the fake sound filled the room, almost making the walls cringe.

''Right right, of course, you won't. Of course, you don't fancy the idea of having this place all to yourself without having to deal with me. Do I look stupid to you?''

''More often than not, and no, I won't. I don’t share your anger towards the world and everyone in it, and screwing someone over just to make my life better is not what I strive for. I'll hold up my part, the rest is up to you.''

Harry's face shifted into something unflattering, a deep seriousness and he glared so intensely it made Louis uncomfortable, forcing him to feel rather small under the stare. It wasn't something he was familiar with, and he didn't like it. He didn't like a lot of things with Harry.

''Whatever. Keep pretending you'll have the place for yourself, but you'll realise the hard way of how she's already screwed you over too.''

He flicked his hand and rolled his eyes, no he didn't buy Harry's words at all but he was done with talking, tired of different scenarios playing in his mind and he craved his relief to calm down. 

 

*

 

It was late when he fell inside his flat, loud enough to wake most of the neighbours but as usual, he didn't give it a single care. He was drunk, and life once again smiled at him, everything was as it used to be when he was drunk, and he felt good. The floor against his face was a bit cold as he caressed it with slow strokes, giggling a bit as he thought maybe it liked it. It did, in fact, let him walk all over it all the time without complaining, so some caress was surely appreciated. He should write it down, making his floor a priority to cherish.

''What the hell are you doing, it's four in the morning!''

A whiney sound reached his ears, and he shuddered, sensing how it pierced his eardrums and interrupted his sweet moment with his floor.

''Oh young... _Gary_ was it? You need to appreciate the small things, like this radiant floor. Have you felt it, it’s amazing. Come, feel the floor. Come on.''

He laid there, smiling too widely while continuing his strokes on the floor like it was a cat or some other pet, oblivious to the unamused Harry shaking his head.

''You're drunk, so surprising. Go to bed, I have class tomorrow or in a few hours actually. Apparently you too, but I guess you’ll take the usual route and not show.''

What, he didn't go to... Oh right. He was supposed to go to class, he forgot that.

''Nooooo, I can't leave my floor, it will miss me. Do you really want to be the reason my floor is sad, that's not very nice of you. What if it gets angry and will hurt my face the next time I fall on it?''

He pouted his bottom lip out, trying his hardest to look terribly sad before breaking out into another fit of giggles that tickled his throat. The rest of his body shook with the laughter, and he squirmed around, looking like a fish out of the water.

''Christ you're a stupid drunk. You like being this way, a complete idiot making a fool out of yourself?''

The fun drained out faster than he wanted and he sighed heavily at the grave tone of Harry's voice. He wasn't done with his peaceful and happy state yet when it was one of the reasons he drank himself dumb. While the ugly sensation of emptiness washing the pleasant feelings away was the reason he hated sobering up. 

''I like being happy. Everyone likes happy. Why don't you like being happy? Are you depressed? You should feel the floor then, it will make you happy. It makes me happy.''

Even though he said it, the happiness slipped from his system, and the familiar hollow feeling slowly crawled its way inside his chest. The bright light found in his eyes extinguished and turned glassy as he stared blankly ahead, out of energy to move around anymore. Harry didn't answer for what seemed like years and when he did, Louis had forgotten he was there and was startled by the sound.

''You alright there? Come on, I'll help you get to bed.''

Strong hands closed around his frame as he felt himself being lifted off the floor and up into a standing position. His feet were too unstable to support his weight, so he sagged against Harry's side and leant on him. One of his arms was thrown over Harry's shoulder, and a firm grip around his waist contained him, so he didn't pummel down to the floor like a bag of potatoes. He felt weightless, and he wasn't sure he moved his feet or not, perhaps Harry carried him after all, but his bedroom door was suddenly right in his face, and he gasped in surprise.

''How did we get here so fast, did we fly?''

His eyes were blown and bloodshot as he hesitantly touched the frame in shock like he'd never seen such an ordinary thing before. Harry stared at him in disbelief and a small chuckle escape through his closed lips, probably not understanding how Louis was even conscious.

''Yes Louis, we flew, and we just arrived at the holy sanctuary called a bedroom. Inside you'll find a heavenly bed that's made out of soft puffy clouds, and it will take you to another world.''

''Maybe it'll take me to Cassy, that 'd be great.''

He mumbled as his eyes dropped, chin resting on his chest and limbs going numb in the tight grip around his frame. He was blacking out on Harry's shoulder without being able to stop it, he was just so tired, and the thought of going far away made him relaxed when he wanted nothing more.

''Sure you'll see her, go have nice dreams about your secret love or something.''

Before Harry could finish his sentence, Louis had passed out and was unable to give a response besides the thin line of drool seeping from the angle of his mouth. With little effort, Harry dragged him over the threshold, dumped him on the bed and threw the duvet over his unconscious body.

The flat was again bathed in silence as Harry tipped back to the kitchen and filled a glass with water, making sure to bring painkillers along when he walked back and placed it on Louis' nightstand. Quiet snores eased out as Harry glanced over at his sleeping figure, gaining a glimpse at how untroubled he could look when he was fully relaxed, and the strained wrinkles were nowhere to be seen. A faint glow of youth was allowed into his features, and it painted him content, perhaps even at peace. A soft yawn passed through Harry’s lips, and he whispered a silent goodnight over his shoulder as he left.

 

*

 

His head was pounding. It was an understatement. It was exploding.

It felt like a beaten down drum every death metal band regularly pounded the shit out of before it ripped apart. He was used to hangovers, but the one he had couldn't qualify as a normal one. It was a taste of what awaited him at the gates of hell he was sure and going through brain surgery without anaesthesia certainly would’ve been better.

Maybe he shouldn't have had the bottle of wine or those tequila shots someone had offered. Definitively shouldn't have accepted the whisky which had magically surfaced in the hands of a person with four blinking eyes. Just the thought of what he'd let slide down his throat made him nauseated, and a gag clenched his stomach, sending painful shudders through his body. At that moment he honestly considered if drinking was worth it when he'd never been in such pain before. Maybe his liver had finally had enough and was slowly shutting down along with every other organ inside.

Nausea kept rising, and he could taste the night’s fun at the back of his throat, forcing another gag to appear. Throwing up was the worst part of hangovers, it was painful, disgusting and he hated the sounds he made doing it, not to forget the awful dry heaves that followed after. His mouth would be like death for the rest of the day, and he wasn't interested in adding the taste of vomit to anything he ate. He groaned as his body turned over, curling into a small ball in a foetus position and he couldn't feel sorrier for himself even if he tried. 

A third clench pinched deep in his abdomen, and his previous fears would become a reality when he felt his entire stomach jumped up into his throat. Barely able to angle his upper body out from his bed, a scrape of acid etched over his tongue and fled through his lips. It seemed everything he’d drank left his system in a harsh stream that wouldn’t end, and decorated his floor in a disgusting mess. He dry-heaved, then threw up some more and then dry-heaved again. It burned, and bitter tears wetted his cheeks while the rest of his face flushed in a swollen tone of red. The revolting smell stung his nose, and the mere thought of looking at it again made him flinch back into the bed in disgust. 

His eyes dared to peek open and landed straight at the only positive thing in the room, only inches from his face, and a small sense of pathetic hope rose. The two painkiller pills lit up the room like a halo, and he almost cried in relief as he forced his arms to move closer. A knock on the door shattered his newfound happiness and made him growl in pain when it felt like a bomb went off next to his ear. The smallest gust of air reached his feet as the door swung opened and revealed the last person he wanted to see.

''How are you- oh my god, are you alright?''

How was he feeling, the mess on the floor and the way he kept shaking like a fragile leaf in his bed surely had to be answer enough.

''Like shit, why the hell do you ask when it’s obvious, get out.''

His voice was raw, cracking harshly and he winced as he placed the pills on his tongue and used the water to swallow. It was like trying to fit into a pair of trousers two sizes too small, and his throat threatened to close for good when he swallowed again. Without a glance at Harry, who stood in the door-frame, he lifted the duvet and buried his head away from sound, sight and smell. 

''Do you nee-.''

''Are you deaf? I said get out, leave me the fuck alone!''

He regretted straining his voice once he started shouting and it felt like everything inside was sealed shut in a tight, suffocating squeeze.

''Fine, whatever.''

The harsh slam he’d prepared for never came to his relief and he relaxed when another bomb hadn't exploded. He sighed and tugged the duvet closer, burying his head underneath the pillow as well while trying to shield himself from a pounding headache he felt coming. Thankfully the pills didn't take long to kick in, and he felt himself doze off, welcoming the peaceful state they would bring. 

When his eyes finally reopened it was darker outside, with a pale moon high in the sky that sent shadows across his walls in different shapes and forms. How late it was he didn’t know, but the soft beams breaking through his window led him to believe it was late evening, perhaps closer to midnight as well. It made him smile, thinking he’d cheated the hangover curse when he felt better than he’d done the first time he woke up. Not great, his head was still throbbing, and his throat felt sore but it was still better. He let out a breathy groan as he forced himself to sit up, sensing an ache through his body at the slightest move. As he stretched, the cracking sound of his bones made him both satisfied and broken, as if he’d slept the whole week through.

Clothes were still covering his body, and the odour mixed with the faint stench of vomit carved up his nose like needles. For a minute he’d forgotten his earlier show of uncontrolled muscle spasm in his stomach and how the results had hit his floor, but the smell was sure to remind him. With a scowl, he glanced down beside the bed and prepared to flinch from the sight, but to his surprise, the wooden floor was as clean as it had been the day he moved in. It made him frown, and he shuffled to the other side to see if he’d forgotten which side he'd been sick from. Again a sight of clean floor was seen and his frown deepened in confusion. 

Unwilling to bother much about it, he wouldn’t argue or complain about it being gone, he stripped down to his briefs and threw the dirty clothes by the door before walking out. There was only one thing he wanted to observe, and it was the glass doors of his shower, but it was a sadly thick head of curls that managed to enter his vision first. He sighed heavily, sensing he would have to converse with the couch potato that laid all lazy in front of the telly with eyes glued to the screen. He didn’t want to, and a weak attempt at walking by without being caught failed when he heard the sound of a plate or bowl meeting the table and followed with a deep voice.

‘’Hey, you feeling better?’’

With a roll of his eyes, he walked back the few steps he’d managed to take and shut his door a little too hard, just to make it clear it was time for Harry to retract to where he could no longer be seen. Harry, who hadn’t managed to fully turn around, jumped from the loud smack and straightened up.

‘’Where you in my room?’’

‘’You know I was, we even talked.’’

Once Harry’s gaze connected with his, a small cough reached his ears, and he noticed how eyes narrowed as they followed the trails of his tattoos down his chest. Harry’s cough strengthened, enough that a speck of tears welled up at the corner of his eye and it sent Louis’ brow up, suspicion slowly entering while the corner of his mouth curved into a sly smirk.

‘’I meant after that. You alright there, getting a little distracted by my nudity? Don’t tell me I just fulfilled some of your dirty fantasies just now, and here you dare to accuse me of ogling.-’’

His tone lacked humour, and his face held an expression which stated just how unamused he was as he watched Harry compose himself with a snort before portraying his middle finger. 

''-Oh no, are you disappointed I didn’t tumble out here completely naked and let you have your way? I emptied my stomach earlier, not my brain.''

''I guess your stomach was the only thing left then. I'd say we're even, you crept on me while I changed and now you forced me to see you.''

His stare narrowed in irritation when he wasn’t used to people talking back, and he didn’t appreciate how easy Harry seemed to take his insults or his lack of being provoked. Unfortunately, Harry appeared to be as casual and laid back as he’d presented himself as and Louis sensed a fit of anger rising at the realisation. How Harry dared to pretend he’d not been affected, or at least surprised, at his physique sent his fist clenching. If it was one thing he knew, it was the fact he had a great body, and he was very much aware the shape of his curves managed to steal most people’s attention. 

With Harry’s reaction he also knew it could be used to his advantage, perhaps piss him off with enough sexual frustration so he would do something stupid. Stupid enough he could use it as leverage against his mother, where she wouldn’t be able to turn a blind eye and then reduce the curly problem in his home to a distant bad memory. He could manage to slip a few innuendos and comments around with a tempting sound to his voice, it was what he did on a daily basis after all. 

‘‘So, would you mind giving me a hand in the shower, I’m still a little shaky from last night, and you don't want me to faint and hurt myself, do you? As thanks for your cleaning services I’ll let you give me a good, firm hand too.''

He batted his eyes like a smitten teenager and made his voice sound sultry, but the coldness the rest of his face held shone through with a clear statement he couldn’t be less interested in it. Harry, who’d recovered from his little mistake, didn't seem to find the suggestion particularly funny as he scoffed loudly.

‘‘Sure, and later when you're done taking a shit, call me so I can help wiping your arse as well.''

The immediate threat of surprised laughter that bubbled inside made him swallow hard and growl instead, he would not find the comment amusing.

‘‘You would like that wouldn't you, gives you a perfect excuse to place your hands all over me. Go ahead then, I know you're dying to feel me up.''

One brow climbed higher as he popped his hip out, showing off one of his more feminine poses as he knew the asset of his behind had attracted men before, both straight and not, during his nightly rounds out on the town. People rarely, to never, was allowed to touch, but it surely didn’t stop him from dangling it in front of their eyes. His smirk resurfaced when he followed Harry's eyes as they quickly swooped over his curves, but it fell when he received nothing other than a shaking head and sigh.

''I'll think I'll pass since, you know, it's a little too feminine with how round it is so not exactly my taste. It suits the image you’re giving off right now, so good for you.''

Unable to control his jaw, his mouth fell open as he hadn’t expected an insult at all. It baffled him long enough for Harry to form a smirk and the sight made the flare of anger grow so much stronger.

'’If that was your attempt at convincing me you don’t want it you couldn’t have done a worse job. You are so fucking gay.''

''Well, I’m not the one standing practically naked in a come-fuck-me posture and suggesting you feel me up. Think the word suits you better, I mean, intimate shower, bum touching, hand-job, what’s next? You’ll offer me a lap dance?’’

Smoke was literally steaming out of his ears, he'd never been more provoked, and he hated how Harry always had something witty to throw back in his face. How relaxed and smug his roommate was sent his arms shaking with fury, and he flipped him off before storming to the bathroom. His face turned hotter for each breath, and when he caught the faint sound of Harry shouting ''toodles'' from behind, he almost ran back to crush his obnoxious, smug face. Harry was pushing it, too much and too far.

Once the door fell shut he paced back and forth while clenching his knuckles, blood boiled and in uncontrolled frustration, he slammed his fist against the wall. Right before searing pain shot up his arm, he heard the deafening sound of bones cracking.

‘’Fucking shit! Bloody hell!’’

He tugged his hand close to his chest as his eyes pinched shut, and curses flew from his mouth as the pain grew worse. It barely took a few seconds before the door re-opened and Harry was up in his personal space.

‘’What the fuck are you doing, you alright?’’

‘’Do this look okay to you?!-’’ He almost punched Harry in the jaw with how fast he stretched his hand out, showing how blood covered his busted knuckles. ‘’-Now get out of my sight before your face will do it more damage.’’

Agony hissed through his tight lips before a cry tore free when he couldn’t hold his hand out any longer and tugged it back as several grimaces decorated his face.

‘’Fuck!’’

Instead of leaving as he’d ordered, Harry stepped past him and bent down to ruffle through the shelves under the sink.

‘’I said-.''

‘’Sit down and shut up Louis.’’

Harry’s voice was strict as he retracted a first aid kit Louis had never seen before and he sceptically followed Harry's movement as he stepped closer. One hand closed around the antiseptic while the other grabbed a few dabs of cotton before his eyes flicked up to stare at Louis with a firm glare. It was a bit unnerving how the dominance in Harry made him shuffle backwards until his legs hit the toilet. Eventually, his knees gave in, and he slid down to sit in silence while making sure he kept his eyes on the floor. Stubborn enough he wouldn’t admit he needed help, and he would've rather smashed his other hand as well before thanking Harry.

‘’We’re driving to the emergency, but let me clean it first.’’

‘’I’m not going to the eme-.''

‘’You are, now give me your hand.’’

He gritted his teeth, hating how he kept feeling like an idiot in the situation even though he knew he needed professional help, but agreeing was difficult. Resentfully he let Harry take his hand, and bit harshly into his lip to create another wound once the cotton made contact with his knuckles. Shots of pain sizzled up his arm at every touch, but he stayed as composed as he could manage even though his hard breathing gave away how he felt. 

When Harry seemed satisfied with his own work, they argued the next ten minutes for him to help Louis getting dressed so they could leave. Harry eventually won when Louis realised the threat of physically being carried to the emergency wearing just briefs turned into a promise if he didn’t buckle. It made him angry again when Harry had once more managed to challenge his dominance and humiliated his stubborn arse.

Inside the emergency, his fear of the damage being worse than he’d expected was confirmed and he ended up with two metal pins drilled into his bones to hold the broken pieces together. Somewhere along the way, the doctor had explained it as pin fixation, but he’d stopped listening after a demonic woman had stabbed several syringes in his open wound. The pain left shortly after but he would never forgive her betrayal when she’d blatantly lied when she'd promised it wouldn’t be too bad setting the anaesthesia. He didn’t bulge in his revenge plan when she gave him an extra dose of painkillers to take midway through the procedure, but it lessened some of the sting. 

When everything was done, and the doctor had mended his hand with a strong cast, he stopped imagining every death scenario he would put them all through. Including the arsehole of a roommate he had. Instead, his head felt fuzzy, and a dopey smile curled over his mouth as a delighted snicker escaped. Having his arm locked in a cast was suddenly the best fucking thing in the world, and he let the doctor know as much before he gestured a sloppy _‘here here captain’_ salute.

He was just euphoric, and he treasured the glorious pills he’d been given to take home with glossy eyes and the same dopey smile.

*

‘’I’m bloody starving right now I could eat anything, even you!-’’ He smacked his good hand over his mouth as a loud giggle escaped. ‘’-You took that sexual didn’t you, you sooo want me to! Jesus, relax pal, what do you think I am?’’

Shaking with laughter, he swayed around on his feet as Harry kept staring with a monotonous expression, looking as tired as Louis should’ve been.

‘’High is what you are, so go sit down, I’ll make you something.’’

While Harry sighed, shook his head and pushed a hand through his hair before looking through the freezer, Louis stared dumbly ahead as he kept swaying. He felt all giddy and wanted fun, not sitting quietly down. His mind decided following Harry would be just that, and when he shut the door to turn around, they came face to face. Those tired green eyes widened as an unmanly shriek fled, and it took him too much time to realise he’d frightened Harry. 

‘’BO!’’ He shouted long after Harry had recovered, and broke down in more laughter. ‘’-holy shit, your face!’’

‘’I’m glad you’re entertaining yourself, but please, let’s not visit the emergency twice in one night.’’

Harry eased out a deep sigh as he straightened up, repeating the shake of his head as he flicked the oven and took a frozen pizza out of its box. A loud yawn made its way into Louis attention, and at the sound, his mind started thinking about his bed. It was big, fitted at least two and had black sheets along with the pillowcases and duvet. Then his mind wandered over to Harry’s bed, and he wondered if he had the same, since they should be matching after all. They matched with the clothes and tattoos so their beds obviously should too. It made perfect sense, everyone knew as much. 

Then he frowned and narrowed his eyes as he stared at Harry’s back, somehow remembering he'd seen a very large and different type of ink on his body, something he didn't have and it wasn’t an acceptable standard in his opinion. If Harry didn’t have exactly the same details as him then they had a problem, everyone had a responsibility to follow his example when he was the leader. Of course.

‘’How do you dare to have a butterfly tattoo when I don’t?’’

Harry stopped fumbling with the pizza and curiously looked over his shoulder, brows raised and an unsure tilt to the corner of his mouth. He turned as he folded his arms across his chest and leant back against the counter with the same expression, but the smile widened. 

‘’Aha, you did check me out earlier, knew it. Not as subtle as you thought.''

Louis’ eyes drifted along with his brain as Harry kept talking and when it turned silent, he didn’t remember what he was supposed to answer. If Harry had tattooed a butterfly because he’d looked at his chest, then he didn’t understand why Harry hadn’t tattooed his face as one. After all, he happened to look at it every time they spoke. 

‘’Why do you have ‘It is what it is’ on your chest?’’

His trance of internal discussion broke as Harry spoke up, pulling him back to reality, more or less, but the effort didn’t last very long. He found Harry’s eyes watching him, waiting for another answer he’d forgotten while he softly touched his collarbone. His glance fell to his chest as he almost felt the ink leak through the shirt.

‘’Because you stared at my chest?-’’ he couldn’t find the logic behind that either, and he turned even more confused. ‘’-No? That can’t be right, can it? Did I know you back then?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’You don’t know why you took it?’’

‘’Took what?

‘’Your tattoo?’’

‘’What tattoo?’’

He dipped his head to the side, turning dumber with each word leaving his mouth and he could feel how cotton stole the place of his brain cells. Harry sighed for the hundredth time while rubbing his temple and a chuckle of disbelief left his mouth.

‘’That phrase you have on your chest- you know what, just forget about it. ‘’

‘’I have what?!’’

Eyes bulged as he stared in horror, sensing a stab of panic while his mind continued to explode in every direction. With frantic fingers, he pulled the shirt up to see what Harry was talking about but sighed deeply in relief when the familiar letters of his tattoo were the only lines there.

‘’Why the hell did you scare me like that!’’

‘’Scare you?’’

‘’You just said I had a fucking face on my chest, blimey, I almost shit myself!’’

He wiped his sweaty forehead and dragged a hand over his cheek, taking a deep breath as he let his shirt fall back. 

‘’No, I didn’t say face, I said phrase.’’

‘’Yes exactly!’’ 

The monotonous expression had found its way back to Harry, and he pinched bridge of his nose before talking so slow anyone could’ve fallen asleep.

‘’This is so pointless, but I’ll give it one more go nevertheless. Any reason you tattooed that line, that saying ‘It is what it is’?’’

‘’Then why the fuck are you talking about faces? I tattooed it because shit happens and life can go fuck itself.’’

His smile widened, and he started bopping back and forth, trying to get the rhythm of a dance, but his feet didn’t cooperate as he wanted to. The humming leaving his mouth didn’t sound quite as right either, but he closed his eyes even so and swayed around.

‘’I’m sorry to hear that.’’

One eye popped open, and he smiled a goofy grin as he tried to swirl but ended up stumbling on his toes and fell forward where Harry’s arm stopped him from face palming the floor. 

‘’Hear what? What did I say?’’

‘’That you’re stupid as fuck.’’

‘’I hate that word. Now make me my pizza, I’m starving.’’

*

‘’I’m going to explode, I’m too full!’’

The walls of his stomach felt stretched to the point it would rupture if he ate more and he groaned as he patted the imaginary balloon-shaped bulge underneath his shirt.

‘’What? You barely ate one slice; I thought you said you were starving!’’

He'd probably used at least twenty minutes forcing it down, not that it didn’t look tempting or tasted bad but he knew for a fact how the red paprika was the pizza’s heart, and he felt awful for murdering it bite by bite. All those tiny formed hearts kept dancing in his eyes, and if he ate one more, he was convinced they would return from the afterlife to eat his own. 

Harry, on the other hand, apparently didn’t share the same concern as he chewed down his third piece and only shook his head. It appeared he’d done so quite often during the night, and another genius explanation took root inside Louis’ wacky brain, convinced the pizza had already started their revenge by corrupting Harry's mind.

‘’Yeah, and now I’m full.’’

‘’You can’t possibly be full on one slice when you emptied everything you had inside your body earlier today!’’

He scooted further out on the couch as he saw the fed-up roll of Harry’s eyes, and bent his head down to whisper seriously.

‘’See, they have already started on your murder.’’ 

‘’Alright whatever Louis, I’m going to bed.’’

‘’Yes I’m tired now as well, can you play with my hair?’’

A deep yawn made him gape as he stretched his limbs and rolled his head, missing the way Harry coughed into the glass of water he’d taken a sip from.

‘’You want me to do what?’’

The sound leaving Harry was strained, and another round of coughs left his throat before he managed to clear it back to normal. Using just enough time for Louis to flip onto his back and place his head on Harry’s lap without question, making himself comfortable as his eyes fluttered shut.

‘’Stroke or tug on it or something, Cassy always used to when I was tired. It was nice.’’

Drowsiness crept over his shoulders and slowly but surely dragged him under, sending his cotton mind blank for a change and he fell asleep just as he felt hesitant fingertips tugging at the back of his neck in a pleasurable motion. A delighted hum passed through his parted lips as relaxation pushed away the last bit of tension to be found in his body.

After Louis was fast asleep with a steady rhythm of his breath, Harry kept stroking his hair another five minutes to get a grasp of the bizarre turn of events. His hand lost contact with the short tufts of hair, but as soon as he tried shifting Louis' weight off his lap, a small, vulnerable whine of protest broke the silence. Harry’s movements stilled and so did Louis as the peaceful expression his face had carried before, returned. 

Moving with more care, Harry tried with agonisingly slow movements to unhook Louis’ head from the top of his thigh, but halfway through Louis stirred, and he lost the gentle grip. Louis' head fell back with a stronger thud, and it caused him to stiffen before his good arm moved to clutch Harry’s knee. Fingers dug into the kneecap, and several frowns decorated his forehead as the whines came back and formed into short words.

‘’Me.. My fault.’’

The grip on Harry tightened, and Louis’ breathing turned more rapid, ringing through the room as his nostrils flared. The unexpected sight of fear in Louis and how upset he became made Harry keep his seat as he carefully slid his fingers back into the slightly greasy hair.

‘’Hey hey, relax. It's just a bad dream.’’

His breathing lessened after a few strokes, and when Harry gently scratched his scalp, he nuzzled his head further into the warm lap and slept on. As it turned out, neither of them moved much that night, and only one managed to have a good night’s sleep.

 

*

 

‘’Lou are you home, your door was unlocked-'' a few snapping noises followed the faint voice before it turned louder. ''-holy shit, what’s going on?’’

The steady pillow underneath his head was yanked away and before he had time to fully wake up, his body connected with something hard and cold. He groaned loudly as he forced his eyes open and mumbled a curse when he realised he was lying face flat on the floor.

‘’Ouch, what the actual fuck?’’

With sore limbs and a dizzy head, he scrambled into a sitting position as he pressed his good hand against his cheek and craned his neck to the side. More confusion filled his mind when he saw Harry standing frozen like a statue with a face as white as snow. 

‘’Seriously, what did I just walk into, bonding time?’’

Both Louis and Harry’s head turned to see Liam walking away from the door he’d entered, phone in hand and very red in the face while his body shook with laughter.

‘’What are you talking about and how the hell did you get in?’’

‘’The door was ope- Hey what happened to your hand?’’

‘’What’s so bloody funny Liam?’’

Finding enough strength, he rose up, ignored the sight of the third person and walked closer to his mate with a suspicious expression. His joints were stiff while his head had trouble focusing from the fall, and he couldn’t remember sleeping on the couch in the first place.

‘’This, please do share what this was all about.’’

Liam turned his phone around, and after squinting, a photo of him and Harry cuddling on the couch glared in his face. Harry leant back, eyes closed and jaw slack while his own head laid safely in his lap with fingers locked in hair like Harry had been stroking it. His blood ran cold, and a sick twist clenched his stomach when he knew he wouldn’t have allowed it in his rightful mind. His eyes darkened as he couldn’t stop staring at the picture. It made him unwell, and when he understood why Harry was pale as a ghost, he slowly turned with a death glare to let their gazes meet. 

‘’You.-’’ He took a step closer as he clenched his fist. ‘’-Are one fucked up psycho, making sure I was drugged just so you could molest me!’’

Harry’s mouth fell open in shock, and his eyes practically popped from his head at the accusation.

‘’Ugh I need to shower, my skin feels all filthy and disgusting. Don’t fucking touch me ever again or it will be the last thing you do.’’

Another round of curses left his mouth as he rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door hard enough for the whole flat to shake. He leant against the wall and took a deep breath, trying to calm down before he ended up breaking his other hand. From outside he could hear the low murmur of conversation between Liam and Harry, and his ears automatically listened in.

_‘’Uhm…I should probably go, he seemed rathe-’’_

_‘’I didn’t molest him.’’_

_‘’No… no, I’m sure you didn’t… Louis always exaggerates things, don’t worry.’’_

An angry scoff filled the bathroom, and he included Liam in his murderous thoughts after hearing him take Harry's side.

_‘’You don’t say, he’s got a loud mouth that’s for sure. I’m Harry by the way.’’_

Listening to the two of them being polite made him nauseated, and he pressed away from the wall to enter the shower where he could block them out. The hot water felt nice on his skin, but he quickly learned it wasn’t the easiest to shower with only one functional hand while making sure the other didn’t get wet. His muscles argued against his desire to stay there for hours, and he scrubbed down as best as he could before calling himself clean enough. He’d managed the arduous task of fastening the towel around his waist when Harry’s voice again caught his attention.

_‘’-nanny from hell, that’s what he’s referring me as I think.’’_

_‘’What? You like, live here of something?’’_

_‘’More or less, but he doesn’t make it easy.’’_

It wouldn’t be for long if it were up to him and he would definitively do everything to make Harry's stay as short as possible. He flicked the doorknob and barely pushed at it so he could hear them better, wanting to know if he had to kick Liam entirely of his list over mates. 

_‘’Yeah he will do his best to break you. He despises when people tell him what to do, I speak from experience, and he will do the exact opposite of anything you say.’’_

_‘’Yeah I figured when he broke his hand in an anger fit because I answered him back yesterday, so things are going great.’’_

_‘’That would be Louis. This might be good for him though, having someone new to pressure him. Maybe reality will finally break through that thick skull of his and make him see life in a different perspective. He sure needs it. But what did I walk in on earlier, I’m not blind, but I’m starting to think I hallucinated since I’ve never seen him behave like that.’’_

_‘’The doctor who fixed his hand gave him some type of horse tranquillizer, and the lad became high as a kite. When he eventually became tired he plopped his head in my lap and asked me to play with his hair since some girl named Cassy used to and I guess he missed that.’’_

He grabbed another towel to ruffle through his hair but froze when Harry mentioned the one name he’d never expected to hear leaving his mouth. The air inside his lungs vanished as tiny black dots gradually decorated his vision and he felt like someone had hit him with a sledgehammer.

_‘’He told you about her?’’_

_‘’What? No, not really, he mentioned her once when he came home piss drunk and then again last night. Why, who is she, an –‘’_

Anger and panic welled up inside as he slammed the door open and made the two other men stop talking. The usual sense of rage rose, and it grew harsher the closer he came to Harry, the one who’d dared to voice her name without permission. The atmosphere around them changed, and thick tension swirled around like a suffocating cage, trapping them under his harsh glare. 

‘’Don’t you ever mention her name again you fucking low-life. Try snooping into my personal life again, and I'll show you just how hard I'll break you.’’

His voice was cold and filled with resentment; the expression of a serial killer was carved into his features, and he looked ready to lose his shit if any of them even moved a muscle. It was the last straw. His thorax tightened as his heart pounded rapidly, and it spread the hollow ache through his chest like poison. Perhaps losing his mind and slaughter someone wouldn’t be so bad if he would stay insane, and never understand he would live the rest of his life in the one place he swore never to return to. 

‘’Calm down Louis, he doesn't-.''

‘’Get the fuck out Liam, I won’t say it twice.’’

A pained expression formed on Liam’s face as he took a step back, looking deep in thought before he shook his head and turned to leave without bothering to argue.

‘’Nice meeting you Harry, and good luck.’’

‘’And what are you still doing here?-‘’ he finally looked directly at Harry with his scolding eyes. ‘’-Leave.’’

‘’No, I’m not going to leave. Try all you want but you won’t be able to terrorise me away, and I’m sorry about overstepping a boundary. I didn’t know, but I do now, and I won’t mention it again, it’s your business.’’

It wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear, far from it but without another word he turned and walked into his room. He was too upset to indulge a fight, a fight that wouldn’t end before one of them would land in the hospital or the morgue and a part of him realised Harry had the upper hand by not being disabled. Inside his room, he remembered the obscure photo Liam had taken and rushed to his phone. He needed the picture to find a way he could use it in his favour against the living arrangement. He found his device underneath his pillow, ignoring the new text’s and quickly hit the call button once he found Liam’s name. By the fifth ring, he growled as he hung up and threw it back on the bed in anger. He tugged at his hair as he cursed and then fumbled back to the phone to send a text of what he wanted. 

_– Send me the fucking picture._

Surprisingly the phone avoided bursting into flames as he stared at the screen for five minutes straight, possibly even longer as it felt more like five years had passed before Liam finally answered.

_Liam – Sry figured u wanted me 2 delete it, so I did right after I left._

‘’No no no no, you bloody wanker!’’

He shouted at his phone as he stomped his feet like a little child. Of course, fan-fucking-tastic.

 

*

 

The same evening he spread out an open invitation for whoever wanted to check his place, and he made sure it wouldn’t be a slow tea gathering. He usually hated having strangers in his flat, but he wanted to make a statement at how he was the one who called the shots and held authority. Prove he made the rules and show Harry a taste of how his life would be living there.

Soon enough feet walked through his door, and the endless stream of people grew with each hour passing by. He lost track of time along with every blurring face that swept over his vision, and the heavy bass beating off the walls sent his skin vibrating. His mind was already spinning from alcohol, so when the offer of taking something stronger was made, he barely bothered to ask what it was before accepting.

Colours dotted his gaze while an intense sense of peace flooded the rest of his body, and as he looked at the people dancing, he believed he was in space. His moves, along with the others, felt sedated and slow, bouncing off each other without gravity and the music seemed far off. Eventually, something seized his shoulder to tug him backwards, a tight grip he couldn’t get loose from, and when he turned, he faced the biggest buzzkill of the night. Confusion and concern radiated from Harry’s face as his eyes couldn’t keep still, following anything that moved and made noise.

‘’What the hell is going on? There are people everywhere; I had to climb over several bodies I’m not sure are passed out or actual dead to get in!’’

From the twitching of Harry’s fingers and how deeply he frowned it was evident he didn’t appreciate the social activities that had taken place while he’d been out. The euphoria in Louis’ system slowly drained the more Harry’s voice forced its way into his ears, and he slapped off the hand on his shoulder.

‘’Do you have a death wish, I told you to never fucking touch me again freak.’’

He was on his way to leave when the hand came back and halted his plan of moving. 

‘’Hey I’m talking to you, what were you thinking and what have you taken? Your pupils are blown, and the bathroom is drenched with a very telling powder along with fucking empty pill packaging. I could hear this noise three blocks down, aren’t you even a little concerned your neighbours may have called the police? Or are about to?’’

‘’Let them and if you don’t get the fuck out of my sight, I’ll make sure they’ll find anything illegal in here stashed in your pockets.’’

With a final move, he yanked free and walked off, unbothered and unaware of the hurtful look flickering over Harry’s eyes as the hand fell back to his side. Louis managed to fight his way into the kitchen and grab himself one of the last beers he could see when a female voice pierced through the heavy music in a shout. He shuddered at the sound and squinted through the thick crowd but couldn’t see anything out of order drawing his attention. Then the voice came again in a string of shouts and curses, bothering him enough to dive into the ocean of wasted bodies to see who it belonged to and what the fuss was about.

It was hard to focus, but eventually, he caught a glimpse of a blonde woman draped in nothing more than bed sheets, and a furious expression calling death upon the man halfway crouched at her side. As he walked closer, he realised it was Harry, and he witnessed him dragging a furious naked lad by the ankle away from his bedroom. Harry let go of the man at last, and as he straightened up, Louis could see the concern had been replaced by anger as he locked his door. A snort was about to flee, but he choked on it instead when Harry picked up the fire extinguisher from the hall and popped the safety off. 

With heavy eyes he watched Harry stomp towards the speakers where music streamed, and before he understood what would happen, white foam decorated every inch of the system, including the Mac placed on top. An awful noise shot through the room before the whole shit sparkled like the 4. of July and then went completely silent. Once the vibe had been ruined, every head in the room turned their attention to Harry, who still held the extinguisher tight in his hands. 

‘’Anyone who’s still here in the next minute I'll drench with this-‘’ Harry shot another load of foam to demonstrate. ‘’-until you need medical help. If that doesn’t do it, the police I just called will gladly escort you out. So I suggest you start moving, now!’’

Harry’s voice was threatening, too serious and laced with authority, something Louis hadn’t anticipated, and he could see how it affected his guests the worst way. People stumbled around in panic, grabbed their stuff and bolted for the door as if the place was actually on fire. He stared at the scene with his mouth hanging to his knees, and he couldn't believe or understand what he was seeing was real. 

Everything had been fine earlier, he’d enjoyed himself and been happy along with the others. Then Harry barged in as a commander from the military going haywire and shut it down like he had a right to. In the mass of evacuation, he stomped forward with a murderous glare, and the last pieces of his euphoria were replaced by fury.

‘’Are you insane?! You just ruined my social status, not to mention my fucking speakers you loser! Do you have any idea how much those costs?!’’

He was boiling with rage, seeing red as he was more than ready to lose control and smash Harry's face in. The same face that unfortunately didn’t react to his shouts but instead kept calm as he answered in a slow voice.

‘’Maybe so, but I would say your criminal record is worth saving more than your fucking status among mostly junkies, but if you want to get arrested and have it follow you then be my guest.’’

‘’Who gave you the right to decide that? Fucking misfit.’’

‘’I’m doing you a fucking favour even though that stubborn brain of yours refuses to realise it. What do you think would’ve happened if the police had shown up, found all this shit and the word got back to your mother? You think she’d clap your back and said, Atta boy, for getting arrested?’’

The harsh truth should’ve penetrated his ignorant mind and walloped him, but he was too out of it to let it sink enough to give him a scare. He wasn’t able to think about the bigger picture and how the night could’ve ruined his life further and brought him to a point he wouldn’t be able to return from. Instead of realising as much, he stepped closer and glared, eyes boring into Harry’s as he shoved his chest and pressed his face up in his space.

‘’You think you’re so bloody better than me, trying to act all responsible and mature, but you know what?-.'' He shoved Harry’s chest again, a little harsher than before and a faint wave of discomfort spread through his broken hand. ‘’-You’re just a friendless loser who can’t stand seeing people like me enjoy life while you rot alone.’’

‘’Stop, you’ll damage your hand further if you keep hitting me.’’

‘’Don’t fucking tell me what to do.’’

Harry had already read his actions and stepped aside at the same time he tried shoving for a third time, resulting in him falling forward when his hands met nothing but air. He didn’t hit the floor as he’d expected and he found himself hanging downwards with Harry’s arm around his waist to hold him up.

‘’Get your hands off me!’’

He tossed in the grip, and at one point he managed to flip around as he kicked out at Harry’s shin and they both tumbled down. A loud grunt left Harry as his back hit the floor with Louis weight over his chest, and it knocked the rest of his breath out.

‘’What the hell Louis? I was only trying to prevent you from hurting yourself!’’

‘’This is what you wanted all along right-‘’ Pumped up on adrenaline and anger he changed position to where he kneeled over Harry’s waist. ‘’-me straddling you like some pornstar?-’’ The furious expression on his face darkened as he leant closer.’’-Is this what you jerk off to at night, picturing me doing all kinds of shit with you? Bet you come at the fantasy I would actually let it happen.-’’

He scoffed so hard he practically spat on the floor and Harry's face.

‘’-Thank god you’ll never know how my arse feels like.-‘’ He slowly lifted his lower half to rotate his hips and made sure it didn't touch Harry. ‘’-bet even this is making you hard, just look at you, practically coming in your pants by the sight-’’ he bent all the way down, so his mouth was close to Harry’s ear while he supported himself on his good hand. ‘’-Pop a boner right now, I dare you. See what happens you pathetic shit.’’

An icy laugh left his mouth when Harry didn’t talk back, and he rolled his eyes as he stood up to walk away. The flat was bathed in silence and the only sound indicating someone was there was from the loud slam of his door as he locked himself in his room. 

 

*

 

It took him a week to crawl out of his misery and face Harry again. He’d made sure to avoid his presence after their encounter, and he'd only left his room to empty his bladder and leave for another party. How the flat had magically been cleaned spotless had barely caught his attention, but at least it relieved him from the task at hiring someone. Harry could clean until his fingernails fell off but it wouldn’t change anything or what he thought of their situation. Then after days without meeting, the first thing that hit him when he sprawled out of his room was a delicious smell and the sight of Harry cooking. Water filled his mouth and caused his stomach to growl loud enough to announce his presence. The small gap where he could’ve hurried past, closed when Harry turned and spotted him.

‘’Oh hi, you hungry? I’ve made more than enough.’’

‘’What is it?’’

It was no point asking, he wasn’t going to eat it anyway.

‘’Tacos, I figured it would be a nice change from the regular pizza and burgers you usually eat.’’

Perhaps tacos did sound amazing in his mind, and maybe his hunger screamed for him to eat, convincing him a small taste wouldn’t be the end of the world. He inched closer, tipping around like a starving animal who’d lost the power to fight the inevitable. The sight was just as inviting as the smell, and he gave up, he was going to eat. If he liked it, he could always force Harry to make him dinner every day when nannies were supposed to. He regained his confidence, and a small smirk curved his lips when his earlier idea of making Harry uncomfortable kept sliding back. With quick fingers he fumbled with his phone and hit the recording app before placing it back in his pocket, going for success.

‘’Sure, I like spicy food. But i think you might be hotter.’’

It was painfully bad. Embarrassingly bad. He almost punched himself in the face but forced the smirk to stay as Harry stopped doing whatever he did and turned around with an arched brow.

‘’Did you seriously just say that?’’

His shoulders shrugged as he casually stepped closer with roaming eyes, making it clear he was observing ever detail while slowly biting his bottom lip. It was awkward, but he’d never turned down a challenge even though it was his own. He noticed the minced meat cooking and another stupid idea, without his permission, popped in his mind. Why it was there in the first place, he had no idea, since he’d never spent time by the stove, but he reached the green apron hanging underneath the sink and grabbed it. A second of hesitation hit him before he closed his eyes and pushed the humiliation out of his system. It was just a game, the sooner he won the sooner it would be over.

‘’You forgot this.-’’ He stepped close enough that his chest touched Harry’s back, and he gently wrapped his arms around his waist to tie the apron as tightly as he could with his damaged hand. ‘’-wouldn’t want you to ruin your clothes now.’’

As he let go, he slowly let his fingertips brush over Harry’s arm in a soft stroke, and immediately Harry stiffened at the touch. It was uncomfortable, but he forced himself not to be the first to jerk away when he needed the seed he’d planted, to grow.

‘’Why do you bother acting this way?’’

‘’Hmm, are you a screamer or a moaner darling?’’

‘’Excuse me?’’

Harry’s voice was laced with annoyance as he tried moving away from the inappropriate hold. Which only fuelled his bratty side and he pushed closer to stretch his neck out, getting as close to Harry’s ear as possible.

‘’Just curious, to how you react-‘’ he placed his good hand on Harry’s hip and slowly dragged it down. ‘’-when this is played with.’’

As his hand reached Harry's bum, he didn't think twice and squeezed while blowing hot air underneath his earlobe. It was like someone shot off a gun and Harry jumped away, spinning around with an angry expression and the spatula still between his fingers. His eyes narrowed as he glared, pressing the spatula in Louis’ face, to make his words sound harsher.

‘’What is wrong with you?!’’

An innocent mask was placed over Louis' face, and he formed a smile as he batted his lashes, trying his best to seem shy and flustered. He was good at the game, he’d played it most of his life, and he always succeeded.

‘’I’m just trying to be friendly, I can work a little harder if you want…?’’

The smile widened, and he sent Harry a playful wink as he walked to the table but rolled his eyes as soon as his face was out of sight. He watched Harry set the table and how he carefully observed what he did with his hands, apparently suspecting him of doing something inappropriate again.

‘’Well go on then, see if they’re as hot as me…’’ 

Harry said dryly while he pushed the tacos closer, lips pressed tightly together. It only resulted in bringing back the mischievous flare to Louis’ eyes.

‘’Oh, but I haven't tasted you yet curly.'' 

His brows danced up and down in a playful way as he twirled a lock of hair between his fingers, fumigating Harry more. A snort reached his ears, and he saw how Harry shook his head in disbelief before turning his attention back to his plate. He hated to admit it, but as soon as his teeth sank into the food, his first thought was the word incredible. If he was served similar treasures on a daily basis, he could get very used to it and very fast. His body betrayed him by letting a quiet moan escape through his lips, and he mentally cursed for giving away what he thought about the cooking. The last thing he wanted was to give Harry the impression it was his way of giving compliments. But it was too late, and Harry’s eyes flicked back to his with a small smile turning his lips upwards as he gestured at the plate. 

‘’How is it?’’

The cockiness he’d expected to see didn’t show, and instead Harry appeared to be rather shy as a small blush painted his cheeks a soft pink. He would have made a snarky comment hadn’t his mouth been so full of food, and when Harry kept smiling quietly to himself, he sighed and rolled his eyes.

‘’Alright, could’ve been better.’’

It made Harry’s smile widen to the point where his dimples popped out, and he looked like a fucking puppy being praised for good behaviour. It was ridiculous. 

‘’Well, I’m glad you like it.’’

Harry seemed so proud he felt like barfing, it was sickly annoying, and he needed to wipe the stupid expression off before he sent his plate flying in irritation.

‘’But I taste better, want to try?’’

The previous smile fell from Harry as a dumb stare was sent his way, probably realising he didn’t possess the ability at being kind for the smallest things. The chair screeched as Harry rose, but when he thought he was leaving, Harry looked over his shoulder with tired eyes.

‘’You want a beer with?’’

He stopped chewing and held Harry’s gaze, seeing nothing but the same boredom staring back and a small effort of steering the conversation in a different direction.

‘’There’s beer?’’

‘’Yeah, I bought some earlier today. Want one?’’

Of course he wanted one, he never said no to beer. He guessed Harry had already figured as much since the beer was placed in front of him before he could answer. As he popped it open, Harry slid back into his chair with a thoughtful expression and cleared his throat.

‘’In fear of ruining this almost peaceful dinner, I’m still going to ask. Won’t you tell me something about yourself?’’

‘’What’s this, a bonding session? Sorry, I’m not into that unless we’re talking physical bondi-.''

‘’Seriously, do you have to steer every subject that way?-‘’Harry sighed and took a sip before he continued. ‘’-Forget it, I just thought it would be useful to have some real information about you, but I guess that ship has sailed. ’’

If it was the beer or a strange part of himself that wanted their little chat to continue, he didn’t know, but he found himself opening his mouth again. 

‘’Fine. I’m wealthy, rude, party animal, and I like getting laid. What more do you want to know, how to best get me off?’’

At least he was honest; which only seemed to happen when he wanted to piss people off or cause trouble. Harry rolled his eyes at his answer and sighed again.

‘’Any other interests? Alcohol and sex can’t be all that defines you.’’

‘’Pretty much.’’

‘’Really, nothing else at all? That’s a bit sad, even for you.’’

The silence went on, and Harry dropped his eyes back to the plate as Louis bit his lip in annoyance. He could smell the bait, how Harry tried pushing buttons so he would hold a conversation and sadly it seemed to work. 

‘’Soccer.’’

It was barely audible, and he felt like flinging the rest of his tacos at Harry’s head, just to prove how irritated he felt. People usually didn’t manage to rub him the wrong way long enough for him to buckle instead of going off, and he didn’t like how Harry seemed to be able to. 

‘’What?’’ Harry piped up as he looked at him with confusion and surprise.

‘’Soccer. I like bloody soccer as in playing it. At least I used to.’’

‘’I never thought I’d say it, but I guess we have something in common.’’

A smile returned to Harry’s face, and Louis found it weird how he could switch to smiles and friendliness so fast when they had argued from day one. People who said he had mood swings would experience a whiplash if they met the designated nanny at the other end of the table.

‘’ _You_ actually play?’’

‘’Sort of, just for fun though. Kick around a few times with a friend of mine and if not we spend some nights down at the pub to watch a few matches. Or at least until they kick us out when he drink himself too loud and Irish. From experience Niall does-''

‘’Wow wow wow, wait, hold on. You know that Irish lad?’’

Harry stopped moving when he slammed the table and almost shouted in his face all perplexed at the sudden news. 

‘’I don’t know any other Irish Niall in this town so, I take it you know him as well.’’

Niall was alright, he had no problem with him, and the lad knew how to drink, but the realisation they shared a common acquaintance made him question if he’d been wrong.

‘’Barely, drinking buddy at times. Paid him to let me crash at his place when you first showed up.’’

A bark of laughter fled Harry as he threw his head back, pressing a hand over his mouth to cover the sudden loud noise.

‘’I should’ve figured you were the pissy slut he complained about, that’s hilarious.’’

Pissy slut, fair enough, he’d been rather mad.

He couldn’t stop it from happening, and a small chuckle escaped his mouth as he with defeat agreed it was kind of funny. A little. Knowing Niall of all people called Harry a friend, he felt forced to accept his nanny from hell hadn’t stolen his mother’s title of being the worst human walking the planet. Not quite, but he wasn’t far behind. As the laughter left, silence filled the room, and he felt awkward. A bit out of place in his own home with the unfamiliar normality Harry tried shoving down his throat. He didn’t want small talk or learn details of Harry or his life, it was the least interesting topic he wanted to know more about. The glitch needed correction, and he casually leant back in his chair, cocking his head to the side as he smirked wickedly.

‘’So, will you be jerking me off here or on the couch then?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I behaved nicely and answered your questions, so go on, give me my prize.’’

‘’Your prize is me not kicking your junk back into your body.’’

‘’Oh come on, don’t go all shy on me now, I know you're dying to.’’

His smirk crept wider, and a glint of mockery flashed over his eyes as he saw discomfort spread through Harry’s strained face as he shifted in his seat.

‘’I would rather cut my dick off.’’

‘’You’re an awful liar Harold. Just imagine working those long fingers, roughly up and down my shaf-.''

‘’Whatever you’re trying for isn’t going to work, so you can just stop embarrassing yourself.’’

A scoff left as he rolled his eyes, at least he wasn’t the one who performed that sort of pleasure to anyone besides himself. The game hadn’t worked as well as he’d hoped and he was tired of being around the sight of Harry. He quickly rose from his seat and walked away while downing the beer in one go.

‘’I’ve got people to meet, and I don't care to waste any more of my time on you.’’

He huffed in annoyance as he shut off and deleted the recording that had played too long and without the results he’d wanted. The door slammed harshly behind his back as he left without another word of where he was going, when or if he would return.

Hours later, after receiving what he'd wanted, the temptation of his bed called him home and when he rounded the corner from the entrance, a sight of Harry still being up surprised him. It was late, and not the time to be making something in the kitchen like he noticed he was doing. With a face deep in concentration, and the tip of a tongue poking out, Harry kept whisking the bowl between his hands. 

‘’Why are you still here and what are you doing?’’

Harry didn’t stop at the bitter tone, neither did he react much, but merely answered back in a dull matter of fact.

‘’What does it look like?’’

It was all it took to make him irritated, just hearing the agonisingly deep boring voice force through his ears. Every fibre of Harry pissed him off, his sound, his looks, the relentless optimism, his whole presence, and it drove him mad.

‘’What could you possibly be making at three in the morning?’’ He snarled as he restrained himself from yelling.

‘’Frosting. I assumed you haven’t eaten since dinner and going drunk to bed will probably make you worse tomorrow so I figured I’d make you something. I was bored anyway, felt like killing some time. The cupcakes are done and over there.’’ 

A thin finger pointed further down the counter where a plate was covered in clingfilm, just waiting to be eaten and they looked tempting even without the frosting. He stared at them, then some but before his stomach took charge, he forced his eyes back at Harry who still hadn’t looked up.

‘’Tsh, why would you make those for me?’’

‘’Because I’m the one who has to deal with your shitty hangover mood and I’d really rather not. Besides, it’s been a while since I baked and I missed it.’’

‘’You poisoned them, didn’t you?’’

Finally, Harry stopped whisking as his head lifted to glance over with an emotionless expression and let a small snort leave. He didn’t answer but placed the bowl down while he stepped over to the cupcakes and took one out with smooth movements. The paper fell off, and the light brown piece popped it into his mouth, making him roll his eyes as he chewed too loudly.

‘’Ah yes, the poison does indeed add a particular exotic flavour, delicious really, no wonder it’s called deadly..’’ 

Harry scoffed and moved back to his bowl, not sparing another glance as he did so. Louis eyed the cakes carefully; he desperately wanted one, or two, maybe even three, but if he took one it would be seen as if he appreciated Harry’s gesture. A thank you was surely expected as well, and he couldn’t give one. He wouldn’t.

''So doing my mother's dirty work, stealing my flat, eliminating my mates and destroying my social status isn’t enough, you want to make me fat as well? Well, screw you and your disgusting cupcakes, eat them yourself.’’

A quiet sigh reached from behind as he stomped to his room and he chose to ignore the strange prickle in the pit of his stomach from the sound. It felt queasy, but he told himself it was from the alcohol he’d consumed as he gripped the door knob.

‘’At least bring some water, you’ll need it.’’

He stopped in the frame and tipped his head to the side, taking a deep breath to calm down. It made him furious how Harry kept bugging him with the nice guy act, and he didn’t buy the performance. He didn’t say anything as he slammed the door hard enough for Harry to get the message about leaving him alone and stop talking. The last thing he needed was someone trying to kiss his arse when he despised being surrounded by fake politeness.

Going straight to bed and sleep had been the plan, but the hunger cramps from his stomach got the best of his willpower and he ended up sneaking back to the kitchen. He’d listened, waited until Harry’s footsteps had faded and then cursed himself as he’d plucked a cupcake from the refrigerator. Another round of mental cursing came when he ate the second one and practically moaned from how good it tasted.

*


	2. Chapter 2

** Updated **

Two separate mumbles of voices drifted into his room and reached his ear, chasing away the pleasant dream, and he whined in annoyance at being wakened. He rolled over to stretch and blinked a couple of times before the deep sound he heard he realised belonged to Harry. As he sat up and scooted to the end of the bed, the other shrill voice managed to reveal its owner, and he dipped his head back as a groan left. 

‘’Bloody perfect.’’

A hand dragged through his hair as he rose and forced himself closer to the door, placing one ear against the wood to hear the conversation. It wasn’t hard to guess it involved his name and when he heard it, eyes rolled as he turned the knob. 

_‘’-disappointed but not surpi-’’_

His mother stopped mid-sentence when he came into focus, and his eye twitched at the unimpressed expression her face carried. 

‘’Well I see your morning routine hasn’t changed son, or should I say afternoon.’’

For once he didn’t comment and strangely found her presence more acceptable, at least he didn’t have to invite her, and she could finally see how Harry truly was. A sense of victory started to form but as soon as his eyes darted to her left, where Harry stood, his jaw tightened in a irritation. The glasses were back on Harry’s nose, and his face was swept free of hair as it was tied up in a bun, giving him the clean appearance back. A brown knitted jumper, looking too big and soft, shielded the tattoos on his arms, but at least the ugly bowtie was nowhere around.

‘’As I was saying Harry, I’m disappointed to hear he hasn’t taken our deal seriously but it doesn’t come as a surprise. How’s he been treating you?’’

There was one thing he didn't have to suspect anymore though, Harry did care what his mother thought or otherwise he wouldn’t have bothered to camouflage, and it proved he didn’t want her to know. It sent his scowl changing into a smirk, and he observed as Harry cleared his throat, daring him to go on.

‘’I do believe he’s made a small effort to cut down on his drinking, though, it hasn’t been as.. extreme lately. Regarding me, well, he’s managed to behave. I would deem it as a start.’’

He barely had time to swallow the scoff shooting up his throat, realising Harry either tried covering their interaction for his own good or was stupid enough to believe it was true. Perhaps he’d been slightly easier on going out, but it had nothing to do with him wanting to change, it was his broken hand getting in the way. He wanted the cast gone, not prolong the recovery. Two could play the pretend game, and he smacked a full blown smile on his face as he tipped closer to Harry and slung a hand over his shoulder.

‘’Hello darling, it’s lovely to see you this beautiful morning. Did you sleep well?-‘’ he squeezed Harry’s shoulder too tight before he flicked his eyes over to his mother. ‘’-And oh yeah, hello Katherine. This wonderful idea of yours is the best thing ever, can’t you just see how great we get along, really close pals and all that.’’

She sent him a dirty look while a light shade of pink blossomed in Harry’s cheeks as he shifted uncomfortably in the tight grip. Without letting go or allowing Harry to move, he casually rested his head on the other shoulder with a delighted hum. A squeaky laugh dropped from Harry’s mouth, and he noticed how he kept looking back and forth between him and his mother with a nervous twitch. 

‘’What’s with the ugly glare mother, I thought you wanted him to be comfortable? I’ve been nothing but welcoming, and you see this-‘’ he raised his hand to show the cast. ‘’-This is quite tough to live with, and it was a difficult decision, but I decided to let my dear friend take care of my personal needs. You know, lending a working hand to help me undress for the night, feeding me, and he’s very helpful with my hygiene. Do you know how hard it is to wash every spot with just one ha-''

‘’Enough! I’m sick and tired of this childishness. I don’t have time to listen to your nonsense and Harry will inform me if you cross the line, be warned son, you’re barely hanging on by a fragile thread as it is.’’

With a final glare, she stormed off and slammed the door behind her, leaving the two alone with the sound of heels fading in the distance. He flicked the glasses covering half of Harry’s face as he snorted and let go of his shoulder. 

‘’Well isn’t little Eugene back, I knew you were playing her.’’

Harry sighed and placed them on the table as he ran fingers through his hair and loosened the bun. The curls floated free and swung around his face like a curtain, framing his cheeks and jaw.

‘’No, but I figured it would be easier than explaining why I looked the way I did when she first saw me.’’

‘’Bullocks. You’re afraid because you know I’m right about her, and you don’t want to lose this luxurious flat. Why else would you blatantly lie to her about my 'effort to follow her commands'? You are aware it's exactly _not_ what she wants me to do, right?’’

‘’Does it matter? You sure are trying your best to have me removed, either way, darling.’’

He laughed loud and honestly as he nodded his head, of course, he tried his hardest when there was a chance he could have the flat to himself during the time he had left.

‘’Oh don’t say that honey, I’m just trying to change for the better.-'' His voice dripped with sarcasm as he smiled sickly, looking anything but sincere. ‘’-Care to join me in the shower today lover, I have a few ideas of what we could do. And I feel a little feisty, might even try something new.’’

He sent Harry a wink as he seductively played with the top of his briefs, being bold enough to pull them down a notch. But as usual, he didn’t get the response he wanted, and Harry stared back with a pissed off grimace.

‘’Seriously, why try so hard to get under my skin and make this whole situation unbearable? Ever thought about actually getting to know me, you see, you might even realise I might not be so bad.’’

‘’I don’t like you, and I don’t want you here, end of story.’’

‘’Fine whatever. I’m going out with Niall later, so you don’t have to see me for the rest of the night.’’

He felt the need to get out himself, but his hand was killing him, and a part of him knew mixing alcohol, drugs and medicine wasn’t the smartest option. Not that he hadn’t done it, but the intense high he’d received from it wasn’t on the positive side. Where he lost all control and a part of his memory wasn’t his angle, so the broken hand had won the battle most times. Just like it did that day as well.

*

The evening was long and tedious. He’d been careful with the medicine, not taking too much when the memory of ending up on Harry’s lap the last time still burned like a nightmare in his mind. Being home without company made the hours last, and after he’d taken turns napping, eating, and watching TV, he was ready to knock himself out. There was only so much bad tv he could watch in one day before his mind shut down from the number of brain cells that died.

He jerked from his position when the door suddenly opened, and a mixture of laughter rang through the room. Harry strolled in with a wide grin plastered on before another head followed behind and entered Louis’ vision. Raven hair came into sight, and two golden eyes landed on him as the man stepped further inside at Harry’s left. His face was too symmetrical to be natural when the sharpness of his jaw could’ve cut through glass, and the beard was shaped by design. It was alarming, and he wasn’t sure why he felt threatened by the man’s presence. 

‘’Oh I didn’t think you’d still be up, this is Zayn. Zayn, Louis.’’ 

Harry gestured with his hand between the two as he walked over to the other end of the couch and sat down. Without greeting the newcomer or acknowledging Harry, he only watched with narrowed eyes as Zayn’s brows rose in realisation.

‘’Ah, the shithead you mentioned.’’

The insulting nicknames had started to bother him, and when the stranger dared to voice it out loud, his anger snapped back in place and he directed it towards Harry.

‘’Are you fucking kidding me, you seriously thought you could bring your hook up here, into my flat? I’ll stab you if you dare think about shagging in my guest room.’’

Both Harry and Zayn turned to stare at each other for a long moment before sharp laughter filled the silence.

‘’I see what you mean-’’ Zayn wiped his eyes and let the last of his laughter die before he patted Harry’s shoulder. ‘’-Well I brought you home, so I’m going to take off, but we’re still on for footie with that Irish bloke?’’

‘’Of course, I’ll call you.’’

A curt nod was sent Louis’ way as Zayn went back to the main door, and whistled a short tune as he left. He gained the feeling Harry was about to say something, but then changed his mind as he slumped further into the couch with a sigh.

‘’Oh I’m _sorry_ , did I ruin your night with the boy toy? What an absolute _shame_ and how _rude_ of me, oh please let me make it up to you here on the couch as a _sincere_ apology. So you’ll know just how _deeply_ sorry I am.’’

Eyes rolled out of his head, and he scoffed so hard his mouth vibrated before he rose to fetch something to cool his throat from the kitchen. As he drank the cold beer, he sensed a presence coming closer, and when he turned, he stared right at Harry who hovered over him. It wasn’t until then he noticed the few inches of height difference when his gaze had to tilt upwards to make eye contact. 

‘’These snarky little insults you keep throwing are quite amusing to be honest.-‘’ space gradually shrunk as Harry stepped closer, and Louis' back hit the counter. ‘’-I’ve shown no reason as to why they would affect me, and I’m starting to suspect you’re getting desperate by still trying. I’m not sure you really want me to play at your level when you might end up liking it.’’

‘’Look at that, you’re delusional as well as stupid. And move, I don’t want you this close to my face.’’

‘’No? Didn’t you just offer to make it up to me on the couch just now? I think it would be cruel of me to hurt your ego even more by making you feel rejected too.’’

The colour drained from his face as the situation didn’t seem to be under his control any longer, and the way Harry kept smirking sent an unpleasant feeling through his stomach. Perhaps mocking and being sarcastic towards an influenced man he’d mistreated since day one wasn’t the smartest choice. 

‘’Fuck off.’’

He bit his lip in regret by the lack of ability to stay calm and handle his mouth, he’d already pissed Harry off, and he should’ve known better to agitate him further. Instead of the anger he’d expected, Harry chuckled as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. It drew his attention right away, and the sight urged his need to rip it out of Harry’s hand and run outside. For once he managed to resist his impulse and looked away instead.

‘’Forgot to give these back to Zayn, but I'm sure he won't realise the lack of one. Do you mind?’’

Harry didn’t wait for his objection and lightened one in a quick go before inhaling deeply as the stare Louis felt burning at his side never shifted. Smoke entered the corner of his eye and slid up his nose, teasing his need, and he could practically feel how it eased out between Harry’s lips. The atmosphere felt tense and the way Harry kept silent while smoking pissed him off, the bad boy vibe was neither appealing nor appreciated. Not when it was supposed to be the other way around.

‘’I’m sensing a bit of tension in you love, I’ll help you unwind if you want.-‘’ Harry took another drag and blew a few rings right in his face, then chuckled when it made him close his eyes in frustration. ‘’-oh right, I forgot. That’s what you offered me.’’

His eyes darkened as the corner of Harry’s mouth twitched, and a glint of cockiness flashed across his face. Everything screamed wrong as he was the one who was supposed to play the game, and not Harry. 

‘’I wasn’t serious you fucking wanker but let me make it crystal clear, I’m sure as hell not your shag’s replacement, _love_ , so get the fuck out of my sight.’’

He spat the pet name back, but Harry’s smirk didn’t falter, and the intense gaze never broke, sending the nerves in his body on alert.

‘’You sure about that Louis, would you joke so easily about something you act so hard to be repelled by?-‘’ Again Harry stepped closer, killing the last few inches between them and caged him by placing his palms on the counter. ‘’-You keep asking for it too much, but unfortunately you seem like the type who’s too far up his own arse to consider you might find a different pleasure exciting.’’

‘’Right, and I love my mother as well. _Get. Off. Me._ ’’

The intimacy of their closeness made him stressed, and he squirmed in an attempt at creating more distance, but Harry’s body didn’t move. As a result, the buckle on Harry’s jeans scraped over his hipbone, and the cold metal made his stomach drop as it caused a shudder to run down his spine. The breath in his throat got stuck when it gave a flick of pleasure, just enough to make the hair at his neck rise.

‘’Seems your body might disagree with your brain.-’’

Harry never lost the irritating expression, and Louis was two seconds away from ramming his fist through the smirking mouth when he thought of something else. He dared a quick glance over Harry’s shoulder and spotted his phone on the table corner. It was stupid of him to consider it, it really was, but playing along long enough to seize the phone was a risk he contemplated taking. It would give him what he needed when Harry seemed drunk enough to do something reckless, and it would secure him from never ending up in a similar situation. 

‘’-Why the sudden silence, something I said that made you rethink? Getting a bit conflicted perhaps?-‘’ Harry leant closer as he killed the half-smoked cigarette, and forced Louis’ lower back to bend over the counter. ‘’-Here’s what I’m reading, I think you want to push me away to prove me wrong but you struggle to do it because deep down your desire entertains the idea of exploring.’’

With a mouth resting right underneath his ear, Harry’s hands seized the back of his thighs and lifted him up in a smooth motion. The surprising change in scenery caught him off guard, and he yelped at the unexpected confidence Harry decided to show. As soon as his bum pressed against the hard surface, his eyes boggled, and the shock made his mouth pop open. Distinct smell of alcohol mixed with smoke and cologne hit his nose, and caused his nostrils to flare while his mind raced with thousand thoughts. 

‘’I’m starting to think I might not be so wrong after all, but I don’t want to push you too far when this was supposed to be a lesson.’’ 

There was a certain serenity lacing Harry’s voice, and it confused him when he couldn’t understand why Harry would feel anything but smug for acting the way he did. Humiliation fought against stubbornness as he willed himself to stay calm and he didn’t find their position desirable or curious, but he didn’t fight against it like he wanted to. He needed to take advantage, and he needed Harry to buy his act, so he swallowed his pride and made his voice small.

‘’My head’s spinning, and this is.. overwhelming.’’

It was bait, and his eyes narrowed when Harry spread his legs to stand between and carefully slid palms up his thighs. An uneasy prickle of warmth spread over his skin as Harry’s hands settled on his hips and he bit his lip from flinching away.

‘’So you say. Do speak up if your mind changes, Louis.’’

Thumbs slowly circled his hipbones, and the same shudder flicked through his system, leaving a trail of something he didn’t want to feel. It was turning dangerous, and with a slight shake to his voice, he tried steering the situation.

‘’Can we move, my arse is turning numb from this hard surface. The couch is softer.’’

He’d avoided looking into Harry’s eyes as he didn’t want his bluff called out, and when he continued to look away, he missed the way Harry watched him. 

‘’I think here is fine.-‘’

Without time to react, Harry’s fingers gently traced the shape of his forms while warm lips ghosted over the crook of his neck. The hint of delicate touches threw him off guard, and he inhaled sharply at the sudden clench he felt deep in his abdomen. But then Harry tsk'd in his ear.

‘’-I might've had a few beers tonight, but I’m not a fool Louis, so don't treat me as one.-’’

A curse of protest choked in his throat and came out as a gurgled splutter when teeth sank into the skin of his shoulder and shivers sent his blood racing a little faster. His whole body tensed in panic when he realised his nerves reacted positively and how out of hand he’d let the plan go. He couldn’t decide what was worst, Harry believing he’d found a weakness, or how his body betrayed him by accepting anyone’s touch.

Another hit smacked him across the face as Harry continued up his neck until he found a sensitive spot, and before he could sense it happening, the snap in his stomach fled his lips in the sound of a strangled moan. His eyes shot wide, and he clasped a hand over his mouth in horror to erase the previous mistake as if it had never happened. To his relief, Harry stepped back and removed both hands and mouth before he sent a sharp look.

‘’-Because I'm aware you have an agenda with this act. You've been nothing but resentful and vengeful towards me so this extreme change of character is bullshit. _Why_ you allowed me this close tonight I don't know, but I have a suspicion, and I won't give you the satisfaction of succeeding.’’

All thoughts of moving to another country and joining a group of monks for celibacy roamed through his head on repeat. He’d let Harry of all people touch him in a way he never wanted to be touched, and he’d been fucked over by his body reaction. The plan had backfired in the worst way, and an ugly wave of humiliation made his skin crawl in despair. Curses flew through his mind, but when he replayed the last words Harry had uttered, the mortification slowly lessened as he realised they’d both been playing. Unfortunately, he was the losing part, and he jumped from the counter with an angry glare.

‘’What the actual fuck is your problem! Don’t you ever try to fucking use me again to satisfy your perverse, twisted needs!’’

‘’That was not what this was about.’’

‘’Don’t you fucking dare; you continued groping me knowing fully well I didn’t want it you sick shit.’’

With a harsh finger, he stabbed Harry in the chest and pushed him away, which wasn’t difficult when Harry immediately stepped back to give him all the space he needed. He ran to his room, barricaded the door and stared with disgust while his heart raced. Sleep was off the table that night, and all he could think was how wrong his idiotic plan had gone and how messed up it was. Stupidity had let Harry portray him as some insecure, confused idiot who didn’t know who he was. Giving Harry the pleasure of being ashamed wasn’t an option, and curling up in his room to hide was the last thing he should do. It didn’t matter what Harry believed because he wasn’t freaked out. Or at least, he told himself so.

He was wrong.

 

* 

 

They didn’t speak for days, in fact, he barely spent any time in his flat when all he could focus on was getting away and ignore the very existence of Harry. The rare times they happened to be in the same room, he walked straight by without a single glance and gave no indication he’d noticed the other’s presence. Underneath his denial of being upset, his inner conflict resurfaced in other ways. 

Early _Tuesday_ morning, he stumbled through the door with the general buzz he regained from drinking.   
Later the same night, he walked out with a fresh set of clothes and alcohol in his hand.

Early _Wednesday_ morning, he fell wasted through the door in uncontrollable laughter while reeking of sweat and weed.  
Later the same night, he walked out a bit slower with washed hair and only bothered to change his shirt, and alcohol in his hand.

Early _Thursday_ morning, he crawled disorientated through the door with droopy eyes and incoherent mumbles of words, having no idea where he was and barely who was.  
Later the same night, he wobbled out with the same pair of clothes he’d used the night before and alcohol in his hand.

Early _Friday_ morning, he'd passed out outside the front door and Harry found him covered in vomit.  
Later the same night, he staggered out with a new jumper draped over the stained clothes he’d slept in and alcohol in his hand.

Early _Saturday_ morning he never made it back to his flat.

*

The feeling of having his head split open and a truck driving over his body greeted him the moment his consciousness pulled him back to reality. Every muscle yelled in protest as he tried to shift and when his mouth tried voicing the pain, his throat cramped up and sent him into a fit of coughs. Shreds of glass slashed through his windpipe as he sought to breathe but the harder he tried, the more he felt like dying.

‘’Easy there, easy.’’

Something warm eased into his veins and spread a sense of peace, slowing his harsh coughs and dulled the agony in his throat as it helped his muscles to lose the tension. The unfamiliar female voice startled him, and when a gentle hand touched his arm, he flinched away, only to whimper at the ache the movement caused him. 

‘’Calm down, you’re safe.’’

His heart pounded as he eventually forced his eyes open and when they landed on a petite young woman dressed in light grey scrubs, he closed them back in realisation. It wasn’t the first time he’d woken up in the emergency, and he shrunk into the bed as he tried steadying his breathing. 

‘’I gave you something to help you relax, and please rest your voice, your throat is swollen and will only hurt if you strain it.’’

With tired eyes he found the woman and sent her a short nod, keeping his mouth shut and relieved he didn’t have to answer the questions he knew was coming. 

‘’You know where you are?’’

He nodded again as she straightened out the duvet he’d crumbled when he flinched.

‘’Do you remember what happened?’’

While he couldn’t recall it all, he had a strong idea, but unable to speak he lightly shook his head as his eyes fell to the floor.

‘’You had a very high level of toxic alcohol in your system, and the people who brought you in couldn’t say for sure you hadn’t consumed anything else also, so the decision to perform a gastric suction was made.’’

His eyes widened at her words while her expression softened and she calmly stroked the top of his hand.

‘’Don’t worry, it means we flushed your stomach, and the procedure went fine so everything is out of your system now, but your throat is sore from the tube we inserted. We let it stay to help you breathe and removed it once you showed signs at gaining consciousness.’’

A chill ran down his spine as he couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if he hadn’t been brought in or too late. He didn’t want to die, and he hadn’t tried to end his life, he’d just wanted his head to be blank.

‘’We called your emergency contact earlier, and she’s on the way, but in the meantime, you should get some more rest. The doctor will see you later and answer any question you might have, including your broken hand. We checked on it, and it’s healing fine, should be able to remove the cast in a few weeks.’’

With a last pat to his arm and a kind smile, she backed away and left the room with quiet steps. A glum and sober feeling of being entirely alone seeped through his chest and tightened around his heart like a claw. Hearing his mother was on the way only strengthened the glumness, and he made a mental note to remove her as his emergency contact. He hadn't chosen her to be the first place, but it had been her or none. Right there he wished he'd went with none. He already felt like shit and dealing with her cold words would be enough to make him reconsider if waking up really was the best result. Thankfully the grudge at seeing her slipped from his mind as exhaustion pulled him back under and the sight of the cannula on his hand blurred out. 

Hours later he groggily blinked awake, and for a small second, he believed he was lying in his own bed where he’d only dreamt being at the emergency. As his sight cleared and the surroundings of the room came into focus, reality quickly dawned and made him sigh. Dream it had not been and as he looked down, he could still see the intravenous leading out from his hand. He sighed again, wishing he could sleep it all away or erase the week he’d been through but as it turned out, he didn’t live in a fantasy. As he started to shuffle to his side, the outline of a figure caught the corner of his eye, and he stopped moving. Something didn’t feel right when he knew for a fact his mother wouldn’t wait until he woke up to begin her scolding and she certainly wouldn’t sit calm in a chair by his bed. So he flipped the opposite way, and a deep frown formed between his brows as his eyes landed on the sleeping figure of Harry.

It looked uncomfortable; the chair was tiny where Harry’s length didn’t fit, and half his upper body hung over the side at a strange angle. His mouth was parted, and without room to place his arms, he’d crossed them over his chest in a way that made it seem like he was freezing. Not understanding why or what Harry was doing there, he looked around in suspicion to find a trace of his mother, but the room stayed empty and silent.

Sensing the urge to empty his bladder he carefully pulled himself upwards, noticing the small effort felt like climbing a bloody mountain, and his breathing deepened. His muscles ached, and his limbs were sore, but at least some of the swelling of his throat had left so the air he breathed no longer felt like needles. He managed to reach the end of the bed and swing his legs out, but as soon as his weight was placed down his knees buckled and made him fall to the floor with a grunt. The sound was enough to startle his company, and Harry practically jumped from the chair with uncontrolled movements.

‘’Wha- oi, Louis are you alright?’’

Hands landed on his shoulders as Harry stooped to the floor by his side, securing him in a tight enough grip which threatened his eyes to roll. He tried smacking them away but his weak arm barely graced Harry’s skin, and he gave up resisting and instead pointed at the bathroom door.

‘’You need the toilet?’’

At that his eyes rolled and he nodded, sensing the need to slap Harry over the head for being stupid enough to ask but decided not to at the last minute. Without comment Harry more or less lifted him from the floor and dragged his body to the door but hesitated to open it as he looked back with concern.

‘’I’m only asking since I believe I’m obligated to, but do you.. need any help in there? Or do you want me to call the nurse?’’

He managed to release a thin scoff as he shook his head and gripped the door with his good hand, taking a piss with help would be the final nail in the coffin where his pride was buried. With more hesitation, Harry eventually lessened the hold around his waist and stepped back, but he could feel the burn of his stare as he fought to stay up on his feet. He made it at last, even though it felt like he’d run a marathon, and after Harry had insisted helping him back into his bed, he let their gazes meet. 

‘’Let me know when you feel like going home and I’ll drive you, whether it be today or tomorrow alright?’’ 

‘’I’ll get myself home. What are you even doing here?’’

The sound of his voice was unrecognisable, thin, destroyed, weak, and his normal volume had been reduced to a raspy whisper.

‘’When I didn’t find you outside the door this morning, I figured you crashed at someone’s house, but then your mother called me and told me you were here. Said it wasn’t something serious and that I shouldn’t bother if you called to have me pick you up or something.’’ 

He shifted his position and pushed his head up from the pillow, letting his hidden eye resurface as he observed the strained expression Harry wore. It seemed a bit more than strained, as if he was angry, and Louis couldn’t understand why he’d showed up just to make sure it was a waste of time.

‘’So then why are you here?’’

‘’I didn’t believe her, and I worried.’’

Another thin scoff trembled through his lips as he skimmed over Harry’s face to see the expected judgement everyone gave him, but the longer he stared, the more he realised it wasn’t present. It was unsettling to have someone there who wasn’t giving him a lecture or nagged over how irresponsible he was but instead tried to show concern. It was unfamiliar, and he didn’t quite know how to take it or respond, so he shifted to stare at the ceiling. 

‘’Right, because you _care._ ’’ 

He’d tried to be sarcastic about it, but the sound coating his words was more vulnerable and sad. Pity was something he hated and the way Harry looked at him only strengthened the hollow feeling through his chest. 

’’You might not believe so or like it, but yes, I do. I don’t wish you any pain, and I live with you, so of course, I care.’’

‘’You shouldn’t.’’

It turned silent after, he flicked his eyes to stare at the wall while he heard Harry shuffle back to find his chair. The time ticked slowly and the sound of feet tripping on the floor outside pricked at his patience. If he’d had his voice, he would’ve yelled for Harry to leave, even though he had a suspicion it would’ve been for nothing. Perhaps a minuscule part of him felt relieved someone bothered to stay and he admitted he was grateful it was Harry instead of his mother. 

A while later when he flipped the opposite way to find the clock on the wall, he realised he’d fallen asleep yet again. The afternoon had approached, and the sky outside the window had turned into a warm colour of orange. What surprised him the most, though, was the sight of Harry still sitting in the chair, eyes glued to the tiny screen of his phone and still waiting.

‘’What the- have you been here the whole day?’’

His next surprise was when his voice came out sharper than he’d expected, not entirely back to its normal as it scratched up his throat, but it was more audible. The sudden sound seemed to take Harry off guard as he dropped the phone from his fingers and fumbled to catch it before it fell to the floor. It probably would've survived the fall when Harry's phone belonged to the veteran category, having an actual antenna and all.

‘’Not every second. Went to grab a bite earlier, but more or less. Told you I would drive you home and I’m going to.’’

A few long seconds of disbelief and suspicion swirled inside his mind as he couldn’t pinpoint if Harry truly were as stupid as he seemed. No one in their right mind volunteered to spend a whole day in a chair while staring at a sleeping figure. In fact, it was a bit creepy.

‘’Then get up, we’re leaving.’’

With a quick tug and Harry’s sputtering protest, he yanked the cannula from his hand, hissing at the slight sting it caused and forced his body to move.

‘’What are you doing, you should’ve let the nurse handled that! And the doctor has checked on you a few times, waiting for you to wake up.’’

‘’No, I’m not talking to the doctor. Where the fuck are my clothes?’’

He got off the bed and walked on shaky legs in the direction Harry pointed him, towards the little table in the back where a white plastic bag laid. 

‘’Louis, you really shouldn't-‘’

‘’I said no!’’

A burn spread up his throat, and he coughed at the itch he felt, regretting his little outburst immediately when the pain returned and tears prickled his eyes. The lightest touch of fingers touched his shoulder as Harry approached with a small cup of water in his other hand. Unprepared for the meaningless gesture he stared at the cup for too long, long enough for his next cough to drag one of his lungs out. 

‘’You don’t sound okay, I’ll get the doct-‘’

‘’No! I’m-‘’ he coughed again as he snatched the water and chugged it in one go. ‘’-I’m alright, I want to leave.’’

It came out as a squeak, but he waved Harry off as he ripped the bag open to find his clothes, only to double back and drop it from the smell. Old dried vomit and God knew what else carved up his nose to fill the room, sending them both wincing in disgust. No wonder the bag had been sealed shut and he’d wished someone had written the words _Contains death_ across in bold letters. 

‘’Bloody hell.’’

‘’That’s putting it mildly, luckily for you, I came prepared.’’

The nasal tone made him crane his neck to see Harry walking back to the chair, two fingers tightly pinched over his nostrils, and grabbed the small bag next to it. A pair of joggers and a jumper flew his way, and he caught them with a puzzled stare. The word thanks formed on his tongue but before his mouth could release it, the sound of Harry's shoes hitting the floor snapped him out of the daze. He changed with quick movements, and dashed through the door without bothering to see if Harry followed.

He walked with his head low, hiding in the hoodie of his jumper and made sure Harry kept half a foot ahead so he could hide the rest of his presence. When they neared the desk where another nurse sat behind, his stomach dropped when he noticed the glare she sent them. As if Harry had heard his mental distress at being spotted, he angled his body to shield better while a quiet whisper left his lips.

‘’It’s me she’s glaring at, don’t think she even noticed you.’’

‘’Obviously, because _you_ are the patient here.’’

‘’No, but I might’ve pissed her off earlier.’’

He sent a raised brow in question, but Harry didn’t answer until they were a safe distance from the woman and he scratched at his head a bit awkwardly. 

‘’Kind of raised my voice at her before I accidentally let my finger end the conversation she had on the phone. Nothing extreme, but I have a feeling she didn’t appreciate it.’’

‘’Idiot.-’’ A snort escaped as he shook his head but he couldn’t help wanting to know why and the words slipped out before he could stop them. ‘’-What was the point anyway?’’

‘’She wouldn’t get off the phone to answer when I asked where your room was.’’

He didn’t say anything, and they left through the entrance in silence, both slowly walking towards the parking lot, and he simply followed when he didn’t know which of the cars was Harry's. The ride back to the flat was gloom; communication didn’t exist, and only the faint sound of the radio could be heard as he kept his eyes glued on the road. No words was exchanged when they parked either, nor the short walk to the flat and once they entered, he went straight to his room and slammed the door shut. 

It seemed as they were back to square one as he kept his distance from any place they could walk into each other, and he didn’t bother to lift his gaze to meet Harry’s when they crossed paths. He felt wrecked from what he’d been through and at the first moment he’d glanced at his reflection he hadn’t recognised himself. The tips of his hair pointed in every direction and were tangled like a bird’s nest where its natural smooth caramel colour was reduced to a bleak nuance. The sun-kissed tone of his skin had turned more ashen, paled into an unflattering shade, and the blue in his eyes had faded into a cold grey. The tiny hint of life they’d held earlier had drained along with his energy, and he believed his rotten inside had finally broken the surface to paint what he truly was. 

The visual and the empty feeling that wouldn’t leave his chest made an impact, scared him enough to stay hidden and away from what would eventually kill him. He had no doubt he would make the mistake of taking too much or drink too much at one point, but right there, in a rare moment of clarity it bothered him he would end that way.

*

About a week later he emerged from his self-pity cave with his usual lack of emotions expressed on his face and ran into Harry in the kitchen. He was making pancakes, and as Louis filled a glass of water, he couldn’t help but sneak a glance at them. Once the growl from his stomach reached Harry’s attention and exposed his hunger, a deep voice cut through the tension that seemed to grow thicker with each day that passed. 

‘’How are you feeling?’’

‘’Fine.’’

Which wasn’t exactly true, but his sleep had been better, and somehow he managed to form a response. It was the first words they had exchanged since they left the ER and he made a rare decision to sit at the kitchen table to drink his water. Harry’s sigh reached his ears as he stepped closer and placed a plate in front of him.

‘’You should eat.’’ 

He didn’t agree, but he didn’t disagree either and when the plate was filled with pancakes he stared at them like they were the ones to eat him and not the other way around. The smell was fantastic, though, but a part of him was almost afraid to touch them.

‘’They’re just pancakes, please, it’ll be good for you.’’

With a weak hand, he picked up the fork to tear a piece and slowly put in his mouth, still not giving Harry attention. A silent groan pushed past his lips when the food tasted as delicious as everything else Harry made, and he felt a sudden urge to shove it all down as fast as possible. He noticed how Harry hesitantly sat at the opposite side, and he could sense a heavy stare burn at his head. 

‘’Look, Louis, I have to apologise for how I treated you that night Zayn was here, and I need you to understand I never meant to-‘’

‘’Stop.’’

‘’No please listen, you’ll want to hear this.-’’

He cocked a brow as he finally lifted his eyes to find Harry for the first time and he observed with a lack of interest but eventually sent a curt nod.

‘’-I was drunk that night, which isn’t an excuse, and I let my frustration with you get the best of me. I never meant for it to go that far and I understand it made our living arrangement worse so you don’t have to fear I might force myself on you or step into your personal zone, because I think it’ll be best if I leave you entirely alone.’’

Harry sighed again as fingers brushed through the length of his hair, and Louis remained silent but a small frown formed as he noticed the large bags underneath Harry’s eyes. A distinct mix of blue and purple coloured the otherwise pale skin, and along with the sad, broken expression the rest of Harry’s face held, some unfamiliar flare of emotion formed.  
He chewed on it, rolled it in his mind as he tried remembering what the emotion reminded him of, and when he did, he frowned deeper. It felt strangely close to sympathy, and he couldn’t understand why on earth he would feel sympathy for someone like Harry. Wanting the emotion to go away he scowled and chose the usual route when they spoke.

‘’You say that now, until the next time you drink and then what? You’ll toss this little praise of promise and try to rape me?’’

A part of him regretted his harsh words when he saw what they caused; Harry’s face fell so drastically he expected him to cry his bloody soul out. The sight crawled under his skin and forced him to consider he might’ve been too brutal. Harry shook his head with sadness as he glanced back for their eyes to meet, and Louis’ shields weren't able to block the shot of forgotten guilt to bore through when he saw the regret in Harry. 

‘’No, I’ll back away, so you don’t have to see me again. It’s what you’ve wanted all along, and for once I think you're right.’’

Shame, guilt and pain danced in Harry’s face as his fists clenched, and the sight was unsettling; he’d never seen him so emotional. 

‘’Yes but I can’t possibly understand how you’ll make it work, I’m not wearing a fucking bell around here so you can hear where I am all the time. Do not say that’s another sick fetish of yours or I might have a stroke.’’

He sensed the sudden urge to bite his tongue, insult after insult kept rolling out, and for once, it didn’t make him feel smug. Not when it seemed to send Harry to his breaking point, and he didn’t want to witness or hear a grown man sob like a child with snot dripping from his nose. From the way Harry looked, it was the direction he was going. Something was off, and he couldn’t put his finger on what. Something inside didn’t feel right, and it made him stressed and wary when he wasn’t able to make it disappear. Harry’s feelings were the last thing he cared about, and he’d been the one to cross the line. Instead, the memory of Harry staying by his side at the ER kept forcing its way into his mind, and he mentally slapped himself, hating how he couldn’t delete it. Harry might’ve played nice then, but it didn’t mean it erased what had happened before. 

‘’You despise me, can’t stand to be in the same room as me or even look my way so what’s the point of staying to make it worse. I did something terrible and fuck, I’m pretty sure it’s my fault you almost drank yourself to death last week. I can’t fix what happened or take it back, and by leaving, I won't be around to remind you of it. I’ll move my stuff out by the end of tomorrow.’’

The room fell silent as he repeated what Harry had said. He would leave. Willingly. 

‘’You’re moving?’’

‘’I’m honestly very surprised you aren’t dancing on the table in victory, but yeah… I don’t see another option, and I know it’s what you want. I just needed the opportunity to apologise to you first.’’

Yes, he should be celebrating, should be over the moon with relief since it was what he’d wanted all along and done everything to achieve. Expect he knew he hadn’t achieved anything at all, in fact, he’d lost. He hated to admit it, but if he let Harry leave without proof it was his own decision, he would receive the blame. 

No more words was exchanged between them as he finished the meal in awkward silence while scrambling his mind to understand when the table had suddenly turned. He no longer had the power to save his fate if Harry left, and he felt a bitter taste at the realisation of having to convince him to stay. It went against everything he’d done earlier and the mere thought made him consider shoving the fork through his eye would feel better. 

The atmosphere turned so cold it sent chills down his spine, and it made him shudder unpleasantly. Harry who’d already finished eventually rose from his seat when it became apparent any response from Louis wouldn’t happen. He watched the defeated hunch in Harry’s retrieving posture, and the earlier itch of his guilt clawed up and mixed with his anger. A conflict made his stomach sink and a sense of nausea rising, but knowing what waited if he didn’t go through with it helped him focus, and he slammed a hand on the table.

‘’No, you can’t just fucking leave!’’ 

‘’What?’’ 

Harry stopped and looked over his shoulder, sending a confused but wary expression while Louis’ heart was pounding out of his chest with frustration and the blood in his veins felt like fire.

‘’What do you think will happen if you do smart arse?’’

Harry turned to fully face him, confusion still settled in his features as he hesitantly stepped closer as he folded his arms across his chest. 

‘’You’ll get rid of your problem?’’

‘’Even you can’t be stupid enough to think my mother will take my word and believe you left because you made it so yourself. She won’t even believe _you_ if you say the same and I have no proof of your actions so of course, she’ll make me pay for it.’’

A new frown full of perplexity and a hint of concern formed on Harry’s face as he found the chair and slowly slid back down.

‘’You don’t think she’ll hear the truth in my voice, I can’t lie for shit, so I’m pretty easy to call out. I’ll explain how it was my fault so you shouldn’t worry, it’s the least I can do.’’

A weak smile spread over Harry’s mouth, but it never reached his eyes where guilt was the main sight, and it made Louis sigh. Harry could’ve been Jesus himself, and his mother still wouldn’t have believed her son was the innocent one.

‘’She found you at a bloody acting class you wanker, she won’t buy-‘’ he took a deep breath as he willed himself to calm down. ‘’-Look, I’ve unfortunately known her my entire life so you can trust me. If you bail, I’m as good as dead, so unless you want to give me some evidence to throw in her face, you can’t leave.’’ 

‘’No, that’s not going to happen. From how hard you’ve worked to get rid of me I’m not sure what I’m hearing is right or if you popped an aneurysm somewhere during the meal. You’re seriously telling me to stay?’’

God no. Of course not. No. Or well. Kind of. Unfortunately, yes.

‘’I’m not going to repeat it.’’

He threw his hands up in defeat as he again breathed hard through his nostrils, looking more like a raging bull ready to attack. Admitting failure was something he despised, and he hated begging, it was two things that didn’t belong in his system. Letting Harry stay wasn’t good news, but when the expression in Harry’s features softened, a weak part of him betrayed his armour and let relief seep through. 

It was the same part he’d tried erasing when he knew the desperate plea of acceptance laid buried there. Along with the silent wish for someone to see the person hidden behind the personality he wore, and a need to be important for once. It was a feeling of despair he couldn’t handle, and he felt betrayed when he’d believed he’d been successful in destroying that part. Having someone like Harry rip into his scars and throw it back in his face when he’d least expected it made him mad enough to commit murder.

‘’Alright I’ll stay, but I have a request.’’

‘’You can’t be serious. What the fuck can you dare to demand from me, a declaration of love or some other piss?’’

He saw the unimpressed expression return to Harry’s face and how he was about to roll his eyes, not responding well to the answer. 

‘’Not exactly, more like your.. let’s say behaviour. Your good one.’’

‘’What’s that supposed to mean? You expect me to be a bloody boy scout? Yeah, that’s not going to happen.’’

He mentally groaned as he folded his arms across his chest, shifting uncomfortable in the chair as he snorted in disbelief.

‘’No, not a boy scout, but you can try to ease down your attitude. Lay off the degrading insults and the game you’re playing while I’ll keep my distance. We were both wrong that night but I’m taking the blame, and I’ve apologised to you, so I hope you accept it eventually. I will keep my promises by staying away so I think it’s only fair you can give me the same curtesy by ignoring my presence instead of always testing my boundaries. You on board with that?’’

It was a bad deal because if he took it, then it meant he would lose the battle entirely. If he couldn’t push Harry to slip up he would never gain the proof he needed, and then they truly would be stuck with each other the whole year. Perhaps, maybe. He was cornered, and he could tell Harry knew as well, a simple no would send Harry packing and it would cause the one scenario with his mother he’d tried everything to avoid. The bile of anger crawled up his throat, but without any other options on the table he swallowed it down as he growled out a sharp fine. 

‘’Then you better act like a fucking nanny and work your arse off in the kitchen to ease my distress. You’re in charge of all the other chores that goes under the housekeeping category as well, that’s my terms. You do that and keep your fucking hands off me; then I’ll take your bloody apology and perhaps learn to tolerate your presence someday. To a certain degree, we’ll see.’’

He hissed back and narrowed his eyes when Harry dared to chuckle, a bright sound of surprise and delight, and he scowled harder at the sight. 

‘’If cooking gets me on your safe side, I will make food whenever the fuck you want. Well this turned out differently than I had imagined, rather shocking but I’ll take it.’’

Harry's eyes lit up as a warm smile made one of his dimples appear, and Louis still couldn’t understand how he was able to change his mood so fast. The sight pulled at the side of his mouth, threatening to form a smile to his horror and he quickly left the table.

‘’Then I want homemade burgers later.’’

‘’It’ll have to be a very late in that case, my shift at work doesn’t end until ten tonight.’’

He stopped his pace and turned with an unimpressed look as he registered Harry had mentioned the word work.

‘’You have a job?’’ 

‘’Just part time in a Café. It’s not the best but better than nothing.’’

The thought of working in a crappy café made him shudder, cleaning cups, making coffee and serving food to strangers sounded like slavery in his mind. With a final scoff, he left the kitchen and Harry.

‘’Right, whatever.’’

 

*

 

He’d made a deal, but shutting down everything that felt normal to spit out and take a complete 180 on his attitude wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Already the coming day after their agreement he _‘forgot’_ and rolled a few insults as he gave Harry the middle finger, but the flash of light of it all was that he surprisingly tried. Whenever his anger rose, and he felt worked up, he somehow managed to take a second to realise and instead of completing his rant he chose to stomp away without another word. Their walls received a few punches but at least, it was a start, and the insults weren't always quite as harsh as they had used to be. As strange and awkward as it was he chose to take Harry’s request rather seriously, but he had a feeling it had more to do with what he feared would happen if he didn’t. After all, his mother was the only person who truly intimidated him when she held his safe line in her claws.

 

‘’Louis! Dinner!’’

The food demanding had undoubtedly worked in his favour and lessened the humiliation of playing the nice boy act he was forced with. It would’ve been better if Harry had shown signs he was irritated but never, not once did he complain and rather smiled at the opportunity to cook. 

‘’Holy shit, that was bloody brilliant. I’m stuffed for the rest of the week.’’

He hauled over to the couch and threw himself down, hearing how the frame screamed in protest from the new added weight. A moment of silence passed before Harry’s voice drifted through, a hint of suspicion and concern trailing his tone. 

‘’Are you alright?’’

‘’My stomach is about to rupture, but other than that, yes.’’

A grunt left as he craned his neck to the side and followed up with a loud burp.

‘’You sure, or are you having some type of stroke?’’

One eye popped open, and he frowned at the way Harry stepped closer with a wide stare, almost looking like a curious kitten seeing a yarn for the first time and not entirely sure how to approach it. 

‘’What’s your fucking problem?’’

Harry backed up from the sudden bark, raising his hands in a manner that indicating he came in peace and smiled softly.

‘’Nothing nothing, I was just surprised.’’

‘’Surprised of what, that I’m not dying? So you finally poisoned the food.’’

A small chuckle left, and Harry’s soft smile evolved into a broad grin as he shook his head.

‘’The compliment you gave, that was kind of you. See, it isn’t that hard.’’

Louis blinked. He’d been somewhat friendly without realising, and he hadn’t even tried. It was new and too strange. Unwilling to let it sit for long he scoffed and rolled on his side, already sensing drowsiness sweep over.

*

Why or how it happened, he did not know, but somewhere after his nap he found himself still on the couch with Harry on the opposite side. A movie played on the screen, and he had to shake his head, pondering when Harry had put it on when he couldn’t remember witnessing it. Being home, sober and surprisingly not hating to sharing the room with Harry was something that weirded him out. 

It was like he’d woken up from a trance and boom, there he was, sharing the company instead of going out. He couldn’t decide which part of his brain allowed him to be ok with it and why the other part didn’t put up more of a fight. Perhaps Harry had drugged his food after all, or he suffered from a brain disease, maybe he was even dead, and it was chapter one of his life in hell. He landed on the possibility all of them was true.

‘’So what are you supposed to be studying?’’

He almost jumped at Harry’s sudden words, too distracted by his internal discussion and he coughed to clear the spooked tickled he felt coming.

‘’What? Law I guess.’’

‘’Being a lawyer isn’t what you truly want or are you just incredibly lazy?’’

Harry had turned his frame more his way, precisely placing his attention on him rather than the movie and he sighed in defeat. He’d made a mistake of answering and entered the trap instead of glaring at the movie he had no idea was about.

‘’Both.’’

‘’But it’s what your mother wants you to do, so you’ll be able to work within the company she’s running?’’

‘’Gee aren’t you observant. But she doesn't want me working with her, she’s only using it as an excuse to cut me out of the picture because she knows it’ll never happen.’’

‘’What do you want to study then?’’

‘’Nothing.’’

‘’Have you finished anything at all? You could be done with at least a bachelor by now and go for a master, even be close to a second bachelor if you changed your path. Hell, you could’ve been done and settled with a good job.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’You’ve lazed through several years doing nothing, not studied one of those years?’’

He could see Harry in the corner of his eye, struggling to keep the conversation up as he kept ignoring to look back or indicate he was interested in talking. Which he was far from and he much preferred blocking out the sound of Harry than listening. But the nagging buzz of his voice wouldn’t stop, and he groaned loudly as he smacked a hand over his face, forcing his words out. 

‘’No I haven’t Harold, and I wouldn’t have enrolled last year either hadn’t my mother forced me like she’s doing now. Stop asking.’’

Which Harry, of course, didn’t listen to and kept going.

‘’Why didn’t she force you sooner, why now?’’

‘’Her original plan failed.’’

‘’Which was?’’

‘’Hoping I’d die from my lifestyle. This new twist makes sure I do.’’

A beat of silence passed, and he dared to think his disinterest at talking was caught on, but then it shattered when Harry continued. 

‘’What did you do instead, just stayed home? Partying? You don’t regret anything about it?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Because I don’t fucking care, am I that bloody difficult to understand?’’

‘’Sure, fuck education, who needs it? Better and much more comfortable to sail through life without any purpose or meaning. Partying and hooking up is more than enough right?’’

There was a familiar tone lacing Harry’s voice, it reminded him of sarcasm, and when he moved his eyes over, he saw that yes, Harry was very sarcastic.

‘’Yup.’’

‘’What happens when your mother cuts you off, and you find yourself broke? What will you do, you won’t have the education to fall back on, and you won’t be able to get a type of job that can cover this luxurious lifestyle of yours. Haven’t you thought about that, even just a little? No backup plan at all?’’

Irritation evolved into anger, and he jumped up in his seat so he was facing Harry at the same height level and pointed a harsh finger at his face as he couldn’t restrain himself from going off.

‘’What’s with the fucking interrogation? I don’t need a second mother, the one I already have, is excruciatingly more than enough. I don’t need you to sit here on your shitty high horse and judge me for the way I live my life. It’s my fucking life, not yours and what I do concerns me and only me. You don’t fucking know the slightest thing about me, so you don’t get to voice your degrading opinion, which newsflash shithead, I couldn’t care less about. So get the fuck off my back.’’

His ramble was definitively the most he’d said to Harry in one go, and he spat the words out as he sensed the deep urge to silence Harry’s sound for good with a pillow. Why people always thought they had the right to comment on his life and tell him what to do made him infuriated and if he'd been completely soulless he would’ve gladly shot them all. The smile forming on Harry’s mouth agitated him further, and he gained the feeling of being mocked.

‘’What the fuck are you smiling about?’’

‘’I got you talking.''

‘’What?’’

Harry chuckled and rested his head on his palm, looking at Louis with a fond glance.

‘’I’ve noticed that you only really talk when someone is trying to corner you as I did now and your mother earlier. You bite back every time someone pushes your buttons too far, and it seems like it’s the only time you’re focusing on what you’re saying. It’s probably the first time you’ve done that since I moved in.’’

‘’What are you on about, I yell at you every day.''

‘’That’s different. Most of the time you’re just a rude, insensitive shit who says whatever comes first to mind and don’t care how it sounds. Your expression is either dull or angry, and you don’t give a single fuck. The few times you're sort of nice, you never say more than a few words and never hold my gaze for more than a few seconds. Now, you couldn’t look away as you made your point.’’

‘’And your point is?’’

‘’It's just nice to see. There is intelligence behind all those walls you’ve put up, and a part of you do seem to care about your life. You might not want to admit it or believe it, but for someone who tries his hardest not to care, you’re quite defensive when it comes to that particular subject.’’

He’d expected his anger to explode like it always did when people talked about him like they knew him, but it didn’t. Instead, he felt calmer, and a sick feeling in his stomach tried to convince him that Harry’s words weren't so far from the truth after all. He’d pretty much hit the nail on the head, and it was unsettling.

‘’Jesus Christ you sound like a bloody shrink.’’

‘’Now I’m genuinely surprised. See what happens when you use your brain, you snatch up a few details if you just bother to give it a second thought. I’m not one just yet, though.’’

So he was living with the next Dr.Phil wannabe, great, fucking great.

‘’You try to use that shit on me I’ll shove a broken bottle up your arse.''

They stared at each other for a while before Harry sighed and his smile fell a bit, but he nodded nevertheless.

‘’I’m not going to. I won’t ask further when I know you don’t want me to, but if the universe explodes and you ever get an epiphany about wanting to talk, then I’m available.’’

He snorted offensively.

‘’Don’t count on it.’’

They sat in silence for the rest of the evening, but for once the silence wasn’t so painfully awkward or filled with the usual tension. It was just silence, and he even found himself relaxing, surprised he didn’t have the need to make Harry uncomfortable. Perhaps it didn’t bother him as much as he wished it did. 

 

*

 

Days passed, and at some point, things were going better when he restrained from snapping and throwing a fit every time he saw Harry, but it wasn’t a walk in the park either. Their conversations didn’t last long, and he didn’t bother with interesting answers when Harry tried slipping a few random questions. Keeping to himself what was he preferred and even though he allowed Harry to wander around his flat, he still didn’t accept they were living together. Especially not the day Harry broke the important rule of personal space and stormed into his room in a rush of movements. The door flew open and slammed into the wall, creating a loud enough ramble that sent him jumping awake and looking around all disorientated.

‘’What the he-.''

‘’Get up! You have somewhere to be, in like thirty minutes.’’

He blinked his eyes, head still not fully awake and stared at the stressed Harry tripping in his door-frame with waving hands. Annoyed he’d been brutally ripped from his dream he threw himself back, rolled over and flipped Harry off; he didn’t care what the problem was, and he had no place to be so early.

‘’Piss off.’’

‘’Really? So you don’t want that cast off? Okay, fine by-.''

Before the sentence was finished, he’d tossed the duvet across the room and rushed off the bed before it hit the floor, flying around to snatch up his clothes. He hopped around on one leg as he struggled to pull on his jeans with his good hand and shoving the cast through his shirt. Easy to say he put on an amusing show when his efforts didn’t really go well, but he kept going when he refused to let Harry chime in with an offer of help. He was frantic to go, he’d waited six fucking weeks to get it off, and when he finally was able to, he'd almost forgotten the appointment. Nothing but irritation and issues had come from the cast, and it was grossing him out. The smell was strong enough to knock him out if he came to close and his hand itched all the bloody time.

‘’I take it you’re ready to get it off.’’

‘’Fuck yes, even more ready to get _me_ off. Right hand always worked best.’’

A roll of Harry’s eyes was inevitable, and he managed to see it right before he popped his head through the shirt and deemed the outfit ready. 

‘’I know what you mean, the left doesn’t quite do it. You should’ve asked for help; mine works perfectly fine and has been the whole time.’’

His feet stopped abruptly as he watched a smug expression manifest on Harry’s face and he wasn’t sure whether Harry tried to be funny or piss him off. A brow rose at the familiar witty comeback he hadn’t heard in a while, and it strangely tugged at his amusement. 

‘’What happened to you wanting to cut your dick off before touching mine? I’m that appealing right, you finally admitting that to yourself?’’

The corner of his mouth had the smallest curl he couldn’t hide, and Harry should find himself incredibly lucky he hadn’t been spat in the face. It could’ve gone either way, but perhaps the delight of knowing the cast would be removed placed him in a good mood.

‘’What can I say, you’ve been so charmingly obnoxious with a crude mouth lately it might’ve sent my knees shaking. Maybe or maybe not some inappropriate thoughts wandered once or twice, but that’s for me to know.’’

Harry dramatically fanned his face, acting flustered while he sent a pointed look his way. It made him grimace at first but flicked it away as he wouldn’t let Harry get to him and win the round. Apparently, Harry had figured he didn’t need to be in very close distance to let his words be heard, and Louis wished he hadn’t made a deal to behave calmer.

‘’Get moving and drive me to this thing, I wanted this shit off a month ago.’’

‘’After you my highness.’’

Harry bit back laughter when he threw a warning glare, the whole _‘banter’_ thing had been a simple glitch and would not be permanent. 

*

‘’So how does it feel?’’

The cast was off, and he was finally able to see his hand again, his pale and thin muscle-less limb out in the open. His eyes flicked up to Harry with a dumb stare, contemplating on ignoring his stupid question or not.

‘’Like a hand.’’

He received a snort back.

‘’Oh really, wow … Do you have any pain, tenderness, soreness?’’

‘’What’s with the nagging, I said it feels fine. And it is, don’t even need physiotherapy, so chill will you.’’

‘’Ok good, that’s good.’’

He’d already walked away, more than ready to get out of the building were the smell of sickness and death radiated from the walls. As he reached the car, he stopped and flexed his hand a few times, sensing how weird it felt to use it without the cast. It was weaker than it used to be and he wondered if people could see it was a bit thinner.

‘’Do you have any place to be or should I just drive you home?’’

He looked up as Harry reached the car and unlocked it, gracefully sliding into the driver’s seat and buckling up. With a copy of movements, he was sitting in the other seat, drumming his fingers on the dashboard and staring thoughtfully through the window.

‘’No I don’t, haven’t been up this early in months.-’’

It was still an hour until noon on a Friday; usually, he would be blacked out in a coma, but he’d been a bit easier on the bottle lately. Not completely clean but he’d been hesitant about getting too wasted, and the words from the nurse kept floating in his head. The same euphoria he’d used to feel didn’t quite manage to appear when the fear of never waking up haunted. He hated it when he’d never reached that point before, but he’d never experienced having his stomach flushed before either. It had unfortunately left a mark.

‘’-Do you?’’

Harry turned his head to glance his way before pulling out of the parking lot, only sparing him a quick one before his eyes relocated back to the road.

‘’Do I what?’’

‘’Have somewhere to be?''

‘’Yeah, I’m meeting Niall and Zayn at the park.’’

At the sound of his somewhat more friend’s name, his head quirked up and a sudden urge to see someone else’s face instead of just Harry’s rose.

‘’You’re meeting the Irish?’’

‘’Yes, I’d asked you to tag along if I hadn’t already known the answ-.''

‘’Alright.’’

Harry hit the breaks in reaction and stared with a dumb expression as the sound of a choke left his mouth. A confused frown formed on Louis as well when there was no reason to join when Harry would be there as well, and the two of them couldn’t stand each other’s company for long.

‘’What? You seriously want to come?’’

‘’Didn’t I just say so? I need a fresh face to see.’’

He was on a roll lately, doing things he never would’ve before or given a second thought. It was strange times for sure. It seemed Harry was just as confused as his mouth bopped before words eventually tumbled out.

‘’Uh alright, this will be interesting.’’

Rest of the ride was uncomfortable with both freaking out over the realisation they would have to share a day together like the friends they were not. Louis was bored and couldn’t stand the thought of being stuck in his flat the whole day, and the park gave him an excuse of being outside. Perhaps observing if Harry interacted just as dumbly with other people spiked his curiosity as well, and in the end, he really didn’t have anything better to do.

*

Niall came running as soon as he spotted Harry’s car stop at the end of the park; a goofy smile plastered on his face.

‘’Fucking finally Haz! I’ve been waiting fo-‘’ the shouting stopped as soon as his eyes registered the second figure stepping out from the passenger seat. ‘’-Tommo? What the hell are you doing here mate and how-‘’ he frowned as he pointed between the two of them. ‘’-do you know each other?’’

‘’He’s the pissy brat.’'

‘’He’s the nanny from hell.’’

They spoke simultaneous, raising their brows as they glanced at one another and released a small sarcastic scoff. The half smiles couldn’t be helped, and it almost seemed as they smirked at each other. At least, they still knew how to exchange compliments.

‘’That’s priceless, last time we spoke, you two weren’t exactly communicating well. Why the hell didn’t you tell me it was Louis you moved in with when you've nagged my ears off about him. That’s insane in itself, but you’ve kissed and made up then since you’re both here, hanging out?’’

The question drained both their faces and a new round of awkward silence erupted. Louis just shuffled his feet around the ground uncomfortably as he looked anywhere but Harry and impatiently waited for them all to move.

‘’Wow this just turned fucking awkward… so no then?’’

‘’Oh for goodness sake, Niall, shut up.’’

With a bark he jogged the short path to the open field and focused his attention on the ball he saw next to a few benches. They passed it between them while waiting for Zayn’s arrival, and stood as far from each other as possible. Harry and Niall tried chatting a bit, but he stayed silent, he didn’t have much to share and he had no idea what they could possibly have in common. 

When Zayn finally showed up, they went through another embarrassing round of questions about why he was there before splitting up into two teams. Harry and Zayn against him and Niall, an order he was satisfied with until he understood just how badly in shape he was. No more than thirty embarrassing minutes into the game his breathing sounded like a stranded whale taking its last wheezing breaths, and his chest cramped in pain. Vomit crawled up his throat for the hundredth time, and he’d lost count on how many times he’d actually emptied his stomach on the grass. All he knew was that his mouth was bathing in acid, and his tongue felt so sore he was afraid it would fall off if he moved it. Black dots clouded his vision, and he had actual problems telling the difference between Zayn and Niall.

Blonde hair, black hair, couldn’t have been more similar.  
Light skin, dark skin, absolutely no difference at all.

The sweat poured from every part of his body and soaked his clothes, clinging to him like a straitjacket. His hair was drenched and laid dead flat around his head in the same way melted cheese covered pizza. It was disgusting, and he would’ve been less repulsing if he’d showered in fat. His thighs were shaking, and his legs felt like a tonne of bricks as he tried jogging steadily, but they buckled, and in the next minute he dropped. Stiff as a plank he wished for a quick death. He couldn’t move, and everything hurt, all he could think was how he’d managed to willingly place himself in the situation.

He didn’t like soccer anymore. He hated soccer. No one in their right mind would gladly walk into the deepest torture of hell like he’d done.

‘’Okay that’s it, I demand a team switch!-’’ Niall’s voice boomed as he walked over and pointed to the lifeless figure that was supposed to be Louis. ‘’-Look at this dead cow, he can’t even jog more than a few seconds at a time before he throws up and threatens to pass out. It’s unfair, it’s two against one with a massive deadweight. One of you is up next.’’

Neither Harry nor Zayn spoke or moved closer, in fact, they inched further away, apparently not keen on being Louis’ new teammate.

‘’Oh come on you cunts, I’ve already had him too long!’’

‘’Uhggg… no more. Please let me die.’’

A choked gurgle forced his words out as he gasped for air, not getting enough oxygen in his system and he felt he might actually pass out for good. It would be a relief when the throbbing pain in his chest would finally stop.

‘’I think he’s done, I should probably get him home before he becomes sick or something. You two can continue, but hit me up when it’s time for round two.’’

Harry sprinted over and bent down, hesitantly nudging at his shoulder as if he possessed the power to smack the hand away. He didn’t even stand a chance at blinking his eyes. 

‘’Hey, you alright? Want to go?-’’ Harry shook his shoulder a little harsher and he let out an unknown mumble Harry translated as a yes when he felt the arms grip his frame harder. ‘’-Don’t freak out, but you’re going to have to let me touch you because either I carry you or Niall will happily drag you across the ground. Alright?’’

He just nodded, he didn’t care anymore. He just wanted to drown in his shower and then sleep the next three years. Steady hands slid underneath his chest and knees to roll him over, making a whine leave his system, and then in one swift motion, he was off the ground. Being carried like a blushing bride didn’t even register in his mind as his head fell dead against Harry’s chest, and short seconds later his mind drifted away. The sound of a calm beat drumming through his ear was the last he heard before passing out. It was evidence enough how the poisonous intake of alcohol and drugs took a heavy toll on his body after all.

*

‘’Hey Louis, time to wake up.’’

The silent bliss of sleep left and he groaned as he turned around, facing his back at the sound in hopes it would go away.

‘’Come on, you’ve slept since yesterday, I’m starting to worry I seriously have to take you to the doctor. _Again._ ’’

That reached his attention, and he blinked his eyes in confusion as he looked over his shoulder.

‘’What, how much time has passed?’’

His groggy voice itched his throat, and he forced himself to sit up, realising he was back at the flat and in his bed.

‘’Almost a day.’’

‘’Seriously?’’

He scratched his head and grimaced when he felt a greasy substance coat his fingers slick and oily. Luckily his nose didn’t seem to work at the moment, so the distinct smell of his earlier exercise didn’t inform him how disgusting he was. As a reflex, he reached for the hem of his shirt to toss it off but froze when his fingers touched bare skin instead of fabric. The sight of his naked chest and nothing more came into view once he dared to glance down and his mind did a mental check.

No shirt. No jeans. Only his briefs were left.

‘’Will you-’’ He turned his head dangerously slow as he glared at Harry who avoided his face by staring at his fingertips as if they were the most exciting thing in the world. ‘’-Care to explain why I have no fucking clothes on?’’

Harry sighed and let his head fall, pinching the bridge of his nose as he cleared his throat.

‘’Before you explode into a fit, I promise I didn’t do anything. It didn’t seem like you were comfortable with the way you kept trashing in your bed and the stench of you filled the whole flat. You smelled worse than sewage, still do a bit, and I couldn’t breathe, so I just.. Helped you. That’s it, I swear.’’

He should have freaked, probably beaten Harry for breaking his promise of staying away and kicked him out, but the anger wouldn’t form as normal. Annoyance and irritation settled instead over the way Harry kept trying to act so… what was the word, _helpful? Kind?_ He wasn't sure, but it bugged him. 

‘’Couldn't you’ve just let me toss and turn then, I would have stopped eventually. Or do you have some desperate need to touch me?’’

Adding to his annoyance, the small gestures of help kept screwing with his mind, forcing him to think Harry really was that naïve instead of manipulative. For whatever reason, Harry kept doing things he didn’t have to or would gain anything from, and it almost seemed like he genuinely appreciated being listened to the rare times he bothered holding a pointless conversation for more than a few seconds. 

Whenever he found himself thinking Harry had said something amusing, it always shocked him into silence, and he’d walked away with a frown. The way Harry behaved was unfamiliar, strange as well, and how he managed to stay calm without spitting back glares in return was almost impressive. He had a hard time understanding and figuring out what Harry’s deal was, and he wondered if it was worth his time to try. He didn’t want to see it, perhaps he couldn’t but it didn’t erase the way Harry’s influence slowly and quietly latched on. Bit by bit it managed to make an impact on his opinion from blatantly hating the sight of Harry, to disliking it. 

‘’Whatever, you looked uncomfortable, and I figured it was better to help before you fell out of bed and hurt your head or something. Clearly, you’re capable of so, but hey I’m sorry, of course I should have let you done that. My bad.’’

Harry snorted as he walked away with a shaking head, and the ugly churn of defeat formed as Louis pinched the bridge of his nose. A forced bitter of thanks left his gritted teeth in a hush but he cursed when Harry somehow heard and sent him a cheeky grin over his shoulder. The sight made him snort, beaming eyes and a smile so warm it could’ve melted his mother’s heart of ice kept shooting from Harry’s face. It was a bit incredible how little it took to bring Harry back to his happy mood and he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not. 

‘’Yeah you keep smiling like a dolt, but don’t forget this is the third time you’ve assau-‘’ He bit his tongue before he finished his sentence, he’d agreed to keep his shit down, but it was hard when it came so natural. ‘’-oh for fuck sake… I’m expecting food once I’m out of the shower; you owe me a fucking feast.’’

With quick feet he ran to the bathroom and threw himself into the water at once when he sensed all the dirt kept growing and giving birth to new germs. He stayed until it turned cold, feeling a tad fresher but when his hand stretched out to snatch the towel, his fingers touched nothing but cold tiles. It caused him to frown and it deepened when he peeked out to see and was met with the same sight he’d felt. Unfortunately every drawer and basket he looked through turned out empty and he dragged a hand over his face as he mumbled a few curses under his breath, whining about never getting a bloody break.

‘’Harry?-‘’ He quietly muttered before he pulled himself together and shouted. ‘’-Harry!’’

Small footsteps approached the door and stopped right outside as a little dunk followed to say he was there.

‘’Yes, you summand?’’

‘’I need a towel.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I need a fucking towel, there aren't any clean ones left in here.’’

A small chuckle breached the door and the prickle of humiliation at the back of his neck grew a little stronger, hating how he had to depend on the help of Harry.

‘’Alright, just a sec.’’

As the seconds ticked by, he started suspecting Harry wouldn’t return and he would be forced to walk out naked, but then a new knock hit the door. He shuffled back behind the shower doors and sighed, wanting the awkward moment to be over and done with as soon as possible. But the door never opened and he stood staring at it with a growing annoyance, along with his humiliation and he eventually snapped.

‘’What the fuck are you waiting for?’’

A small pause lingered before the hesitant sound of Harry seeped through. 

‘’Uh, I’m not going in there.’’

‘’I’m not coming out.’’

‘’wouldn’t dream of it…’’

‘’Hysterical. Just open the bloody door and toss it in.’’

*

‘’I know you did this on purpose you shit.’’

With fuming anger and a murderous glare, he tip-toed back to his room while he tried shielding most of his body the best he could. The tiny towel Harry had brought barely managed to fit around his hips and was not even close to cover both his arse and thighs as the bright purple fabric with the face of a young Justin Bieber clung to his forms. One wrong move and it would snap to reveal not only his bright white moon but his front as well, and he didn’t want Harry to have the pleasure of witnessing it. Not when he already looked like a smug arsehole with the biggest grin he’d seen.

‘’Whatever do you mean, or is it _what do you mean?_ I think you look _fa-bu-lous._ ’’

Harry batted his lashes and snapped his fingers as he spoke, taking the opportunity and milking it. Which wasn’t ok and Louis’ eyes darkened. For a split moment of anger, he’d considered stomping out naked but killed it when he figured it was exactly what Harry had wanted.

‘’You’re so messed up, and seriously, _Justin Bieber?_ You’re an embarrassment.’’

‘’You just need somebody to lo-o-ove…’’

He flipped Harry off and went to his room where he immediately ripped off the towel and threw it out of his window with a deep satisfaction as he watched it disappear from his presence. The small action made him feel lighter at mind and a victorious sigh left his smiling mouth. At least it was out of his flat and never to return. Feeling better he wandered over to the large closet by his nightstand and slid the mirrored door to the side, smiling even wider as the unhealthy amount of clothes met his sight. His fingers settled on the soft cashmere jumper in black and he managed to reach the hanger when the door swung open with Harry’s voice.

‘’Some dude won’t stop calling, and your ringtone irritates- you- holy shit-’’ 

A thump was heard from behind when he jumped in shock and ripped the sweater along to cover most of his lower half. Harry literally gaped at him, one empty hand still in the air while the phone laid somewhere on the floor. Blood flushed to both their faces as he hurriedly ripped out a few more clothes to use as shields and he barked when Harry kept frozen in his spot. 

‘’Get out you pervert!’’

‘’My goodness, your jeans haven’t given your bum the proper justification it deserves.’’

Harry’s eyes were blown wide, and it seemed like he had a hard time swallowing as he blatantly kept his stare, probably about to drool any second. A mixture of irritation and horrified satisfaction hit him from Harry’s reaction but he pushed it aside as he lunged out.

‘’Seriously, do you not understand the meaning of personal space? What is fucking wrong with you and your creepy fascination with my body, get the hell out!’’

His voice stung with displeasure, but he couldn’t stop the tug of a smirk at his mouth when all different shades of red raced through Harry’s face. He stayed crimson in the door-frame as the realisation his thoughts had been spoken out loud dawned, and it was easily notifiable how embarrassed he was. 

‘’I- this- I didn’t- Right, I’m so sorry.’’

With a few stutters, Harry’s stare broke free, and he stumbled backwards through the door and bumped into the wall as his gaze kept flickering everywhere. It was a pathetic sight but he couldn’t help the amusing snort passing through his lips when Harry’s shaky voice drifted back.

‘’Uh, dinner is ready.’’ 

A mischievous flare went through him as he stared back at the clothes in his hands, dropped them to the floor, and settled to only put on a pair of briefs before he walked back out. The moment Harry noticed his outfit, he smiled innocently and found his chair by the table to sit down. Embarrassment slipped from Harry’s features and was replaced by suspicion and annoyance instead.

‘’I thought we’d agreed to end this little game.’’

‘’Blame yourself, you broke the rules first.’’

‘’What are you, ten? It was an accident for Christ sake.’’

He smiled sweetly, too much and he received a roll of eyes in return as Harry placed the food on the table.

‘’Right, and I _accidentally_ dropped my clothes on the dirty floor. Didn’t want to miss dinner by searching for a new outfit so here we are.’’

*


	3. Chapter 3

**Updated**

For some unexplainable reason to him, it seemed like the heaviest tension of anger and dislike he felt eased up a little after the towel incident. Harry was less hesitant about putting him in his place and kept answering back in the same sarcastic or rude tone whenever he did. If he didn’t, then Harry continued with his obscure niceness, and it followed him around every day like a shadow. He couldn’t escape it and the longer Harry stayed in his flat, the more he grew used to seeing his face and having him around.

And it went on, days after days, weeks after weeks and before he knew, months had passed since Harry entered his home. He'd hatefully accepted it wouldn’t change, and he was instead stuck with sharing his flat no matter what he did. Because of it, and because of Harry’s stubbornness to have them conversing, their situation kept growing under his skin. It forced him to be more social with another person than he’d been in years and the persistent good mood Harry painted the flat with seemed to slowly push him further from the cocoon of anger he'd used to be so wrapped in. 

He’d even found himself allowing some of Harry’s terrible jokes, sent a little hum of response if he felt generous. To anyone else, it wouldn’t seem like much, but for him to behave nicely towards the one he’d hated with everything he’d had was a big deal. Eventually, he shocked not only Harry but himself as well when he’d accepted Niall’s invitation to give soccer another chance.

*

‘’Harold, you need to drive me to Harrods.’’

A low bark fled as he slipped his feet inside the vans and slid on his navy field jacket. He was in the mood for burning money, and he was definitively going to, but the thought of paying for a taxi when he had a free driver wasn’t acceptable. Even though the car wasn’t his first choice or an impressive sight, it was still free. If Harry tried refusing he always had the guilt card to use when the music equipment hadn’t been replaced or paid for yet. 

‘’What, why? Can’t you just drive yourself or take the bus?’’

The bus? Did he remotely look like someone who even considered being close to a bus?

‘’Who do you think I am, _you?_ Just no and I don't have the energy to drive myself, so get moving.’’

‘’Fine whatever, it’s the same way I’m going anyway.’’

A groan left Harry as he pushed himself off the couch and followed after while dangling the car keys around his middle finger. It made him smug how easily Harry listened to his commands, and he was currently using Harry as his personal chef, personal maid, and personal chauffeur. He figured something less negative had to come from their living arrangement and having someone do everything around the flat wasn’t the worst thing. At the garage he jumped into the car and immediately turned on the radio, only sitting back when he found a satisfying channel and voiced his curiosity when Harry started driving. 

‘’So where are you going all of a sudden?’’

‘’Acting class.’’

‘’You still do that shit? What has that to do with your study?’’

‘’I don’t necessarily have to take it, but acting helps not only with understanding different minds and emotions but also evoke realistic scenarios and how to deal with them.’’

A frown formed between his brows and he raised one towards Harry unamused.

‘’Then why the hell do you bother taking it if you don’t have to, such a waste of time.’’

‘’Firstly, I just told you and secondly, because I like it. It’s not really a class for me since I don’t have time with the rest of my study and work, so it’s more of a hobby.’’

He just stared dumbly, thinking how pointless it was in his mind.

‘’God you’re lame.’’

Harry just smiled and lightly shook his head as he pulled over and drove all the way up to the entrance before stopping the car.

‘’There you go, Harrods.’’

As he sat there staring at the building, Harry held out his hand and bowed his head in a similar way butlers did when they were dismissed from serving a table. All of a sudden shopping didn’t seem so exciting and a completely different adventure popped in his mind. 

‘’I changed my mind.’’

‘’Seriously? I don’t have time to drive you all around town until you decide one is good enough so where do you want to go? You get to name one other place, just one.’’

He could see how the creepy smile that formed on his lips sent Harry’s eyes narrowing, and he nodded in pleased confirmation, it wasn’t something Harry would like. Which was exactly why the idea sounded excellent, and why he would abandon the pleasure of burning through his bank account. 

‘’Your acting class.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Your acting class.’’

‘’I heard you the first time, but why the hell would you want to go there?’’

‘’You making a complete fool out of yourself? I have to see it.’’

‘’Absolutely not, no way. Get out of the car; you’re making me late.’’

‘’Oh come on! I’m going.’’

‘’No you’re not.’’

‘’Yes I am.’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’NO!’’

‘’Just drive the car, Harry, we both know I’m going.’’

Harry groaned in frustration as he pinched the bridge of his nose, and Louis could practically hear all the swear words he mentally yelled. Seeing how frustrated it made Harry he found the decision to tag along, or in other words force himself along, the better one. Instead of sharing his mind, Harry sealed his mouth shut and drove with a strained face. 

Once they arrived and stepped into the building, still in complete silence where Harry stared at the floor and Louis smiling like a brat, a tall man with glasses approached.

‘’Harry! I wasn’t sure you would make it today but glad to see you, go meet up with the group on stage-’’ The man pulled out the papers hiding underneath his armpit while he spoke, but stopped when the unfamiliar presence of Louis caught his attention. ‘’-Who’s this, a newcomer? I’m starting up a new semester at the end of the summer if you’re interested in applying.’’

Harry quietly snorted while Louis scoffed in slight surprise.

‘’Like hell-.''

‘’Ah yes sort of, he will just observe today. Wanted to see how this class works, so I brought him along. Nothing more, he’ll be in the far back keeping quiet, won’t you Louis?’’

Harry cut him off before he had the chance to share his opinion on the suggestion and a warning glare was shot his way, daring him to disobey at staying quiet. It was amusing and he smiled sweetly in response, he didn’t say he wouldn’t, but he didn’t say he would either.

‘’Right, excellent. Always good to have an audience so come with me Louis, I’m Marcus by the way, and I’ll show you the way.’’

*

‘’Okay gather around people, chop chop.-’’ Marcus clapped his hands to gain the group’s attention. ‘’-Today we’ll be touching the surface of a technique that’s close to my heart, and it’s called The Meisner Technique. Anyone heard of it?’’

Immediately two or three hands shot straight into the air, and he snorted, seemingly nothing had changed over the years, and it always had to be know-it-alls in every fucking class.

‘’It’s about freeing the actor from their learned habits, to react to her/his sense of emotion based on the background of the character they play, Meisner himself said that-.''

He tuned out the girl who spoke when it didn’t grip his interest, and already he was getting bored of waiting for them to do something. Receiving a lecture on some Mason guy wasn’t what he’d signed up for, and if Harry didn’t make a fool out of himself soon, he would fall asleep. Turned out he must’ve nodded off when the teacher suddenly clapped his hands again and startled him in his seat. He shook his head and straightened up, edging a little closer to the scene to see what they were doing.

‘’Okay Jason and Kate, you’re up first. Remember what we discussed, Observe, repeat, change point, and make new observations when you feel the impulse to.’’

A rather chubby looking lad rose from his Indian style before a freakishly tall girl followed behind, automatically sending insults through his head. Perhaps it was mean but from how long her face was she reminded him of a horse and the lad, he could practically roll off the stage.

‘’You are staring.’’  
‘’You are staring.’’  
‘’You are staring!’’

‘’I’m staring?’’  
‘’You are staring!’’  
‘’I’m staring?

‘’You look upset.’’  
‘’I look upset?’’  
‘’You look upset.’’  
‘’I look upset.’’

What the hell-

Whatever they were doing he didn’t get it, and the way they kept repeating pointless sentences didn’t make sense whatsoever. He stared with disbelief as they kept going, and the longer it lasted, the more he regretted following Harry. He rolled his eyes as he scoffed a little too loud, and every head turned his way, waiting for him to continue his interruption.

‘’Was there something you wanted to contribute with Louis?’’

Marcus took a step forward, arms folded across his chest as he kept his stand. A light sweat formed at the back of his neck as he kept glancing around at the people staring him down.

‘’Uh, no? Whatever you are doing looks great, astonishing, top notch.’’

He sent them a mocking thumbs up, faking a smile while he tried to restrain his eyes from rolling out of his head. Marcus smiled as he bent his head down and moved his arms behind his back, a small chuckle easing out of his mouth while the group behind him took a step back.

‘’Won’t you come up here for a quick moment.’’

‘’Nah I’m quite fine here thanks, by all means, continue.’’

‘’Get on the stage now, please.’’

The smile was gone, and the authority in Marcus' voice made him shied away in his chair, feeling a bit intimidated of the man. He found Harry’s eyes and what made his decision to go up was the way he kept smirking. Whatever was going on, Harry enjoyed it, and he would not give him the satisfaction.

‘’Now, you clearly haven’t been to one of these classes before so let me tell you a secret. What we do here isn’t nonsense, ridiculous or a waste of time. We act, we learn and we teach each other in many ways. Come.-‘’ Marcus grabbed his shoulder and pushed him to the middle of the stage. ‘’-Normally I’d kick you out for being rude and unappreciative, but since I’m in a good mood today, I’ll give you a little lesson. Show you that acting is fun.’’

He was about to share his protest when Marcus let go of him and turned to the group, searching for the one person that had apparently sauntered to the back to hide.

‘’Ah there you are Harry, come come.-.'' He waved his hand, and Harry sighed heavily before unwillingly stepping forth, not liking the situation anymore. ‘’-Let’s do some of the kid's activities we did at the very beginning. Line up with Louis.’’

A frown formed as he wasn’t sure what kid’s activities had to do with acting or why he was still there, about to indulge in some stupid child’s play. Yes, he really regretted going with Harry after all.

‘’Okay, now, look carefully at each other, and by turn, you close your eyes while the other changes something. Then identify the change.’’

‘’What the hell is that-.''

‘’Focus Louis, Harry will go first.’’

‘’Just do it so we can get this over with.’’ 

Harry quietly whispered as he lined up with him, standing closer than usual.

‘’Fine.’’ 

He muttered as he looked up and stared, surprising himself by giving a slight care to observe the details of Harry’s face. The first impression he’d gained faded as he noticed how Harry’s eyes weren't as pale as he’d thought, but held a rather intense shade of green instead. The pimples he’d thought he’d seen at one point, was gone and showed smooth skin with a faint shadow of stubbles to decorate the jaw. Trailing over the mouth, he saw two red lips, a bit more on the plump side and with a hint of a cupid's bow. He felt slightly awkward studying Harry’s features when he hadn’t before, but strangely he couldn’t seem to move his gaze. A few moments trailed by as he was told to close his eyes and he kept them shut for about ten seconds then re-opened.

‘’Now Louis try to see what chan-''

‘’He tucked his hair behind his ears.’’

It was easy to notice how the dark curtain of curls framing Harry’s bone structure and forehead in a messy way had suddenly been swept and tucked away. His eyes slightly widened at his ability to see it so fast, though, proving he bothered to pay attention to the game. 

‘’Good, you're observant.’’ Marcus sounded pleased for some reason, and he motioned for them to continue.

As Harry closed his eyes, Louis placed his hand on his hip in a casual way, making the change as little as possible. But like him, Harry noticed right away, smirking when he narrowed his eyes. They did a couple of rounds, and in the last one, he horrified himself, and surely Harry as well, by pointing out the smallest change made so far.

‘’He’s still smiling, but with one of his dimples out instead of them both.’’

_‘’Oh, I didn’t see that.’’_  
‘’How did he notice?’’  
‘’That’s impressive.’’ 

The mumbles from the group sent his cheeks flushing; he’d been so into the game, and when he realised, it made him a bit mortified. He shouldn’t even enjoy the game; it was stupid, and it was pointless, but for some reason, he didn’t leave like he’d intended to. It escalated after. From the group’s enthusiasm, Marcus let them have fun instead of continuing with the Mason method from earlier and soon enough all kinds of games happened. It was a ramble, a mix of confusion and giving up, and he went from desperately trying to find a way out to wanting to win every single game once he was forced into them. 

Having the passionate desire to always be the one on top, the very best pushed him along, and for a brief moment, he wondered when his competitiveness had taken such form. At the end he rocked the class that wasn't even his to begin with; he ended up genuinely laughing, and he ended up enjoying himself. It didn’t hit him until he was sprawled on the floor, rolling with laughter after some silly round where they had dramatised their favourite childhood book. 

Even Harry laughed from where he was and smiled like a proud father watching a child blossom. It was probably fair to say he forgot to keep his shields up for a moment and once they were down a flash of genuine enjoyment showed in his expression. His smile for once reached his eyes, and he seemed content indulging with strangers. He wouldn’t admit such news to himself, though, and instead kept telling himself he was only there to prove he could handle any challenge thrown his way. 

‘’Okay, this has been fun but our time is almost up. Now, let’s gather into our circle and finish like we always do. Dexter, you go first.’’

Marcus’ usual clap eased down the laughter as he stepped back and made room for the other lad. With new confusion he glanced around, not knowing what they were supposed to do and unsure whether he should stay or run through the exit. Before he could decide Harry bent closer and informed it was a usual end of the class ritual.

‘’We always go through the circle of trust, cliché and not exactly my cup of tea, but you get to hear some interesting stories.’’ 

Circle of trust?  
The Dexter lad cleared his throat and placed his hands behind his back as he spoke with a much serious tone than Louis had expected.

‘’I felt relieved when my father died.’’ He then fell backwards and let Marcus catch him.

Louis' eyes bulged, not believing what he heard or what he was seeing. The group had to be joking or still playing some kind of fucked up game when it all screamed bizarrely. Then the girl beside Dexter stepped up the same way as she spoke and a slight tickle of dread ran down his spine, he was not going to participate. 

‘’I’m falling in love with my best friend’s boyfriend, and I’m contemplating going for it.’’

She too fell back, and Dexter caught her. He watched how every single person stood up to share their confession and fell back when it became Harry’s turn. His curls were again in front of his eyes as he almost hesitantly took a step forward and mustered up some courage.

‘’Uh, I have a side of me I’m afraid to share with people I care about because I fear they’ll judge me enough to walk away. ’’ 

He watched how Harry took a deep breath and fell back where a blond lad stood ready with open arms. It wasn’t another game, and he couldn’t understand why they all seemed so eager to share such dark secrets without blinking. He’d never met someone who told strangers they were relieved their father had died or the girl who'd sabotaged her best friend's interview because she'd wanted the job for herself. 

Or the guy who'd beaten his little sister's boyfriend when he'd pressured her to sleep with him. It wasn’t said, but the rape word hung in the air, and all he could picture was a bloody scenario of the fight. Why he was standing beside them instead of being in prison along with the other guy was lost on him too, and he just couldn’t understand what the hell was wrong with the group. The stage fell silent when he didn’t automatically react at his turn, and the previous glee fled as distress and unease resettled under the stare.

‘’Louis? Just say whatever comes to mind.’’ Marcus piped up with a small smile, nudging for him to go on.

‘’Right…’’

So he unwillingly stepped forward as he racked his brain, trying to find something unimportant like, how he’d been afraid of thunderstorms as a child. 

‘’I... –‘’ He was too on edge to control both his body movements and mind, and it malfunctioned just as he spoke, going blank and letting hidden words escape. ‘’-I do everything to forget what I’ve lost.''

He choked on his words as soon as they left when his mind decided to realise what he’d managed to splutter out. It was the worst thing he could’ve said, and he almost laughed in an obnoxious matter to camouflage how thoroughly he was freaking out on the inside. Buried secrets stayed buried for a reason, but screwing up in earshot from Harry was bound to give him trouble. How could it not when Harry sucked information like a sponge and would mull it over for days before eventually coming up with a plan to lure more clues from him. 

His eyes locked on the floor, and he stared so hard he wouldn’t be surprised if he burned a hole through it. He prayed he would so he could jump into it and disappear from the spotlight he was currently under. Carefully with a stone cold face, he looked over his shoulder to see Harry standing there, arms stretched and ready to catch his fall. He hesitated when their eyes locked and saw empathy shot his way, pushing at the last restraints he had and he bit his bottom lip from exploding. With a scoff, he whirled around and made a mental note to never follow Harry again as he unwillingly let himself fall. But as he fell something unfamiliar stirred and when Harry’s arms captured his frame, the sense of relief attached itself to the strange feeling. Relieved he was, but also exposed the moment Harry let him go, and he couldn’t remember or be sure he'd felt it as strongly before.

*

‘’So acting wasn’t how you pictured?’’

They had arrived back at the flat, and Harry managed to make dinner before he dared to bring the class back up. It wasn’t something Louis wanted to discuss, and he could sense from the way Harry avoided staring, he knew as well. Still, the question had been asked, and he took a deep breath to calm the sudden bark of insults he felt bubbling up. 

‘’Louis?’’

He snapped his head up, tearing away from the plate of food he’d pushed his fork back and forth in and sent Harry an unimpressed glare.

‘’What?!’’

‘’Wow easy there, I’m just wondering what you thought of the class.’’

A short silence dawned as he kept his glare on Harry, narrowing his eyes to get a sense of what hidden agenda laid behind. He wasn’t stupid; he knew perfectly well how Harry had heard his nonsense of a confession, and it made him feel pathetic. The weak and unstable personality Harry surely diagnosed him with wasn’t appreciated even though he could perhaps agree the last definition, unfortunately, suited him. What he saw in Harry’s gaze wasn’t what he’d been prepared to see, though, and the calm, normal behaviour didn’t fit the conversation. It made his tight fist around the fork relax, and he looked back at the food with a quiet snort.

‘’Boring.’’

‘’Alright, so doing boring things is the way for you to let loose and enjoy yourself then, good to know.’’

‘’Piss off.’’

‘’Oh no no no, I saw, you had fun today. You liked it, and you enjoyed acting, try to tell me otherwise all you want, but I won't buy it.’’

The worst part was how Harry wasn’t wrong, he somehow had enjoyed it, more than he was willing to let on but he couldn’t deny it to himself. It was unnatural, to find an activity that didn't include alcohol to be.. well interesting. Perhaps even a bit challenging, which sparked something inside. He barely huffed in response but then Harry smiled like he’d consumed a box of happy pills and the sight of genuine happiness bored through his core. It was overwhelming and his face ached in pain from how hard he resisted smiling back. He didn’t like it, didn’t like how difficult it had turned out to stay mad and glum in the presence of Harry’s stupid grin. It was always there, _he_ was always there smiling like the idiot he was, and it stalked him wherever he looked. 

‘’If I want to do something, I’m all in, even when it's stupid games for fucking children but keep it to yourself, or else we're going to have a problem.’’

‘’I will forever hold my breath future star.’’

It drew a derisive laugh from him but Harry still beamed in his chair; it wasn’t often he managed to pull something close to amused responses.

‘’Oi, shut up H, I’m going out.’’

He rolled his eyes as he rose and wandered off, still a hint of a smile on his mouth but he was done talking and he missed the way Harry gaped at him in bewilderment. If he’d seen it, he probably would’ve realised his mistake and locked himself back in his room for another week. 

Because he hadn’t called Harry something insulting for once.  
Not freak, not loser, not idiot, not Harold, and not even Harry.  
Instead, an actual nickname had slipped through. 

Something from the class stayed with him, perhaps a small seed with the power of slowly changing the way he perceived things and steering it in a new direction. It was a good sign, even though he wasn't aware, and it took root without his permission.

*

**Harry**

Time went by, and it hadn’t been easy, couldn’t have been further from easy, but Harry could finally see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. They’d been living together for more than five months where three had been filled with too many fights, anger, ignorance, stress and resentment. Then the fourth had surprised him with hints of peace and tolerance whereas the fifth even held traces of friendliness and acceptance. Louis had his days where he would behave nicely, showing genuine kindness for the tiniest and simplest moments. Like when he thanked for the food he received, the time honest smiles formed on his face and even the times where he indulged in conversation. 

It wasn't groundbreaking, but at least their short sentences had finally evolved into conversations where it didn’t end with Louis storming off, and it made Harry stupidly proud every time it happened. From the way Louis continued to slip his nickname now and then, he chose to see it as Louis' way of finally tolerating their living arrangement. It was either so, or Louis was done fighting what he could not win, and it swelled Harry’s heart more than it should’ve. He was just glad he could let his shoulders relax for a moment. 

Glimpses of who Louis was behind the thick wall he shielded so closely started to slip through, he could see the natural charm he possessed and how enticing his nature was when he let his guard down a bit. He could even see how soccer brought back some life to Louis’ eyes even though he tried acting nonchalant about it. The way he lit up when he was asked to come along betrayed him, but Harry kept the information to himself.

The sweetest part was how he could see traces of care in Louis; the same care he desperately tried to hide and shed away from. It was interesting to witness, the way Louis would turn into a big frown with evident confusion and frustration manifesting whenever he caught himself being kind. Even if it was just a simple high five after scoring a goal or picking up both plates to place in the dishwasher. It made a fond smile grace Harry, and eventually, he didn’t mind living with Louis, perhaps liked it too. It was fascinating, and they finally seemed to get along better. Growing was the best word to describe Louis and whatever the cause was, Harry hoped it continued.

It almost took half a year, but the reward was certainly worth it.

*

**Louis**

Louis walked through the front door, tired and sore after spending the day running around town, but also excited in a way he’d rarely felt before. Ray bans hid his eyes as he noticed the figure of Harry laying on the couch, but the broad grin on his face seemed to gain Harry’s attention as he raised a brow. 

‘’You seemed to be in a good mood, what did you do, buy yourself a car?’’

A small chuckle left as he tugged off his jacket and placed his keys in the bowl by the door, shaking his head while stepping closer to the kitchen.

‘’Why would I buy another when I already have one I don’t use in the garage?’’

‘’Excuse me, _what?_ -’’ the drowsy expression fled Harry’s face as he abruptly straightened up. ‘’-You’re telling me _now_ , after months of me driving you everywhere, you have a bloody car yourself?’’

A small snort tickled his nose as he snatched a beer before he dropped down beside Harry, poisoning the air with the smoke steaming from his jumper.

‘’I have three in total or had I reckon since I left the other two at my mother’s when I moved. Wasn’t enough room here, but I have a suspicion I won’t find them if go looking.’’

A baffled bark coated the stutter leaving Harry’s mouth, and he shook his head instead of making sense of his reaction. 

‘’I don’t even understand why I’m surprised, should’ve figured.-‘’ with a last shake Harry rose with a smile and went to the refrigerator. ‘’-So what have you been up to then, got lucky or something? I noticed you didn’t come home last night.’’

Louis straightened up and cleared his throat as he turned to look back at Harry, smiling pleasantly when he saw ingredients decorating the kitchen counter. 

‘’Well, yeah that too. But I guess I took your advice actually, which wasn't my intention at first but somehow it ended up happening.''

Harry’s gaze shifted back, and his brows rose in curiosity. 

‘’You’re telling me _you_ of all people did something you were told to do, something _I_ told you to do? Wow, this day is full of surprises.’’

‘’More or less. You making dinner?’’

He downed his beer as he moved, a slight stir of unease rushing through his veins and he wasn’t sure what to expect from Harry if he shared what he’d ended up doing. Thankfully Harry seemed to pick up on his uncertainty and focused on cutting the vegetables he’d picked out instead of pushing the subject.

‘’Yeah, and I was thinking wok today, you alright with that? It’ll be full of healthy stuff.’’

‘’Ugh, bummer. Yeah no, I guess it’s fine, as long as you’ll make something with cheese tomorrow.’’

Harry hid a soft smile as he bent lower to find a pan from the kitchen cabinet.

‘’Deal.’’

A comfortable silence formed between them as Harry’s hand moved steadily with the knife and long strips of red pepper, onion and broccoli filled the chopping board. He continued to watch as Harry moved smoothly around the kitchen, arranging the ingredients and heating water for the rice. It looked easily enough, but if he’d been in Harry’s shoes, surely half the kitchen would’ve caught fire the second he’d touched the stove. He stepped closer as he looked down at the counter, swiping a finger along the surface so he would have something to keep his eyes on.

‘’I wound up going to the university where this insisting lady wouldn't let me leave before I signed up for a class that starts in the fall.’’

From the corner of his eye, he could see how Harry’s hand stopped moving and how the rest of his body stood still. He didn’t glance up when he had an idea how Harry’s face looked like, and it took a while before the expected question filled the air.

‘’You.. willingly spoke with the university, today?’’

‘’I did.’’

‘’That’s.. That’s great, am I allowed to ask why, and what made you change your mind? You haven’t seemed very interested going forward with your law studies.’’

He could practically feel the warmth of Harry’s smile burning at his side, and he cleared his throat as he willed himself to look back up.

‘’I’ve never cared about education, and I was actually going there to bribe them from telling my mother I'd dropped out. Which I haven't in theory but we all know I have. Anyway, after I woke up in the ER with a needle in my arm it messed with my head, and that insisting lady made me rethink the whole process of going to class. I've had some trouble going back to the way I was after that fucking accident, and when my mind doesn't go as blank as it used to, I struggle to escape the thoughts piling up.’’

‘’You thinking? This really is an exceptional day.’’ 

Harry rolled his eyes in amusement but yelped in discomfort when Louis' fist punched his shoulder. 

‘’Believe it or not, I really don’t have a death wish. Unfortunately, I’ve been forced to acknowledge the environment and company I surround myself with whenever I go out. Some describe is as dangerous and I.. I can see it, and I don’t want to become one of the statistics over deaths by substance abuse.’’

‘’What do you want?’’

‘’To be alive, for now.’’

A hint of sadness glazed Harry’s eyes as he looked back at the food he was preparing, and Louis felt a touch of it seep over his chest as well. It was sad, his whole life was miserable, and he wasn’t sure it was a good thing he’d finally been able to admit it or voiced it out loud. He lived a meaningless life, and he was all right with it to a point, he still didn’t believe he had a bright future ahead, but he was willing to give education a go if it meant he could stay alive. A part of him wondered if he’d really died that night in the ER, just for a few seconds or so, and awakened as someone else when he hadn’t felt like his usual self since. Because he still remembered what he'd thought and felt the day his mother had presented him the ultimatum, and six months later he was giving it a try. It didn't make sense, he didn't make sense, and the thoughts in his head didn't make sense either.

‘’You probably don't want to hear it, but I’m going to say it anyway, I’m proud of you. For trying.’’

Harry was right, he didn’t want to hear it when he wasn’t sure he was even trying. All he’d done was sign up, trying involved showing up and give a shit, something that could happen but wasn’t set in stone. With a shrug of his shoulders, he backed away, not liking the compliment he'd received, and walked to his room.

‘’Shout when dinner is ready.’’

*

‘’So, is wok as bad as you assu-‘’

‘’I didn’t sign up for Law again.’’

The fork in Harry’s hand stopped mid-air, and his mouth hung open from the way Louis interrupted his sentence. 

‘’What?’’

‘’The lady I mentioned convinced me to change study, so I did, and if you dare to even look at me funny as you realise you’ll quickly find out where this fork in my hand will go.’’

Prominent frowns formed between Harry’s brows as he closed his mouth and leant back, observing in silence before the expected realisation dawned. A full smile spread across his face and right as Louis’ hand tightened, Harry waved a hand in surrender. 

‘’I’m not laughing I swear, but you did what I think you did, didn’t you? You chose drama? How did you manage that, thought people had to audition?’’

The smallest sigh left as he shrugged in response and found Harry’s reaction a bit too gleeful. 

‘’Having the name Tomlinson gives you a lot of shortcuts, is all I'm saying. As much as I hate to admit it, you were right before, I did enjoy your class, and it’s the first study that hasn’t made me want to shoot myself just thinking about it. Perhaps I might find the effort to try and perhaps not, but at least it’s interesting enough to give it a go.’’

‘’Come on, be a bit happier about it, I think it's fantastic news.’’

He doubted it, he doubted a lot of his decisions, and he rarely felt excitement when it came to changes. It was a new territory, and it could blow up in his face, most likely it would, but if it somehow didn’t, he would admit to being relieved of being proven wrong.

‘’It’s not, it’s simply a mental slip on my part. You shouldn’t hope for much.’’

‘’I have faith.’’

Harry kept his smile as he continued eating and Louis looked away, he didn’t need the pointless praise, and it made him feel weird. Weird in a way where trails of warmth swept through his body and coloured his cheeks in a soft shade of pink.

‘’If you really think it through you’ll realise it’s a waste. As soon as my mother finds out this slip of mine, it’s over. I might be willing to attend UNI, but once she cuts me off, I won’t last long. So I know this is a mistake but it really doesn’t matter does it? I will be cut off no matter what I do, but taking the risk it’ll be sooner than later should paint you a pretty detailed picture how messed up my mind is these days.’’

His face darkened at the thought of her and what she would do, taking away everything he knew and leave him to rot alone. The idea of being broke had made him frantic before, terrified him to the bone but what frightened him the most was how he no longer bothered to worry as much. It still scared him, but not in the same way, and the only explanation he had was that he’d already given up. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, and while he had his money, he wanted to enjoy them. Even if he managed to get himself a degree by some miracle, he highly doubted he would be content living as a poor bloke, not to mention accepting it.

‘’Losing your wealth doesn’t automatically mean your life is over, or it will be if you choose so, but it also means you can choose for it not to. Do you truly believe money buys happiness?’’

‘’Yes, it’s all I’ve known.’’

‘’She demanded commitment from you, she can’t punish you for doing what she commanded and she should be pleasantly surprised you’ve grown enough to try.’’

A sharp scoff left as soon as Harry voiced his stupidity, had it been anyone besides his mother they discussed he’d been willing to contemplate the possibility, but it wasn’t. She would never find anything he did as worthy, and she would never believe he had potential.

‘’Look, I can’t stand this sentimental shit your shoving down my throat, and I can’t understand why you bother. Just leave it be, you don’t know her like I do and you should praise yourself lucky for it.’’ 

They both turned silent after, but a surprising sense of relief hit him as he realised he’d actually opened up to Harry. He’d shared his mind, his plans and how he felt about it without stabbing himself. It finally led him to the last piece of the puzzle and helped him realise what had bothered him for days, he’d wanted to be taken seriously for once, and he’d known Harry would. 

He’d known because he was starting to view him as something related to the word friend. It sounded wrong, and he didn’t know what the definition meant or when he’d changed from tolerance to acceptance but it was there, nagging at his mind. It was difficult not to, he’d been so persistent to hate Harry with everything he was made of, and he hadn’t predicted in his wildest dreams it would turn out to be challenging. 

They had lived together for quite a while where Harry was the only person to communicate with, and the more they talked, the less he disliked the conversations. Harry seemed to have a unique ability to reach under his skin and pull forward the parts he wanted hidden, but at the same time, it soothed the ache of loneliness that had been looming over him for years. It felt less draining when he was forced to see the kindness was genuine and how the interest in listening to his words wasn’t faked. 

Having permanent company had never been considered, but when he realised Harry wanted to be there, telling himself he wasn’t the slightest relieved turned harder. He’d tried ignoring it, but the nickname tasted too familiar on his tongue, and he’d made the mistake of allowing his own to be used in return. It was the influence he didn’t want and letting someone sneak behind his defence was the one thing that scared him the most.

Perhaps he still hated Harry after all.

*

‘’Louis? Hey mate, you alright? I haven’t heard from you in forever.’’

A small smile tugged at his mouth the second Liam’s voice eased into his ear, thankful he’d bothered taking the call at all. Their friendship, if he had the right to call it as such, had been dead since the day he’d kicked him out of the flat. The texts he’d received had been unanswered while he hadn’t bothered reaching out himself, and if he was honest, he hadn’t cared about the absence of Liam’s presence as time passed.

But things had apparently changed, and after he’d made the decision to not reject treating Harry in a civil matter, a whole load of baggage followed. Unwanted baggage filled with an emotion he thought he’d erased and protected himself from. But it was very much present, and what he felt towards Liam was the reason he hated feelings.  
Guilt. 

An ugly ache seeped into his veins, adding another fat layer over his chest and it grew thicker the more he fed it attention. His history with Liam was long, and he knew every shit between them was his doing, either it was intentional or not. Not able to block the guilt was Harry’s fault, with his constant questions about his friends it tore at his defence and waves of regret leaked through. If it kept going he was certain guilt towards Harry would arrive as well and he feared he wouldn’t be able to stand it in one piece.

He was leaning towards hating Harry was the best way to go.

‘’Yeah yeah I’m fine, I was just wondering if you.. maybe wanted to, you know, hang out?’’

‘’Oh…-‘’ Liam’s voice dropped, and another hit of guilt shot through his stomach. ‘’-I can’t go out tonight I’m sorry, but-.''

‘’I’m not talking about a night out, we're going for a round of footie, and I thought maybe.. it would be nice if you joined us. Niall and this other guy are coming too.’’

The phone went silent long enough for him to wonder if Liam had hung up, but then the smallest sound of breathing reached his ear, and he got a little worried.

‘’Liam? You alright?’’

‘’Am I hearing right? Did you just ask me to- _you initiating_ , and by we I'm assuming you mean Harry, the hell nanny? So instead of going out- you do know today it's Friday right?’’

‘’I believe you are Payno, so what do you say, you up for it?’’

‘’And now you just called me Payno? Okay who are you and what did you do to Louis, I don't recognise this person.’’

Liam yelled through the phone in hysterics, and he flinched as pain drilled through his eardrum from a volume high enough to cause him damage.

‘’Oi, calm down before you turn me deaf! So are you coming or not, we’ll be at the park closest to my flat in an hour or so.’’

‘’Yeah alright, I’ll be there, wouldn’t want to miss the opportunity seeing you pass out from something other than alcohol.’’

He snorted unamusedly and mentally flipped Liam off, not finding it funny when he had a point.

‘’Hilarious. See you soon then.’’

*

They had kicked for a while when he slowed down and observed the picture in front of him. He was playing soccer with what he assumed were friends, or as close as could be and the Zayn guy he’d learned to tolerate at one point. It was a Friday afternoon, and he was outside indulging in physical activity that didn’t involve a bed and spread legs. Bizarre as the picture was he reached the conclusion he perhaps liked it. He’d missed being active on the field, and the company around him helped him enjoy the moment. 

‘’Get your head back into the game Tommo, we’re losing!’’

Liam barked as he dribbled Harry for the ball, shooting his legs out and knocking Harry out of balance where he tumbled down. Liam wasn’t fast enough to move away, and in the next second, Harry’s limbs covered him. They both laughed at the position they found themselves in and playfully poked and pushed at each other, making the other shriek and twitch around. The sight stirred Louis and his smile stiffened as a part of him didn’t appreciate how quickly they had bonded.

He’d accepted Harry wasn't his sworn enemy, but instead forming into a friend and Liam was too. They were both his friends, but selfishly he didn’t want them to be each other’s when they seemed too comfortable to banter so quickly. They had met twice, it wasn’t natural to click right away, and he stomped over with folded arms as he scowled down at the two.

‘’Have you quite finished; I’d like to get back to the game.’’

Harry and Liam let their breaths ease as they both looked up at a glaring expression from Louis, demanding them to stop messing around. Amused grins spread across their faces as they innocently nodded and untangled out of their positions. 

‘’Okay team switch!-‘’ Niall jogged over, with a waving finger. ‘’-I pick Louis.’’

‘’So now I’m good enough for you?’’

‘’Yea once you stopped all that puking shit and passing out, your skills started to re-surface. Let’s kick some lousy English arse!’’

‘’Watch it Irish, I’m still English.’’

Niall winked him off and motioned for Zayn to get back to the goal. He noticed how Harry and Liam high-fived, and whispered something between them as they kept glancing over. The same stir kept flowing through his body, and he couldn’t shake the irritation building up even though he knew it wasn’t negative how Liam and Harry got along. Still, it didn’t feel right, and the feeling remained.

‘’I’ll take Harry, you go for Liam.’’

Niall nodded in response as he fetched the ball and in one swift motion kicked it out as he began running. They battled a while, both teams surprisingly equal with skills until Louis seized the ball and made a run for it, straight towards the goal where Zayn watched him cautiously. He was about to take the final shot when a brick wall ran into him, and the impact sent him flying backwards while his fingers clutched something soft. 

Out of breath, his back hit the ground to press out the rest of his lungs, and his eyes pinched shut in pain when the brick wall collapsed over him. An agonised whine came from above as the wall stirred and when he blinked open a dark cloud of curls coloured his sight. His limbs felt paralysed, and when the curls moved, they revealed Harry’s grimaced face as he pushed up. With their heads so close the intensity of Harry’s stare bored into his and like the acting class, he struggled to divert his gaze. All he saw was green shades melting into each other, and for a split second, it seemed as their surroundings blurred into a fog and froze them in place. It vanished just as quickly as it happened when Liam jogged over with worry.

‘’Oh shit, are you guys ok? You were pretty rough there Harry.’’

The haze from their collision lifted, and he took a deep breath to regain his control, but he coughed harshly when the air didn’t fill his lungs with ease. 

‘’Hey, are you alright?’’

Harry’s steady hand found his shoulder, and he waved an arm to avert the alarm, nothing was broken, and his breathing would return to normal soon enough. 

‘’I’m fine-.'' he inhaled another deep breath to test his theory and flicked a thumb when it went easier without coughing. ‘’-just a little sore after you slammed the fucking life out of me.’’

‘’I’m sorry, you were a little faster than I’d expected, so I tackled you a tad too late.’’

Harry scratched the back of his head as his eyes wandered over his face and the ground, looking a little out of place. He cleared his throat and fiddled a bit awkwardly with his feet as he gestured for them to get back to the game. The evident paint of red in his cheeks didn’t go unnoticed, and to Louis’ horror, he automatically assumed it lingered from their unfortunate position. It was the last thing he should care or think about, and he certainly didn't need to wonder if it meant Harry had noticed his lack of brain activity for a short moment. The game ended when he dropped like a bag after an impressive amount of time on the field and he felt a slight touch of pride when it proved he was getting better.

‘’H, I’ll give you a hundred pounds if you drag me to the car. Two hundred if you don't make it painful.’’

Three heads spun around, and six eyes widened in bewilderment at the sight of him on the ground with hands in the air, waiting to be picked up. Liam’s mouth fell open; Niall coughed, and Zayn’s brow rose as they watched the two of them share a laugh while Harry dragged him by his arms over the ground. It was the first time they’d seen them act friendly, and especially Louis being friendly. Harry abruptly stopped moving at the realisation the others stared at them with wide eyes, and Louis complained when his arms fell back to the ground with a thud.

‘’What?’’  
‘’Oh uh... nothing-.''  
‘’We just, uh-.''  
‘’Are you tw- anyone hungry?’’

All three of them dumbly spoke over each other and waved hands around, trying to act oblivious to what they had witnessed. Niall being the quickest smacked his hands together and nudged Liam on the back.

‘’Hungry yes, starving, dying actually, let’s get some food.’’

Niall smiled too widely and hastily ran towards the car while the other two quickly followed, leaving Harry and Louis behind to stare in confusion.

‘’What was that all about?’’

‘’No idea.’’

*

They ended up back at Louis’ flat, carrying three boxes of pizza to Harry’s sour face but hunger seemed to conquer his mental protest about eating greasy food. Louis, on the other hand, cheered in glee when one of the boxes landed on his table with a delicious smell. He inhaled deeply and sighed in satisfaction as he fell back against the couch.

‘’Heaven is what that is.’’ 

In the corner of his eye, he noticed how Harry and Liam huddled together in the kitchen, speaking with hushed voices and the unwanted stir returned for the third time. He couldn’t place it, but from how uncomfortable it made him, it couldn’t possibly be a good sign. With a last glance he shifted back to the table where his hands had already moved, but when they touched nothing, he blinked in confusion. The box was gone but the sound to his left sounded suspiciously familiar, and when he flicked his eyes they narrowed in irritation. 

‘’Niall! You’re not the only one hungry here!’’

He leapt from his seat and gripped one of the two boxes in Niall’s fingers, trying to yank it back as mumbles of protest pushed out between the pieces Niall chewed on. A round of tug of war developed and the harder he pulled, the stronger Niall held on.

‘’Never leave your food unprotected with Niall around, whatever he touches you won’t get your hands on.’’ 

Liam shook his head as he tried tugging him away from his fight with Niall, holding out the third box where he could grab a bite from, but his stubbornness wouldn’t let him give up. 

‘’Well excuse me Liam for wanting to eat what I bought! Niall give it up!’’ he shook away Liam’s hold and launched at Niall again, smirking when Niall yelped in surprise. 

‘’No! I need more food than you; I’m Irish!’’ Niall wrestled loose and sprinted from the couch, getting out from Louis’ claws as he balanced the two boxes easily. 

‘’You’re morons.’’ Zayn rolled his eyes as he drank his beer with a bored expression.

Eventually the rumbles of Louis’ stomach won, and he gave up the fight, surrendering the food to Niall with dark eyes and a mental note to never underestimate the Irish strength again. He munched on a piece from Liam’s box in glumness, still sour he’d lost, when he noticed how Harry kept staring into the air with a dazed expression. Deep thoughts seemed to fill his attention, and he kept watching until his curiosity grew too intense.

‘’Earth to nanny, helloooo?’’

The others followed his gaze and found Harry staring at nothing as well, and a gasp left Liam when Niall threw a pepperoni right at Harry’s face.

‘’Niall!’’

‘’What, I was just trying to gain his attention, seems it failed though. Is he having a stroke?’’

With two fingers Louis snapped quickly in front of Harry’ eyes and when they blinked back to reality, he cocked a questionable brow. Slight confusion settled over Harry’s features as he smiled uncertainly. 

‘’Uh, did you say something?’’

‘’Jeez which planet did you visist, you were totally zoned out.’’

The tiniest hint of a blush crept over Harry's cheeks before he coughed into his fist and scratched the back of his head. 

‘’Erh... nowhere really, fast food always makes me tired, and I easily space out I guess.’’ 

Another smile formed as he shrugged in an innocent way, not giving a more informative explanation.

‘’No shit, you didn’t even react when food hit your face.’’

‘’What?’’

Harry’s gaze fell downwards and surely; a piece of pepperoni laid in his lap. He chuckled as the blush in his cheeks deepened, and he flicked it away. 

‘’Heavy brain, serious thinking you know.-’’ Harry tapped his temple and rolled his eyes, laughing at himself. ‘’-So what’s up lads, any news?’’

Niall kept stuffing his face as Harry looked around, obviously waiting for someone else to take the word. Zayn didn’t even bother to move his eyes and seemed as interested as a pot plant whereas Louis stared around like Harry. It was Liam who cleared his throat and hunched forward on the couch, drawing everyone’s attention.

‘’Guess I’m the only one with news then, so, I just got dumped last month.’’

Louis’ head whipped around with a broad smile as Niall choked on the food he currently had in his mouth and coughed out loud.

‘’The dragon-lady finally removed the chain around your bollocks?’’

‘’Louis!’’

‘’What, oh pardon me language Harold, but that woman was a plague who screamed like a fucking banshee whenever I had the misfortune to be around.’’

Niall recovered from his choking and placed the pizza down as he turned to Liam with a small glance before tapping one of his shoulders.

‘’You alright mate, ignore the shit that comes from Louis’ mouth.’’

A soft smile formed on Liam’s face as he flicked the back of Louis’ head.

‘’I'm all right, and Louis, she only screamed at you because honestly, she can’t stand you.’’

The scoff that left was louder than usual, but he couldn’t stop the bubble of laughter that followed right behind. He couldn’t lie, and hearing Liam broke up with that demon, was the best news he’d heard in a while. It wasn’t often he cringed around the female population, but that one made all the hair on his body rise and hiss like a threatened cat.

‘’She was a bitch Liam, end of the story, you know I’m right.’’

‘’No she wasn’t, and I’d appreciate if you keep your comments to yourself when she doesn’t deserve them. Anyway, we’re over, and I’m honestly ok with it.’’ There were no traces of lies in Liam’s face, and his smile was genuine.

‘’So what happened, why did she call it quits?’’ Niall piped up as he scooted a little closer, curiosity screaming out of his face but he had the decency to blush in embarrassment to his prying question.

‘’Drifted apart, you know, it happens, and it was for the best. She wasn’t happy anymore, said I changed and wasn’t the same person she fell in love with. She's right, I used to be head over heels for her, but when she told me we didn’t work anymore, I found myself agreeing. I was even a bit relieved.’’

‘’Are we seriously doing this, having a chick-flick meeting where we cry and share our deepest feelings? If this is your standard hang-out routine, then thank God I’m leaving this town.‘’ Zayn, who’d been silent since they came back, suddenly rose from his seat and grabbed his jacket hanging on the couch.

‘’Wait, what do you mean by leaving town?‘’ Harry immediately shot up and seized Zayn’s elbow with confusion painting his expression. 

‘’I’m moving. A job offer came up in Germany, and I accepted it.’’

‘’You’re _what?_ -‘’ Harry’s voice turned weaker as his hand fell from Zayn’s arm. ‘’-You accepted a job in another country and didn’t bother sharing this news? What, were you just going to leave without saying anything?’’

‘’I just did. I was going to inform you later when your entourage wasn’t around but that obviously didn’t happen. You know now.’’

Without adding further explanation, Zayn shook free and left the flat without another glance, leaving one hurt friend and three perplexed lads who stared at the door in silence. Tension grew thick as Harry slid back into his seat with a deep frown and the atmosphere seemed to bother Niall the most as he blurted out.

‘’What’s his problem?’’ 

‘’He’s a dick.’’ Louis waved his hand and shook his head in disgust.

‘’No, normally he isn’t, but he’s different. A while back, before I knew him, he had his heart broken, and he always reacted this way when it came up. I guess Liam’s news brought back some memories he didn’t want to deal with.’’ 

Harry fumbled with his phone as Louis scoffed, not accepting the excuse. 

‘’Well, he’s still a dick.’’

‘’You’re the one to talk.’’

Niall chimed in as he waggled his brows in a teasing matter, drawing a crooked smile from Louis as he shrugged, not agreeing but not denying either. He knew his attitude wasn’t much better, but he still thought Zayn’s outburst was unnecessary and it didn’t gain him any stars in his book. The news of his departure didn’t concern him much when he’d never really liked the bloke in the first place.

‘’I’ll call him later tonight, let him steam off a little first.’’

Harry, who’d typed on the brick he called a phone, placed it back in his pocket and forced out a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. The cheerful mood had vanished, and they all looked around, not really sure what to say or behave, and it crawled up Louis’ spine. At last, Liam cleared his throat and placed his napkin down, going for a small smile as he checked the clock on his wrist.

‘’I’m sorry lads, but I have a deadline to meet so I should probably be going, Niall-‘’ he glanced up with a questionable look. ‘’-You drove to the park right, could you perhaps give me a ri-’’

‘’Yep, let’s go.’’

Niall’s answer shot from his mouth and the waves of relief and thankfulness of having an excuse to leave was prominent. The two of them scrambled up to grab their things, waved goodbye and followed through the door with hasty steps. 

Louis rolled his eyes as he chuckled lightly, leaning back into his seat as he threw his feet up on the table and placed his hands behind his head. Fatigue crept up on him as the flat lost the extra energy and he noticed how Harry yawned and copied his movements. Before Harry could put his feet up, though, he shifted position, so his own left the table and reached Harry’s lap instead. 

‘’You owe me a foot rub, it’s the least you could do.’’

‘’For what?’’

‘’Buying dinner, and releasing you from your daily nanny duty today.''

He received a middle finger and laughed, but his feet surprisingly remained his Harry’s lap when he’d expected to have them smacked off. His head came to rest on the armrest while he stretched his limbs out, groaning at the ache it brought him and snorted when fingers started circling one of his heels.

‘’I wasn’t serious-‘’ a thumb pressed rhythmically beneath his sole and an approving sound of pleasure left him as he closed his eyes. ‘’-I take it back, I was deadly serious because that’s fucking brilliant.’’ 

Harry kept massaging for a while, and Louis felt like he was about to ascend into heaven and plead for wings, so he never had to experience the pain of walking again. Too soon the pleasant rubs to his feet left, and it all crashed down when Harry smacked his knee.

‘’Okay enough, my hands are cramping up.’’

He whined in protest and puffed dissatisfied when it was obvious Harry wouldn’t buckle.

‘’So unfair, you are a cruel human being.-’’ He pushed out his bottom lip in a sour scowl but ended up rolling his eyes when Harry sent him an unimpressed expression in return.  
‘’-I’ll reconsider if you do thirty minutes next time.’’

One of Harry’s brows arched in surprise before he laughed softly and stroked the tip of his chin.

‘’Really now, and what do I get in return besides muscle pain?’’

He smirked as he shrugged, they both knew he couldn’t do shit and wouldn’t spend any effort trying. Being mischievous, on the other hand, came as natural as breathing and his smirk widened.

‘’Well, want a blowie? Guess it’s about time.’’

‘’Always. Your bed or mine?''

The sexual comments, or banter, didn’t bother him as much as it had done, it wasn’t serious, and they both knew where the line went. In fact, he rarely focused on Harry’s sexuality when it didn’t faze him, and when Harry never made a big deal about it either, he simply forgot it.

‘’I think I prefer this couch.’’

‘’Hm, it’s quite comfortable.’’

They lived in 2015 where people could do whatever the fuck they wanted for all he cared. If people wished to screw a woman, a man or a bloody tree, they were allowed to in his opinion; whatever floats their boat and all that.

‘’It isn’t, but it has the best angle and height.’’

‘’That’s true. Do I get a prize for today’s session?’’

‘’To tired, tomorrow perhaps. Have to consider it.’’

‘’Before or after my class?’’

‘’Early bird gets the worm.’’

‘’Unfortunately, you’re not a morning person, and I’d appreciate not having my dick bitten off.’’

‘’Ah yes, that’s a risk.’’

‘’I think I’ll pass, but thanks for the offer.’’

Another murmur of chuckles accompanied Harry’s, as he wiped his eyes and pulled himself up, rolling his shoulders and shaking back some energy when it was too early to call it a night.

‘’Well it was nice bringing Liam today. Think I might invite him back.’’

‘’I’m working the weekend but I made some plans with Liam the one after, so I can mention another round at the park if you want?’’

The news made him frown.

‘’You two already made plans to hang out, when did that happen and what plans?’’

‘’Oh at the field earlier and it’s nothing big, I just said I would help arrange his wardrobe, so we’re going shopping. Guess he wants to freshen up or something-‘’ Harry smiled before he started laughing. ‘’-Maybe take him to fix our manicure as well, convince him to do the whole shebang with me. Would be fun.’’

Louis didn’t find it near as funny and stayed silent, still frowning as he watched Harry. He didn’t like the idea of them hanging out alone together; it rather pissed him off since it made him feel like he wasn’t good enough to bring along.

‘’What, why? Why did he ask you, I could’ve helped him with that and when did the two of you become so bloody close?’’

Harry stopped laughing when the seriousness in his voice broke through and the strained expression coating his features could be seen. In confusion Harry tipped his head to the side, brows arching and lashes fluttering against his cheek as he blinked.

‘’He’s a great lad, nice and friendly, so he’s easy to get along with. I assume he asked me after I told him I’m interested in fashion and enjoy shopping. I may have some tips to give him.’’

‘’So you’re saying I have no style? What the hell, if I’m that bad why haven’t you offered to take me shopping then? I love spending money, and I could buy a whole fucking store if I wanted.’’

Harry stared dumbstruck as his voice failed to say the words his lips mouthed. It didn’t take much to fuel Louis’ anger and the thought of being pushed aside when he’d finally managed to reconsider the whole having friends deal made him seethe. He’d cringed around Harry’s presence before, but when he sensed he’d been used as a bridge to Liam the thought of not being around Harry’s presence was worse. It made absolutely no sense, and he didn’t appreciate the churn of unexpected jealousy soaring in his gut. 

‘’Well, I didn’t think you wanted to go shopping with me, but if you do you’re more than welcome to join. I’ve never commented on your style because I think you look great, no wrongs there.’’

Louis scoffed, but he didn’t say anything and avoided looking at Harry as a ridiculous satisfaction of having better style than Liam in Harry’s opinion rose. It was pitiful, and such thoughts shouldn’t have manifested in the first place when he couldn’t care less. With a quick shake, he got off the couch and moved towards the front door.

‘’Come on, let’s get some food.’’

‘’What, we just ate, and you’re still hungry?’’

He tugged on his shoes and grabbed his jacket, almost halfway out the door as he looked back at Harry with a serious nod.

‘’Firstly, we had three pizzas, and there were five of us. Secondly, Niall was here holding most of it hostage, so I would say we got to eat like one or two slices each. So yes, I’m still hungry.’’

A few seconds of silence passes before realisation dawned over Harry and he dragged a hand over his face as a sigh escaped.

‘’Now that you mentioned it I can’t help but agree.’’

‘’Exactly, so hurry up, or I’m leaving without you.’’

*

‘’Of all the places you could've brought me, and _this_ is the place you chose, _Leon_ , seriously? You have to be kidding me; I said I wanted food, not some hummus shit.’’

Big letters formed the word Leon, and he groaned as it glared him in the face when Harry shut the engine off. He forcefully left the car and followed over the parking lot, looking around to see if anyone he knew was around. Who was he fooling, his crowd of people wouldn’t go near a place like Leon.

‘’Have you ever been here before? It is a fast food place if you haven't noticed.’’

‘’Fuck no, all that green stuff on their menu doesn’t qualify as fast food...-‘’ He pointed at a sign with something unfamiliar on, a few feet away from the entrance. ‘’-and what the hell is a-'' he squinted his eyes to read. ''- _Rhubarb Koresh hot box?_ That doesn't even sound safe; I just want a fucking burger.’’

‘’And they have, so shut up and give it a shot.’’

His eyes threatened to roll out of his head as he mumbled curses under his breath, too quiet for Harry to hear while he made a sacred promise never to let him pick a place to eat ever again. He was too busy staring at the ground and sulking like a child to notice how Harry had stopped in the door, and he walked straight into his back.

‘’Oi, what the- go on so we can get this over with.’’

‘’Uh- right- um- you sure you don’t, uh- want to go to burger king after all?’’

Harry’s voice was shaky, and he kept stuttering as he quickly looked back and forth between his face and somewhere inside. It made him frown as he glanced inside too, seeing nothing unusual, just a few people at the back. But the way Harry's mood suddenly changed and the way he acted all nervous about going in spiked his curiosity. A part of him just had to know why.

‘’So you suddenly don’t want to eat here anymore, why?’’

‘’No- No reason, I just- you won’t like the food anyw- why waste more time yeah?’’

‘’Oh no no no, you can’t just force me here and then all of a sudden care what I want when you literally told me to shut up and give it a chance. Why won’t you go in?’’

Harry seemed terrified as he thought of something to say, hands nervously fiddled, and eyes never kept still. He took a deep breath and sighed in defeat as he held his hand out, indicating for them to go inside.

‘’Fine, but let’s have the food to go, I don’t feel like sitting here.’’

‘’Oh come on! Eating in the car is not an option, and the food will be cold if we wait until we’re back home. Just find somewhere to sit, and I’ll order.’’

Tired of waiting and discussing, he waved Harry off as he walked closer to the desk, missing how Harry’s face fell and how the rest of him stiffened up. As soon as he reached the line, he stood behind a small family and glanced up to read the menu, not understanding half of it, but sighed in relief when he read the word burger.

_Chickenburger?_ No  
_Chorizo burger?_ No  
_Halloumi burger?_ What the fuck was that?

He groaned, the place didn’t even have an average cheeseburger like every other place, and he cursed Harry’s fucking health obsession. The family was ordering when he remembered he was supposed to buy for him too, and he had absolutely no idea what he wanted. He craned his neck to search for the familiar head and located it almost hiding in one of the nearest booths.

‘’Yo Harold! What poison do you want?’’

His brow rose when he saw how Harry nearly jumped out of his seat and hurriedly dropped his head like he was afraid someone would see him. In the corner of his eye, he noticed the people at the furthest table stopped laughing and turned around to stare. 

‘’Just get me something with chicken.’’

The small whisper barely reached his ears, and he wondered what the hell was going on, one moment Harry was fine and the next he was neurotic. He turned back and stepped up to the cashier as the family finished.

‘’I’ll have the meatball burger and the... uh-‘’ he glanced back up and scanned through the chicken options. ‘’- the chicken wrap.’’

‘’Chicken and chorizo wrap or chargrilled aioli chicken wrap?’’

It was like the overly enthusiastic man behind the desk spoke in tongues, and he wasn’t sure what it meant when chorizo had to be some sort of sausage. Why anyone would eat it with chicken didn’t make sense, and aioli, on the other hand, sounded like a hair product.

‘’er- the last one I suppose- and throw in some fries with the burger.’’

‘’Would you want some Fresh Slaw, or perhaps chilli sauce, aioli or Tarragon Mayo with the fries?’’

‘’No. Ketchup will be more than enough.’’

‘’What would you like to drink? I recommend the AppleZap if you like sparkling drinks, if not our Lemon Ginger Quencher is superb.’’

A lemon ginger what?  
He wasn’t sure if the place even had Basic English words and he depressingly felt dumber for every second that passed.

‘’Regular, standard, still water please, two bottles.’’

As he was typing his pin code, he sensed someone approaching and when he looked up, a guy with sand blond hair stood next to him. His grey eyes quickly found his and a crooked smile entered before he slowly spoke.

‘’Nice company you have.’’

Automatically his eyes flicked back to Harry, who had his glued to the table while shielding half of his face with his other hand. He relocated back to the stranger and sent him a questionable look, not understanding who he was or what he wanted.

‘’You know him?’’

‘’You could say that.’’

A few pieces clicked together in his mind concerning Harry’s behaviour, and it made him more curious.

‘’And you are?’’

‘’You shouldn’t waste your time, it’s not worth it.’’

Before he could ask what it was supposed to mean the stranger took the small bottle he’d purchased and left without another glance, strolling back to his table at the back. He kept wondering what the whole deal was as he returned to Harry's table and placed the food down.

‘’Charming friend you have over there.''

Harry’s eyes widened when he sat down and flicked his thumbs in the direction where the strange guy was located. Without turning to see, Harry paled and piped through a stiff jaw. 

‘’You talked to him?’’

‘’Aha, so you do know him then and call me insane, but I have this slight suspicion he’s the reason you’re acting like a nervous breakdown.’’

Eventually, Harry discreetly looked over his shoulder to see the source of his growing anxiety but flinched right back. Louis could tell it wasn’t a happy reunion and how Harry placed all his focus in opening his food it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it. But as always, Louis didn’t have that filter and asked nevertheless.

‘’So what’s the story?’’

No answer.

‘’You know I’ll start guessing if you don’t say anything.’’

No answer.

‘’Fine so be it. I’ll have to go with the assumption he was the love of your life or something, and then perhaps cheated on you. Oh no wait, maybe _you_ cheated on him. Or could it be he stole you man in some twisted love triangle? So many possibilities, come on spill. I’ll keep going.’’

A scoff left Harry as he shook his head, but it made Louis smile as he saw the defeat taking over.

‘’No he was not, and none of those things happened. It was a different time; I was different. That’s all; I’m done with that part of my life, and I don’t plan on going down memory lane.’’

Something near shame, if he had to guess, coloured Harry’s cheeks as he lowered his head further and fumbled with the wrapping paper. It seemed like a sensitive subject and from the way Harry turned all sad and regretful, Louis lost the need to snoop as hard. He was willing to let it go and rather ask later, but clearly, it wasn’t Harry’s day when a voice interrupted. 

‘’Well isn’t it Styles, it’s been a long time hasn’t it?’’

A hand clapped Harry’s shoulder, a little harsher than normal and the guy slid into the seat next to him with a forced smile that didn’t reach his eyes. From the unexpected touch, Harry jumped a little before he squirmed in his seat.

‘’yeah… hi Dean, fancy seeing you here.’’

‘’it is isn’t it, almost as if it was meant to be. But oh, where are my manners, who’s the girlfriend?’’

Dean’s smile never faltered as Louis' head snapped up, glaring at the new addition to their table when the bitter tone scraped through his ears. 

‘’Excuse me?’’

‘’Oh I didn’t mean to be rude, but you look like the submissive one out of the two of you, with your curvy feminine frame and shorter height. Harry here always referred me as the girlfriend when we were together. Not my proudest memory I must say so I can sympathise.’’

A blush of mortification stung Harry’s cheeks as he held his head low and avoided looking at either of them. The situation was awkward, painfully so and even Louis shifted a bit uncomfortably in his seat when he had no idea what was going on. What he didn’t tolerate though, was being made fun of in any way and he hissed back. 

‘’This is not my shit to deal with, so don’t bring me into it, and never call me short or a fucking girl again.’’

‘’Oh, you found a sassy one this time Harry, that must be fun. Great in bed I bet with that fine accessory he carries, it screams attention.-.'' Dean looked back at him with a creepy smirk. ‘’-You must be a bottom, right? It would be a shame if not with a peach like that. I could show you something real if you’re tired of being his toy.’’

His mind was exploding with annoyance, and when he looked back at Harry, all he could see was how uncomfortable and upset the conversation made him. It was a pity sight he didn’t quite like, and the obnoxious idiot was really stepping on his last nerve of patience. Curiosity still lingered but he wanted the guy gone, preferably smashed on the concrete floor with food shoved up his own _peach_.

‘’Dan was it? Clearly, you don’t get the silent message here, so hear this then, _fuck off_ -'' he flipped Dean off while sending him a death glare. ‘’-I would rather shove my dead grandmother’s dildo up my arse before letting you touch me.’’

It made Dean laugh as he clapped his hands, and it sent Louis’ hand twitching.

‘’I see, feisty but still so naive. Just let me give you a final advice then _girlfriend_ -‘’ Dean rose from his seat and leant slightly over the table while his smirk dropped into a grimace ‘’-ditch him before he really screws you over. You’re the one who’ll suffer the backlash, not him; he’s nothing but a twisted shit.’’

With that Dean walked away, leaving them in a painful silence. He wasn’t sure he’d heard the man right when the description was closer to what he’d been over the years, while Harry had acted sickly kind to the point where he’d even dreamt of choking him.

‘’What the-‘’

He didn’t get to say more as Harry abruptly rose and ran, leaving his food and hurried from the place. Irritating laughter escaped the other table as he scrambled after, barely able to grab the burger he never got to take a bite from.

‘’Fuck. Harry wait-’’

With how fast Harry went, he had to physically run to catch up, but he received no response, and they reached the car in seconds. He scurried inside to see strained lines painting Harry's eyes cold, and his body language seethed with guilt and hurt. It was unfamiliar to witness, and he felt lost for words when he’d never experienced a negative side from Harry. The ride home seemed like hours, it was the most uncomfortable he’d felt in Harry’s company when the silence ate at his bones, and the tension was suffocating. As soon as they entered the flat, he couldn’t take it any longer, and he shouted in distress.

‘’Would you just say something for fuck sake, what the hell just happened?’’

Harry stopped after he’d flinched his jacket off, but didn’t turn around.

‘’Nothing.’’

‘’Nothing my arse, he just said a lot of shit and you... you scrambled away like the fucking devil was chasing you.’’

He stepped closer and grabbed Harry’s arm to tug him around, wanting to talk to his face instead of his back so he could at least try to read the situation. But as soon as he did, he wished he hadn’t when Harry’s back would’ve been easier to look at. Red-rimmed eyes with a touch of wetness glared in his face, and the most saddened expression Harry had worn took place. A queasy sense of nausea formed in his stomach against his will as he kept staring at the mess that was supposed to be Harry. 

‘’He had every right to say what he said, I just wasn’t prepared for it.’’

‘’What are you talking about, how-''

‘’What the hell do you know Louis, you have no idea of who I am or who I used to be.’’

‘’Fair enough, so by all means, enlighten me. Who the fuck are you then, if not the exhausting buzz of glee that's annoying the shit out of me on a daily basis? Can’t possibly understand why you fucking care what he has to spit out if you are what you said earlier, done with that part of your life.’’ 

Seeing people be so affected by others pissed him off, and he couldn’t understand why they would let someone unimportant knock them down. It was a weakness he didn’t like, but the flare of anger that mixed with Harry’s sadness sent a sting of sympathy through his system. The usual happy Harry he’d grown accustomed to, had never seemed further away.

‘’You know, you’re such a hypocrite. You imply I shouldn’t be hung up on my past, but I'm sure as hell not the only one here having issues with something that happened years ago.’’

It hit harder than he’d expected and a part of him knew Harry was right, but it was different. His problems with the past had nothing to do with some silly love affair gone sour like he assumed were Harry’s issues. 

‘’My past and yours aren't even close so don’t fucking play that card and why are you turning this shit on me? It’s you who’s freaking out.’’

‘’You say it like you already know mine, which you really don’t but fine, let's see how much you think you know then. Did you know I used to be you?’’

The change of facts caught him off guard, and he blinked in confusion, unsure Harry was mad enough to make something up or not. 

‘’What?’’

‘’Oh, so you didn't know, what a _shocking_ surprise. I was you, even a shittier version to be exact. Fucked around, partied all the time and couldn’t care less about people’s feelings or how I treated them. Did what the hell I wanted, took what I wanted and didn’t bother about anything else, sounds familiar?’’

He simply stared at Harry with raised brows, not quite able to picture it. The drunk slut card didn’t fit the personality he’d been living with for months, and it sounded weird. 

‘’Seriously?’’

‘’It was partly the reason I decided to move in with you because the situation felt familiar and I saw myself in you. It’s like looking into a broken mirror, and I had this stupid idea that maybe I could help in some way before you do something and it's too lat-.''

Harry looked away as he dragged a hand down his face to stop his ramble, and the previous flash of anger burned out to let the sadness return.

‘’Do what, something you did?’’

‘’Just- forget it, I don’t want to discuss this anymore.’’

‘’You can’t just leave it at that!-’’

Harry scoffed and moved away with a shaking head, trying to end the conversation but Louis found himself too invested to let it go so quickly.

‘’-Do you really want me to find out from someone else? Believe me, I will, one way or another, even if it involves tracking your shitty ex down.’’

Just as he said it, he realised he shouldn’t have, and he hadn’t meant to either when he never would’ve bothered the effort. It left a mark though as Harry stopped dead in his tracks and turned painfully slow, eyes blown as he stared with a stricken expression.

‘’Do you hear yourself? I don’t owe you an explanation; I don’t owe you anything at all so why the hell are you suddenly threatening me? Manipulation isn’t included in this strange friendship thing we have going on.’’

Louis knew he was unfair and way out of line, but he couldn’t help himself when frustration and curiosity took charge.

‘’I have to know!’’

‘’Why, it doesn't even involve you for Christ sake.’’

‘’Because you’re all miserable and shit! You’re never like this, and I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t care about personal nonsense, but for some irrational fucked up reason I need to know so I can, I don’t know, awkwardly pat your back and get it out of my system because this-‘’ He waved his hands back and forth between them. ‘’- situation makes me uncomfortable as fuck.’’

His breathing turned deeper as he spoke and he hated getting worked up when he wasn’t sure what caused it. Just the thought of him caring how Harry felt at the moment made him nauseated, and he’d never argued with a friend before. He and Liam had never talked much about personal stuff, and he was glad for it when he didn't like it one bit. Something seemed to be different with Harry, though, because there he was, keeping the discussion going. The longest silence fell between them, and he realised he was acting like a fool, practically demanding Harry to share his secrets with someone who wasn't even remotely capable of understanding.

‘’You know what, fine. Whatever you say won't make me feel worse anyway so-.'' Harry sighed as he rubbed his temples and shook his head. ''-I used to be a person who played with people’s feelings and lives just to prove I could. And I liked it back then.’’

''Alright, what did you do?''

His eyes circled back to Harry’s guilty ones, where sorrow shot out like bullets that managed to bump his beloved armour. The way Harry didn’t want to tell but did so anyway felt heavy on his chest, and he looked away in hopes for the tension to vanish.

‘’I used them as toys, said whatever needed to win their trust and ruined them once I received what I was after. It was exhilarating because I used to make a game out of it, or place a bet with my friends. I went for the ones who had a hard time accepting themselves, made it more challenging with their beliefs, and how terrified they were of being exposed.-’’

A deep breath went up Harry’s nose as he leant back against the wall and wiped his eyes.

‘’-I pretended to be all prince charming to get them in my bed, and once I did, I broke them. Commented on how they looked, how they weren’t good enough, made them do everything for me, and just, mentally abused them. It gave me a sick thrill to humiliate them, and I simply laughed when they ended up in tears as they realised their mistake.-’’

Harry let his head fall, and Louis could see how disgusted he was with himself while trying his hardest to compose himself.

‘’-Didn't care how much I hurt them, both physically and mentally when all I wanted was to win. With the placed bets I needed proof, and what I did was disgusting. Never flinched or hesitated then, but now I would give everything to take it back. I was so fucked up and only focused on the money I would get, you understand where I’m going?’’

Harry hesitantly glanced up and stared straight into his eyes, searching for something he didn’t understand, but he could imagine what Harry had done.

‘’You needed proof, so, you filmed them?’’

‘’I made sure my face was hidden, but every other detail of our act was for everyone to see. I had no tattoos back then, or any other distinct marks, so even though people knew it was me it couldn't be proven. I was horrible; there are no words to describe what kind of person I was and those lives I ruined, it just boosted my sick ego.’’

Unable to stop it from forming, he swallowed the bile he felt rising when the unexpected reality of Harry’s past was shared. It did surprise him when he found it difficult to picture him being a vicious person. Had he heard the story a few months earlier, he’d probably laughed and found the whole thing funny, but things had apparently changed when he felt his stomach continued to churn. Angel wasn’t a word he would describe himself with, he’d hurt people and screwed around, but he’d never intentionally ruined people’s lives for fun or money. Or at least he hadn’t managed to go there yet.

‘’So what changed?’’ He was almost afraid of Harry’s answer.

‘’Dean. He was in love with me, worshipped me like I was a freaking god or something, so I kept him around a bit longer than usual. But after the video of us surfaced, everything blew up in my face. He had a fragile heart, but his loyal friends lost it on his behalf and beat me up really bad one night. I ended up in the hospital, and it wasn’t until I was released I heard what had happened.-’’

Harry’s voice got smaller for each word, and the shakiness kept growing as he hugged himself tightly.

''-Dean had received threats and comments of how disgusting he was from people everywhere online, but it was the rejection from his family he couldn’t handle. They threw him out and told him he was dead to them, so he tried taking his life. The reality of seeing what my actions had done opened my eyes, and it struck me unexpectedly hard. Suddenly I couldn’t walk down the street without having threats shouted after me or fists connecting with my body. Those who didn’t speak up sent hateful glares and whispered to each other how repulsing I was and how I should've been the one who attempted suicide. It became too intense for me to handle and the sight of every person I'd hurt the same way ruined what was left of my sanity. Once I scraped myself through the months I had left of school I took the cowardly way out, packed my bag and ran away to London. I practically lived at my psychologist’s office where I finally understood what I had done and couldn’t forgive myself. I broke down and was a complete mess, but after two years it was through those lessons I realised who I wanted to be. I’d caused so much pain and harm, and I promised myself I’d never be that person again.''

The single tear breaking free from Harry’s eye slipped down his cheek and made Louis’ stomach drop. Harry was hurting and fragile and so bloody honest that a sudden nudge to make him feel better, even just a little, knocked on his conscience. He didn’t dare to think it over as he stepped closer and placed a tentative hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly in a way he guessed could be seen as comforting. Experience of consoling someone was the last thing he possessed, and when Harry automatically leant into the touch and rested his head on his shoulder, his whole body froze. He stiffened so much he wasn't even able to flinch away, and barely breathing, but after a painful silence, he managed to croak out his voice.

‘’Um, It’s okay? How long was this ago?’’

‘’I ran when I turned legal, but it felt like yesterday, and everything rushed back when I saw his face today.’’

‘’Come on, you were barely eighteen. A shitty messed up teenager with some dark issues, but teenagers are known for making mistakes, and you’re probably the most bloody caring guy I’ve ever met. It's unhealthy really, annoying as fuck but even I can tell you aren't that person anymore.’’

His muscles jerked awake, and he jumped from Harry when he burst into a laughing fit, shaking uncontrollably as tears busted from his eyes. He stared with fear at Harry, who’d probably lost it or something where he steadied himself at the kitchen counter while the rest of his body rocked. 

‘’Uh... Harry?’’ 

With wary eyes he carefully stepped closer, ready to sprint the fuck away if Harry decided to go mental. Harry wiped his eyes clear from water as he coughed out the last of his laughter and cleared his throat.

‘’Who would’ve thought that you, Louis shitty Tomlinson the emotionless slut, or should I say previously? Who couldn’t stand my fucking face would be comforting me, the gay nanny from hell with a similar past? It is rather bizarre if you think about it, and what’s more ridiculous, is that it’s working.’’

It stole half a smile from his mouth as he found himself agreeing. Everything was spiraling in a strange way, and if they had been in the same situation a few months earlier, he wouldn’t have bothered listening. He wouldn’t have gone out to eat with Harry in the first place either. Things were changing alright, and the uncomfortable mix of different feelings clawing their way back to the surface wasn’t what he wanted. Unfortunately, he seemed to have a hard time drowning them back down.

‘’Yeah, well I guess it proves what I've always suspected, you're some assassin, cooked up in my mother's voodoo room to soften me up before you strike me down. Did you dose me with fairy dust or something, burned me with a cross or performed some empathy ritual while I slept? Because I can't possibly understand where this sudden burst of exactly that, empathy, is coming from.’’

‘’You mean that?’’ 

He rolled his eyes at the way Harry’s head popped back up with a fond smile and softening eyes, staring with a new wave of emotion he couldn’t place. 

‘’Well look at me. I don’t recognise this version, kindness isn’t my thing, and I’ve never chosen to hang out with you lads over a house filled with alcohol and sex before. It’s not good, but I’m disturbingly not freaking the fuck out with this whole new setting.’’

Fresh blood rushed to his cheeks as they flamed hot, it sadly seemed to be the truth, but he was still mortified to admit it out loud. 

‘’I like this setting, I knew you had it in you somewhere.’’

‘’If you believe I of all people have a trace of actual kindness in me, then surely you’re shitting rainbows and whatnot. Forget that Dan wanke-‘’

‘’Dean.’’

‘’Right, whatever, it was ages ago, and it’s done and over with. Pull your shit together.’’

The fond smile stayed on Harry’s mouth as he straightened up and rolled his shoulders, shaking off the last traces of tension and it made Louis calmer too.

‘’You and your charming words, how can I argue with that. I have forgiven myself for it now, I never would’ve moved on if I hadn't come to terms with my mistakes. Dean caught me off guard today, and every memory came crashing back. It was overwhelming since I never thought I would see him here in London.''

‘’This part of yourself, is it what you talked about in your acting class?’’

It made sense when he recalled the way Harry had spoken during the circle of truth nonsense, and from the way Harry kept his stare without blinking, it seemed he was spot on.

‘’Yeah, partly. It will always be a part of me, and I have to live with it, but I’m still hesitant to share it. It’s personal, and I don’t want everybody to know.’’

‘’Then why let me know, we aren't exactly, you know, best of friends.’’

‘’You didn't give me much of choice now did you?''

''No, perhaps not. Still, you could've just left, I wouldn't have bothered to track that wanker down anyway.''

''I know, but I figured it was worth a shot.''

‘’Worth a shot?’’

Harry dropped his gaze, but the smile never left as he walked back over, and captured him in a hug, shocking him to his core. The core that supposedly wasn't as icy as he'd initially thought and he tapped the back of Harry in an awkward ‘there-there’ comfort. It was a huge step, a step he wasn’t comfortable with, and his eyes widened to the point where it hurt. Unable to back away he was trapped in Harry’s personal space, and all the hair on his neck hissed when Harry spoke directly into his ear.

‘’To see how you'd react and you know what, just because you don't see yourself as friend material doesn't mean you're right. You just proved that, so thank you, Louis.’’

The arms around his frame slowly retrieved but before he could sprint away, a wet sensation touched his skin in a quick motion, and a blur of Harry left his sight. When his brain managed to put the dots together and inform a kiss had been planted on his cheek, he flinched with a horrified expression. Mortification and frustration welled up as he flicked around, ready to punch Harry in the face for taking advantage but nothing but empty space met his sight. He’d unwillingly shared a moment with Harry, an abnormal moment where they had bonded or some shit and he was not entirely ok with it. 

He hurried to his room and slammed the door shut, he needed some alone time away from Harry when he certainly didn’t want to morph into one of those emotional wrecks. What he needed was to get out of the bubble he'd been lured and trapped into; it wasn't healthy for his mind when he couldn’t stop the flush of his face. As panic kept rushing through his body, he broke his own rule once more as he hurriedly fished out a pack of cigarettes from his night stand and lit one up. He inhaled deeply, and the rough smoke burned down his throat, chasing away most of the panic, and he slumped against the wall in relief.

*

Even though he didn’t fancy the _‘new’_ development in their so called friendship, he couldn’t’ find a way to stop it from happening either. It stretched within and reached the part he’d feared the most, the part where he kept guilt towards Harry hidden and as soon as it was exposed it hit him so much harder than he’d expected. Uncontrollably and frustratingly his view on Harry changed after their embarrassing moment, and he found himself approaching with more understanding than he’d showed most people. After Harry had opened up, he strangely felt trustworthy and countable, something he’d never felt.

He wasn’t sure how to deal with it, but for once he couldn’t stop thinking he perhaps could try to be somewhat of a good friend back.

It was difficult to discover and realise flaws in himself, but the worst was for him to acknowledge he'd been wrong in several ways. The behaviour he’d shown from the start had slowly affected his mind, and he unwillingly felt he owed Harry some sort of an apology. He'd treated him like dirt under his shoe, and it was first now he understood it hadn't been right. He tried meeting Harry half way, placing the nice boy act on, and it was way harder than he'd thought. He tried smiling more, laughing more and showing some genuine interest in their conversations even though it felt unnatural.

It wasn't his style at all, but the urge to make amends and show he regretted his previous behaviour convinced him it was worth the try. The weak side of him knew Harry hadn’t deserved it, and he just didn't know what else to do. 

*


	4. Chapter 4

**Updated**

 

**Harry**

 

Days drifted and eventually, Harry and Louis found themselves walking around the mall, waiting for Liam to arrive so the whole makeover deal would happen.

‘’Come ooooooon! We’ve been at this store for half an hour already, Liam should be here any second.’’

Bored to death he whined and complained as Louis dragged him around one of those Apple stores to analyse every single little device. The response he gained was a small wave of Louis’ hand as he continued to look around with determined eyes, and he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He didn’t care what the difference between a _MacBook Pro_ and _MacBook Air_ was, and gave one fuck if the iPhone 6s came in black, white, even gold or the pink Louis had been studying. He most certainly didn’t care how much a bloody apple watch would weigh on his wrist when he didn’t even know its purpose. It was ridiculous, but Louis seemed like he was in some trance about to submit himself to tech heaven.

‘’Seriously, would you just pick one or none at all? I’m leaving.’’

‘’Hm. The regular or the plus version?’’

Louis had finally turned to face him as he held up several phones, frowning as he weighed them up and down. Why Louis even needed a new phone was unknown, his was working fine, and he already had the newest one. He was tired, and he rolled his eyes, getting nauseated by just looking at the items surrounding him when he had a sad feeling it was worth more than everything he owned.

‘’Does it matter?’’

‘’Which one looks better, standard white or black? Or perhaps the gold? Is the pink one a little too much, or no? It's rather adorable.’’

Tempted to knock Louis unconscious and drag him out of the store, not caring what it would look like, swelled up and he bit the inside of his cheek to stay put. If he had to listen to one more word about that god forbidden phone he would lose it.

‘’For fuck sake, you already have one! So just pick the bloody pink one you’ve been drooling at since we walked in and let’s go!’’

Louis smiled as he placed the rest of them down and wiggled a finger back and forth.

‘’Had a feeling you would say that one, now I just need to get the Mac and guess what? It comes in pink too, doing the whole matching thing here.’’

With an unimpressed face, he stood there, staring at Louis like he was the most obnoxious person on the planet before he simply turned around and left.

‘’You do that, I’m going to find Liam. Meet us when you’re done.’’

Once he stepped out of the store the invisible weight on his shoulders immediately lifted, and he breathed out in relief. He hated going to shops like Apple, not that he didn’t appreciate fancy electric equipment, he did, but he would never be able to buy anything anytime soon. Liam was found standing at the entrance, looking down at his phone, probably about to call or text as his fingers tapped fast. He ran over and greeted him with a smile, more than ready to explore some stores he could actually afford.

‘’Thank God you’re here, Lou is driving me insane.’’

‘’What did he do this time?’’

‘’Probably about to buy the entire apple store.’’

Liam laughed as he clapped him on the shoulder. 

‘’Yeah that lad doesn’t understand what it’s like to be normal, or broke in his eyes.’’

They were in some urban store when Louis finally met up with them, carrying not one but two large bags that glared in their faces. He seemed pleased with himself and Harry almost gagged when he thought about how much money they contained.

‘’I see you went all in after I left.’’ 

He dryly commented as he nodded towards Louis' hands and arched a brow when confusion settled over his expression.

‘’What, this? I don’t have anyone to carry these for me, so I just went with a light shopping today.’’

It was all it took to loosen his jaw, and his mouth popped open in disbelief, if it was normal for Louis to have a breathing shopping cart, he honestly didn’t know real struggle. He shook his head and turned his attention back to the clothes he'd been looking through, not having any words to form about Louis’ statement.

‘’So have you guys found anything in this-‘’ Louis looked around and frowned. ‘’-place? I’ve never been here before, actually never seen it.’’

‘’Of course you haven’t, this is a store for the poor.’’ 

Liam barked as he started laughing, and Harry joined as he found it incredibly unreal Louis had even stepped a foot inside. He'd never been shopping with Louis before, but the look on his face when he saw the general pricing was almost priceless. 

‘’Bloody hell, this-‘’ Louis held up a casual white t-shirt with a random print. ‘’-only costs like 10£, what’s it made of, paper?’’

Liam and Harry shared a glance as they smiled and forced their laughter down, Louis looked bewildered and lost, as if he couldn't understand what he was looking at.

‘’No it’s a simple t-shirt that hasn’t been washed in gold and hand sewn by Gucci.’’ 

He rolled his eyes as his sarcastic comment slipped out and it was the last straw for Liam as he laughed hard enough to form tears in his eyes while he grabbed the wall to steady himself. A small chuckle left him as well while Louis just stared at them with a scowl and flipped them off.

‘’Why don’t you humour us and try something on, God forbid you might find something likeable.’’

Twenty minutes later he regretted his words; he really regretted his words. His eyes landed on the familiar figure of Louis, walking around the shop with an unlucky employee trailing his steps with clothing after clothing draped over his shoulder. It was almost hard to spot his head underneath the enormous amount he carried.

‘’Is he serious?’’

With unease, he tapped Liam’s back to gain his attention, and when he turned to notice Louis as well, he scoffed.

‘’Well, he has money growing out of his arse and with the prices here he can afford to buy it all.’’

‘’He’s never going to buy them because then he’d have to carry all the bags and you saw how he reacted to the t-shirt earlier. Not a single piece of clothing I’ve seen him in lacks a designer logo so why would he even bother looking here. He’s just making his point to us, I mean, we cornered him to try something, and obviously he turned something into everything.’’

Liam didn’t answer as they stood there, watching Louis prance around like he was some high maintenance celebrity. If Louis did, messed around to amuse himself, Harry would never be seen in public with him again.

‘’You think he’d go that far?’’

‘’Well, can you picture Louis wearing that,-‘’ he pointed at the shirt standing out from the pile covering the man. ‘’-a black silk shirt with fucking pink flamingos on? It’s something I would wear.’’

‘’Erh, yeah I guess you have a point.’’

He’d seen enough, and he quickly walked over to the changing rooms, looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching before bending down. With quick eyes he scanned the booths until he found the familiar ankles of his roommate and walked in, not bothered to knock or announce his presence. Louis whipped around, head and one arm halfway through some shirt he’d seen earlier, and yelled as soon as his head poked through.

‘’What the hell, ever heard of knocking?'' He puffed out as he adjusted the shirt and covered the rest of his naked chest and stomach.

‘’What you’re doing isn’t funny, we get your point.’’

‘’What the fuck are you talking about, I’m just trying clothes on.’’

‘’Exactly. We get it; you hate cheap clothes and stores like this but why take it out on the man that has been carrying every single piece of clothing they have just to mess around?’’

Louis snorted as he turned back to the mirror he’d been using earlier, watching himself with the new t-shirt on. He un-buttoned his trousers and let them fall to the floor around his ankles while Harry was still standing there. Which alright, hadn’t happened before. 

‘’If I were to mess around, do you expect me to find the effort and waste my time trying all these fucking clothes on?’’

The sound of Louis' voice barely reached his ears as he shamelessly followed every inch of curves down his body. He trailed the new muscles from rounds of footie all the way up to his bum, and he had to blink twice to focus on it. It had been a while since he'd seen Louis in his briefs and he couldn’t lie; he’d missed the sight. It was quite appealing, and the shape of Louis’ figure was depressingly sinful. The thighs were thick, strong enough to carry Louis’ biggest ego which was the outstanding round bum he’d been lucky enough to see in its barest form once. It was unfair really, how a man could be blessed with such beautiful curves like he was. Even his waist was delicate and shaped the rest of his physique into a gorgeous hourglass figure that made Harry's fingers itching to reach out and touch just to see if it was even real. He was allowed to hate Louis a bit for that, for being a bit too appealing and sending his thoughts in the gutter. 

 

‘’-ood enough?’’ Louis reached over to his pile and started pulling on a new pair of jeans that held a deep colour of wine red.

‘’What?’’

Louis tipped his head to glare at him out of the corner of his eye, and he jumped a little by the sudden change.

‘’I said, is it that difficult to believe I find these clothes good- …were you just eye-raping my arse?’’

Heat spread up his neck, and he could feel how his cheeks warmed by how Louis had clearly busted his not so subtle ogling. But he wasn’t ashamed, they both knew Louis’ behind caught attention, and he smiled wickedly as he met Louis' eyes.

‘’Yes I was. Can you blame me?’’

The side of Louis' mouth rose along with his brow before he made a _tsk tsk_ sound and flicked his index.

‘’I thought we’d come to an agreement, but here you are, still busting a nut over me like some horny teenager. This store won't appreciate you coming out of this room with a visible hard on, there are kids here.’’

‘’You’re right, you should help me out, and give me a hand.’’

Just like that his previous irritation over Louis’ behaviour flew out the window and his playful banter returned, probably not in the right place, but he didn’t mind. Especially not when Louis didn’t kick him between the legs, which he’d feared a short second, but snorted unimpressed instead.

‘’Oh young Harold, I don’t think you’d be able to handle me I’m afraid. And you seem like a loud one, wouldn’t want the whole mall gathered around when they arrest you right?’’

He knew Louis was only joking around, but the whispered voice he used sent a shiver down his spine and threatened to make his briefs feel slightly tighter than before. Unable to shut his mind down, pictures of the dangerous scene popped in his head, and a part of him surprisingly wanted it rather bad. Perhaps it was about time he found someone to shag when the sight of Louis in his briefs caused his mind to spiral. Otherwise, he would probably end up dry humping Louis in desperation and such a scenario would definitely make him sterile.

‘’Poor Liam would never be able to erase that image I bet, speaking of, I should probably go back before he starts searching for us. I don’t think he’ll understand the joke.’’

He hurriedly stepped out of the room without glancing back, he needed to leave before he really did something stupid. Horny was all he was, really horny and Louis with that fucking bum of his didn’t exactly lessen his needs.

*

Three hours later Louis walked out of the mall with a satisfying grin, while Liam and Harry struggled to keep up while carrying too many bags. He’d been shocked when Louis bought almost every single clothing, and he’d been speechless ever since. Both their eyes had bulged when the total sum came up, but for two very different reasons. He’d been sick over how much Louis had spent, and Louis had been astonished by how cheap it was.

Exactly how he and Liam had managed to end up as Louis’ shopping carts was a mystery, but they both found themselves swamped. They didn’t even fit through the door leading to the parking garage and had to take turns to make sure no one got stuck. At least, he’d managed to find Liam a few new items, even a pair of shoes, so the trip hadn’t just been successful for Louis. After they had dropped Liam off at his place and finally been able to get all of Louis’ stuff up to the flat, he slumped to the floor in exhaustion. He spread out and let a heavy sigh leave; the casual shopping trip had turned out to be harder than a bloody cardio class.

‘’Don’t tell me you’re tired?’’

He scrambled up into a sitting position as he found Louis standing a few feet away.

‘’Let’s see how hyper you are after carrying your weight in bags through a huge mall! Why did you even buy so much, nobody needs like ten pairs of skinny jeans, especially not you when your wardrobe is already flooding.’’

Louis only smiled as he went through the bags, moving clothes around like it made a difference. He kept working a while before he seemed finished and stepped back, looking over with an unsure expression.

‘’Was all that necessary?’’

‘’Mhm.’’

‘’Why, it’s all going to end up in your closet so why bother sorting them?’’

‘’I wasn’t.’’

‘’No? So what was the purpose of all this then?’’ he waved his hands around, gesturing to all of the bags not understanding the purpose.

‘’I was separating them.’’

‘’Okay… What’s the difference?’’

Why he even bothered to ask he didn’t know, Louis was weird, and he clearly had some obsessive need to fiddle with his stuff. Maybe he had a touch of OCD. Louis grabbed four bags and carefully stepped closer with a growing frown on his face, looking uncertain and wary. Hesitantly he held the bags out, right in front of Harry and nodded.

‘’Here.’’

‘’Uh what? I have mine here.’’ He patted the lonely little bag with nothing more than a pair of briefs and a flannel shirt inside.

‘’Well, just.. take them.’’

A deep frown grew as he got up from the floor and cautiously grabbed the bags, staring at them with a hint of fear. He looked up at Louis, who matched his fear, and confusion was written all over before his eyes slowly moved back to what he was holding. He opened the first; it contained a few black skinny jeans. The second held some t-shirts. The third had a few finer shirts and some jumpers, even the stupid flamingo shit was in there. It wasn’t until he saw what the fourth contained he froze, eyes bulged and his mouth hit the floor like a block of stone.

‘’What the fuck is all this?’’

Louis awkwardly sat down and placed his feet on the table, acting like he’d done nothing out of the ordinary, but he could see the concern written in his eyes.

‘’Stuff? Your stuff.’’

‘’My- MY stuff?!-'' he frantically shoved his hand down the last bag and lifted out the one thing he would probably never be able to buy. ‘’-I think I would remember buying a bloody Mac Louis, because my account would be shut down and I’d live in debt the next twenty years.’’

Whatever game Louis was playing, it wasn’t funny.

‘’Guess it’s good you didn't buy it then.’’

‘’Exactly my point, so here-‘’ he held the box out for Louis to take. ‘’-I’ve already broken one of these, I don’t need to ruin your new one.’’

‘’Do what the hell you want with it, I bought a new one the day after you destroyed mine. Also, the other I bought for me is over there.’’ 

Louis pointed over his shoulder, and when his eyes followed, he saw a matching box on the kitchen counter. Nausea welled up inside as he stared at the one in his hand, gaining a bad feeling why Louis had bought two, but he chose to act dumb. Hoping he would be wrong.

‘’Two isn’t enough, you need three?’’

Louis scoffed but shrunk a little further into his seat, and he nervously fumbled with his fingertips.

‘’Just take it alright, don't make this more embarrassing than it already is.’’

The answer smacked him in the face, and he could literally feel vomit climbing his throat. He took a deep breath through his nose and exhaled through his mouth.

‘’Why, I didn’t ask you to get me one. I’m sure as hell I didn’t beg you either.’’

‘’No you didn't.’’

‘’Then why did you?’’

‘’I don’t know exactly.’’

‘’It’s a fucking Mac Louis! It's expensive; I can’t accept it. Not the clothes either and how the fuck do you even know my size? What were you thinking really, does it embarrass you that much to be seen with me and my cheap clothes? Don't treat me like a charity case when I’m perfectly happy with what I have and can afford.’’

The frown on Louis grew deeper the more upset Harry turned. He didn’t need Louis’ pity or whatever it was; he didn’t need anything from him, and his actions only made him feel worse about himself. Wealthy he was far from, but he’d never had a problem with it, and he preferred the simple way where he managed to live his life without desperately wanting shiny expensive stuff. Befriending Louis to use him in any way had never crossed his mind, but it was what it felt like, and it made him unwell. He was marked with the leech stamp, treating Louis as a friend just to live off his money and fool him into buying things like he was some fucking gold digger. It was extremely uncomfortable.

‘’Charity? I bought that shit because I feel guilty alright? Is that what you want to hear? I’ve realised it for a while now, it’s bothering the hell out of me, and I just want it to go away because I'm not supposed to be this way. I don’t know how to deal with it and isn’t friends supposed to give each other stuff? I’m seriously asking because I have no fucking idea.’’

Louis rose from his seat as well, yelling back with frustration.

‘’What can you possibly feel so sorry about that you want to spend this much money on me? I’m even afraid to do the math on this.’’

‘’As much as I hate to admit it, I know I've behaved like an insensitive dick towards you, okay? I, unfortunately, get it. I never feel guilty about anything but you just wouldn't fucking leave, no matter how much I offended and harassed you, and it has messed me up. I hate feeling regret because I really don’t want to, and I guess this is my attempt at making it go away.''

He watched Louis as his eyes fell, hiding his face and feeling mortified. He could see it was difficult being honest, it always was, and even though it didn’t make what Louis' had done okay, he could understand why and his frustration lessened.

‘’You don’t have to buy my friendship or forgiveness, you-.''

‘’I wasn’t trying to, I just- I don’t even know, showing I done with hating you or some shit. This- thing is new and weird for me, and I don't know how apologies go.’’

‘’I know you are, so you don’t need to buy me stuff or anything at all. You could’ve just told me to get over the first months because honestly, that's what I kind of expected of you.-'' he chuckled lightly as a small smile tugged his lips. ''-And I have, I don’t care what you did or said when it didn’t offend me since I can understand. I’ve been there once, so forget about it.’’

‘’Yeah well I don’t know how friendship works, I’ve never had any besides from Liam, and even that has never been as it is now. This wasn't meant as an insult, I’m still rich, like it or not, so I can afford it, and you can take it as a sign of truce or something.’’

‘’But it’s too much, seriously-.''

‘’Don't care. The damage is done, I'm not returning it back to the store so just shut up and take it.’’

Automatically his eyes narrowed and stared a hole through Louis' head, everything inside him screamed to force Louis to return it and get his money back. It was a dead end, he knew, since Louis was the most stubborn person he’d known and he’d rarely been able to change his mind. He glanced back at the box, protecting the precious Mac, and a part of him automatically wondered what it would be to own something so expensive. Of course, it was generous of Louis to buy him one, and sure, he could afford it, but it still felt wrong. He had nothing to give back, and he once again felt like he took advantage. What could he possibly offer in return to the one who could buy himself anything he wanted?

‘’But I’m not able to give you anything, I don’t have the same resources you do. It would be wro-’’

Louis scoffed.

‘’Jesus fucking Christ Harold, had I known you would be this difficult to deal with, I would've glued the bloody Mac to your desk and fed your closet with a new item each month. Look, take it as payment for doing all the work around here at least.’’

That made him feel a little better. If Louis had paid him for his _‘work’_ since day one and he’d saved it all, he’d probably been able to buy at least a part of the Mac and some of the clothes. It took away some of his discomforts, and he softly nodded. He was still going to work for the next several months’s so, in theory, he would almost be able to pay Louis back by the time. It made him relax, just the thought of earning it in some weird way calmed his nerves, and maybe he could even enjoy the bloody thing, not feeling guilty every time he used it. 

‘’Okay, fine.-’’ He placed the box down and stepped closer to Louis, sending him a real smile with dimples and all. ‘’-I accept it. Thank you, Tomlinson, I appreciate the sentiment of what you did, but if you ever do it again, I’ll castrate you.’’

‘’Fucking finally. Argued any longer and I would've knocked you out, was getting fed up listening to your shit.''

He laughed as he shook his head in disbelief, Louis would probably never stop surprising him.

‘’But seriously, though, how did you know my size, I haven’t exactly told you.’’

‘’I went through your closet before we left.’’

A scoff filled the room as he stared at Louis, not sure how to react when that sort of behaviour was obviously such an ordinary thing to do. At least in Louis’ mind, it seemed to be.

‘’Of course, you did.’’

Louis suddenly scratched his head nervously and looked away. 

‘’Right, forgot to mention one thing, though. And no, don't want to fucking hear it, again, when you’ve already accepted.-'' Louis stepped away from Harry's faltering face. ‘’-There’s another item in the bag you haven’t seen yet.’’

His eyes darkened as he watched Louis fiddle with his fingers and continued stepping backwards before Harry relocated his glance back to the bag where he could see another small rectangular shape inside. It was the right size, of course, it was. He quickly grabbed the package, and a part of him wanted to throw it in Louis' face when the image of what he'd suspected met him.

‘’Louis!’’

‘’Get over it!’’ Louis shouted as he ran to the kitchen and crouched behind all the bags placed on the counter.

‘’I’ll be ‘working’ here until I’m thirty before I have the chance to pay all this down! What the fuck, seriously, an iPhone too?!’’

He flipped around to stare directly at Louis with a scolding glare, observing how Louis peeked through, and he clutched the iPhone case hard enough to turn his knuckles white. 

‘’We’ve been over this Harold, I don't have the energy to argue further.’’

An evil smile formed on his lips as he threw the iPhone on the couch and slowly stepped closer to where Louis flinched like a frightened child.

‘’Unfortunately. But I have every right to beat the shit out of you for tricking me!’’

He reached the counter and launched himself at Louis, who shrieked in shock at the unexpected attack. His hold was too strong against Louis’ trashing, and they both fell to the floor with a loud thud. Quick as a blink he straddled Louis’ waist and captured both arms above his head in a tight grip, making it impossible for Louis to wiggle free. A flash of cruelty flared over his eyes as he heard the gulp Louis swallowed down, and he shoved his available fingers deep into Louis side and hoped he was the ticklish type.

He was.

Satisfaction struck him when Louis’ eyes bulged along with his mouth widened in a big choke, and the body underneath his fingers stiffened. As he kept poking, the muscles started twitching in hysterics, and gasps mixed with uncontrollable laughter fled Louis’ mouth in an increasing volume. He smirked in mischief when he saw trails of tears seeping out from the corner of Louis’ eyes, and he chuckled darkly when his face looked like it was about to explode.

‘’St-St-st-…’’ Louis' voice came out in stutters with his laughter, and he couldn’t form a simple sentence. ‘’STOP!’’

He slowed down to let Louis believe it was over, and he let go of his arms, watching how his whole body deflated on the floor. He could feel how Louis' chest pounded, and his mouth heaved after breath as he tried returning back to normal. A faint shimmer of sweat broke over his skin as he blinked away the tears, and Harry stretched his fingers to get ready again.

‘’Tha-That was.. was not. Fucking. Fair. You wanker.’’ 

The obnoxious smile grew wider as he looked down at Louis with a slight tilt of his head and wiggled his fingers teasingly.

‘’Oh, you thought that was it?’’

Colour drained from Louis when he re-gripped the arms and leant close enough for their noses to almost touch. The position was intimate, but he didn’t notice when all he could focus on was paying Louis’ back for what he’d done. 

‘’You can't be serious?’’ 

Louis piped out as his eyes seemed to explode from how wide they were. The tension of distress didn’t reach his attention, and he let a cruel laugh escape instead as he tsk’d back.

‘’Of course I am, I’ve only punished you for the iPhone, I have the mac and every single piece of clothing left.’’

Four rounds of poking and tickling later he figured it was enough and let go, Louis looked wrecked and barely conscious as he laid destroyed on the floor. His eyes were shut but a mumble of gurgles drooled from his slack mouth, and sweat dribbled from his skin. As he took in the state of Louis, his adrenaline burned out, and a small pinch of guilt swept over as he could imagine how the colour of his ribs would look like later on. Perhaps he’d let it go on too long, but at the same time, he felt Louis deserved some payback, and it wasn’t the worst he could’ve received. 

Still, he felt a bit guilty nevertheless and moved to his knees beside Louis, reaching around the shoulder to help him up, and took it as a sign to continue when Louis’ dead arm managed to move up to his shirt. But as he bent down to lift, Louis pulled at his collar, and the motion brought them very much together and very fast. His face smacked against Louis’ from the strength he’d used to pull, and before he could register anything but the pain spreading, noses bumped and mouths collided. An ache flared over his forehead, and he groaned in discomfort, only to realise his sound didn’t leave through his lips and he stiffened. Two seconds later his eyes flashed open as he understood why when he saw nothing but Louis’ eyelids, and he flew backwards as he clasped a hand over his mouth. The hand Louis’ had used fell dead to the floor like the rest of him, and Harry stared a little longer before his brain restarted. 

‘’Shit, I’m so sorry, I didn't-‘’ He noticed how Louis’ head slumped to the side, and he crawled closer. ‘’-Hey, you alright? Oi, Lou!’’ with a gentle touch he smacked his cheek but received no response and alarms inside went off.

With fast movements, he lifted Louis from the floor and brought him to the couch where he carefully placed him down with a blanket and a pillow behind his head. Louis' chest was still moving, and breath left his mouth, so at least he didn't need to perform CPR. He paced back and forth worrying, deciding whether to call for help or not when a small groan sent his heart shooting from his chest in a scare. Another groan came, and he whipped around to see Louis rolling his head and blinking his eyes back open. It was such a relief, and he slumped to the floor as he placed a shaky hand on his chest to lessen the pounding.

‘’Oh thank god, you scared the shit out of me.’’

With a last deep breath, he jumped back up and ran into the kitchen where he found a glass of water to bring back. He reached Louis and handed it over as he sat on the table right next to him, wrinkles of concern painting his face. A familiar scoff left Louis as he took a sip and straightened up.

‘’What did you expect, I can only last so long on the field playing footie before I threaten to shut down, you just sent me through a workout nightmare from hell. Of course, I was going to pass out.’’

‘’Still, though, I didn’t mean to go so far.’’

Louis seemed fine, or as fine as he could be and even though his body was probably screaming in soreness nothing more serious had caused him to faint. He glanced over with an unsure look, not knowing what to say or do but bit back a smile when Louis flipped him off. Louis shuffled some more in his seat and when he lifted the blanket his whole face changed into a big smirk, slowly pulling out the reason everything had happened. 

‘’Oh would you look at that, I think you forgot this.’’ 

The iPhone box came his way, and when he grabbed it with gritted teeth, Louis arched a brow in a challenge. Having the situation turned around he hadn’t expected, but it wasn’t surprising how Louis jumped the opportunity, and he sighed in defeat.

‘’Yes thank you, I love it.’’ 

He almost growled the words out, but it didn’t stop Louis from beaming in victory, and it just made it so much more unbearable.

‘’Go on then, open it already.’’

As soon as the top vanished to show the phone, his hands stopped moving, and he stared in bafflement. 

‘’You bought me the _pink_ one?’’

Of course, of course, Louis had bought him the fancy version.

‘’Oi, I asked you which one looked better, and you told me to get the pink one. Personally, I prefer the white, but you said pink so.’’

Louis placed his hand up in surrender and shook his head, not taking responsibility for what Harry had said.

‘’I was just saying that because you kept staring at it like some idiot in love from the moment we entered the shop. I have a feeling I remember you spoke of the Mac being pink too.’’

Louis nodded.

‘’Yup, and I stared at the phone because the pink was the one they had on display, but if you’d paid more attention, you would’ve heard me ask the staff to bring me the other colours as well. I did show them to you; it's not my fault you didn't bother to look.''

He didn’t say anything when suddenly the phone wasn’t so snobby in his eyes after all. Louis had bothered to ask, in a sly confusing way, but still asked what kind he’d preferred and went with what he’d thought he’d wanted. It was surprisingly thoughtful, and in a strange way, he appreciated the effort.

‘’You can always go back and change it, or you can just buy a cove-.''

‘’No, it’s perfect. Thank you, Lou.’’

The warmest smile blossomed on his face, and he could feel how his cheeks heated from the gift Louis had given him. Not the devices or the clothes, but the gift of being kind and considerate. Louis probably didn't understand it himself, but Harry did, and the unexpected gesture made him feel all giddy inside. 

‘’Uh, right, no problem.’’ 

Perhaps Louis had a slight idea of what his actions had meant after all when a look of horror crossed his expression the moment he noticed Harry's face. He noticed a faint shade of pink floating over Louis' cheeks as well, and the way he'd turned away caused his smile to widen. They didn’t talk much after and he succumbed to the temptation of exploring his new device while Louis sat silently on the couch. 

The phone was magnificent, so up to date and sent his old one to shame. Or, any phone that didn’t have an antenna would do, so the standard wasn’t exactly high, and he finally admitted he was relieved to get rid of the brick phone. From the corner of his eye, he saw Louis raising up from his seat, moving a little too fast and took a few extra steps to steady himself. He swayed back and forth, and he rushed to grab his arm with worry leaking back into his face. 

‘’Hey hey, slow down, I don’t want to see you pass out again.’’

His grip tightened, and his frown didn’t lessen when Louis didn’t answer; instead, he stood frozen while his eyes stared at the grip on his arm. The skin underneath his fingers felt hot and he automatically placed his other palm over Louis’ forehead to check his temperature.

‘’Are you alright?’’

A squeal of protest left Louis as he regained movement and smacked his hand away. Still a bit concerned he pushed Louis’ chin up, so their eyes met, and he observed how they slightly widened but the pupils didn't dilate and he couldn’t find any other traces something was wrong. Again Louis smacked his hand away and scoffed in annoyance.

‘’Get off me, I just need to pee.’’

‘’Then I think you should go to the bathroom, I’m not that kind of nanny.’’

The unamused glare he received in return made him chuckle, and he wiggled his fingers after Louis as he stomped away. The rest of the day went quietly, Louis seemed tired and restricted as he barely moved from the couch. His eyes stayed glued to the tv, but from where Harry was watching it seemed he didn’t pay much attention and was rather deep in thought. Not wanting to push Louis’ boundaries he didn’t ask and instead let him be, he’d experienced a positive side of him that day, and he didn’t want to ruin the picture by stirring up a fight. Whatever bothered Louis, he had faith he would work it out himself, if not he would be there to help if it was wanted. 

 

During the following days it passed, the silent stare left Louis, and he behaved more like his usual self. In some ways, he even improved when more jokes and banter was allowed, and he seemed to relax more in Harry’s company. He didn’t flinch as harshly whenever they bumped into each other, and he wasn’t as controlled of his shields as he’d used to be. It actually seemed like Louis was finally able to let his guard down, one day at a time, and Harry crossed his fingers it would continue.

 

*

A little over seven months after he’d moved in, he found himself wanting to strangle Louis to keep his mental health stay sane. He’d wished it before, when Louis had bought him that fucking mac he’d resentfully come to love, and he’d now returned when Louis decided to swing the big axe. It was probably his fault for not preparing, and he stared at his lap as he searched his brain for proof he was already mad when it felt like it. Something must’ve gone wrong because he struggled to explain why he was currently stuck on a plane, flying to another country and without recollection he’d paid for it. 

Perhaps it wasn’t entirely accurate, one part had realised, but the other had tried everything to deny the facts, and he’d allowed the denial to stay. All up until it crashed down when his bum had landed on a plush chair, and his eyes circled to a small window at his left. He was infuriated with Louis, but the sight of thousands of lights blinking up from the ground stunned him into silence and distracted his mind. It was beautiful, and excitement forced its way inside. On one side he was grateful he’d been given the opportunity, but on the other, it confirmed Louis couldn’t be right in the head. He’d made the mistake of voicing his wish to explore during the summer and Louis had morphed it into a stupid spontaneous idea no ordinary broke human would entertain, not to mention go through with.

_Fun_ he’d said, he’d wanted to see some new and exciting places.   
In his mind it meant in the lines of going hiking, taking a boat trip or riding the train to a new city, it definitively didn’t mean travelling high class to another fucking country for the weekend. 

When Louis had sprung the idea, the idea he’d found ridiculous and never taken as a serious suggestion, he'd laughed.   
It had also quickly died.

*

_‘’Lads?-’’_

_Louis was sprawled on the couch with his left foot dangling back and forth, sighing so loudly it couldn't have been clearer he wanted attention._

_‘’-Oi lads! I think we should go to Disneyworld and mess around, let’s go and be children for a while. Fun even exist there Harold.’’_

_‘’Mhm..’’_

_‘’Yeah sure- Oi! Liam! Don’t cheat you tosser!’’_

_He was reading up on his study, even though he'd just finished his year and summer was in full bloom, he still felt it was necessary to prepare for the following year. With Liam and Niall too obsessed with their game of Fifa, and his nose stuck in a book, he hadn’t even noticed how Louis had already nodded off three times before he'd spoken._

_‘’What do you say?’’_

_‘’Haven’t been there, wouldn’t know, Lou.’’_

_He barely mumbled but startled when his book was forcefully shut and thrown off the table to land several meters away. The open space where it had laid was replaced by an eager Louis, pushing his smirking grin all up in his face._

_‘’Then let’s go, you guys have to see it at least once in your life. We can go this Friday and stay I don’t know, until next weekend?’’_

_The words finally reached his brain, and as he kept staring at the giddy face of Louis, a bubble of laughter fled from his mouth._

_‘’At least contain your fun to this continent, Disneyworld is in bloody Florida, did you forget that? It may be a break from UNI, but we’re not going to America on a whim. Well, I'm not.’’_

_‘’Okay fine, Disneyland instead then, see I can compromise. For now.’’_

_He was still laughing softly when Louis rose and walked away, apparently searching for something as he kept moving stuff around. It died when he gained the feeling Louis perhaps wasn't completely joking when he came back with his Mac tugged under his arm._

_‘’Wait, hold on, Disneyland is in France. I know I said this continent, but I meant like.. In our fucking country, which is England if you haven’t forgotten that as well.’’_

_‘’Too late, you didn’t say England, you said this continent and I want to go there. It isn’t even that far, come on, just a few hours away.’’_

_‘’Did someone say Disneyland?’’_

_Apparently, the game had ended with Niall beating Liam from the sulking expression he carried, and their attention was open for something other than the TV screen. Louis grinned from ear to ear, and Harry’s feeling worsened, knowing it wouldn't be difficult to have the other two on board with the idea._

_‘’I did, we’re going on Friday, you guys are in, right?’’_

_‘’What?-‘’_

_‘’Hell yes!-''_

_Liam looked confused, Niall fist-pumped the air and Harry, he just sat staring at Louis with a deep frown. His sinking stomach intensified when he saw Louis search up hotels and a long list decorated his screen a second later._

_‘’No, seriously, we can’t- or, at least, I can’t fucking afford a trip to France out of the blue like this. Don’t even think about it, you’re not paying for me like I’m some bloody mistress of yours.’’_

_Louis simply blinked back, tilting his head to the side like he was trying to be confused before he shifted back to his screen again._

_‘’Ok.’’_

_‘’That’s it, just ok? You’re actually going to listen to reason for once?’’_

_‘’Oh no I’m going, even bringing these dimwits with me so it should be a blast, you'll be missing out. If you were to change your mind, though, your seat on the plane will be available.’’_

_He sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, holding back his frustration because of course, Louis wouldn’t listen. He never did._

_‘’I just said I can’t aff-.''_

_‘’Even you can afford a single entry ticket to the park, it’s not that expensive. The flight is free for all of us and you can all ‘’sleep-over’’ at my room if we're that difficult about it. See, problem solved, and quite the inexpensive trip I would say.’’_

_The smugness creeping over Louis' face sent his eyes narrowing in suspicion, no it wouldn’t cost a thing if Louis had bought their trip already while talking about it._

_‘’The flight is free, wow I’ve never travelled on an imaginary plane before.’’_

_‘’Mate, don’t you know Louis owns a private jet?’’_

_Liam’s voice reached his ear, but he had to take a few seconds to play it over in his head before he dared to react. Jet, pet, it was a slight possibility Liam had said pet, that Louis owned a pet. Many people did, it wasn’t unusual. It didn’t have anything to do with what they were talking about though or the fact that no animal had ever existed in the flat._

_‘’You- You own a bloody jet?’’_

_‘’I don’t own it per se, it was my father's so technically it belongs to his company, which my mother runs. But, I like to think it's indirectly mine, and as long as she hasn’t blacklisted me, I can use it. Better take the advantage before I lose it for good, and it's far more comfortable than regular planes I assure you.’’_

_He was speechless. Mind going dumber by the second as he couldn't even begin to believe what he'd heard._

*

So yes, there he was, on a private jet with his friends, on their way to Paris for the weekend. After Louis little speech, he’d found it hard to come up with reasons to say no when Liam and Niall had both been on board without concern. And of course he’d wanted to go, he’d always dreamt of going to Paris, but he didn’t like using Louis to get there. It wasn’t fair Louis should be the one to pay for everything even though he could afford it, or use the power of his name. At least Harry had managed to argue his way to victory about paying for his room at the hotel, and he felt stupidly proud for doing so.

As the plane landed, sensations of joy bubbled inside, and the thoughts of strangling Louis was erased from his mind. It was done and over with, he was in France, and he would enjoy every minute of it. He looked over at his roommate and smiled; Louis never stopped to amaze him, and a part of him hoped he never would.

*

‘’This is bloody brilliant! Look at all the people and the buildings! And the.. oh my god, that’s-‘’ he turned to grab Louis’ shoulders, shaking him back and forth. ‘’-That’s the fucking _Eiffel Tower!_ ’’

Louis chuckled along with Liam and Niall as they took in how ecstatic he was, getting more mesmerised with every little detail his eyes caught the sight of. He felt like a kid in a candy store, all high on sugar and stars in his eyes.

‘’Well someone’s thrilled I see, glad you decided to go after all then?’’

He didn’t turn to face them but shot them his middle finger as he heard the mockery in Louis' voice and how it drew a laugh from the rest.

‘’At least, let us check into our hotel before you wander off to examine the city.’’

After paying the taxi and the last of his whining from being dragged away stopped, they reached the hotel, and he gaped along with Liam and Niall. It was huge and looked utterly expensive, the pictures from the website looked nothing like the building he gazed upon, and he gained his slightly bad feeling back. Realising he was probably right with his suspicion he flinched around to find Louis, but all he saw was the back of his head as he jogged inside and closed in on the reception. He gripped his bag a bit tighter as he hurried after, noticing a tall brunette with a tight bun dressed in a sharp suit welcoming Louis. 

''Bonjour Monsieur.'' 

Before he could haul him back, the woman spoke, and he gritted his teeth when he could see a victorious smugness lifting the corner of Louis’ mouth.

‘’Hell- Uh, Bonjour.’’ 

‘’Comment puis-je vous aider?’’

‘’Sorry, bonjour and a few other words are all the French I know, but I'd like to check in please, the name is _Tomlinson._ ’’

As she typed on the computer, the remaining two lads stepped up behind with the same roaming eyes and bopping mouths.

‘’Holy cunt this looks like a fucking castle!’’

‘’Niall Shhh, keep your voice down, I can’t imagine they appreciate that kind of language here.’’ 

Liam smacked a hand over Niall’s mouth as the woman looked up when the Irish words reached her ears. She cocked a brow before relocating her eyes back to Louis and asked to see their passports. Another few minutes went by as the woman typed some more and started running a few cards through a machine that beeped for each one.

‘’Your rooms are on the tenth floor, the elevator is over to the left-‘’ She guided with her hand towards three large silver doors. ‘’-Breakfast is served from 06:30 to 10:30 am, and check-out is before 12:00. I hope you enjoy your stay here and please don’t hesitate to report if anything is wrong, our reception is open 24/7.’’

She placed three small envelopes in front of them on the counter and informed their rooms, _1003, 1007 and 1021,_ were close, but not next to each other. Four foreheads frowned at the same time while she spoke.

‘’Uh excuse me but there’s a mistake here, I booked four rooms. Not three.’’ 

Louis showed her the reservation receipt on his phone, and the woman went back to her computer. Another round of waiting occurred before she frowned herself and looked confusedly back.

‘’It seems our system has only registered three bookings under your name, and are you sure you booked four? I can only read three on your reservation receipt here.'' 

''Yes, of course, I'm sure, I've stayed at a hotel before so I do know how to book a room. I've even stayed here before, you'll see if you check my name again.''

The sharp tone of Louis sent the woman back to her screen, and Harry felt like smacking him over the head when he could see realisation and embarrassment settle over her face. _Bloody diva_ passed through his mind.

''I'm terribly sorry Mr Tomlinson. Unfortunately, we're fully booked for the whole weekend, but we can place an extra bed in one of the other single rooms while the larger suite has a king-size bed for two. This incident is, of course, the hotel's fault, so we won’t charge for the extra bed, and the breakfast is on the house.’’

''Surely taking the double bed would be the obvious choice here, instead of stuffing another bed inside one of our single rooms.'' Niall piped up as they all exchanged glances after hearing the woman, looking back and forth at each other and the three envelopes where the key-cards where. 

Liam and Niall each snitched an envelope and sprinted away towards the elevators before Louis or Harry managed to answer.

‘’Ey! Who said you tossers get to decide?!’’

‘’We do!’’ 

They sang back in unison and shuffled to get into the sliding doors as fast as possible before Louis really decided to fight them.

‘’Fucking idiots.’’

Unlike Louis, who cursed under his breath, Harry just stood there with a confused smile, and he leant forward to grab the last envelope from the counter. What he had a problem with was the sneaky change of hotels Louis had done and not the fact he had to share a room.

‘’Come on, since your original plan was to trick me into staying at this luxurious palace then sharing your suite wouldn’t be a problem now, would it? We already live together.’’

Louis just sighed and gave up.

‘’Fine, whatever, but I'm taking the bed. You get the divan.’’

He chuckled as he moved his gaze to the distraught receptionist and widened his smile, enough for the woman to sport a pair of reddened cheeks as she nodded.

''We appreciate the service you’ve shown us and solving our situation the best way. Thank you so much for your help and have a lovely day.'' 

He easily grabbed his bag and wandered off towards the elevators while Louis just stared at him dumbly.

*

After inspecting the room where he spent too much time gasping and squealing at basically every little detail he flopped on the bed in exhaustion. It took a toll to run around gushing about the beautiful surroundings while ignoring the sight of Louis rolling his eyes nonstop. The trip finally sunk in and he hummed in delight as he stared at the carved ceiling, he was in bloody France while staying at a luxury suite. It was a dream he didn’t know he’d had, coming true.

‘’Thank you for bringing me here with you, this is incredible.’’

‘’It’s not a big deal, and I guess it wouldn’t have been as fun without you lads here.’’

‘’But it is a big deal, to me it is. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m still not happy about you spending too much and how you fooled me, but I’m fucking thrilled you own a bloody jet! What happened with the first booking we made? I paid one room myself.’’

Louis laughed as he tipped over to the divan and sat down, arms resting on his knees as he cleared his throat.

‘’I have a suspicion you’ll take back your thanks because I forgot it. I received a confirmation email, but I didn’t read it, I automatically assumed it was for this hotel when I made reservations here right after. So I guess that’s the reason why we only have three rooms since I received four emails and thought they were all for the same place.’’

‘’What, we only booked my room at the other hotel, and you’re telling me you didn’t cancel it?’’

‘’Not exactly. In theory, you still paid for your room though.’’

More laughter left Louis as he laid back with arms behind his back, but Harry sat up and stared with an open mouth. He blinked in perplexity as he wasn’t quite sure what to say. In theory, he’d also paid for a room no one would use, and it was initially a waste of money.

‘’You can’t be serious-‘’ sparks of irritation built up, but he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he was on vacation, and he didn't want to ruin the good mood. ‘’-You know what, I’m not going to argue how you choose to spend your money when it’s not my place to say and I intend to enjoy this weekend. But promise you’ll never ambush the lads and me with tickets to fucking China or some high-class trip around the world the next time you get bored. I sense a déjà vu over this, didn’t you already promise you wouldn’t buy me anything again?’’

‘’Oi I didn’t buy you anything this time, I let you pay, so roll your dick back in your pants.’’

He sighed in defeat as he realised it was no point discussing, Louis was as stubborn as always and in a twisted way he’d somehow kept his word. He wasn’t exactly sure how, but he couldn’t say Louis had paid a luxurious room for him either. It was still Louis’ suite; he was just crashing there.

‘’Fine. On an entirely different note though, I’m glad you’re willing to show us this side of yourself. It’s a nice change.’’

‘’What side, my rich obnoxious one? Thought I showed it daily.’’

‘’No, the kinder and more social angle of you, the one me and the lads have been seeing lately. Where you interact, joke around, have fun with us and take an interest in what we have to say. You seem more relaxed and easier at mind.’’ 

He rose from the bed and sat down beside Louis, observing how confusion was replaced by embarrassment as the other looked away. With a scratch to his head, Louis fumbled uncomfortably with his fingers and coughed a bit awkwardly. 

‘’Right. I wasn’t aware I had one and still unsure I do since this so called niceness only seems to happen around you lads. I’ve been reserved for a long time, and I haven't bothered with kindness and friendliness along the way. I've never seen the purpose.’’

‘’I’d drink to that, you were quite the handful at the beginning. It's very comforting to see you do know how to behave like a human being.’’

A bark of laughter shot from his lips as he shook his head back and forth, bringing back the first months they lived together to mind. It suddenly seemed so long ago, and he felt proud when he glanced over at Louis who fiddled with his nails. He’d come a long way, surprisingly long, and he felt a tad honoured he was allowed to see the softer version. It was evident Louis still struggled to handle it, perhaps even surprised he could be something other than a pain in the arse, but the effort he gave to try closed around Harry’s heart in a warm way. Selfishly he hoped the icy edges around Louis’ own heart was finally starting to melt.

‘’I still can’t believe you never lost your temper and just punched my face in.’’ Louis joined his laughter as it seemed he too brought back a few memories to mind.

‘’Well I did find your blatant mission to frustrate me very entertaining, though. It was amusing seeing you work so hard to get on my last nerve, and the whole strutting your bum in my face wasn’t awful, to be honest.’’

‘’Oi will you shut up! I was dead set on getting you kicked out no matter what it took. If my mother were the one to do it, she couldn’t blame me. But Christ, don’t fucking remind me.’’

‘’I think I counted how many times you called me gay or some other word during the first days and let’s just say it was way above normal. You really didn’t like me much.’’

Words and comments didn’t bother him as they had used to, he’d learned to shut them out, and Louis’ weak attempt at throwing the word gay in every definition fell on deaf ears. He wasn’t ashamed of who he was and whatever people said wouldn’t change his mind. A lot less happy sigh left Louis as he squirmed in his seat and frowned while he chewed on his bottom lip.

‘’I guess I never apologised for that either, did I? Honestly it was just frustration, I mean, no I couldn't stand you, but I was just so pissed and wanted you gone. I’ve never really cared about your sexuality.’’

‘’If you think I saw you as a homophobe, I never did. So cheer up, we’re good. Now, are you ready to go, I’m dying to see the park you dragged us here for.’’

He jumped off the divan and pulled Louis to his feet, smiling as he turned to find the bag he’d thrown somewhere. Money was necessary, and he reached his wallet when Louis spoke again.

‘’Yeah, set to go. But seriously, though, I do apologise. There I said it, I don’t like having this churn of guilt floating, and now it can leave. It pisses me off.’’

His smile evolved to a full grin as he shifted back around, and he tipped his head to the side as he held his arms out in an invitation which made Louis frown. 

‘’Aww, do you need to hug it out love?-.'' 

He stepped a little closer as Louis’ brows arched to his hairline and he shuffled backwards.

‘’-Come on, I know you want to, come on, c’mere.’’ Fingertips wiggled in a playful way as he kept moving closer, making Louis scoff and turn where he folded arms across his chest.

‘’Absolutely not.’’

‘’I know you want it-‘’ again he stepped closer. ‘’-You know I want it.-’’   
A little bit more. ‘’-I know you want it, one-two-three-four-‘’ and then he threw himself over Louis as he continued his version of the annoying Pitbull song.

Louis shrieked in shock once he pounded, but unexpected laughter filled them both as he clung to Louis like a desperate koala bear.

‘’Get the fuck off me!’’

More laughter pressed out as he refused to let go and Louis practically stomped like a wooden doll towards the door and dragged him along.

‘’Ah isn’t this sweet, sharing some affection.’’

In one last effort to free himself, Louis grabbed the doorknob to steady his weight so he could push Harry off, but the door swung outwards, and once he leant on it, they both tumbled through. Splattered on the floor, halfway over the doorstep on top of each other, that’s how Liam and Niall found them.

‘’Are we like… interrupting something or what?’’

The two looked up to see Niall and Liam smirking down at them, obviously trying not to laugh at the sight and it was Louis who straightened up first as he cleared his throat.

‘’No, Harry is just being a twat. And Harry?’’

Louis shot him a raised brow and a pointy finger.

‘’You’re still sleeping on the divan.’’

‘’Heeeey.’’

‘’Let’s just go, I want to see the park.’’

*

‘’If I have to take one more ride I’m going to be sick the whole way, and we’ll be kicked out on lifetime, I have a lot inside right now.’’

Liam stopped and leant against a wall as he pressed his palm to his turning stomach. A faint green colour decorated his cheeks, and he looked ready to pass out any moment, or indeed throw up. Spending the whole day at the park had seemed like a brilliant idea, at first, but taking rides non-stop had taken its toll. Constantly going up and down, around and around wasn’t exactly the best way to keep their heads steady and their stomachs calm.

‘’Yeah I’m actual with Li on this one, I need a pint to settle my nausea.’’ Niall softly patted his tummy and drew a sharp breath; even his Irish side was pretty done for the day.

‘’Alcohol is your medicine for nausea? What the hell are you made of?’’ Just the sound of beer made Liam gasp as he steadied himself from the shudder running through his body.

‘’Actually, beer sounds pretty fantastic right now, I’ll gladly go for one.’’ Harry piped up as he stuck a large piece of cotton candy into his mouth, chewing obnoxiously while grinning.

Apparently, he was the only one out of them who didn’t know how to get sick, from anything. He was in heaven, getting to be a young boy again and he cherished it. There was always something in his hands he could eat, and he’d probably eaten his weight in just candy. Any person with diabetes would have a seizure just watching him.

‘’Pints it is then!’’ Niall cheered as Liam groaned loudly and shut his eyes.

‘’You guys go ahead, I’m going to retrieve back to the hotel, take a long shower and then go to bed early.’’

‘’Aw is my little Lili too sick to play with his friends, don’t miss me too much while we’re gone.’’

A few kiss sounds left Niall’s lips as he batted his eyes and clapped his cheeks at Liam, mocking his weakness for what it was worth. Liam just rolled his eyes, but a smile gave him away he found it amusing as he waved them off. Niall turned back to Harry and Louis with a crooked smile.

‘’So, where to lads?’’

*

‘’I don’t think going for a beer with Niall in Paris was the best decision we made.’’

He swayed from side to side as he focused his very best not to let his second beer, or was it third? Maybe even fourth, fall out of his hand. He realised he’d lost count and it only strengthened his statement. A small hiccup made his whole body jump, and he giggled over the way a vibration curled up his throat made him feel.

‘’I think you actually might be right.’’ Louis slumped down in his chair, a bit harsher than expected and managed to spill some of his beer over the table. ‘’-Oi.’’

Louis joined his giggle as the beer dribbled from the table and onto the floor, some staining his thighs as well. They probably looked like two stupid teenagers who hadn’t tasted alcohol before from the way they kept giggling and being sloppy. It was Niall’s fault; they had no problem blaming the Irish man when he’d been the one who’d convinced them to take a few shots along with the one beer they’d agreed on.

‘’Shit, I need to pee.’’

After placing the beer down, so carefully and so slowly it could’ve been liquid gold floating inside his glass instead of cheap beer, he backed away. The place was packed, and he kept stumbling around to find the toilet sign as bodies blocked his way.

‘’I’m seriously going to piss myself if you people don’t move a little.’’

He didn’t speak to anyone particular, more all of them, but it seemed like no one heard or just didn’t care. Frustration built up as his bladder, who kept getting fuller, screamed for release and at one point he seriously contemplated just peeing on the floor. The crowd sure would move then. Eventually, it seemed someone had read his mind and all of a sudden a strong hand grabbed his wrist and dragged him through the wall of people. They didn’t have to move when the stranger did it for them as he barged forward, and created a pathway. A squeal left him by the sudden movement, but to his relief, he noticed he was getting closer to the toilet.

‘’Bonjour.’’

The hand on his arm spoke, and when his gaze lifted, he found broad shoulders with a square face that held a pair of blinking brown eyes framed with tiny dark curls. At first sight, he thought it was an afro, but the longer he watched, he realised the curls were just very very small and extremely curly.

‘’Oh.. Uh.. Hello, I’m not French.’’

The stranger laughed, showing off an impressive row of white crystal pearls on a string and it was quite beautiful indeed. Too pretty to be normal and if they hadn't been bleached to death then Harry was a natural blonde.

‘’Oui, had a feeling from your lost expression.’’

A strong accent reached his ears, and the stranger laughed softly at his attempt to joke, but he wasn’t sure it was funny, though. At least, it made him smile back when the stranger had the contagious type, and he seemed pleasant enough.

‘’To spare you from being kicked out, here-‘’ the man waved his free hand up against the sign of two stick figures, a woman, and a man. ‘’-an excellent private toilet just for you.’’

‘’Thank you so- uh I mean, merci.’’

The stranger laughed again as he pushed the small door open, holding it in a way that made him feel like a woman being taken care of. It didn’t bother his mind for long as his bladder decided to get very impatient and he sprinted inside. He jumped a little when the same stranger was still standing outside the door when he stepped out, evidently waiting in the way he straightened up and walked closer. The million dollar smile still glared from his face as he took a few steps too close, getting into Harry’s personal space.

‘’Oh, hi again.. I didn’t catch your name, mine is Harry and thanks again for the rescue.’’

‘’Bonjour ‘arri, I’m Olivier, and it was my pleasure.’’

The stranger, or Olivier, took his hand and gently brought it up to plant a soft kiss on top like they were in some cheesy romance movie he’d seen too much of. He felt a little off and didn’t know how to respond when he barely knew the man; a thirty-second conversation didn’t turn them into friends. How Olivier had the guts to kiss his bloody hand was almost impressive, the same hands he’d just used to pee with, and for all he knew, he could be a slug who didn’t care about washing his bloody fingers.

‘’Thanks…’’

A stiffened smile formed on his mouth as he slowly retrieved his hand and placed them both in his pocket, wanting them in a safe place.

‘’Would you please accompany me to the floor for a dance mon chèri?’’

Mon chèri?  
Oh.  
OH.

His brain finally connected that this Olivier person was hitting on him.

‘’I don’t know, I should get back to my frie-.''

‘’Just one dance hon, it will be fun, and your friends would want you to enjoy yourself I’m sure.’’

Olivier never let his smile falter and he seemed rather friendly, there was nothing special about him that screamed danger. A little weird, but perhaps it was just the usual behaviour of the French population. With a lack of excuses and reasons to deny he caved in, one small dance couldn’t hurt much, and the alcohol in his system was a helping hand in pushing him to make decisions without thinking them through.

‘’Fine, but just one.’’

With a small smile, he let Olivier lead him onto the floor with a hand pressed against the bottom of his spine, just a notch above his bum. He learned once again the definition of fun in his mind wasn’t the same as in others, and he barely had enough time to regret his decision. Once they reached an open spot, Olivier pressed their bodies together and pushed his face so close his breaths felt like hand slaps. 

In one swift movement, they flipped with Olivier’s chest pressed tightly against his back, and unfamiliar hands found their way in all the inappropriate places. It was all groping and grabbing, and no matter how hard he stiffened or tried shifting away, the hands wouldn’t leave. He was stuck, and when Olivier started grinding from behind, a small panic began forming inside his chest.

Being dry humped in the middle of the floor by a stranger where no one cared if he wanted it or not seemed to sober him up along with his nervous sweating. He’d stopped moving from the moment Olivier had touched him, but the firm grip and steady rock of Olivier's hips forced his body to follow the same rhythm. Olivier’s hands were slowly slipping closer to the front of his trousers, and an extremely uncomfortable sensation crawled over his skin. He felt more like an object this person thought he could do whatever he wanted with and he feared what would happen.

His eyes popped when he felt a bulge press against his bum and the sound of pleasurable grunts seeping into his ears. The hair on his arms rose, his chest tightened when he couldn’t breathe properly, and he was not okay with the situation. His anxiety was turning into anger, and he grabbed Olivier’s hands in a death grip as he prepared himself to yank them away, turn around and kick his most sensitive parts back into his body.

He only managed to think it before his shoulder jerked around and he suddenly found himself staring right at a dopey eyed Olivier who didn’t hesitate on his next move. Hands roamed over his bum, and Olivier pressed their crotches together as his mouth found an open spot on his neck.

‘’Get off me!’’

His words fell on deaf ears, and Olivier kept going at his neck, biting occasionally and ignoring his desperate attempts at pushing away. He used all the strength he had, fuelled with anger and managed to move the man a small inch away, but enough to send his knee upwards and the sound that followed was music to his ears. Olivier’s face scrunched, and a loud gasp made his whole body stiffen before his brain seemed to connect what happened to his lower half. Harry was about to do it again when hands were still touching him, but another hand landed on his shoulder and pulled him back. It was a bit painful, but he’d never been happier of feeling pain when it brought him out of Olivier’s grasp.

‘’What the fuck are you doing with that pervert?’’ 

The sweet angelic sound of Louis' voice reached him, and when his eyes caught the sight of his face, he almost cried in relief.

‘’I’ve never been happier to see your gorgeous fucking face, Lou!’’

Knowing very well Olivier was still close and probably angry, he threw himself around Louis in desperation to hide. He secured his arms around Louis' neck and held on for dear life, not planning on letting go until they were safely back at the hotel. Perhaps he hadn't entirely sobered up when he, without hesitation, glued himself to none other than Louis.

‘’Oi little one, find your own chèri!’’ 

Olivier stepped closer and tried pulling him back by grabbing the top of his shoulder, but it caused him to squeeze the breath out of Louis. Thankfully Louis didn’t push him off but instead caught on the silent plea for help and directed his words to the intrusive man.

‘’Exactly, find yourself some other bloke to harass before I make you, this chèri has always been mine.’’

The death stares Louis probably was sending must have been frightening enough since Olivier let go and stepped away, not bothered to argue. He dared to turn his head and peek over to see they were alone, or, at least, one man down and a deep sigh of relief left his mouth as his head fell back onto Louis' shoulder.

‘’Jesus, thanks, man. Owe you big time.’’

‘’What the fuck H, he was two seconds away from shagging you right here on the floor.’’

A deep shudder ran through his body, Olivier probably would’ve hadn’t Louis been there as a shiny night in armour. It made him feel like a helpless damsel in distress, but being allowed to hug Louis sort of overshadowed it. He'd never been allowed before, and he hadn't dared to try.

‘’He asked for a dance, seemed kind enough since he helped me get to the toilet so I.. I just figured one dance would be harmless. My mistake.’’

The sweet smell of Louis perfume crawled up his nose, and he couldn’t help himself from pushing closer even though he was as close as he could get. He felt surprisingly safe in Louis' space, and he mustered up enough bravery to keep latching on when he didn’t want it to end for selfish reasons. It would’ve made his entire year if Louis had hugged him back instead of standing right up and down, but he took what he could get.

‘’Clearly a big mistake, let’s go back to find Niall and get out of here. I’m tired of this place.’’

‘’Ok.’’

Louis started to move but stopped after a few steps when he realised Harry didn’t lessen his grip nor did he seem to try.

‘’You know you can let go of me now, he’s gone.’’

‘’No.’’

‘’No?’’

‘’I don’t want to.’’

The small snort from Louis tickled his ear, and a new wave of shivers ran down his spine, pleasurable shivers and he hummed in delight. His eyes closed as he enjoyed the moment a little too much when he knew it wouldn’t happen whenever he wanted.

‘’It’s difficult to walk like this.’’

‘’Then don’t, just stay for a moment.’’

He was prepared to hear Louis protest and push away, but instead, he kept quiet and listened. It swelled his heart more than it should’ve and the smile he was sporting probably looked ridiculous to those around, but he didn’t care. He was just smug about winning another round with Louis.

‘’You smell exquisite tonight.’’

‘’Okaay...alright then-‘’ Louis hurriedly clapped his hands and wiggled out of the embrace as he looked through the crowd. ‘’-We have to move, we’re standing here like two idiots.’’ 

His head sprung up to find Louis’ eyes, and a cheesy smile bloomed as he decided to take advantage of the opportunity.

‘’Is that your way of saying you want to dance with me?’’

A look of horror crossed Louis’ face as he froze, but eventually, he closed his eyes and sighed in defeat.

‘’Uh sure.. Why the hell not. We’re already here…and it’ll be the fastest way to get out.’’

The last part of the sentence came out lower, and he ignored it as a certain glint of mischief flared over his eyes as he scanned Louis' face. Before Louis had the chance to change his mind, he gently grabbed his chin to raise his head up.

‘’I’d love to, and I'm taking this as your idea, theoretically, so you asked for it.’’

Louis brows furrowed and before he could even ask what it meant or fear what was coming, Harry turned and pressed his back against Louis' chest. He lifted one arm and draped it around Louis’ neck as he dropped lower, swaying his hips side to side as he slowly rose back up again. It was a lot less intruding than Olivier had done and he restrained himself from holding on too tightly when he knew he was pushing the line. If Louis wanted to step back and leave, he gave him the option, and when he craned his neck, he saw Louis pale with shock. 

‘’Come on, I know you can move those hips of yours.’’

The laughter just broke out; he couldn’t hold it in, and he felt thrilled he had the chance at innocently grinding against his friend. The opportunity presented itself, and he had no intention of letting it pass. It took a while, but finally, he felt the stiff body behind ease into the rhythm, not completely on board, but at least Louis tried moving to the music. It was a bit slower and awkward, but the longer they swayed, the more Louis seemed to get out of his mental battle. The heavy bass pounded around while the flickering lights blurred out the rest of their surroundings and to his surprise, Louis ended up matching his moves.

Heat spread over his skin as he felt Louis’ body press against his, and he got a little lost in the absurdness of it all. His mind buzzed while his body found the movements exciting and amusing. For the shortest second, it seemed Louis forgot where he was and who he was dancing with when hands settled over his hips. It surprised him, and his head fell back against Louis’ shoulder, erasing the last open space as they danced. Louis’ breath ghosted over his neck and new shivers of heat spread through his nerves, but before he could allow desire to rise, Louis flinched back.

The warmth disappeared, and reality dawned as he turned to find Louis dragging a hand across his face where deep frowns had formed. A small tingle of disappointment tickled, but he ignored it, he’d pushed Louis enough, and he had no intention of making a big deal out of their dance. 

‘’uh, Niall is probably wondering where we are so we should go back.’’

Louis sounded stressed and uncomfortable as he gestured for them to go, and he simply smiled in return as he nodded.

‘’Thanks for the dance, who knew you could move like that, impressive.’’

He couldn’t help himself and quickly winked when Louis’ glanced up and inspected the people around, perhaps to see if anyone had taken notice. The insecure behaviour was almost a bit adorable, but he hoped Louis would show the confident sexual side more often. It was surprisingly sexy and he for sure had no objections seeing it again. As they reached the table, Niall jumped off his seat and grabbed Louis in a headlock.

‘’Wehey way to go, Patrick Swayze, that was fucking awesome.’’ 

Niall’s voice boomed over the music, and Louis pressed out a choked protest as he tried wiggling free. He coughed and massaged his throat once Niall let go, and he glared.

‘’What are you talking about?’’ 

Niall laughed and patted his shoulder before downing the last of his beer; swaying dangerously and it must’ve been his seventh at least.

‘’Never expected you to have it in you mate, but wow, you know how to dance.’’

If Louis' face had cooled down from his earlier embarrassment, it didn’t last long as his face flushed crimson and he fiddled with his jacket.

‘’Christ, don’t tell me you saw that.’’

‘’Saw? Wouldn’t have missed it even if I was blind, the whole floor probably came in their pants by just looking at you two.’’

Louis' face went from hot red to pale white as he looked back at the dancefloor with wide eyes. An awkward laugh left as eyes circled back to Harry's, and he smiled kindly as he silently tried telling Louis shouldn’t overthink it, and Niall was just messing around. 

‘’God I wish Liam had been here, he’d have ha seizure for sure.’’

From the look of Louis, Harry was starting to fear Louis would too when the colour of his face began to turn a sickly grey. Not wanting to make it worse he restrained himself from stepping closer as he felt like doing and stayed by Niall’s side with concerned eyes.

‘’Next time you're dancing with me Haz, you seem to bring out the best moves in people.’’

Niall sent Louis a wink before he winked at him, and he flicked two thumbs up in return, happy to take him up on it. He hoped Louis would realise it wasn’t a big deal dancing together from how easily Niall voiced his desire to do so. At last some colour found its way back to Louis, and a quiet sigh left his mouth as he rolled his head. 

‘’I’m exhausted, can we leave?’’

Neither Harry nor Niall was hard to convince, and not long after, they hauled down a taxi and drove back to the hotel. 

*

‘’I had a great day, the most fun I’ve had in years, I think.’’ 

He grinned as he towed off his shoes and memorised the day in his head, not really believing it had happened. Too many things had occurred to be real, but he happily lived in fantasyland when it made him feel he’d closed in on Louis.

‘’Yeah. Though, dragging a hammered Niall out of the taxi was harder than I'd thought, the lad doesn’t know how to listen.’’

A small chuckle left Louis as he’d been the one to carry the blabbing Irish out of the car and into the elevator, trying not to call too much attention on them.

‘’He’s something else for sure, other than the last fifteen minutes I would say this trip has been pretty excellent so far.'' 

Carefully he placed the shoes by the door and let a quiet sigh leave his lips. A part of him felt the need to remove the awkward tension that had formed earlier. 

‘’I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable at the club, I got a little caught in the moment.’’

Tiny nails seemed to crawl up Louis' spine as his shoulders reached the roof in reaction and he stiffly turned to meet his eyes.

‘’What? No I- I wasn’t, I just- Hadn’t expected to dance, at all.’’

Eyes lowered when he walked closer, and he could tell a new mental discussion formed inside Louis’ head, probably trying to find the right words to say.

‘’You don’t have to lie, I took advantage of the situation and pushed your boundaries when I probably shouldn’t have. Whenever you feel I do just tell me, and I’ll take a step back, it won’t hurt my feelings.’’

He smiled and pushed his hair up into a tight bun, ironically appearing a lot more French and he kept looking at Louis with soft eyes. The last thing he wanted was for him to shut himself away when he’d finally started creeping out from his cave, and he liked the progress Louis had shown so far. 

‘’I’m not afraid of being seen with you or what it might look like if that's what you think. I’m not that high on myself, or well, perhaps not as high these days.’’

A flicker of anger flashed over Louis’ features as he crossed his arms across his chest and continued to stare at the floor. The sudden change of emotion in Louis’ aura bemused him, and he blinked in light confusion.

‘’That wasn’t what I mea-‘’

‘’If it bothered me so much I never would’ve agreed to share a fucking room with only one bloody bed with you, so I’m not, alright?! As I said, the dancing just caught me off guard, the last thing I care about is if random French people think I fuck men or women, or both.’’

The smile on Harry's face didn't drop while he watched how the confused wrinkle between Louis' brows grew prominent. He’d not expected Louis to take it so seriously, and he couldn’t deny he found it a bit touching. 

‘’Okay-’’ He chuckled lightly and stepped closer to the bathroom, only stopping when he reached the frame, and he tilted his head back with a smirk. ‘’-Does this mean I don’t have to sleep on the divan after all?’’ 

A loud scoff left Louis as he rolled his eyes and walked away, not exactly answering but the smirk on Harry grew as he took it as confirmation he was allowed to use the bed. Which was yet another pleasant surprise. He left the door open as he stripped down to his briefs and splashed some water on his face, sighing at the fresh feeling. 

As he worked a toothbrush back and forth between his teeth, movement in the mirror caught his attention, and when he glanced up, he almost swallowed the brush whole. With an tired face Louis threw his clothes off and stepped into the shower, granting a view of his naked profile, and he continued staring with an open mouth long after Louis had closed the door. If it was an attempt at making his point then he gladly took it, by all means, he had no trouble dealing with a Louis who didn’t have restrictions in the area of nudity. 

*

_One hour._  
Two hours.   
Three hours. 

Time slowly dragged, creating a slow ache in his head while his eyes felt heavy with exhaustion, but from the way Louis kept turning and puffing, he wasn’t able to fall asleep. It wasn't difficult to sense something wasn't right when Louis seemed agitated as he twitched and when he huffed for the tenth time, it was enough, neither of them would sleep if it continued.

‘’What’s wrong?’’

‘’Nothing.’’

''You sure about that?''

''Yes.''

Silence returned, but he gained the feeling something inside Louis was screaming and shouting from how tightly he clenched the pillow and his shallow breathing. 

''I can practically hear your anxiety, what's going on?''

''I'm fucking fine, Harry.''

Then Louis flew out of bed while gripping his head, shaking it sideways as he shut his eyes and paced restlessly back and forth. The sight was worrying, and he slowly removed the duvet as he sat up, not wanting to spook Louis by rushing to his side. 

'’You might be difficult to read at times since you rarely give anything away with how close you keep your cards to your chest but I'm not blind. I see you’re upset so please, tell me what's wrong.''

Right as he rose from the bed Louis whirled around with a harsh glare, eyes dark, and he looked furious as he hissed back. 

''You want to know what's wrong with me? You are! You and your fucking mind game, it’s ruining everything! It’s not supposed to be this way.''

Gasps hit the wall, and the anger in Louis' features turned to confusion and wary as he realised the sounds came from his throat. A hand flew to his chest, and he shuffled backwards as Harry tipped a bit closer while his concern grew. 

''Ruining what?'' 

''What's left of my life! Ever since you moved in you've fucked with my head, and I haven’t been able to relax for a bloody second. I don’t want this, insistent people in my life, and I fucking hate how you manipulate my opinions to fit your liking!-''

Traces of fear returned Louis' harsh glare, and the version Harry had met the first day came forward, bringing him a pinch of sadness as he didn’t like the sight. He wasn’t surprised, though, things had sailed too smoothly for a while, and it had only been a matter of time before Louis would realise he'd started to change. 

''-I don’t want your fucking kindness, it pisses me off, and it causes my head to have ridiculous thoughts so you can take your pity and shove it up your arse.''

''I'm not sure I follow-''

''Tonight enlightened me I cared about shit I shouldn't, I was fucking distressed at the thought of you thinking I was disgusted with what happened at the club and actually felt the need to reassure you I wasn’t. Bloody ridiculous because I'm not this gullible idiot I’ve behaved like lately, and this exhausting ambush of emotions can sincerely fuck off. You're trying to force me to be someone I'm not, and never will be, so stop testing my boundaries!''

He could see Louis was losing it, his face flushed as he kept ripping at his hair and he was close to having a meltdown. His chest was pounding, even he could see how it made the t-shirt move, and his first instinct was to capture Louis in a hug, but kept still when it could cause more harm than good. 

''How do you know being a decent human is someone you're not? Have you ever considered that maybe it's alright to let go of your anger, and alright to let the emotions you’re experiencing in? I’ve been waiting for you to reach this point, and if you're ready to fight me about this then let's go because I want to understand why you’re so afraid of being happy.''

''No, there's nothing to discuss, and just because you've managed to brainwash me this far doesn't mean your plan worked. I don't want to be close to people, especially you, and I don’t need some human connection piss so leave me the fuck alone.''

''I personally know how difficult and challenging it is to experience change, but if you think it makes you less of a person I have some mind blowing news for you. It's bullshit, sharing a vulnerable part of yourself is far from easy, and painful at times but it takes great strength to be able to. So what if you feel comfortable around us lads, and so what if you genuinely care about us, it proves you’re maturing. Stop believing letting people in makes you weak, because you're terribly mistaken.''

''I said leave me the fuck alone!'' 

The hair on Louis’ head pointed to the roof as he let go of the tips and smacked a glass of the nearest table. It crashed to the floor and shattered in thousand tiny pieces with a sound echoing through the walls like a hiss. 

''I'd really like to understand why it is so painful for you to let your guard all the way down, and why the thought of letting people see who you are beneath is so terrifying.''

''Of course you want to pick my brain to satisfy your selfish needs before you run off like they've all done. I’m so sick and tired of this shit!’’

Emotions raced through Louis' features as his fists clenched, Harry could see them all, guilt, desperation, hurt, anger, frustration, helplessness and agony collided and drew the colour from his skin. It was hurtful to watch the struggle to keep the last pieces of sanity together, and he could only image what went through his mind. 

''Loui-'' 

''Spare me! I’ve had enough, and you’re all the same. Once you and the lads give up this pointless charity mission you're on you’ll be out of my life, and I won’t bat an eye when the day comes. The sooner, the better, I'm done.'' 

Louis' panic was reaching the roof, his voice came out in sharp stressful wheezes, and his eyes flicked everywhere as they couldn’t remain in one spot. The sounds leaving was filled with rawness and misery, and it pierced right through Harry' chest as he felt anguish seethe throughout the room.

''You didn't walk away from me when I opened up to you or turned on your heel to leave once you realised what my deepest regret was, so I'm sorry. But I'm not going to stop being your friend. I wish you would've understood by now how the lads and I already care too much, I couldn't leave even if I wanted to.''

''Bullsh-''

''No. You've shown me these past months that you are not a cruel person, not the heartless guy you've worked so hard to be, and you deserve-.''

''Go to hell! I deserve what I've always had, and you have no right saying otherwise when you don’t know shit!'' 

A new wave of anger flared up in Louis as he shouted, another glass smashed into the wall, and he flew across the floor with twitching hands. As soon as he reached him, it was as if time reversed back to the beginning when hands met his chest and shoved him backwards. Punches fell against his body as Louis sneered, but the force of them wasn’t painful when the energy behind them was running on last fumes, and he didn’t try to deflect. He let Louis strike and concentrated listening to the hysterical hisses that pushed out.

''You’re such a fucking pain in the arse! If you think you screwed up and are a shitty person from how you used people for kicks then try being the reason your sister isn't alive anymore and see how you feel then! Why the fuck do you think my mother hates-''

From the way Louis' hands abruptly froze, and how his eyes widened so far they almost ripped in half, Harry understood something very painful and hidden had escaped. The only sound filling the room was Louis' hyperventilating breaths, and he dropped to the floor when his knees buckled. 

‘’Oi-‘’

‘’Don’t fucking touch me-‘’ Louis squealed between his gasps and leant on his knees as he held up a hand to keep Harry away. ‘’-Leave! Get the fuck out!’’ 

Louis spluttered, coughed and swallowed as he forced words from his mouth while Harry went rigid with worry as he saw the pain he was in but had no idea how to make it better. What he did know, though, was that leaving was the last thing he would do. He stayed silent as he observed with sadness, the figure on the floor felt unfamiliar yet so familiar at the same time, and he itched to do something. What mental state Louis was in he didn’t know and making the wrong move could be a disaster for them both. He’d never witnessed the raw and broken side and experiencing it was intense, spreading through his body with ache. 

His heart cracked when Louis' head shifted, and red-rimmed eyes, broken with agony settled back on his long enough for a choked scoff to leave Louis.

''What, you won't go but suddenly have nothing to say, nothing to throw back in my face? What a surprise, it's always the same.'' 

''Then what do you want me to say? Something cruel to prove you're right, call you a monster and walk away? I can't.''

''I'm worse than a monster.'' 

He flinched when a broken sob wrenched into the room, and he wasn't able to keep his distance when he watched Louis crawl in on himself. With careful movements, he kneeled down and murmured softly to announce he'd moved closer.

''No, you're not.''

As he'd expected Louis lashed out another sneer, but it drowned between sniffs and a sorrowful grimace, and he simply tugged him into a hug when arms tried hitting him again. 

''I said-'' He was immediately met with resistance when Louis didn't fold easily ''-don't fucking touch me.-'' and curses fought to leave his broken voice. ''-Fuck off.''

But Louis stopped pushing eventually and sagged against his chest with a trembling body. The fabric of the shirt underneath his hands was damp, and he could see sweat coating the back of Louis’ neck where a few droplets slid down. 

''You’re human Louis, and as you told me, we make mistakes. I might not know what happened, but it's not hard to see how much you blame yourself. It’s a never ending circle of self-hatred you won’t escape unless you work through everything you don’t want to feel and forgive yourself. Don't keep punishing yourself when accidents are nobody's fault, not even yours.''

''No!-'' A whimpered growl vibrated against his skin as Louis tensed. ''-You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about, it was my fault. It's always been my fault.-'' New sobs fled while fingers clenched his arms painfully as Louis broke. ''-I was responsible, I was supposed to look after her, and I didn't because I'm selfish.-''

When wetness fell on his shoulder, his heart felt trapped in a locked cage, and he closed his eyes to keep his own tears from falling. 

''-I was a shitty brother and if I'd only bothered to care she wouldn't have left me. But I didn't, and I might as well have drowned her myself.''

It was hard listening to, and he hugged Louis tighter when his body shook harder. He knew he was in over his head, but at least Louis sat pressed against his collarbones where he was safe from hurting himself. 

''No, Louis, it wasn't your fault. It never was.''

His chest ached, and he carefully stroked Louis’ back in gentle circles as gasps and chokes drowned against his skin. How long they stayed huddled together was unknown but eventually, Louis calmed, and his body slumped in the embrace. Breath ghosted over his throat in the quietest whisper, and when he dared to ease his grip to glance down, a new ache tore at his heart as swollen eyes met his sight. A lifeless expression had taken form on Louis’ face, and the hollowness in his gaze stared straight through him. It was unsettling when he couldn't tell where Louis was mentally, and he strained his ears to hear the quiet mumbles leaving.

‘’I saw the shadow when I reached for the doll. At the bottom. She didn't move.''

Tears prickled at the corner of his eyes as he understood, but unable to imagine the pain and he tugged Louis back to his chest. He felt helpless where he sat, only able to give empathy and compassion when he wanted to do so much more. If he could’ve, he would’ve gladly taken the torment, erased the suffer and allowed the wounds to heal. 

‘’Should've been there. It was me. My fault.''

‘’You are not responsible for her accident, and I’ll keep reminding you until you believe it yourself. I can't understand what you went through, but I can relate to feeling worthless and hating yourself, I did once too. I’ve seen glimpses of the Louis who exist beneath all this self-hatred you carry, the one who hides behind the anger and guilt you use as armour, and he’s worth the struggle. You’re worth it.’’

He sent another glance down, taking a sharp breath as a final tear broke free from Louis’ eye, and as it slowly ran, he promised he would stay as long as needed. He prayed some words had managed to reach through enough to stay when the last thing he wanted was to see Louis fall deeper into his troubled mind. They continued to sit as silence fell, words wouldn’t matter when he noticed the body in his arms slipped into unconsciousness, and he carefully moved Louis back under the covers of the bed. The swollen flush hadn’t left, but a sense of peace had returned, and he smiled sadly as he swept Louis’ fringe from his face with gentle fingers. 

*

Hours later he woke up alone, where Louis had slept was now empty, and he couldn’t hear anything that indicated another presence was around.

‘’Louis?’’

His voice croaked out, raspy and filled with sleep as he forced himself to sit up. He received no answer, and when he walked over to check the bathroom, he found it as empty as the rest of the suite. Their stuff was still there so at least Louis hadn’t panicked and fled the country, something he wouldn't have found shocking. If he were honest, he wouldn't even have been surprised if he’d received news of Louis moving to the other side of the planet.

First when he checked his phone did he understand where Louis was, a single text with the word _breakfast_ flashed across his screen, and he hurried to get dressed. He found all of the lads sitting at a table in the far back, Niall in a glum cloud with sunglasses on as he stuffed his face with food and Liam sporting a refreshed face. It was quite the contrast and a small smile tugged at his mouth when it seemed Niall for once regretted drinking. Louis, on the other hand, looked reserved as he kept staring at his plate without saying a word. It was unsettling, he could see how he once again curled in on himself and avoided attention by pushing his food back and forth. Which wasn't how Louis usually behaved if he was hung over and he gained a bad feeling.

‘’Morning.’’

‘’Morning Harry, how are you feeling? These two-‘’ Liam pointed his fork between Niall and Louis ‘’-seems a bit reduced.’’

‘’Yeah, a little headache but otherwise alright. Don’t tell me you can’t handle a few shots, Niall?’’

From the way Niall’s brows scrunched, he assumed a glare was sent his way, but the sunglasses shielded the expression.

‘’I’m never hungover, it’s this fucking country. French liquor is pure poison I tell you.’’

‘’Maybe you should’ve stopped at five shots then, those black ones had skulls reeking up from them I swear.’’

A sudden jolt in Niall’s throat made him bring his closed fist to his mouth in a hurry, holding it there as he slowly took a deep breath.

‘’I’m going to be sick all over this table if you don’t shut it.’’

Both Liam and Harry chuckled at that, finding it strangely satisfying how Niall for once was the one feeling like shit after a night out. He turned towards Louis and gently curled his arm around his shoulders while bending, seeking his eyes as he smiled softly.

‘’You should’ve woken me up when you figured you wanted breakfast.’’

‘’Yeah, sorry. I just thought you needed sleep since I made such fuss.’’

Louis’ eyes never really focused on him, and he seemed a bit lost, it didn’t lessen his bad feeling and he squeezed his shoulder in a telling matter as he sat down.

‘’Anytime, I don’t mind.’’

They only had one night left in Paris but from Niall’s hangover that didn’t want to let go and Louis’ quiet retraction they didn’t find the energy to do much. The amusement park had been explored, so had Paris’ nightlife, and the thought of going sightseeing or shopping wasn’t really welcomed by three out of four. In the end, they split up, Liam took a city walk while Louis and Niall spent the rest of the day in bed, and Harry used the quiet time to read as he watched over Louis’ sleeping figure. He didn’t really mind, and he was content sitting back doing nothing to let him have the rest he needed.

As the evening approached he managed to lure Louis out of bed to eat, and they all met up at the reception in the lobby. The atmosphere surrounding them was thick, and he quietly wondered if the other two had picked up on Louis’ behaviour or if they still thought it was the hungover. It was strange to observe, Louis was too quiet in a way it seemed he wasn’t quite there at all. His feet moved, and his voice could be heard, but something was missing. The dull look in his eyes and the way his mind was far away, made Harry uncomfortable. Dinner was kept easy, and he didn’t voice a single protest as Niall suggested taking the unhealthy option of Burger King. Not when fast-food was something Louis enjoyed, and it would be a better chance at having him eat something. To his relief it worked, and he smiled proudly, stupid as it was, when Louis finished his meal.

Being the last night, his desire at visiting the Eiffel Tower had been accepted, and he smiled knowing he wouldn't leave feeling unfinished. Once they reached the top, after hours of waiting in line when neither of them bothered to climb the first steps, he jumped in astonishment as he pointed everywhere. It made the others roll their eyes, but he smiled back as he waved them closer to the railings.

The view was spectacular, he could see the whole city, and he couldn't help the cheesy romantic feeling he gained as he stood there gazing. He didn’t have anyone to kiss as he’d fantasised in his head, but he had cheeks to help himself with, and before he could hesitate or regret it, he gave them all a quick peck. Niall and Liam laughed as they wiped their faces while Louis remained still with little frowns between his brows. It caused his bad feeling to grow stronger, and he was about to apologise, but then Louis rolled his eyes again in a slightly less angry way. If was enough for him to grin back with a soft blush dancing over his cheeks. 

To his relief, Louis seemed more present the next morning as they checked out and left Paris and France behind. If he took comfort in leaving the country where he’d shared more of himself than ever before, he gladly let him, but he hoped Louis would bring the results with him in a positive way. 

*

A few weeks later, with a few concerning days where Louis had kept to himself, he finally seemed to return to his more usual, casual sass of a personality. Surprisingly enough, and what Harry had hoped for, Louis seemed better, and he could feel how his heart blossomed in his chest when the shielded armour didn't strengthen but perhaps weakened instead. 

The breakdown and Louis' hidden thoughts hadn’t been mentioned again, but he believed he saw genuine gratitude for not pushing it. Louis had stayed away from the topic, and he'd let him when time seemed to be what was really needed. Confidence found its way back in Louis, but unlike before, where it presented him rather cocky and arrogant, it gave him a touch of realness. 

He sounded more humble with his words, and the way he stayed on his newfound path brought out bravery which hadn’t been there before. The familiar flinch of doubt when they touched, even if it was a simple high five or a pat on the shoulder, faded and Louis no longer kept his smile to himself. Their interactions were growing natural, and Harry, who couldn’t lie to himself, felt his inside warm with fond. He was bursting with pride, but at the same time, a quiet voice at the far back of his mind kept whispering a silent warning of being careful. Unfortunately, he carried his heart on his sleeve, and if he let it be taken, he wouldn’t be able to collect it back in one piece. 

*

He’d went to bed for the night, but a small sound of a door sliding open disturbed the silence, and he turned to find Louis standing in the frame.

‘’Louis?’’

There was no answer to receive, but Louis’ feet moved forward, slowly closing the distance with small and quiet steps. It was unusually quiet, and as Louis reached his mattress, he shuffled to flick on the lamp at his nightstand. A frown formed as the soft light revealed Louis' face, and he blinked a few times in confusion as he waved a hand back and forth.

‘’You alright?’’

There was no answer as Louis' gaze fell to the wall with an empty stare, lost in a trance, and Harry shuffled closer to place his feet on the floor. The lifeless expression felt too familiar, and the unsettling glaze hovering Louis' eyes spread an uncomfortable feeling through his body. 

‘’Louis, can you hear me? Are you still asleep?’’

The smallest flicker of reaction gave him the impression Louis was present, and not, when his head slightly tilted. With a sigh he scratched the grope of his neck in thought, he’d never witnessed Louis walking the flat aimlessly without being intoxicated and unsure if waking him was the right move, he felt a little lost. 

‘’Come, let’s get you back to bed.’’

With a few awkward moves, he rose from the bed while pointing towards the door, stupidly expecting Louis to understand and follow by himself. When nothing happened, he carefully placed a hand on his shoulder, as if he was made of fragile glass, and barely pushed at it. 

‘’Not yet.’’

Once their skin touched, Louis suddenly spoke, and it frightened him enough to jump back and land plain on his bum in a groan.

‘’Bloody hell.’’

Louis shifted, facing down with the same unreadable expression, and it was making him fidget. A demonic spirit had possessed Louis he was sure, straight from a horror movie and obviously ready to commit manslaughter. It freaked him out when he crawled over to the other side of the bed, and Louis’ hollow gaze seemed to follow him the whole way. The chills on his back made him wince and hide further behind the bed when he lacked capacity or energy to deal with Louis at the time, and he gained a headache.

‘’Seriously, you’re freaking the shit out of me, what do you want?’’

‘’You haven't tucked me in.’’

The answer left quickly, and his eyes widened in more confusion, not entirely sure he’d heard right or not. He peeked over the sheets of his bed and stared, seeing the same statue as before and he cleared his throat.

‘’What?’’

‘’It's our routine.’’

A turmoil of questions formed when he was pretty sure he'd never actually put Louis to bed beside dumping his drunken arse on the mattress. Still, it was worth a shot if it meant the situation would progress. He hesitantly straightened up and went back over, observing cautiously as he slowly placed a hand on Louis' shoulder. 

''Alright then, where do we start?''

He barely registered Louis moving before two arms curled around his waist and a warm cheek pressed against his chest. A soft smile tugged at his mouth from how Louis buried his face downwards, and he relaxed into the embrace when the hug felt nice. He had no problem holding Louis, but he wasn’t sure he could say the same for Louis, and he wondered how the following morning would be if he remembered. Right as he started feeling rather comfortable, the grip loosened and Louis’ arms fell as he took a step back. Silence returned, and he cleared his throat when Louis still didn't move.

‘’Shall I take you back to your room now?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Okay, am I supposed to read you a story or something, sing a song perhaps?’’

Louis didn't answer, but his head dipped enough to where he could only see hair, and he frowned in puzzlement. It looked like Louis was bowing, and he stared dumbly for a long moment before the dots connected. His brows arched to his hairline and as a reflex he glanced around, almost expecting hidden cameras to be found. He had a slight fear Louis would go through with skinning him alive or shove that broken bottle up his sacred place if he realised they had somewhat awkwardly snuggled at night time.

‘’I’m not going to kiss you, Louis.’’

‘’But you always do.’’ 

The frown returned as he crouched to observe Louis’ face, still as blank and he wondered what was going on inside his mind. What kind of dream he had or was it perhaps an old memory of his childhood from the way he used his words. A sense of sadness tugged at his heart, and he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, struggling to decide what to do. He’d been allowed to kiss Louis’ cheek once, and with a deep sigh, he leant close enough to leave a careful touch at the top of his head. The decision was regretted when his stomach dropped in unease, and it felt wrong when Louis wasn’t mentally present. 

‘’There you go, sleep now?’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’Alright, let's go.’’

As he turned his head towards the door, he saw from the corner how Louis’ feet slowly moved the opposite direction, and he confusedly glanced back. 

''Lou? Is there anything else you need, a glass of water perhaps?''

A claustrophobic sense crawled up his spine when Louis didn't answer, and without looking back, he darted to the kitchen. He poured the glass and gulped it down before refilling it, sensing the need to clear his head. The cool feeling washed down his throat, and he took another deep breath to calm his nerves. Why he'd felt so agitated and stressful, he wasn't sure, but Louis' behaviour made him uncomfortable. His effort at being relaxed fled when he re-entered the room, and he felt like screaming when he found Louis nestled peacefully in his bed as if it was his own.

‘’Are you shitting me right now, I meant sleep in your own fucking bed, you bloody little wanker!’’

He’d had enough for one night; it wasn’t his fault Louis walked around in his sleep, and he would not be blamed for placing him in his bed. With a final scoff, he moved the glass from his hands and stomped to the other side of his bed where it was room enough. Fidgety fingers threw the duvet over them both, and he shifted position to where he faced the wall, knowing it was the only option to find some sleep. If Louis wanted to stay then so be it, he would gladly enlighten he had nothing to do with it in the morning.

*

The sound of someone choking eased into his ear and chased his dream away, but he tried holding on so consciousness wouldn't fully take over. Softness curled around him and kept the warmth in place, creating a pleasant cocoon, and he tugged it closer. Right as he was about to drift off, the warmth was abruptly yanked from his body, and a loud shriek filled the room. Eyes blinked open as his arms automatically tried catching the duvet, but the sight of it lying on the floor in a moving lump brought back some memories. Soon enough a messy head popped out, and an angry red-flushed expression dawned over Louis as their gazes met. He had a suspicion what was coming, but he was too drowsy to speak up, and he would perhaps enjoy the sight of Louis being confusedly embarrassed. 

‘’You alright?’’

‘’Who the fuck do you think you are, crawling-‘’ Louis’ voice slowly dropped as his eyes moved from his and took in the wall behind his head. ‘’-into my-‘’ then they flicked down to the mattress and eventually the duvet he was covered in. ‘’-..bed.’’

Confusion wiped away the glare from his face, and he looked back up, frowns slowly dawning as Harry sported a smug smile. He’d been right, he did enjoy seeing Louis’ mind shutting down from realisation.

‘’You were saying?’’

‘’What the fuck am I doing in your room?’’ 

Their gaze dropped as Louis shifted awkwardly in the duvet, and Harry swallowed down the sudden laugh he felt coming. He held the upper hand, but he had no trouble believing Louis would explode if he laughed at him in the already humiliating situation. 

‘’You tell me, you were the one who came here and refused to leave.’’

‘’What? I wouldn’t do that, it doesn’t make any sense.’’

‘’No you didn’t make much sense.’’ 

He spoke under his breath so Louis wouldn’t hear and he plastered on a smile once Louis dared to look back up. 

‘’What?’’

‘’I believe you were sleepwalking, and you freaked me out, stood here like a zombie.’’

‘’I did? Did I say something?’’

A flare of fear and uncertainty flicked over Louis but he schooled them quickly as he looked away. It tugged Harry’s stomach, and he gained a feeling he perhaps hadn’t been so far off by thinking Louis’ had experienced an old memory.

‘’Not much, a few muttered words.’’

‘’Did I ask to sleep here?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Then why the fuck did you put me in your bed?’’

‘’P-Put you in my- I went to the kitchen for two seconds, and when I came back, you were already under the covers. I’d been trying to get you back to your room after several awkward moments and then when you finally stopped being the creepy statue I just gave up and went to sleep.’’

‘’What several awkward moments?’’

His tongue froze, he hadn’t meant to let it slip, and he mentally cursed for being careless when he had no intentions of letting Louis know what had happened during the night. 

‘’I just... didn’t know what to say or do to you, so I tried pointing you back to your room but you didn’t move and instead kept staring right through me with a blank face. It was unsettling.’’

‘’I haven’t been sleepwalking for years, and I thought I was done with it.’’

‘’You did it before?’’

‘’A few times. I don’t think it will happen again, but it wouldn’t hurt if you locked your door.’’

‘’Nah I’m fine, I don’t mind sharing my bed.’’

It was meant as a joke, and he sent a playful wink as he rose, missing how the redness in Louis flushed back and made his way to the bathroom. In honesty, he didn’t mind sharing his bed when he'd slept better with company, but convincing Louis to be that company, well it would be easier walking through a concrete wall.

‘’I should get dressed.’’

He heard Louis from the room right as he closed the door to the bathroom and he smiled stupidly to himself, at least Louis hadn’t kicked him between the legs when he’d woken up. 

*

As it turned out, the following week every day started with another body sprawled over his side like a clingy child. He didn’t react much, found it comfortable even, but embarrassment burned Louis red every time he woke up and realised where he was. It wasn’t until the fourth day Louis managed to avoid falling to the floor as if he’d been stabbed and instead hurried out of the room as soon as his eyes blinked open. On the seventh day, the loudest sigh he’d heard left Louis and a rumble of curses sputtered as he sat up and threw the duvet off. 

‘’Bloody hell, this needs to fucking stop, seriously.’’

‘’Well good morning to you too sunshine.’’ 

His voice was heavy with sleep and held a hint of amusement as he stretched his limbs, trying to shake away the last of his drowsiness. A small yawn left his lips when he sat up, and he scratched the back of his head as he turned to look at Louis.

‘’Can you just fucking lock your door! I have my own bloody bed.’’ 

Louis growled as he kept shaking his head back and forth, and Harry sighed in defeat as he ignored the flare of disappointment easing through his nerves. 

‘’Fine, if it makes you that uncomfortable, I’ll keep it locked.’’

The truth was, he was disappointed, and he’d foolishly grown used to having the warmth of another body by his side. It was relaxing, pleasant even but he could understand Louis’ view and why he wasn’t as comfortable with their accidental development. They had never been as close as they were during the night, and sleeping chest to back was a drastic change from a few pats on their shoulders. So he could understand it, yes, and he would lock his door as promised but it didn’t mean he wouldn’t miss having Louis crawl into his bed during the night.

As bedtime entered, he twitched restlessly, unable to find the usual peace and his comfortable spot felt wrong when he used it alone. He knew he shouldn’t fuss over it when he hadn't really lost anything, but the feeling remained, and he cursed for letting his attachment to Louis strengthen when he knew better. He wasn’t surprised when he heard the doorknob rattle, but the thought of Louis standing on the other side sent a bad shiver through his body. In silence he stared at the wooden door, wishing his stare could burn a hole through it so he could keep his promise of having it locked but still letting Louis inside. 

He puffed and flipped over to face the wall instead, pushing the picture of Louis from his mind in hopes for sleep to take over. It didn’t take long, he’d barely managed to close his eyes when the faintest sound of scraping reached his ears; it was barely audible, but the quiet echo hit him like bricks. To shut the noise out, he hid underneath the duvet while he curled into a little ball and pressed his knees against his chest. But as soon as he was done shuffling around silence fell and let the sounds he didn’t want to hear, reach his ears. Short sniffles screamed like a nightmare, awakening his nerves with despair and the sadness knocking on his door went right to his chest. He couldn’t listen to it; desperate whines tugged at his soul, and it was awful. Louis sounded vulnerable and small, like a child crying for being abandoned and it hit him harder than expected. He wasn’t able to take it, and he quickly rose from his bed with his mind already set. Locking his door, he’d agreed to, listening to a broken Louis all night, he had not.

He unlocked it, and the sight that met him tore his heart in half. Blue eyes were glistening with tears, and the hurtful expression made him winch. 

‘’Shit.’’

Louis' head lifted just a tad, and his eyes followed to stare at his face, but like the first night it didn’t focus and went through him.

‘’Do you hate me now too?’’

The short sentence almost made him cry, even though Louis was sleeping and wouldn’t remember, he’d been hurt. Something he’d promised he’d never do to anyone again, unintentional or not, and he closed his eyes in frustration. Whatever nonsense Louis argued with, he wouldn’t keep his door locked and he would rather live with being cursed at than listen to sobs at night.

‘’What, no, of course, I don’t.'' 

‘’You locked me out like she did.''

‘’Because you told me to, you wanted me to lock my door.’’

‘’Please, don’t hate me.’’

‘’I-’’

He struggled to find the right words to say, their conversation was different from the first night, and Louis’ choice of words seemed to fit more into the present instead of the past. A small tear fell from Louis' eye and slid down his face as the silence stretched, and the sight wrenched another part of Harry’s heart. 

‘’Don’t cry love, I promise I don’t hate you.’’ 

He gently placed his palms on Louis' face and tilted it slightly up, finding it hard to speak to him when his eyes never settled on his.

‘’Everyone does.’’

‘’No, that's not right. Hey, I can’t sleep properly without my Louis next to me.’’ 

He smiled as he realised he wasn’t exactly lying, he did, or at least preferred, Louis’ warmth to have a good night sleep. 

‘’You need me?’’

His cheeks flushed with the choice of words, and he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. 

‘’I- uh.. Yeah, sure, I do.’’

‘’Let me stay.’’

‘’Alright, but let me ask first, do you know who I am?’’

‘’Harry.’’

At least, Louis knew who he was around, and it made him relax just the slightest.

‘’Good, then let’s go back to bed.’’

With a gentle hand he reached Louis’ back and carefully guided him forward, a mental apology formed for breaking his promise but at the same time, he was relieved the sniffles had stopped. He managed to take two steps before Louis’ body turned and two arms closed around his neck in a tight grip.

‘’Oi, what are you doing?’’

‘’Don’t push me away, I can’t handle losing more.’’ 

Loneliness trailed Louis’ voice, and he closed his eyes as he let a shaky breath leave. He didn’t know how to take the honest and vulnerable pleas when Louis wouldn’t say them when he was awake. It felt like he intruded on private thoughts, thoughts Louis wasn’t ready to share, and he’d promised to give him space. From the sudden change of scenery, it became more difficult, and he felt awful for seeing the broken side when it wasn’t a choice to show it.

‘’I won’t Louis, I won’t.’’ 

He hugged tighter for a long moment, but when he stepped out of the embrace, small stubbles scraped over his chin when Louis' head shifted and lips graced over his. The unexpected action froze his movements, and eyes crossed, unable to take his widened stare off Louis when the soft lips didn't move away but pressed closer. From his lack of reaction, Louis pushed forward with desperation, leaving no room as his mouth moved more urgent. 

Louis was seeking and needy, swiping over his bottom lip as if he was afraid it would disappear if the contact broke. Fingers slid into his hair to lock him in place, and the strength Louis used made his eyes bulge with a sharp sting of panic rising. Panic from being kissed, panic from hurting Louis if he wrestled free and panic from the warmth he felt settling through his chest. It wasn’t right, but as he gently pushed away, he couldn't help mourning the loss of contact.

‘’Louis, please-‘’

It didn’t register as Louis leant forward and erased the small window of space Harry had managed to create. Fingers vanished from his hair to grip his shoulders instead, and Louis’ lips landed on his neck with the same desperation. His skin felt on fire, and the beating of his heart changed into heavy pounding the moment teeth scraped over his throat. A fog of dizziness clouded his head, and he cursed at how poorly his mind could focus when the sensation from Louis’ actions stirred him the wrong way.

A quiet whine escaped once Louis reached right underneath his ear, and his eyes fell shut in frustration when he couldn’t stop his body from reacting to the touches. It was affecting him too strongly, and he had trouble walking away from the dangerous path they had stumbled into. Everything felt overwhelming, and for the shortest moment he lost against temptation and kissed back when Louis reached his lips for a second time. His blood raced as his mouth moved along with Louis’, and pleasure spread Goosebumps over his skin as nerves tingled. It was too much, he couldn’t breathe from the chaos of emotions inside, and he eventually found enough strength to break free as he gasped for air. The reality of what he was doing crashed, and he flinched back in distress when he saw how Louis moved closer again. 

‘’Y-you need to stop.’’

‘’Why?’’

A groan left as he dragged a hand through his hair, he’d made a mistake and how he was supposed to explain they had kissed formed a massive headache in his head. Perhaps he didn’t have to if Louis magically remembered when he woke up and slaughtered him before he had a chance to speak. Maybe it was the best choice, at least it would be the easiest and quickest one.

‘’Louis-‘’

His voice dropped with his paling face as he thought about what he’d done and he groaned deeper, he’d really dug his grave.

‘’I thought you needed me, I want you to stay.’’

‘’What, no I won’t leave unless you tell me to. Do you understand?’’

He never received an answer as Louis climbed into the bed and tugged the duvet up to his chin. To be sure Louis would sleep peacefully he leant against the wall in silence and watched, waiting for the familiar sounds of soft snores leaving and once he heard them, he watched a little longer. 

*

The morning after he was a mess, anxiousness hadn’t left him throughout the night, and it had kept him twitching around. His mind raced with what he’d let happen, and from the way Louis was still pressed against his back with an arm slung over his waist it didn’t lessen his panic. Suddenly he was the one who felt uncomfortable with their closeness, and during the night he’d shuffled so far half his body was hanging out in mid-air. He’d anticipated Louis would be pissed as he woke, realising where he was and he wasn’t wrong. As soon as Louis’ eyes shot up and his brain registered his surroundings a string of curses shot from his throat in a hiss.

‘’For fuck sake, all you had to do was keep that bloody door locked!’’

Unable to answer what he wanted he pushed the duvet from his body and rose before he fell out, avoiding Louis' glare as he walked to his dresser. He was frustrated as well, confusion and guilt floated through, but at the same time, it wasn't fair for Louis to blame him for unlocking the door. The irritation he could understand, but Louis shouldn’t be so quick to judge. 

‘’H? Hey, I didn’t mean to snap at you, it’s just.. Frustrating you know, I thought it would stop by now. Why did you open the door?’’

Louis’ voice softened as he fiddled around, removing the duvet from himself and copying Harry’s movements by getting up from the bed. He still couldn’t meet Louis’ gaze, and he shuffled through his clothes for the third time, pretending to be occupied as he heard feet stepping closer.

‘’Hello? Will you just tell me for fu-.''

‘’Because you fucking cried.’’

He whipped around as soon as Louis’ tone change into irritation again, and with a strained face, he watched how his mouth bobbed in confusion. 

‘’What?’’

‘’You started crying when I wouldn’t open, so I’m sorry, I really am, but I couldn’t listen to it.-’’

The room fell more silent as they kept staring at each other, both turning more awkward by the moment and eventually Louis dropped his head to the side as he shuffled his feet around.

‘’-If you really have an issue with sleeping in the same bed as me then I suggest you tie yourself up at night because I’m not going to lock my door again.’’

A defeated sigh left his mouth as he grabbed his jeans and a fresh shirt before he walked by Louis to reach the bathroom where he could hide. Tension formed between them, and he didn’t like it, it had been so long since he’d felt it before and he hoped it wouldn’t settle. 

‘’Uh. I- right..’’

The small voice of Louis reached his ears just as he closed the door behind his back and he let out the breath he realised he'd been holding. At least, Louis hadn’t argued or accused him of lying, it was something. 

The rest of the day was a bit awkward, and they stumbled around without speaking as much as they used to, and it gnawed on his mind. What worried him most was if it caused Louis’ hesitation and insecurity to come back and perhaps be strengthened. But when the day turned to night it seemed his worries was for nothing as he observed Louis walk into the room with a pillow under his arm and a defeated look on his face.

‘’What are you-.''

‘’Since I’m most likely to wake up here in the morning anyway I might as well skip the dramatic entrance and avoid embarrassing myself with the crying parade.’’

Louis tossed the pillow down with force and climbed into the bed with an unamused expression, getting in the right position and was about to lay down when the look of surprise on Harry stopped him.

‘’Unless that part makes you uncomfortable, which is just stupid and I can't possibly understand why it would.’’

‘’No.. no of course not, I just.. Didn’t assume you would give up that easily, thought you hated waking up here.’’

‘’I’m not overjoyed by it, but some damaged part don’t hate it obviously. But just, you know.. Don't make a big deal out of this. We share a bed until my fucked up brain understands I have my own; that’s it.’’

The rare, but natural blush crept over Louis’ cheeks, and it made Harry softly smile as he forced down the laughter that threatened to spill, knowing Louis wouldn’t find it amusing. He couldn’t lie; he felt terribly smug seeing him surrender.

‘’Fair enough, but hey?’’

All he received for an answer was a short grunt, and he shuffled closer to the wall, placing the pillow behind his back, so he gained a comfortable spot. 

‘’I’m about to say something you might not want to respond to, but just listen at least. Have you considered this sleepwalking pattern might be from internal stress? Ever since we came back from France, you haven’t mentioned what-‘’

‘’Don’t.’’

‘’I’m not pressuring you to talk, but don’t you think it’s why you seek me out during the night? You opened up to me, and I listened so isn’t it possible a part of you might find it comforting knowing someone wants to be there for you? Lately, you’ve seemed lighter, but the things you push away or ignore will find a way to surface in other ways, and I believe your sleep rhythm has taken the hit.-’’

No response came, and he wasn’t surprised, he hadn’t expected Louis to flip over and share every thought roaming his head, and he was glad he hadn’t fled the bed. Louis faced away, staring at the door, and he could see the back of his head sinking a bit further into the pillow. 

‘’-Will it make you feel better if I shared some of my past, something I haven’t told anyone besides my psychologist?’’

‘’You already told me your mistakes.’’

A sad smile lifted the corner of his mouth, and he drew his knees closer to his chest, nodding quietly to himself as he found his next words.

‘’Yes, but I never said what caused me to spiral out of control.''

The longest beat of silence occurred, and he fumbled with his nails as he waited for Louis to give a sign he wanted to hear or not. Eventually, a sigh was heard, and he looked up to see Louis tug the duvet closer around his frame, but he didn’t turn around.

‘’Alright.’’

‘’I was a foster care child, going through families and I never managed to find one I was allowed to be a permanent part of. I don’t have many memories of the first years, but I believe I was taken good care of since I smiled and introduced myself to the first family I do remember. They were wonderful, and I fell in love with them, I believed I had a home, but unfortunately, it didn’t last, and it broke my heart. It caused me to grow distant, I started shutting people out, and I wasn’t able to feel welcomed and cared for after. I saw myself as a burden which was tossed between people who put up with me because they had to.-’’

He took a deep breath as he fiddled with his nails.

‘’-Then when I was fourteen I ended up in a bad home. The man was a silent alcoholic who abused his wife at night, knocking her around but made sure to leave the marks hidden and made me watch to gain control over me. The only reason they took me in was for the money, and the man was an excellent performer when he wasn’t drunk. No one knew, especially not the foster care system and he made sure I wouldn’t talk by abusing me mentally. I started fighting at school and always ended up bringing the problems back to the house where the woman had to pay for them. He never touched me, but he might as well have when I could feel every hit she received as my own. I blamed myself for what he was doing, I wanted to forget and eventually found ways to, but it pushed me further into chaos. The man died two years later while drunk driving and I was transferred to the last family before I turned legal.-’’

‘’-It wasn’t better there, I’d just started the sixth form and realised my attraction towards guys couldn’t be ignored as before. When the mother of the house caught me one night, she locked me in a closet in the basement with a dog collar clasped around my neck and cuffed me to the wall for three days. Her son was visiting that weekend and she hid me because she was terrified he wouldn’t be infected. Ironically the metaphor coming out of the closet lifted one burden off my shoulders once the door unlocked and I was allowed to leave. They didn’t speak to me, rarely sent a glance in my direction and I was banned from being seen with them in public. At the time I didn’t care how much they hated me, but the repressed anger in me exploded, and that’s when I started hurting other people with the bets and games I played. I wanted them to feel the pain I pushed away, and I wanted them to suffer.’’

A heavy silence fell over them as he stopped talking and he blinked at the ceiling to clear his eyes from the moist he felt building. He’d never shared his past in such detail to any of the people he saw as friends, but as he told Louis, it felt freeing. A few more moment of silence passed before Louis hesitantly flipped on his back and bit his bottom lip. 

‘’What happened to your parents, your biological ones?’’

‘’Don’t know. There are no papers on them, and I was found alone outside a hospital with nothing more than a blanket. They might be dead or still alive, but I don’t want to know, I’m happy as I am now.’’

A genuine smile spread over his mouth as he glanced over, he was honest, and he hoped Louis could see how things could get better if he worked for it. Their gazes met, and his smile widened, also proving it wasn’t the end of the world to share troubled memories. 

A particular tug at Louis' throat led him to believe he was about to say something, but then Louis looked away and turned back to his previous position. His eyes softened as his smile shrunk, but he still took it as a win, and he quietly slid under the duvet where he closed his eyes.

‘’I’m sorry for what happened to you, Harry.’’

It came much later, but the quiet whisper reached and he dozed off with a sensation of warmth engulfing his chest. 

*

Their nightly routine remained without any awkward situations he would age tremendously from, and Louis stopped sleepwalking. He had a feeling the acceptance of letting him stay made him feel safe, and he was where his subconscious wanted him to be. Louis would realise as much himself, or perhaps he already had and his choice to not fight it was enough to show he’d listened. Waking up with Louis draped over like a tight blanket felt more and more normal and he dared to believe Louis’ didn’t find it as awful when he didn’t start the days with a string of curses. Perhaps sharing a bed wasn’t what most roommates used to do but he for one, found it nice. Delightful. Lovely.

A little too lovely when one night, he caught himself observing Louis a bit longer than usual, and he realised his mind was changing direction. He followed the way Louis’ face softened out the strained wrinkles and took away the stress when sleep washed over. He noticed how the longer strings of hair fell over his eyes, softly moving from his breathing, and he couldn’t stop his fingers from gently pushing the fringe away. Louis’ chest would rise and fall with a steady rhythm while snores escaped through parted lips like a quiet whisper. Too attached was what he was becoming, and the small warning voice at the back of his head was screaming louder, frantic when he hadn’t remotely listened before. But every alarm bell vanished when a hum left Louis, and the corner of his mouth twitched into a small smile.

He was an idiot for allowing Louis to creep further into his heart and he knew it would hurt in the end, but after everything he’d witnessed and learned, he wasn’t strong enough to stop it. The changes had happened, and he wasn’t able to erase the beauty he saw in Louis, not only on the outside but inside as well. Louis was a lovely person when he allowed the soft and vulnerable personality he kept hidden, to be seen. So yes, he understood what was happening, and he knew it was too late to take a step back. It seemed it was inevitable, Louis was fragile, even though he would never admit it, and he wouldn’t let his change of feelings ruin what they had achieved. He’d promised to stay, and even though it would lead him further down the rabbit hole, he would keep it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Updated**

**Louis**

Summer was ending, and as time passed, it pushed him closer to the official start of his education. In his opinion, he’d experienced too much after France, and to his bafflement, he’d handled it in a way he hadn’t thought he could. The heavy burden of constant denial and anger unhooked the claws from his shoulders, and he realised it made him indeed feel better to let go. When he’d been forced to understand the compassion Harry gave him was honest and genuine, the buried agony he’d locked inside also started to be less suffocating. Thoughts he’d never dared to pay attention filled his head, coaxing him to believe he’d perhaps been wrong and not everyone was the same. He couldn’t argue when Harry, along with Niall and Liam, refused to prove him right, and the way Harry found him essential enough to stay, left a mark. He had a shot at being someone who could appreciate the little things in life, and returning the same treatment he received didn’t sound as terrifying as it once had. From Harry’s effort to always be understanding and show support, it gnawed at his conscience and flipped things around in his mind. After his humiliation of waking up in Harry’s bed, plastered at his side like they were conjoined twins and unable to prevent it from continuing, he’d realised his changes was more drastic than he’d thought. It didn’t affect him as it would’ve done before, and he didn’t have the strength to fight when it strangely made him feel important. 

To someone, for once. 

Important enough Harry had wanted them to grow closer as friends after learning about his past, even opened up more about his own, and it was something he couldn’t ignore. Perhaps Harry hadn’t been entirely wrong, maybe lowering his shields wasn't a weakness when he felt stronger and more collected after someone had finally listened instead of walking away. 

*

The sound of harsh knuckles echoing from the entrance caused them both to jump awake, and they scrambled up with disorientated expressions. Not sure if they had planned something with the lads or not, Louis located his phone but frowned when he hadn’t received any unanswered calls or text. No one usually stopped by uninvited, and he was about to go back to sleep when realisation dawned, and he groaned loudly. Ignoring Harry’s confused face, he threw on the nearest clothes and gestured for Harry to stay as he forcefully dragged his feet out of the room. His suspicion was confirmed once the front door opened and his eyes fell shut in annoyance as he stepped aside without a greeting. It had been months since she’d visited or even called, and since he’d been living in a fantasy bubble, he'd almost forgotten she existed.

‘’Louis.’’

‘’Mother.’’

‘’Where’s Harry?’’

‘’I don’t know, probably in his room.’’

Before he would’ve loved nothing more to show how close Harry behaved around him, but like many things, he suddenly felt more anxious for her to find out. The table had turned all the way, he no longer wanted Harry out and had his mother witnessed them sharing a bed, all hell would’ve broken loose. He scoffed at himself, feeling almost conned into developing some strange genuine care for the stupid boy. 

‘’Then find him, I need to talk with him.’’

Her voice was flat enough to make him grimace, and he silently wondered how long they would continue their little dance of spitting at each other.

‘’I’m here, did you need something?’’

Harry slowly stepped out of his room, fully clothed with his hair swooped back, and those awful glasses stuck on his nose, but the sight made Louis' mouth twitch. How Harry had presented himself the very first day they met, that he _had_ forgotten.

‘’Yes mother, what do you want this time?’’

‘’You haven’t sent me any updates in a long time Harry, so I decided to stop by and see if my son had ignored my warnings, but I see you’re still here. I’m not expecting any good news since he clearly-’’ she turned her gaze back and let her eyes examine him from head to toe. ‘’-hasn’t cleaned up much of his habits.’’

Both he and Harry frowned as he glanced down at himself, from how the jumper slid past his knuckles and how the sweats curled over his ankles, he realised he was wearing Harry’s clothes. They were too large, unflattering from how they drowned him but strangely very comfortable, and it didn’t mean he was a bum lazing around. Besides, he’d just woken up, excuse him for looking scruffy and grumpy when her presence did nothing to improve his mood.

‘’You know I’m standing right here, don’t talk about me like I’m not.’’

He met her stare as he crossed his arms over his chest, but she didn’t react and simply turned to face Harry, who was looking extremely uncomfortable.

‘’I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to when you stopped asking for them, and I assumed you didn’t have time to read. I still wrote notes though if you want me to send them to you?’’

‘’That’s not necessary, just tell me your opinion of what you've witnessed.’’

‘’Right.-‘’ Harry looked between the two, the frown growing deeper as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head. ‘’-I would say Louis has come a long way, he’s not the same person I met over eight months ago, and I feel his priorities has changed for the better. He’s made a commitment, and he’s trying. It shows he’s matured and taking his decisions seriously. I have no doubt he’ll accomplish what he’s set his mind to.’’

A wave of warmth spread through his stomach at Harry’s words and how he seemed to mean them honestly, but it got knocked away from his mother’s lack of enthusiasm. 

‘’What about his other troubling problems, any more visits at the hospital, and how many visitors does he bring home?’’

Not a single comment or look of approval came from her, and he wasn’t the least surprised her interest only revolved around his bad habits. After all, he knew she wanted them worsened, not better.

‘’Wow really? Not a bloody _oh that’s surprising to hear, in a right way_ or _keep up the good work Louis_ , you just dismiss it and go straight to find another problem to tear me down with?’’

He was steaming, containing his anger around his mother had never been his strength and keeping his mouth shut he’d never bothered trying. Everything she let pass through her lips pissed him off and not once had she said something close to encouragement, or a pleasant word. 

‘’I have a hard time believing it, don’t forget, I’ve known you all your life while Harry just a few months. I’ve experienced how manipulating you can be when you want to, and I can see through your bullshit. Maybe something has changed, but I assume it's your performance towards Harry because so far, I haven’t seen any results.’’

‘’How the fuck can you expect results when we never interact, and why the hell do you bother asking when you’ve already decided the answers in your head? You’re going to think what the fuck you want no matter what he or I say, it’s a waste of time.’’

‘’I expect you to give me those results Louis, for you to realise how much you’ve hurt our family and to approach me with an apology. So far you haven’t shown any signs you will, and it leaves me to believe you are still the same. The one you'll always be. You've had months to surprise me, but I honestly don't see you get what you so desperately want and I certainly won’t bail you out anymore.’’

‘’Do you need anything else, Mrs Tomlinson?’’

Harry’s squeaky voice broke up the upcoming fight he was about to have with his mother, but the invisible daggers kept flying back and forth with venom. 

‘’No, I’ve heard and seen enough, coming here truly was a disappointment. Next time you'll hear from me it’s going to be _Mrs Emmerson_ , and it'll probably be the last time we speak Louis. I'm sure the university has some interesting news for me.’’

‘’You’re getting married?’’

He almost spat the words out as shock managed to find its way to his face and he couldn’t believe he’d heard right. It wasn’t the marriage itself he found shocking, more the reality of someone being able to love her enough to propose.

‘’Yes, and we’re taking the kids-.''

‘’Wait _what_ \- what kids?’’

She glared at his interruption and scoffed as she continued.

‘’We’re moving to New York right after New Year’s, and that’s why I gave you this last opportunity. You've had the chance to prove that you, a grown man doesn’t need to be babysat, and instead do something with your life but I'm not surprised how it's turned out so far.''

With that, she tucked the purse tighter under her arm and walked away without another word like she hadn’t just painted him as the biggest failure on earth. Left was two frozen faces, both staring at the space where her present had just been.

‘’What the fuck, do I like, have siblings or what?’’

He spoke more to himself as he shook his head in disbelief, not entirely able to wrap his mind around the unexpected news he’d received.

‘’She-‘’

‘’Doesn’t matter, and you heard her; after this year is over, I don’t have to deal with her again. She achieved what she's always wanted. If the lady I bribed to keep my change of study hidden, tells her, I'll be broke soon.’’

‘’Louis-‘’

‘’Save it, I’m starving, and I need to get out of here. Call up the lads and have them meet us somewhere yeah?’’

Without facing Harry, he quickly stepped into his room to change and shut the door tightly. He wasn’t pissed at the discovery, but he was mad at himself for feeling hurt by it. It wasn’t his family; he’d lost it a long time ago but learning she had moved on, and started a new one, still ripped open a few of his old scars. 

*

‘’Are you fucking done soon? You’ve been in there forever already, you wanking or something?’’

A groan of impatience left as his head bumped against the door to the bathroom where Harry had been for the past thirty minutes. He’d noticed how he’d more often locked it instead of leaving it open like usual, and the only explanation he could come up with was that it meant private time. It was what he did whenever he wanted to have a satisfying shower, and he stifled a laugh, taking the lack of response as an answer.

‘’Oh Haaroold, you enjoying yourself in there by picturing me all naked and steamy? Don’t tell me you’re fantasising about roaming those hands over my arse and-.''

The door he leant on flew open, and he stumbled into a very unamused Harry, hair dripping wet and towel secured around his hips. He innocently blinked as he straightened up to tip his head to the side like he’d done nothing wrong, and he realised his good mood was back.

‘’Hilarious. You done?’’

‘’Well are you? That towel seems a bit extra tight doesn’t it?’’

Laughter fled when Harry made the mistake of glancing down, walking right into the trap, and he bent over as Harry snorted in annoyance and flew past him. He continued laughing as he followed into the bedroom where Harry tipped around to find his clothes, and the distinct flare or red covering his cheeks kept him going. As soon as Harry managed to put on a pair of briefs under his towel, he turned away with a shaking head, but the small smile betrayed his annoyance. 

‘’Don’t be a sour sport, it was only a joke! Laugh a little!’’ 

Right as Harry shoved one foot in his jeans, Louis jumped on his back and sent them both tumbling on the bed. He cackled as Harry’s face smashed into the mattress with a muffled grunt, and he shuffled his feet, so he was sitting Indian style on his lower back. 

‘’M’g’off me.’’

‘’What, I didn’t quite catch that.’’

Ready to pay Harry back for the tickling episode he’d been tortured with ages ago, he stabbed fingers everywhere skin could be seen with quite the force. Unfortunately, he didn’t receive the reaction he’d hoped for, and he tried poking harder when Harry didn’t as much as flinch. 

‘’Oh come on, that’s so not fair.’’

‘’Louis! Get off me, I need to get dressed.’’

Harry’s head shot up in a flash, and as it nearly smacked right into his face when he hadn’t been prepared, he yelped and grabbed the back of it. With one elbow he re-positioned and pressed it on Harry’s head, pushing it back into the mattress while his other hand found new spots to pinch. 

‘’I thought you would be stronger than this Harold, what are your biceps made of, plastic?’’

His fingers nipped and squeezed over the arms, doing everything to provoke a reaction as he was in a restless and mischievous mood. A flare of evil went through, and he hurriedly tweaked a nipple once it resurfaced when Harry tried shifting to the side. A choke left as the rest of Harry’s body froze, and he smiled obnoxiously to himself for achieving a response.

‘’Knew it, a purple nurple always hurts.’’

A string of mumbles left the mattress, and his elbow pressed down a little longer before he took pity and moved over to the shoulder. Harry’s head popped up in a deep breath before an unamused scoff left. 

‘’I'm warning you, if you keep touching me, I’m going to turn over and hump your leg like a bloody dog.’’

His fingers automatically froze as his eyes fell to the small dots of blue that kept forming on Harry’s skin, and he arched a brow.

‘’What? Would you seriously embarrass yourself that much, that’s low.’’

‘’I wouldn’t test me if I were you, so unless you want to be scarred for life, I suggest you get the fuck off me.’’’

A mocking chuckle left as he pushed Harry’s head back down, ignoring the threat when he was pretty sure even he wouldn’t humiliate himself to prove a point.

‘’Never would’ve guessed pain is your kink Harold-‘’

Sarcasm laced his tone as his fingers slid into Harry’s damp curls and a bratty smugness crept over his features as he yanked the tips back.

‘’- and you’re so fucking bad at lyi-‘’

A mix between a grunt and growl filled the room as the body underneath moved, and in the next second a hand clasped around his arm to yank him down. A shocked yelp fled as he suddenly found himself being the one pressed into the mattress and he stared with wide eyes at a fuming Harry. A knee had spread his legs apart, and he blinked in surprise at Harry’s quick movements and strength while his mouth popped open at their position. 

‘’Oh, is it not as fun the other way around?’’

The irritation he could see slipped away as the tight grip around his wrists left, and the weight shifted as Harry drew back. Ignoring the realisation he’d felt a little too much of Harry pressed against his thigh he voiced what was going through his head. 

‘’What the hell, are you taking some sort of ninja self-defence classes as well?’’

‘’I said I wouldn’t force myself on you again, not even as a joke when you deserve payback for being a wanker, and I meant it. Just remember this little incident, how easily I can take you down the next time you feel like being a pain in the arse.’’

Harry rushed off the bed to grab the rest of his clothes as he stormed out of the room, and Louis blinked confusedly at the ceiling. Perhaps he’d taken it a bit too far, but he hadn’t expected it to turn out as serious when it had meant to be fun. 

He scrambled off the bed with an embarrassed expression, but as soon as he saw Harry’s reddened cheeks, he broke down in new laughter. He couldn’t help himself as it bubbled out, drawing tears to his eyes and he fell to the floor gasping when Harry snorted disapprovingly.

‘’By all means, keep squirming, but I’m leaving to meet up with the lads.’’

*

Eventually, they reached the place where Niall and Liam waited, and he sent them a quick finger as Harry stopped the car. He unhooked the seat belt as he fished out his phone and as he opened the door, Harry drew his attention back. 

‘’I see what I think I see right?’’

With a glance, he noticed how Harry kept staring through the windshield and he followed it over to where Niall was standing. 

‘’What, Niall?’’

‘’No, further behind, reaching the entrance now.’’

He looked further, and when his eyes found another familiar face, he groaned and threw his head back, pinching the bridge of his nose. It certainly wasn’t a lucky day, and he sighed as he hauled himself out.

‘’For fuck's sake, of all the places in London and we’re lucky enough to run into _that_ , twice. What are the fucking odds, well I'm certainly ignoring that.''

‘’Ignore what, me?’’ 

Liam’s confused voiced trailed the air as he stepped closer, looking back and forth between them and pointing the finger at himself to make his point.

‘’No, just some loser Harry knows, met him once and all that leaves his mouth his fucking shit.''

He flipped his thumb over to where Dean and his company had just opened the front door to walk inside, smiling and laughing at each other. Just the sight sent his anger boiling, and he felt an urge to punch the smug face in, or, at least, break a few teeth. They stepped closer with slow feet, and of course, something near a fire alarm went off as soon as the door ticked of the bell above. He could practically see how Harry shrunk half his length and shuffled closer to Niall in an attempt to hide. As soon as he noticed Dean look up, he saw how his eyes zeroed in on Harry, who kept trying to hide but ended up looking like an elephant hiding behind a lamppost. He was about to suggest going somewhere else when Niall piped up and pulled Harry to his side.

‘’We’ve got this, come on, let’s prove he can’t scare you away with some ugly glare.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Li and Tommo, you find us a table, Haz and I will order and be back soon.’’

Niall gently, but also forcefully pushed Harry’s shoulder to make him move forward, closer to the counter and closer to where Dean was standing in line. Louis could see the hair on Harry’s body spike with each step, and he was about to join them when Liam dragged him towards a table. He wasn’t sure what it was, but something inside kept urging him to go back and stand up for his friend when he'd seen how Harry’s face had paled. It grew stronger when Niall entwined his fingers with Harry’s and let his head rest on his shoulder.

‘’What about here?’’

Liam’s voice startled him, and his head whirled back to see the booth they’ve reached with a small smile. He simply nodded as he slid down in his seat and while Liam took his jacket off, he kept looking between the three at the counter. Unease swept over as he saw how Niall’s face change into something provoking, and his fingers drummed the table when Dean apparently said something unpleasant since Harry frowned.

‘’You alright?’’

He quickly glanced away when Niall thumbed over his shoulder in his direction, and he focused his attention at his fingernails until he dared to look up again. New restlessness hit when both Harry and Dean gawked at Niall, and he couldn’t take the curiosity rising through his nerves. 

‘’Louis?’’

The call of his name came louder, and he jumped back to stare at Liam who sent him a confused expression.

‘’What? I have to pee, be right back.’’

He sprinted out of his seat before Liam had the chance to open his mouth and he hurriedly searched for the toilet as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. Seeing the toilets were on the opposite side of Harry and Niall, he took a detour just so he could catch some of their conversation.

_‘’-a second with this little act, Harry will never be more than a fucking rapist.’’_

His feet stopped dead in his tracks, and he whipped around with darkening eyes to see Dean’s sour face stepping closer to Harry’s falling one. He could practically hear Harry’s heart falling to the floor and break into tiny pieces, and his body moved before he could realise. In one go his hands shot out, and when they connected with Dean’s chest, he shoved him backwards to everyone’s surprise.

‘’What is your fucking problem, are you seriously pathetic enough to rip up that shit here, _in public?_ Just because you regretted it in _hindsight_ doesn’t mean it was rape and did you ever tell him no during? Does it come across in that footage you didn’t want to, that he forced you, or can you be heard saying he had to stop? What he did after and how he did it was fucking wrong but don’t you dare pin him as a rapist when you willingly participated in the act itself so shut your accusing piss hole.''

Six eyes stared at him in shock, and he coughed out the last spat of his rant, he hadn’t meant to blow up as loudly, but the flash of anger had taken over. As silence returned and the shock vanished he could see how Niall observed him with curiosity, Harry watched him fondly, and Dean held nothing but resentment. 

‘’How do you even know about tha-‘’

‘’Because unlike you, Harry worked through his shit, he’s honest about his past and every mistake he's made. You can tell yourself whatever you need to sleep at night, but this Harry is not the same one you encountered years ago. For your mental health’s sake, I suggest you do the same before it continues to ruin the rest of your life.’’ 

His adrenaline eased out, and distress took its place as his behaviour finally dawned on him. Not only had he unashamedly interrupted their conversation, but he’d also yelled and cursed out Dean in the middle of the place for everyone to hear. Something unfamiliar had struck a nerve, perhaps it was protectiveness, and he’d more or less lost it when Dean had appeared threatening. It felt strange and when everything else faded he was left with being uncomfortable and out of place. With a final glance at Niall and Harry, he shook his head and let his eyes fall to the floor as he hurriedly continued to the toilets. 

Once inside he breathed out a shaky breath and leant against the wall, massaging his temple and ran a hand through his hair as he calmed down. Getting worked up about someone else being orally attacked wasn’t like him, and he wasn’t looking forward to explaining why when he returned to the table. Not when he didn’t really have an explanation. With a quick dab of water to his cheeks and a last shake of his head, he walked back and kept his stare on the floor. He could still see them standing at the same spot from the corner of his eye, but he restrained himself from looking up. Indulging in another spat wasn’t optional and keeping his gaze away from the trio helped him keep his head cool. 

_‘’-didn’t deserve what I put you through. I’m not expecting you to forget because I never will, but I hope you one day can believe I regret how much pain I caused you.-’’_

His feet automatically slowed at the sound of Harry’s voice, though, and his ears concentrated on the words.

_‘’-don’t allow my horrible mistakes to destroy your happiness, you deserve someone who'll treat you right.’’_

A questionable expression met him as he reached the booth were Liam sat, and he held up a hand to stop the words he assumed would leave Liam’s mouth. 

‘’Don’t ask.’’

He leant back and wiggled out of the jacket to seem occupied, he could feel the burn from Liam’s stare at his side, but he wasn’t in the mood to create some excuse. To kill time he fished out his phone and searched it aimlessly, tapping at every app he had without really paying attention just to avoid Liam’s glance. Eventually, he heard Niall whistling, it grew stronger, and as he glanced up, both he and Harry stood by the table with smiles. Harry’s was warm and grateful, while Niall’s was a bit concerning from how his whole face twisted, and Louis raised a brow in question.

‘’Well it was intense back there, I was ready to punch Dean’s face, and then you just swooped in and knocked us all off our feet. What the fuck was that, Tommo, you were terrifyingly brilliant for once. You left before you heard Harry’s bleeding speech, though, had he presented one on my grave after brutally murdering me even I would’ve forgiven him with my ghostly heart eyes.’’

A small smile lifted the corner of Harry’s lips, and he laughed under his breath as he smacked Niall’s shoulder.

‘’I was just honest, he needed a real apology, hell I needed to give him one when a twenty-five paged letter in the mail wasn’t as personal, but I didn’t have the bravery to face him back then.’’

Niall grinned and brought Harry into a tight hug, humming a pleasant tune of joy.

‘’Well, everyone has shit on their backs, but as long as you don’t throw it after my friends or me, I don’t care. Shit is shit, no matter what and it’s clearly in the past because you are the loveliest fucking guy I know, and I’ve known you for a while now. So let the shit stay where it belongs, in the past.’’

‘’Thanks, Ni, I think I love you more each time you open that Irish mouth of yours. Thank you too, Louis.’’

Niall swayed them back and forth as he kept talking, almost as he was cradling a little child who was emotionally distraught and needed a warm cuddle, and it made Louis snort. At least one of them appreciated Niall’s mouth then. Niall broke free to face him and Liam, grinning obnoxiously proud as he slammed a hand down on the table, drawing the attention of the rest of the place as well. 

‘’You heard that fuckers, he loves me, not you. _Me._ ’’

‘’Yeah keep telling yourself that mate, at least one of us has learned to tolerate you. Can’t possibly understand why Harry is dumb enough to love you.’’ 

He flipped Niall off as he rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t suppress the bubble that tickled his throat when he heard Harry chuckle.

‘’What, you jealous he prefers me over you?’’

‘’Prefer and prefer, with your desperate need for attention and force of nature I would say he's more forced.’’

‘’Don’t be mean Louis.-'' Liam’s eyes softened around the corners as he glanced back at Niall. ‘’-Even this little shithead can’t deny he adores you.’’

Liam’s hand ruffled his hair, and a laugh left the side of the table where Harry and Niall still stood as he ducked away and growled back.

‘’At least we got that wanker off Harry’s back, but in case he’s stupid enough to come by again then just know he thinks you two are engaged.-’’ Niall pointed a finger between Louis and Liam, where the smile of Liam faded, and Louis shot up in his seat with arched brows. ‘’- While you and I are supposed to be cousins Lou.’’

‘’Say _what?_ If that's some twisted fantasy roaming through your head, you have more issues than I thought, Niall. Liam is like the annoying brother I never wanted.’’

‘’I have to agree with Louis on that one Niall, that is a bit disturbing.’’ Liam squirmed in his seat before they shifted to face each other, and it barely took a second before both grimaced and shuddered uncomfortably. 

‘’Fuck yeah it’s disturbing. I'm more likely to end up in a filthy porn video where I'm crying daddy while some wanker slaps me silly before I allow Liam to touch the goods. Gross.’’

Niall, Liam, and Harry all burst into loud laughter as the grimace was still splattered on his face, and it turned a bit green on the edges from the scenario.

‘’At least, the situation was resolved, give Niall some slack.’’

‘’Can always count on you mate, and you Haz. Tommo, you can remove that butt plug that’s apparently inched too far up your arse, it typically doesn’t make you this pissy. Used a bigger size today?’’

It caused their brightened mood to continue, even Louis had to scoff amusedly as he flipped Niall off a second time and tried his best at glaring through the humour.

‘’Nah, just the usual one. Oh, you wanted to borrow a big one? Sorry, I'm all out, but I'm sure if you ask your new fan Liam here, he'll probably be more than happy to let you use his special one.’’

It was the wrong moment for Liam to take a sip from his soda, which the waiter had clearly been some invisible force since Louis hadn’t even registered someone placing their drinks down, and he coughed into the glass to spit it all over the table.

‘’I was on your side two seconds ago, why’d you bring me into this? I have no such thing.’’ Liam crossed his arms and puffed out, a prominent blush covering his cheeks as he tried to act offended. 

‘’No? You used it so much it broke- hey, can they actually do that like, break? Would've been fucking awesome.’’ The left brow of Niall rose as he seemed deep in thought and it was his turn to receive a glare from Liam, which only caused the rest of them to cackle.

‘’I take back my love for you. You too Louis.’’ 

Niall and Harry finally slid into their seat on the opposite side, and Louis peeked around the table, eventually finding Harry’s eyes, and he frowned confusedly when he saw a smug smirk crawling over his mouth.

‘’Well if you really are interested and curious about them, Niall, I’ll gladly take you shopping and give you some advice.''

The statement came from Harry, and he seemed completely unaffected as six pairs of wide eyes simultaneously landed on his. The laughter died down, and they all stared at him like he’d told them he was fucking pregnant.

‘’What? I am gay, shouldn’t be that much of a surprise I have one?’’

Niall and Liam slowly looked over to Louis, brows climbing towards their hairline, and his eyes widened when he read the unspoken question lingering in their gazes.

‘’I was bloody joking! And no, I did not know my perverted roommate probably has a whole drawer full of them.’’

It was Niall who recovered from the news first and a giant obnoxious grin formed on his face as he turned back to Harry as he clasped his hands. Again it was too loudly and several heads, the ones who hadn’t turned the first time they made noise, shifted in their direction.

‘’I so have to see one, do you have like different sizes and shapes? And do you use it whenever, like say right now for kicks or only when you're shagg-.''

‘’Okay alright, that’s more than enough butt plug talk I can handle in one day, seriously, we sound like the gay version of Sex and the City.’’

Two sets of cheeks blossomed in pink, and both he and Liam shifted awkwardly in their seats as Niall and Harry’s smiles grew smugger.

‘’So you mean we sound like the _fab five?_ ’’ Niall flicked his fingers and wiggled his brows.

‘’Wha- what even is that?’’

‘’It was an awesome tv-show. Our group is one man down though, where’s Zayn when you need him?’’

‘’Niall, who are you exactly? I can’t remember you being this bloody spaced during our last conversation.’’

‘’What happened to Zayn actually, did he seriously move to Germany?’’ Liam piped out, and a questionable look crossed his face as he glanced over at Harry.

‘’Yeah, he did. Sounded like a great opportunity though so I’m glad he took it, just wished he would've announced it a little soon-''

‘’No, I’m not interested in talking about that tosser. Let’s move on.’’ A whine of disapproval left as Louis deflated on the table, even butt plugs was a more pleasurable subject to discuss than the unimportant guy that had fled the country. Murmurs of snickers bounced between the others until Harry gently tapped the table. 

‘’What do you suggest we talk about then Lou?’’

‘’Anything, as long as it doesn’t ruin my appetite.’’

‘’How about UNI then, were you serious about giving it a shot?’’ Liam circled back to more serious matters, but he looked genuinely interested as he smiled softly.

‘’Surprisingly yes. Changed from Law to Drama and I’m strangely excited to see where it goes once I start. I swear if you give me shit about it I will choke you before you finish your sentence.’’

‘’Wow that’s pretty unbelievable since it’s you we’re talking about, I mean- Well yeah, _you!_ Never thought you’d start or finish anything related to education, to be honest. I’m still betting Harry you’ll drop out within the first semester. Please let me win, I’m dying to see Harry rock the bald look.’’

Hadn’t Niall smiled so brightly while mocking, he would’ve punched him, but from the mischievous glint in his eye, he accepted his teasing. Instead, he shot him the middle finger before he flicked his eyes back to Harry, raising a brow at the way he shook his head.

‘’You seriously bet your hair? And what if you win, what does he have to do?’’

‘’I have to give up the secret ingredient I use in my special sauce, the one he's been nagging me about for bloody months. So you see, you have to let me win, I can’t give up my trump card.’’ Niall clutched his head and slumped over the table, shuddering in phantom pain.

‘’Gee thanks for the support there, and what have _you_ finished that’s so incredible? Did you even go to UNI?’’

He playfully mocked back, but when the three other heads turned to him with raised brows, he confusedly looked between them as if he was missing something.

‘’What?’’

‘’You don't remember I mentioned, several times, how Niall works as a sous-chef in a restaurant over dinner? Where did you think I got all the food ideas from?’’

Harry’s chuckle snatched his attention, and it was his turn to frown as he couldn’t decide whether they were messing with him or not. He could not recall ever hearing such a detail about his Irish friend. 

‘’No, like when? Come on, you’re trying to tell me that Niall-‘’ He pointed a finger right at his face before his gaze followed. ‘’-That you are a bloody chef, hold on, that’s- no food would ever escape that kitchen.’’

‘’Well duh, why do you think I eat so much all the time? Have to be full when I’m at work since my boss gives me hell if he finds me tasting too much.’’ Niall rubbed his belly and cooed in joy when a short guy reached their table with two pizzas at hand and placed them down.

‘’I just assumed your stomach was a black hole, but you’re not kidding? A chef, for real? When the fuck did that happen?’’

‘’You seriously don’t remember I told you Niall was the one who taught me how to make the roasted chicken you liked so much? Or how I stepped by his work after closing time so he could show me some of his tricks?’’ 

Harry stared at him with a baffled expression, and Louis left eye twitched as he barely recalled the conversation he referred to. Perhaps Harry had said something in the line, but to be fair, he’d been so stuffed he’d barely managed to hear his own choking breath. 

‘’How much did you damage your brain over the years with your drinking? Even I think I mentioned it when we were out, before Harry moved in with you.’’ Liam’s knuckles knocked the side of his head to hear if something still existed in there.

‘’Well, why did we never check it out then Liam, if you knew which restaurant it is?’’

‘’Because you blew me off with a snort and rolling eyes the one time I said something, and I didn't know Niall that well at the time so I didn't see the point.’’

‘’But why the hell didn’t you ever say anything Niall, and what about France, aren’t you chefs supposed to go mental over there?’’

It was like he’d lived in a box where subjects involving only alcohol, party and sex had been allowed to enter while everything else had faded like a mumble. 

‘’Never bothered, you and I never hung out like this before. I only met you both at parties, and we all know I would’ve talked to deaf ears had I suddenly brought up personal stuff. And I’ve been in France through work, so I've seen the magic.’’ Niall chewed on a slice as he shrugged in response.

With a blank expression Louis stared at the table, pretty blown from the new information he’d received and perplexed he hadn’t heard it sooner. Or paid more attention. Unfortunately, he saw Niall’s point, they hadn’t been more than drinking buddies before, and they had rarely talked outside the party environment. He hadn’t even realised until recently how Liam and Niall had known about each other for a while, and with the added news of the occupation, he wasn’t sure how to react. It wasn’t just Niall, he hadn’t cared to ask how Liam was doing and if it hadn’t been for Harry’s effort at bringing up more personal conversations he probably wouldn’t have known much about him either. The realisation made him cringe; he might’ve decided to take more interest in being social, but he was the worst fucking friend.

‘’How long have you been at the restaurant then?’’

His shoulders fell with his eyes as he felt rather selfish and a bit ashamed at how little interest he’d taken in their lives. They always asked how he was doing, and clearly, his priorities were off the rock.

‘’Probably a little over a year, I think.’’

Another newsflash smacked him across the face, and it almost knocked him out of his seat as he stared at Niall with his mouth open.

‘’Wha- Why hasn’t anyone brought it up in the last six months at least?’’

‘’Harry did though, and not to be rude towards you Louis, but we never really talk about any serious topics? We hang out, having fun which isn’t wrong but you haven’t exactly been the one to care about that stuff before so it just never seemed natural to bring anything up.’’

Niall’s words weren’t harsh, but they still felt like a whip, and he shrunk a little further into his seat. It was uncomfortable, realising how oblivious he’d been but at the same time understanding were the unfamiliar guilt arrived from. It made sense, he’d noticed a certain unease towards the group, and unlike before, he was able to see what the problem was. _Himself._

‘’I might be a little unfair to ask this but, do you even know what I do?’’

He swore he heard the disappointment in Liam’s voice even though he smiled while he talked, and it made him feel worse. As he thought about it, he reached the depressive conclusion he had no idea, and he wondered how it was possible. He’d known Liam most of his life, listened to his voice for years, but never paid attention to the words, and he frowned in annoyance at himself. The hesitation to answer made Liam chuckle as he shook his head, and he crawled in on himself as he felt exposed.

‘’You really don’t have a clue?’’

He felt even shittier when he caught the look of sympathy lingering in Harry’s eyes, and he mentally groaned at his ability to see right through him. As he shifted his gaze, the corner of his eyes caught the small movement of Harry’s hand, pretending to write something on the table and he almost spat as he twirled back to find Liam’s eyes.

‘’You used to write! You wanted a career in... Uh. Writing?’’

He’d been so sure for a tiny moment, but when Liam’s face didn’t change from the dull stare, he felt like shit all over again.

‘’Oh come on! Don’t torture him like that, look how bloody devastated he is, he’s even making me feel sorry for his stupid arse.’’ Niall threw his hands up as Liam started laughing, patting the back of Louis' head like he was a dog getting praised.

‘’You’re close, not a writer though, but a journalist.’’

‘’You fucking wanker, I was about to shit myself. ‘’

‘’You kind of deserved it, though, got to get some crap for being such an uninterested _wanker_ all these years.’’

They kept bantering back and forth about being the biggest wanker, ignoring Niall’s inputs and how he tried to act as a referee. Harry sat and watched quietly, munching on a slice of pizza as a fond smile made its way into his mouth at the scene.

‘’So Haz, how’s your studying going?’’

As Niall mentioned Harry’s name, it drew Louis’ attention back towards the rest of the table, and he turned to find Harry looking all dazed with a goofy smile. It was like déjà vu from the time they had eaten pizza in the flat, and he waved a hand in front of his eyes to snap him out of it. Harry blinked in confusion as his mind returned, and Louis snorted amusedly at the way his cheeks grew a rosy shade. It grew deeper as Harry’s eyes locked on Liam’s, and when Louis flicked his gaze between the two, he felt like he once again was missing something. Liam held a knowing look, and from the way Harry awkwardly cleared his throat and straightened up, he gained the feeling they knew something he didn’t. 

‘’Oh, yeah it’s going great. Hoping for an internship over the New Year while I continue studying. Will be a bit hectic, but it would be a great opportunity.’’

‘’Nice, so you found a place you applied for then?’’

‘’Well sort of. My professor mentioned one to me, and I’m excited about it, I mean, I would be a fool not to, but nothing is settled. I’ll know closer to Christmas though.’’

‘’Where is it?’’ 

For once Louis tried putting an effort to join the conversation, and he found himself genuinely curious as the question popped up. It didn’t hurt how Harry looked back with newfound fondness, and he mentally patted his own shoulder for doing something right. 

‘’To be honest, I’m afraid I’ll jinx it if I say, but I’ll let you guys know if I get it.’’

‘’When you get it.’’

It was meant to be encouraging but his smile weakened when he noticed how Harry’s never reached his eyes, and he didn’t understand what caused it. Sensing new uncomfortableness settling over his shoulders he took a sip from his drink and refocused back towards Niall.

‘’I still can’t believe you’re a fucking chef, that’s like Liam being an exotic dancer.’’

The loud ecstatic bark shooting from Niall’s mouth held enough food to spray not only Liam down but the unfortunate man sitting behind him as well. 

‘’Niall!! Gross!’’

Spit-chewed pieces of pizza covered Liam’s face and torso as he stood up, completely on the same page as the pissed man at the table behind. Dirty scowls and seething eyes landed on the blood flushed Niall, and they moved over to Louis as he burst out laughing.

‘’So so terribly sorry ‘bout that, really sorry, extremely sorry!’’

Each word came out louder and more high pitched than the other and Niall seemed like he was about to shit himself in hysterics. As Louis continued to laugh at the sight of both Niall and Liam, he fished out his wallet and pressed a bunch of money at the pissed man while telling him to buy himself some new clothes. Even if the gesture was meant to be nice, he could almost read the _arrogant_ stamp glowing from his forehead.

‘’Okay is everyone done eating then? We have to get going when we have a party to catch.’’

He threw some more money on the table and stood up before the words had time to settle in his friend’s brains.

‘’Party? Where, when?’’

A broad smirk formed as he pushed past a still fuming Liam, who was removing sticky pieces from himself with a grimace, and he waved for them to follow.

‘’At ours.’’

‘’What, when did that happen? You didn’t tell me we were throwing a party tonight.’’

‘’No because I just decided, so get a move on, once I send the text people will show up.’’

Knowing better than to argue with him, they all followed, Harry confused, Niall bouncing happily and Liam all gloomy as he seemed ten seconds away from strangling the Irish joy out of Niall.

*

_‘’So, anyone special caught your eyes these days?’’_

Louis heard Liam ask Harry as he rounded the table where they sat, and he rolled his eyes as he continued into the kitchen. Flipping through the refrigerator, he found the beer he was looking for and grabbed two bottles along with lime from the bottom shelf. He’d missed the party scenery, surprisingly not the part where he’d sniffed something in the bathroom or swallowed a pill of seduction, but he missed the relaxation of unwinding. Perhaps the worst of his party animal side had quieted down enough to behave, but his appreciation for having fun hadn’t vanished. As he picked up a knife to slice the lime a loud _WHAT?_ fled the table he’d passed and almost caused him to shorten his fingers. He turned with an irritated scowl to find Harry gaping with amusement towards Liam, then followed with a chuckle, and his scowl deepened. 

_‘’How did I never notice and why haven’t you said anything before? That’s awesome Liam and yeah I’d totally go for it since you're now on the market, we’re the feistiest lads here tonight.’’_

A frown fell over his face as he took in the realisation behind Harry’s words and how his brows kept dancing in a teasing matter while Liam laughed and shook his head. He glanced back and forth between them, gaining the unfamiliar stir he’d felt several times when he’d observed how easy it seemed for them to bond, and he couldn’t shake it. He turned back to his lime and hurriedly sliced it, fidgeting to leave the kitchen where he didn’t have to overhear more of the personal conversation from the table.

_‘’-wasn’t ashamed to mention it, I just, don’t know really. Didn’t find a window to blurt it out before but do-‘’_

Quickly he grabbed the pieces along with the bottles to walk away until Liam’s voice couldn’t reach his ears anymore, and plopped down at Niall’s left. A brunette sat beside him, and from the way she kept leaning closer to his friend, it wasn’t hard to see what she had in mind.

‘’Here you go Horan, even brought you a lime.’’

‘’Thanks, mate, owe you one. What’s up with the happy campers in the kitchen, they’re boring sitting all alone over there.’’ Niall grabbed the bottle and took a long sip before he squeezed the lime over it. 

‘’They have some personal lovey-dovey talk, and it’s- fuck it, I don’t care about their shit so stop talking about them.’’

A brow arched on Niall’s face as a confused expression dawned, and he kept looking back and forth. 

‘’What’s with your sour mood so sudd-‘’

The sound of Harry choking on his beer and the coughs leaving interrupted Niall’s sentence, and they both looked over to see Harry jump from his seat with waving arms. 

_‘’No fucking way! You’re telling me- What- I didn’t even see it coming, that’s-‘’_ Harry’s yelling was cut short by Liam’s hand clasping over his mouth as he threw himself forward and they both tumbled to the floor. 

The rest of the room laughed at the scene, but Louis rose from his seat before Niall could comment on it and he approached the group of women huddling around the bathroom. A cloud of perfume hit nose like a punch, and even though his first instinct was to turn away, he plastered on a flirty smile and announced his presence. 

‘’Hello ladies, everyone doing alright?’’

‘’Ah Louis, haven’t seen you around as much lately, been busy?’’

One of the girls stepped out of the cluster and threw her hair over her shoulder as she smiled sweetly. Something about her face seemed slightly familiar, but he couldn’t place it, and he sensed a small chill from the way she certainly recognised him. 

‘’Nah not really, I’ve been out there but figured going home for the night instead of puking my shit in the ER felt a bit better the morning after.’’

High pitched laughter sprung from her mouth, and he awkwardly laughed along until her eyes widened and she tapped him repeatedly on the chest. 

‘’Isn’t that your usual wingman, the one who dated Ari, and why is he behaving like that? It’s not really appropriate is it?’’

He blinked confusedly at the mention of _wingman,_ it had been almost a year since he’d let Liam act as one- before he could finish his thought he craned his neck to follow her gaze, and his eyes narrowed. In the middle of the room was the sight of Harry and Liam dancing together, smiles painted on their faces and bodies swaying to the music. It wasn’t as sexual as the girl probably thought, and from how Niall cheered them on it was clearly fun but as he observed, a flare of anger grew in his stomach. He didn’t like the vision when it kept reminding him how awkwardly he’d handled dancing in a similar way with Harry. Liam seemed to enjoy himself as he laughed and twirled around, shaking every limb, and the anger inside flushed from how comfortable they looked together. It seemed too easy. 

Without another word he left the girl and strolled back into the kitchen where more alcohol could be found. He needed to cool down, and he’d lost count on how many times he’d broken the one rule of his flat. The pack of smokes in his back pocket surfaced, and as he placed one between his lips, his shoulders fell in relaxation. It made him feel better, and he lightened up a second one just as Harry walked in with a grin.

‘’Hey, you alright? Did you see Liam, who knew he had such hidden moves, I’m impressed.’’

He didn’t smile his healthy blending smile back but took a deep drag of his cigarette instead, and breathed out the smoke in a sigh. His body refilled with tension and he didn’t like it, the mood had dropped drastically from their dinner, and he wasn’t quite sure what the reason was. 

‘’Yeah, I can have fun on my own thanks, I don’t need to see you two humping each other.’’

Unable to meet Harry’s eyes when he felt awkward for being unusually surly he grabbed his bottle and walked away before he could be stopped. He wasn’t irritated at them, or perhaps a little with Liam when he somehow felt he should’ve known better. It was strange, everything seemed to be strange, and he fell on the couch beside a blonde girl with a grunt. Silence, except the music and chatter around, felt good and he focused on the bottle and the third smoke in his hand. From the strained expression his face carried, it wasn’t surprising how no one seemed to approach, and he liked it. Liked being left alone and his mood seemed to brighten until Niall’s voice caught his attention a while later.

_‘’Ey Haz, haven’t spoken with you all night, been too busy grinding our respectable choir boy?’’_

Niall, who sat on the opposite end of the couch flicked around towards Liam and Harry who was back at their table and shouted loud enough for everyone to hear. 

_‘’Well I tried, I really did. Gave my best moves and all, but I’m afraid this sex machine is simply out of my reach. Think I have to give him up.’’_

Another groan left as he looked away from all three, the flat wasn’t flooded like he’d been used to, but enough faces he could pay attention drifted around. With a final drag, he stomped his fifth smoke and leant back to meet the girl at his right’s eyes. A glassy gaze met his, and a smell of alcohol and cigarette circled them as she shuffled closer with a clumsy try.

_‘’-dead set. Lost my confidence when this one wouldn’t give it up.’’_

Even though he tried shutting them out, Harry and Niall’s voices kept penetrating his ears, and it spiked the frustration building inside. Unwillingly overhearing them annoyed him, and it drove him mad. Without thinking he grabbed the girl at his side by her arm and pulled her closer, a few whispered words sent her giggling, and a minute later she dragged him out of his seat. A triumphant smirk curled his lip when he noticed how Liam sent a second look his way. Bad choices and a churn of mess in his mind caused him to sling an arm around the girl’s shoulder as they walked by the table where his friends were observing with frowns. 

‘’Since you all seem so busy planning how to get each other off, I figured I should follow so, excuse me, ladies, I have some work to do.’’

He sent them a cocky wink as he guided the girl under his arm closer to the bedroom, and as the door fell shut, Niall’s last words followed him inside. 

_‘’Well, there was the old personality I thought had left.''_

The smugness fell from his face as the anger he’d felt quickly faded, and it left him frowning in confusion as the girl slid her hands around his waist. Niall’s words echoed, and the brief glance of disappointment he’d noticed in Harry’s eyes formed a ball in his stomach. He was suddenly feeling guilty, and his behaviour left a bad taste in his mouth when he’d somewhere along the way realised he no longer craved to be the old version of himself. 

‘’Don’t be shy now baby.’’

Fingers curled around his neck but he stepped aside when a red stained mouth closed in on his, and he massaged his forehead impatiently. It was what he was good at, seducing the ones he wanted in his bedroom and have his way with them. He’d played the routine all through his adult life and liked it, but he’d never felt as turned off as he did right at that moment. 

‘’This isn’t working.’’

‘’What?’’

Perhaps it was the guilt that drowned away his desire, or maybe it was because he hadn’t said more than a few words to convince her he was worth taking for the night. It felt surprisingly too easy when it hadn’t been his plan to have her, and as he looked back at her face, he realised he’d barely glanced at it at all. A quiet sigh left his lips as he shook his head and turned to leave.

‘’Is it because we’ve already shagged before and you don’t want me a second time?’’

With his hand on the doorknob he froze, the hair on his neck rose from the shudder of shame that crashed when he realised he hadn’t remotely remembered her face. His eyes fell shut as blurry memories of his former flings rushed through, and unlike before, he disliked how he couldn’t picture a single face. 

‘’No, there's nothing wrong with you.’’

Desperate to get away he skipped through the door, and he didn’t slow down before he reached the table where Liam and Niall’s eyes widened at his swift return.

‘’Wow that was depressingly fast, you were that worked up mate? Poor girl.’’

Niall slapped him on the shoulder as a loud bark tumbled, and he slid down the empty chair as he continued to shake his head. 

‘’No. I don’t know what the hell is going on tonight and I didn't mean to be such a shit towa- hey, where did Harry go?’’

‘’He just called it a night, said the beer made him drowsy and how he wasn’t feeling quite well, so he didn’t want to make it worse.’’

It was Liam who spoke, and as soon as his eyes looked over to meet his gaze, the anger slowly flicked back to life. Something about Liam had pissed him off the whole night and hearing how Harry had gone to bed with a bad excuse steered his brain in a direction to conclude Liam was the one to blame.

‘’Perhaps you shouldn’t have satisfied your selfish needs then, haven’t you realised by now he’s like a sponge who takes everything to heart?’’

‘’ _Huh_ , what are you on about? What needs- I haven’t done anything, and you've barely talked to us all night, so I’m a bit lost at what you’re getting at Louis.’’

‘’Yeah what's with the attack, chill, we’re all friends here.’’

‘’I- _shit_ , my beer must’ve been spiked or something because my mind is going fucking nuts. Fuck, I’m gonna take a piss. If I don’t return, leave me there and send people home.’’

He left Niall and Liam staring at him like he was going insane as he stumbled down the hall towards the bathroom and locked the door tightly behind his back. The reflection staring from the mirror was unfamiliar, tips of tousled hair pointed everywhere while his eyes were red and glassy as he searched for something recognisable. Everything about the night had gone wrong in his opinion when he’d spent more time brooding than enjoyed himself. It was embarrassing because he wasn’t the type of person who allowed insignificant things to plague his thoughts, and it pissed him off how it had happened anyway. 

It was different, he was too different, and the Louis he was familiar with wouldn’t act the way he’d done that night. He was tense, uncomfortable and angry over something he didn’t even know, and he’d mostly focused it towards his childhood friend for no good reason. Or maybe he had one, perhaps he could pin it on the way Liam hadn’t walked the room like he’d used to, and avoided mingling with the rest of the people. It was a simple breach of manners, but his reason fell through when he realised Liam hadn’t been the host. Maybe the way Liam had gloated and acted in front of everyone had rubbed him wrong instead. Or, it could’ve been how insensitive Liam had behaved concerning Harry’s emotions. It wasn’t too farfetched to think Harry had read more into it than Liam had, and been hurt by their connection going nowhere. Seemed like a plausible explanation when Harry had appeared fine one moment then suddenly left the other. 

He pressed the palm of his hands at his temples, squeezing his eyes shut to will the endless train of thoughts to end. All he wanted was some peace and quiet, for his blood pressure to slow down and his head to stop spinning. Maybe he really couldn’t bear alcohol anymore when all he could hear was the calls from his bed, chanting for sleep. As he left the bathroom, he faced the direction of his bedroom but stopped when he remembered he’d left someone in there. It was a chance she’d stepped out by then, but a part of him didn’t want to find out and who knew, perhaps another pair had taken the opportunity to use his empty bed. 

The living room was still blasting with music, so sleeping on the couch wasn’t an option either, and the only place left was the place he’d already been sleeping for a while. He hesitated, though, unsure if Harry would mind company when he’d left to get away from people, but within seconds his feet automatically moved. They steered him back into the bathroom, and he searched through the cabinets until he found what he was looking for, and he wetted his peace-offering before he left. His feet paddled over the floor as he entered the room, and a slight panic made him toss the wet cloth he carried right on Harry’s face as he turned around. A sharp smack filled the silence along with a muffled groan, and the cloth slowly slid off to fall on the bed. 

‘’What the- what was that for?’’

‘’Liam told me you were feeling sick, so..’’

‘’So slapping me with _wet cotton_ would make me better?’’

‘’I wasn’t- It slipped.’’

‘’Sure it did, but thanks anyway, the gesture was nice.’’

Harry shifted to face the wall as he moved the cloth to the top of his head and tugged the duvet tighter around his body. A new beat of silence stretched as he observed Harry trying to go back to sleep, and a frown formed as he was unsure if he should lay down or ask first. His teeth gritted in annoyance over his hesitation, and he simply shredded his jeans to the floor when he didn’t need permission to sleep. The shirt followed the same way, and he puffed as he crawled on the bed to throw his head into the pillow. 

‘’What are you doing?’’

‘’What does it look like I’m doing Einstein, I’m going to bed.’’

The side he was laying on felt chilly, and he automatically shuffled a bit closer to Harry’s warmth, close enough for his bare back to reach Harry’s elbow and a tired sigh left. It wasn’t a new position, he’d woken up in more humiliated ones but he’d never consciously erased the space between them, and it felt strange. Not necessarily in a bad way when he liked the warmth tickling his skin, but it still felt unfamiliar to be as close.

‘’You smell like shit.’’

‘’If that’s your way of saying I have to take a shower then it sucks for you, I’m not going anywhere.’’ 

‘’Come on, I don’t want your fluids from your shag all over my bed, it’s disgusting. So yeah, go and take a fucking shower if you’re sleeping here tonight.’’

A small chuckle bubbled up his throat and loosened the last of the tension he’d felt in his body. It grew stronger, and when Harry straightened up to sit, he was practically gasping as laughter clenched his stomach and tears prickled his sealed shut eyes. 

‘’What the hell is wrong with you?’’ 

He pressed a hand to his chest as he let the last of his laughter leave, and he sighed heavily as he blinked open. 

‘’Don’t get your knickers in a twist now Harold, relax, I don’t have any fluids on me. I didn’t shag her.’’

‘’Why not, you never say no.’’

‘’Realised I’d been there before.’’

A few shuffled movements dipped the bed as Harry laid back to their previous position and the pleasant warmth returned.

‘’You’re still on the whole never do a girl twice then?’’

He stared into the darkness as he bit his bottom lip in unease, hearing how bad it sounded when someone else voiced it out, and he sighed quietly. 

‘’Yeah. Something like that.’’ 

It had been his rule for as long as he could remember, but thinking about it didn’t give him the same superior thrill it once had. No, it caused a sour flinch of regret to flick through his body. 

*

As the night went on, he drifted in and out of sleep, creating a blurry deranged state of mind and the pillow he curled around caressed him with heat. Dreams merged with reality in a strange hallucination, and the warmth kept burning his skin, painting it with a thin layer of sweat, and he chased it every time it moved further away. At one point he believed he was sunbathing on a beach, and his pillow was an air mattress he had to hold tightly so it wouldn’t fly away. It felt wonderful, a tantalising promise of pleasure that tickled his nerves and left him craving more. He wanted to be buried in it, utterly soaked and it didn’t matter if he wouldn’t wake up again if he could stay in the embrace. It kept going through the night until the warmth left his side and took it all away, leaving him fighting to stay in his bubble. 

Eventually, reality broke, and his eyes slid open, heavy from the fitful sleep he’d received, and he groaned in displeasure as he flipped over. They blinked a little harder when he noticed the very prominent piece of morning glory bulging from his briefs, and he snorted tiredly as he flicked the duvet off. It took about half a year before his brain remembered where he was and his head whirled around to see if someone else had noticed his status as well, but he breathed in relief when he found the other side empty. A few more minutes ticked away into many, and after he’d contemplated taking care of his problem in his friend’s bed because he was lazy, he decided to behave and forced himself to sit up. 

His body ached in soreness when he stumbled to his feet while pulling sweats on, and a slight throb floated through his head as he scratched the back of it. Out of the room and down the hall he found Harry spread on the couch, face slightly hanging over the armrest while drool seeped from his open mouth. It looked uncomfortable and rather cold when there was no blanket to be seen, but instead of being a good friend finding one, he stepped over and took a deep breath.

‘’MORNING!’’

Harry’s body reacted before his brain had a chance and he flew off the couch in a whirl to crash on the floor with his face first. A gurgled groan escaped as his head lifted to look confusedly around, and it made Louis laugh when Harry groaned again as he noticed him.

‘’Why are you sleeping here?’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I asked why you slept on the couch.’’

Harry pushed himself up to a sitting position as a yawn could be heard, but only a grimace formed and his head shook sideways.

‘’I fell asleep.’’

‘’No shit Sherlock, I wouldn’t have guessed..’’ He snorted as he placed his hands on his hips, staring down at Harry with a raised brow. ‘’-You seriously left the bed to sleep on this piece of shit?’’

A soft blush spread over Harry’s cheeks, and his brow climbed higher towards his hairline at the sight, slightly wondering where the embarrassment came from. Then he remembered what he’d woken up with, and he mentally hoped he hadn't done what he suspected.

‘’Yeah I.. uh, woke up a while ago, _like_ , dying of thirst and, _like_ , when I reached the kitchen I, _like_ , noticed all the mess around so I, you know _like_ , cleaned it up and I guess I just.. _like_ , fell asleep here.’’

From the way Harry’s voice came out high and spluttering while producing too many _likes_ , almost sounding like a mouse squeaking, it, unfortunately, seemed he had suspected right after all. A pinch of humiliation burned up his neck and threatened to paint his face red, but he kept it hidden behind a weak smirk. 

‘’I fucking humped you in my sleep, didn’t I? Damn Harold, I thought you’d at least enjoy a sloppy free grind, but you had to hurt my ego by letting me know you fled the bed didn’t you. Not cool, _not cool_.-’’

Harry’s face fell while he spoke, the blood drained so fast it looked like he decomposed in seconds, and the sight made him choke on a bubble of laughter. He could practically see how hard Harry’s brain worked to find words, and he coughed out more amusement.

‘’-Bloody hell I actually did, so that’s awkward but sadly impossible to erase so what about you just kick me next time nature strikes. It’s what I do to you, works fine.’’

Harry had been in the process of yawning a second time, but he ended up in a coughing fit, and he sounded like a dying animal with the sounds he made. It was an entertaining show, and he kept laughing until Harry managed to regain something near a normal breath. 

‘’What- I- you- what-.''

‘’I was kidding you idiot, but I would’ve instead of degrading myself to sleep on this brick.’’

He patted the top of the couch as he wiped the last tears of hilarity away and shot Harry a wicked grin filled with mock before he turned on his heel and left.

*


	6. Chapter 6

**Updated**

**Harry**

He was in hell. Trapped with a bittersweet longing for the one burning his soul, so painful but yet so satisfying and he couldn't see a way out. Doomed was what he’d been from the first day he’d entered and seen the very first image of Louis with little horns growing. He’d just refused to realise. 

Once marked by the devil it had left a permanent mark, strong enough to keep him in a mental torment and the heat kept pulsating the more he fought. It was a beautiful nightmare he couldn’t run from, and he couldn’t wake up when giving up the pain meant losing a part of himself. He hated how he loved it, and he loved how he hated knowing there was no rescue.

Fascinated with personality, captivated by attraction, mesmerised with affection and blinded by inner beauty was the sweetness.  
Drained with want, exhausted with emotions, agonised by pain, weakened with ache and saddened by reality was the bitterness.

He was in hell where he’d thrown his heart open, and he could see it scattered wherever he walked because he’d done the one thing he shouldn’t have.  
He’d fallen for the devil.  
The beautiful and enticing devil he’d wanted far longer than he wanted to admit, and it tore him apart.

*

**Louis**

September reached and went, he’d survived a month in University, and the strangest part weren’t how fast the time had gone, but how much he enjoyed going to class in the mornings. It wasn’t exactly how he’d pictured it to be, but it was far better than the alternative, and even though it required most of his attention, the theoretical work was interesting as well. Not everyone who had their mind set on being a Drama Major liked him, though, some rather hated his guts when he’d used his wealth card to cut the process of applying. He’d had no idea how hard getting accepted was or how much work some had done, but even though he did feel guilty about using his family name to skip ahead, he chose not to dwell on it. So what if he’d used a short cut, he was still the least experienced in the class and the most likely to fail. 

*

He was sitting on a barstool with his chin in his palms, hunched over the kitchen counter and deep in thought as the doorknob clicked back and forth. Insecurity fuelled the conflict of decisions in his mind, and it sent his left knee bouncing restlessly as Harry stepped through the door with a smile. He'd argued back and forth with himself, and even though he'd reached the conclusion it was beyond stupid, it still seemed like the best alternative. Or at least, the most effective.

‘’Hey, I didn’t know you would be home so early. How was your day?’’

The plastic bag in Harry’s hand swayed as he flicked off his shoes, and Louis kept staring at it, followed its movements while his leg kept bopping and his nerves jittered along. It had to be done, or perhaps not but he somehow felt obligated to, and when Harry turned to shimmy out of his jacket, he leapt from his chair. In three long steps and with a stomach that dropped to the floor with distress, he seized Harry’s cheeks when his head spun back and kissed him. The bag hit the floor where one glass container inside made a sound that was suspiciously close to shattering and filled the eerie silence. He stepped back and observed the horrified shock Harry’s face twisted into with a frown, lost on what to say and how to best explain. It had been a foolish idea, he knew, but it seemed he always ended up going through with them in the end.

‘’What the-‘’

‘’Was it convincing?’’

His hands rested on his hips, and his eyes fell to the floor as he waited for a response, unable to meet Harry’s gaze when he felt fire flare through his cheeks. 

‘’I- _what?_ ’’

‘’Bloody hell, just- did it seem like I was comfortable kissing you, enough to pass it on as if it was real?’’

‘’You seriously expect me to have an answer to that when you just did that out of nowhere?’’

He sighed as his shoulders fell too and he hadn’t really expected an analysis, but he still felt dissatisfied with the answer.

‘’Yeah no I get that, but it was supposed to be unsuspected so if you give it a second thought, did it seem at least a little natural or was I completely awkward about it?’’

More bafflement settled through Harry’s features as his brows arched to his hairline and he blinked in genuine confusion. 

‘’I’m so lost here. Why does it matter and the bigger question, why the fuck did you do it in the first place?’’

‘’Because I failed so miserably during rehearsals today and this arsehole wouldn't stop giving me shit about being unprofessional and unfit for the class. I can’t be stamped as the weakest link, I know I am, but I won’t allow it to spread, so I have to be believable.’’

He scoffed in frustration as he dragged a hand through his hair and he picked up the plastic bag as Harry walked into the kitchen. A pool of some water stained the floor as he moved it to the sink before he turned to face Harry again. 

‘’What do you mean you failed at rehearsals, your class is setting up a play?’’

‘’Just a practice one but I hadn’t paid enough attention when we discussed the characters, so I accepted the one I was suggested, and the kiss scene caught me off guard. The guy really doesn't like me much, and he kept degrading me in front of everyone when I continued messing up the scene. He’s a fucking shit, and I’ll have anyone who calls me a flamboyant nervous little pixie eat their words.’’

‘’I’m still not following, what does this have to do with _kissing me?_ ’’

His head tipped back as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, he’d honestly thought Harry had managed to connect the dots by then. 

‘’Look, Harry, I’m about to ask something absurd, and yes, you’ll think I’m insane because honestly, I think I am. But I’m also pretty desperate, so just hear me out. You’re the only one I can ask, so I’m willing to go through with this mortification if it means I’ll be able to pull off this play and prove I do deserve to be in that fucking class. If I at the same time can rub it in my classmate’s face, then that's a plus. So what do you say, you in?’’

‘’In on what? You haven’t asked anything yet!’’

Right, he hadn’t. A new wave of blood flushed his cheeks as he unwillingly straightened up and cleared his throat. 

‘’I need some help getting less awkward with the scene, I just started with drama and have no experience in the field, but you do. It isn’t the kiss itself that’s bothering me, it’s just a simple kiss, but I'm not used to the role and being close with others. Especially guys and I need to be more comfortable with it, feel like it's more natural, you know? Unfortunately, I can't stand the one I'm doing the scene with so I'm only asking because it's important to me.''

‘’Let me get this right, you’re asking me to be your.. _practice dummy?_ For real, you’re actually serious about this?‘’

A quiet nervous tone filled Harry’s voice as his left eye started twitching, then the rest of his face drained of colour, and he stumbled backwards until he crashed into the refrigerator. 

‘’I know I’m asking a lot from you, and trust me, it wasn’t exactly the first idea that popped into my head. And this is going to sound all wrong, but I thought perhaps you wouldn’t mind as much as Liam or Niall would, for example.’’

He tipped his head to the side as his hands waved up and down like he was testing the weight of something, and he tried forming a weak smile. Even to his ears, he heard how idiotic it sounded, and he already regretted asking when panic sent Harry’s voice alarmingly high.

‘’ _God no_ , absolutely not! Desperate or not I can’t understand why you would even ask that. ’’

With wailing arms and wide eyes, Harry paced back and forth, unable to stand still and the immediate outrage surprised Louis. He’d expected a no but followed with a laughing fit, not the stricken look Harry carried and how freaked out he appeared to be. The reaction caused him to frown, and it deepened from the slight sting of hurt he felt inside, strangely close to betrayal, and his frustration grew. 

‘’Why not, why wouldn’t I ask my best friend for help? Yes it ridiculous, but like I said, you’re the only one I feel I can turn to. But Jesus, from your reaction you’d think I asked you to fucking suck me off in public instead of a bloody peck. So yeah, why the fuck not? Am I so unappealing all of sudden, too disgusting to be near or what, because I really have a hard time believing you find me so repulsing you can’t even tolerate a two second long fake smooch.’’

He barked back as his temper flared against his will, getting him too angry over something dumb he hadn’t wanted to ask for in the first place. It shouldn’t have bothered him how Harry didn’t want to, but the clear rejection hit him stronger than he’d thought and he didn’t like it. A cold sensation settled over him, causing him to feel a bit self-conscious at the thought of Harry, of all people, turning him down, even though it was for pretend. He must’ve expressed his inner thoughts along with his insecurity when the stricken look faded from Harry’s face and was replaced by surrender.

‘’Of course I don’t think you’re disgusting- wait, what did you just say? Did you call me your-’’

‘’Don’t fucking mock me and act like you didn't hear what I just said, two seconds ago. If you don't find me disgusting and it's not the reason why you look like I just peeled your soul out, then what is?’’

His brows knitted further when a bright grin pushed out Harry’s dimples, and he could see how affection shaped hearts in his eyes as he touched his chest. Harry looked stricken again, but in an entirely different way, and he felt lost on why Harry seemed so pleased all of a sudden. 

‘’Oh, no, I heard you, Louis, I did.’’

‘’Are you having a stroke or something, what’s wrong with you? Is it a no or not then?-''

It was as if an invisible bucket of ice crashed over Harry’s head and his positive energy was sucked back into the dark and gloomy cloud that formed around his crestfallen posture. 

‘’-Christ, your mood swings are giving me a whiplash.’’

A sad and defeated sigh crawled from Harry’s throat as he hauled over to the kitchen counter and deflated like a flat tire. 

‘’I want to help you, but I’m afraid it’ll be weird. It might backfire and make you more uncomfortable with the whole play, I just don’t think I’d be the best person to be your practice dummy for this.’’

‘’It's acting, Harry, for a play at the university, not the bloody theatre, and you have more experience than I have. Relax. How about this, if you help me out I’ll make it worth your time by humiliating myself so badly I’ll need therapy. You help me out, let’s say five times to get the hang of it, and I’ll prove I can convince you to think I can kiss Liam and Niall effortlessly.’’

A flare of something familiar flashed over Harry’s eyes, a glint of interest, and he smirked as he took it as a sign their discussion was ending. Smugness re-entered Harry as he straightened up and turned around in a suspiciously slow way.

‘’French kiss.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’I’ll help you out as many times as you want if you _French kiss_ the other lads, but you have to do it before I give you the first five so you can’t wiggle your way out of it.’’ 

His smirk died, and it was his turn to go pale as he could see Harry wasn’t joking with his conditions and he mentally cursed for being cornered. It wasn’t worth it, the play didn’t involve French kissing and the thought of trying with Niall, and God forbid Liam, made him flinch. Refusal laid on the tip of his tongue but what left his mouth wasn’t it. 

‘’One, I’ll only have to French kiss one of them.’’

‘’One regular and one French.''

''Ugh, fine.''

''Then we have a deal.’’

‘’Bloody hell, you’re paying my therapy lessons.’’

A dry laughter escaped Harry as he shook his head in disbelief, and Louis joined in as the rest of him shuddered in discomfort.

‘’So, how you want to do this then?’’

‘’Eh, I’ll let you know, or not, I don’t know. When inspiration strikes I guess. Christ, that sounded gross, I need a smoke.’’ 

He let out a puff of breath as he walked towards the front door where his shoes were located and slipped them on as he decided to keep his rule for once by stepping outside. 

*

During the following days, he followed through with their arrangement, and every time they rehearsed, the intimacy felt more natural, but he could see how the tension seemed to grow in Harry. His shoulders kept climbing towards the ceiling, until the fourth round was over, then they dropped like a wrecking ball. Instead, his own skyrocketed when he realised what it meant, and he flinched at the thought of what he’d promised to do in return. 

It was different with Harry, their lips barely touched for a few seconds, it was easier getting used to when they lived together and were closer. But French kissing Niall, because he would rather shoot himself in the foot before choosing Liam, made him more than uncomfortable. It made him stressed when he really didn't want to, he didn't know how he should go for it either, or how Niall would react. He tried reasoning with himself how it was a just a kiss, with some tongue involved, something he’d done plenty of times so, in theory, it shouldn’t be difficult. It wasn't a big deal, at the same time it felt like the end of the world, but he'd been stupid enough to accept Harry's deal. 

 

‘’Harry? You home?’’

He walked into the flat, flicking through the bunch of post in his hands and kicked the door shut with his heel. When no one answered, he glanced up to find Harry knocked out on the couch, but he didn’t seem to sleep well when his arms kept clenching and his face held a strained expression. He stepped closer as he peered down, contemplating on poking him awake or not but the loud growl from his stomach decided for him.

‘’Heey, wake up.’’

Slowly he gripped one leg, shaking it enough to make Harry’s brows knit tighter and a small snore left his nose as he shifted position.

‘’Nghh, lemme be…’’

‘’Come on, you promised to make enchiladas today, and I’m hungry.’’

He shook a little harsher as he bent closer to poke at Harry’s face, smirking when he finally received a reaction as one eye struggled to open while a tight line formed in his mouth. Surprisingly enough he found the sight a bit adorable, and the disorientated look forming over Harry’s features sent his lip twitching in amusement. 

‘’Seriously, if you don’t get up I’ll practice my French kiss for Niall on you. We both know that’ll be awkward but I can totally pull it off, so unless you want to give it a go I suggest you get moving.’’

Something he could only recognise as fear flashed over Harry’s eyes as they struggled to remain open and his arms flattened one the couch before his muscles pushed him upwards. It happened so fast Louis hadn’t managed to lean back, and before he could blink, Harry’s forehead knocked into his with enough strength to create an intense pain. Harry fell back with a groan, while he pressed a palm to his forehead and hissed from the soreness he felt spreading over. 

‘’Ow, what the fuck was that for? I wasn’t seriously planning on snogging you, you idiot, and now my head hurts like a fucki-.''

His voice was cut off by Harry’s mouth, and his eyes stretched so far they burned, but to his perplexity, the throb in his head ceased. The rest of his body froze, so he wasn't able to flinch away. Instead, a slight malfunction of his brain told his mouth to speak, but the words he’d expected to leave didn’t form and instead he ended up prolonging the awkward kiss. The rise of panic shot through the roof and his blood raced faster, coating his face crimson and he hurriedly stumbled backwards as he clumsily scratched the back of his neck.

‘’Uh, you should, you know, fix dinner, like, right away.-’’

Unable to meet Harry’s gaze when he could hear a choke of realisation leaving, he whirled and changed his direction towards the bathroom.

‘’-I’m taking a shower and then I’ll, uh, be in my room to- do some, uh pape- just shout when the food is ready.’’

His feet ran over the floor, and he fled into the bathroom where he sank in relaxation once the door fell shut. He’d managed to do the one thing Harry had been afraid of, making it weird and he dragged a sweaty hand over his head as he shook it in disbelief. 

*

Later, after a slightly more quiet dinner than he’d been used to, a small knock reached his ears, and he jumped like someone had broken it in half. Tension was filling the room, and he couldn’t stand it, it wasn’t normal, and he sighed heavily as he found Harry’s eyes.

‘’Okay the awkward silence ends now, this is ridiculous, and you should be grateful really, you’ve done your part.’’

A weak smile tugged the corner of Harry’s mouth as he slowly nodded while he stepped closer to the door where someone was still waiting. 

‘’You’re right, and thank god I invited the lads over tonight so you can pay up your end of the deal. Who’s the lucky number one for the night, anxious to find out?’’

‘’What, you expect me to attack them both on the same day, no fucking way. I’m in no rush to ruin my sanity.’’ 

The smile on Harry widened into a wicked grin, and his eyes flared with mischief as his fingers curled around the doorknob. 

‘’Sure you are, because once one of them know it won’t take long before they warn the other and that will ruin your moment of surprise right?-‘’ before he could respond, the door flew open, and Harry spread his arms wide. ‘’-Liam! Great to see you man, come on in.’’

‘’Uh, yeah you too.’’ 

Harry slapped Liam’s shoulder as he continued to show his creepy grin, and a look of confusion settled over Liam’s features as he glanced back and forth. 

‘’Oh for fuck sake.-’’ 

Louis scoffed loudly as he decided to get it over with as fast as possible and he walked over while sending a murderous glare Harry’s way before forcing a charming smile to appear right as he grabbed hold of Liam’s collar. 

‘’-yes, lovely forgiving Liam, it’s absolutely delightful to see you tonight.-’'

Then he surged forward before Liam had the chance to see it coming, and his mouth curled in a scowl when their lips met. Thankfully, the kiss barely lasted seconds before Liam’s brain caught up, and from how fast he jerked away, he sent a mental thanks to his childhood friend for his reaction. Liam wiped his mouth as he stared with wide eyes, and he couldn’t hold back a chuckle. If Liam hadn’t looked so shocked and grossed out, he would’ve been concerned but the horror he could see made him chuckle harder. 

‘’-You look bloody offended mate, I’m getting hurt.’’

‘’What the hell was that for?’’

Liam threw his hands up, yelling surprisingly loudly as he gaped and shuddered further away. 

‘’Christ you truly are a drama queen, I just paid my debt so relax, I won’t ever try that again.’’

Liam’s face turned more comically shocked, and he blinked fast enough to fan himself.

‘’Come again? Paid what debt and why did I have to be the victim?’’

‘’Blame Harold.’’

A loud snort left Harry as he stepped closer with a raised brow, looking rather unamused by being painted as the villain and he shook his head.

‘'You were the one who started this, and sorry Liam for dragging you into it, but I didn’t believe he would actually accept my terms for helping him. Honestly, though, it was fucking worth it.’’

Then Harry broke down it laughter, and soon enough they both laughed hard enough to send tears down their faces while Liam’s mouth didn’t even twitch. Instead, a glare formed and he stared at them dumbly before he walked away and sat on the couch. 

‘’So this is what you meant by being stalked this week, never thought you’d be such a slag Lou, tormenting your own roommate.’’ 

‘’Oi!-’’ he punched Liam’s shoulder as his brow knitted together in a similar glare. ‘’-I take my education very seriously Liam, you should fucking praise me after all the years you've nagged me about it, and why else would I humiliate myself to kiss _you_ of all people if I weren’t?’’

‘’Because you’re a moron?’’

The sound of another knock on the door interrupted his answer, and three heads turned to face the entrance, Liam snorting, and Harry smirking when it had to be Niall.

‘’We've reached the final and most spectacular show, go on Lou, do your thing.’’

‘’What, you have to assault Niall too? You shouldn’t.’’

Harry gleefully sat down beside Liam with a wider smirk and Louis flipped him off, seeing how he rubbed it in when they both knew Niall would be welcomed in a slightly different way.

‘’Oh you think I want to? _Fuck you._ ’’

‘’Now now, man up and make my day or I swear I’ll castrate you on the spot.’’

Harry chuckled darkly as a stern finger pointed his way, right at his withering face daring him to even think about chickening out. His middle finger was sent in return, and he forcefully walked over and opened the door with a glum aura coating him from head to toe. 

‘’Ah Niall, my _favourite_ person. I’m _so_ glad you decided you could spare us enough time to come over tonight too. Happy days.’’ 

His words pressed out through gritted teeth and from the way his face hurt he could picture it was a creepy grimace twitching his muscles instead of a genuine smile. Before he could muster up enough courage to act, Niall walked by with an amusing snort. 

‘’Yeah you should practice a little on your welcoming, with a little less sarcasm and a softer death glare I might believe you’re trying to be sincere.’’

Niall ruffled his scruff as he followed after into the kitchen and his fingers automatically fiddle with it once Niall let go to supply himself with a beer from the refrigerator. The sound of a bottle being opened drew everyone’s eyes towards Niall, and his stomach dropped at the way Harry cleared his throat. It was so stupid and pointless, nothing but embarrassment and perhaps some more yelling would come out of it, and _he just really didn’t want to._

‘’Tick tock, tick tock..’’

Harry clasped his neck as his gaze found the ceiling, but the hushed murmur bore through Louis’ ears and forced his stomach to drop further. It also caught Niall’s attention as he turned to face Harry as he glanced down at the watch on his wrist.

‘’Oh, should we leave already Haz, I thought it didn’t start-''

During Niall’s sentence he’d walked closer and decided to just do it, Harry would keep throwing little comments, and the awkwardness wouldn’t exactly lessen. So he cut Niall off by sliding his hand around his neck and then pulled him in. Impressively the beer in Niall’s hand didn’t fall from his grip to shatter at his feet when their mouths met, and he didn’t receive a harsh slap across the cheek. In fact, Niall didn’t seem to react badly at all.

Niall's eyes were open, staring cross-eyed back but they weren’t wide and frantic like Harry and Liam’s had been, and neither did he flinch away. It went from weird to awful when he forced through to deepen the kiss and Niall casually shrugged before he allowed him to continue. The table flipped drastically when he was he who freaked out instead, and he jerked back with shock as he clutched his face in horror. He’d promised Harry he would go through with it, but he’d expected Niall to put a quick end to it and definitely not join in. Now he could live with the fact he’d snogged one of his friends, with tongue, and he gaped in bewilderment. 

‘’What the bloody hell is wrong with you, why the fuck did you open your fucking mouth?’’

A sound close to strangled cows left the couch as Niall blinked innocently and shrugged as if to say he hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary.

‘’What, you kissed me, so I kissed back. It’s the polite way to respond in my opinion, and I never say no to a sweet smooch, but can't say I expected one coming from you though. Especially not the extra tongue touch, been dying to do that long or what?’’

A cheeky wink was sent his way, and he kept gaping at Niall as he felt his left eye starting to twitch uncontrollably. At least the humiliation left his system and changed into complete confusion as he couldn’t understand how Niall's brain worked.

‘’So if the bloody Queen of England made a move on you, you’d let her and seriously snogged that crypt keeper back?’’

‘’Don’t talk bad about the Queen, it’s disrespectful, and sure why not, she is the _Queen_ after all.’’

Niall hummed and smiled happily as he downed the rest of his beer and placed the bottle back in the kitchen. 

‘’Oh my god, I’m never stepping a foot close to you again. You’re wired strangely.’’

‘’Nah, I just love the act of affection mate, I’m a lovable person, nothing wrong with that. What’s up with all the kissing, though, something I’ve missed?-.''

Looking like a beaming sun, Niall strolled over to the couch and planted himself between Harry and Liam, draping his arms over their shoulders with a glint in his eye.

‘’-Anyone else wants a sweet Irish snog then since apparently, we’re evolving our friendship?’’ 

He wiggled his brows teasingly between them all and grinned back up to Louis’ grimaced face, laughing when he heard the gag that left him.

‘’You’re so messed up.’’

‘’Love you too.-‘’ Niall flicked his gaze from him and over to Harry. ‘’-As I was saying before Louis confessed his undying love for me, should we get going? I thought we had a good thirty minutes before it starts.’’

For the longest second Harry stared blankly back, but then realisation dawned as his mouth formed into a circular shape and he smiled. Liam and Louis shared a confused look, and he was too curious not to ask as he sat down at the end of the table.

‘’Where are you going?’’

‘’Offered to accompany Haz in one of those yago classes or something. He’s been moping about being stressed and aren’t those classes supposed to calm you down, find your chakra things and whatnot, enter Zen-modus?’’

‘’Chakra? And what the hell is a yago class?’’

He turned more lost when Niall kept gesturing with his hands while he spoke, and it drew a rather comical bark from Harry as he smacked a hand to his cheek.

‘’ _Yoga_ Niall, yoga class. You don’t exactly find chakras, it’s already inside your body as energy, more like your subtle body where chakras are key points that ar-.''

Harry stopped speaking when Louis broke down in laughter, hard enough he had to steady himself on Liam, and it poured from his mouth. It was too difficult not to choke up, and the cramps in his stomach made his body ache, but it was still too funny to stay composed.

‘’Are you bloody serious, yoga? Isn’t it just old ladies who do that, to keep their muscles and joints in movement, you know, to prevent them from stiffening? You got to be kidding me.’’

‘’For your information yoga is pretty popular among the younger population, so no, not only sweet old ladies to find there. And yeah I’m serious, I used to go quite often a while back, and like Niall said, it can help you deal with anxiety and stress if you’re troubled with that.’’

He finally stopped wheezing and regained his posture as his eyes flicked between his two friends, who were supposedly serious about attending a bloody yoga class. Which was hilarious.

‘’You seriously volunteered to go with him, Horan? You’re so going to regret it mate.’’

‘’Nah, I’m just going as support, and he promised he won’t be mad if I end up falling asleep on the mat.’’

‘’If the next thing you’re going to tell me, Harold, is that you own fucking yoga pants or some embarrassing tights I swear I’ll shit my briefs before I come with you to capture the sight on camera.’’

A sheepish smile spread across Harry’s face as he clapped his hands together in amusement, and both Niall and Liam chuckled on the coach. 

‘’Go change then, since you’ll be joining us! What fantastic news!’’

‘’No way, you can’t be for real.’’

The smugness slowly faded from his face when he thought it over, in fact, it would perhaps surprise him more if Harry _didn’t_ have a pair in his wardrobe. He had everything else that looked ridiculous, so why not yoga pants too.

‘’I do have tights, several actually, and I’ll gladly wear my worst ones if you lose that pride of yours and attend the class too.’’

‘’How about we make it interesting? Double or nothing, me and Lou against you and Niall in a game of FIFA. If we win, we get to see you in your fabulous tights, and you have to loan Niall a pair as the both of you participate while we have permission to film it. If you win, then the clothes go for Louis and me, and we’ll attend the class with you.’’

‘’Did your mother smoke crack when she was pregnant with you Liam? Dropped you on the head too often as a child? What the hell is wrong with you, no fucking way am I playing for something so stupid.’’

A splutter of protest left as he rose back to his feet while shaking his head, it was a stupid bet, and he wasn’t interested in shitting on the rest of his pride if they lost.

‘’What an excellent idea Payno, me and Harry against you two in a sudden death since we don’t have time to play a full game. First one to score wins!’’

‘’Absolutely not.’’

‘’Oh do I hear right, the one and only Tommo declining a challenge? What’s wrong, too scared? Yeah, I would be afraid to play against Harry and me too.’’

Niall was up on his feet and danced around, mimicking a chicken as he cackled out, pushing every wrong button in Louis. Everybody knew he was stubborn, and everybody knew how to make him play, by telling him not to.

‘’Put the bloody game on.’’

*

‘’I hate you so fucking much Liam.’’

His whole body was shaking with fury and embarrassment as he walked into the gym wearing fabric so tight he felt how the blood flow in his lower half stopped. At the same time, the garment was too long, but it was the tightness that really was the issue, and it clung to his forms like a second skin. It looked like he’d skipped wearing anything at all and painted his legs instead. Absolutely nothing was hidden, every curve and shape were on display, and he wondered if showing up naked would’ve in fact been better. Discovering Harry’s fabulous collection of tights consisted of colourful and not forget terrible ones, hadn’t happened until _after_ they’d lost the game. 

One glance at the glaring colours had sent him into a fit of objection, and he’d refused to even touch them. He’d had no intention of being seen in something so hideous, but Niall had danced the chicken dance again, and that’s how he’d ended up walking through the doors with lime green legs. Not only lime green but so intensely green he lit up everything he passed, and it hurt his eyes. He’d cursed Harry for laughing in delight, cursed Niall for knowing what buttons to push and mentally slaughtered Liam for being the worst FIFA player in human existence. 

Fuck them all, and sooner or later he was going to physically murder Liam.

‘’It's no big deal, see, the girls are smiling at us.’’

He changed his mind, he was going to murder Liam _twice._

‘’We look like fucking peacocks together so of course, they’re smiling, they’re probably two seconds away from shitting themselves with laughter and how much of a bloody moron can you be? Don’t answer that.’’

Where Liam saw genuine smiles, he saw exploding faces with pounding veins sticking out, and probably on their way to laugh up one of their lungs. He would’ve done the same if he’d been in their shoes, but sadly he was not. No one in their right mind would buy something so ugly, and wear them with pride. The silver zigzagging pattern across his thighs bloody matched his green pair with Liam’s vibrant blue and did absolutely everything to make it worse.

‘’I think we look magnificent, marvellous really. This colour really shows my personality and all.’’

Niall strolled over with his pair of fuchsia tights and somehow managed to express a cocky, confident grin when he, in all honesty, looked the most absurd of them all. It pissed him off how Niall had decided to join the 80’s show and chosen Harry’s worst tights without a care because he’d found it funny. He generally couldn’t care less what people thought of him, but the clothes enhanced the size of his bum, and he couldn’t help notice how he outranked every single woman in the room. It had always been an eye-catcher, and he’d gloated in the attention before, but from the way envious stares were glued to his behind, he suddenly felt uncomfortable and self-conscious. 

‘’Of course, we look fabulous, stunning, lighten up Lou.’’

‘’Sure _you_ , who wears the only plain black pair you have, would say that, fucking coward.’’

Harry only grinned back as he clapped him on the back and stepped into the room where the ladies had eventually gathered after the entertaining arrival of colourful men.

*

‘’I hate them. I fucking hate them. I so fucking _hate_ them all. Fuck this shit!’’

He hissed his mantra towards his so-called friends as he stared daggers at the mat he was currently bending awkwardly on. Palms and feet were flat on the soft ground while his bum stuck out like a blaring lighthouse, straight in the air above him. Downward dog, the instructor had said, more like _press your arse high, and stretch wide enough so people can see right home._ If it wasn’t the most obvious invitation to _fuck me raw, I’m desperate and begging for it_ then he didn’t know what was. Dropping the soap in a prison shower would be safer.

He peeked through his spread legs and saw his shitty friends in the back row, looking comfortable without anyone around, and he hated them for stealing the last places before he had the chance. Which had forced him closer to the front to find a spot among the women, and mortification twisted his face strained. Niall shook with laughter, and he wiggled his brows mockingly when he caught the death stare sent his way. Liam flushed red as he tried the pose but didn’t complete it once his arse went too high, and he dropped back down. Lastly, Harry, who seemed too concentrated with eyes closed, had the fucking nerve to look elegant in the porn pose and had no trouble holding it.

It fuelled his humiliation, his face flushed crimson as he looked around the ladies he was surrounded with, and how he was obligated to do the fucking class. Either he followed the instructor, who he swore eyed him sternly as if she could read his mind and dared him to even attempt walking out, or actually step out and risk the chance of her wrath. Judging from the silent threat of her gaze, he didn’t doubt she would humiliate him further, so he gritted his teeth and tried holding the pose. He fucking hated his shitty friends for everything he was worth.

‘’Okay everyone, now slowly rise back up and move into _the warrior_.’’

It was an easier one, but it still felt like his arse was about to pop off his body and a small fear of the tights ripping crossed his mind. The fabric was so hard against his skin, and when he stretched, he could surely feel it slowly tear at the seams. 

Forty-five minutes later he was sweating like a champion, streaks ran down his temples and coated his neck and back in a thick layer. He didn’t even dare to imagine how his bottom half looked like when the feeling of wet fabric was enough, and he realised he’d underestimated yoga. Little old ladies wouldn’t survive, not when yoga obviously was a military combat exercise disguised as a hippie show to lure innocent people to their deaths. He’d been through poses his body wasn’t built for, poses _no body_ was made for, and his legs and arms had been bent in angles that simply wasn’t natural or possible. 

Currently, he was trying to achieve something called _crow_ where it looked like he wanted another go at the doggy style. Somehow he was supposed to lean on his palms, bend his knees and rest them against the outside of his curved upper arms while his feet were lifted from the floor. Just looking at the instructor holding herself up so easily pissed him off and he dropped trying to lift his heels from the mat when it wouldn't be possible even if his life depended on it. The only part of him that was steadying his weight was his hands and tippy toes, which still didn’t quite work as he felt himself tipping side to side and forwards. He was tired, knackered really, as every muscle burned and his arms were already shaking when his thighs decided it was a great idea to start wobbling as well.

‘’That’s right, now hold the pose for five to ten slow breaths.’’

His eyes bulged, he had precisely _no_ chance at all to manage five, forget about ten long deep breaths in that position. He was panting like a dog and the next second he tipped over, not remotely able to catch himself, and his face planted straight into the mat with a massive groan. The obnoxious laughter coming from Niall in the back screamed through the room, and even the lady to his right let a strangled chuckle escape her lips. He could see how she tried keeping her face straight, but the pounding purple vein in her forehead and how she practically shook was giving her away. For a third time, he changed his mind; he was going to murder both Liam and Niall, perhaps even Harry to get rid of everyone who’d fooled him into attending the class from hell. 

‘’Okay now we’ll finish our class with the one we started with, child’s pose.’’

As the session ended, he scraped himself off the floor with aching limbs and staggered out of the room he would never step foot inside again. He’d never been more awkward, sweaty, pissed off, mortified and exhausted at the same time before, and it was a miracle he managed to stand on the shaky jello sticks he called legs.

‘’I never thought Yoga would be this entertaining, bloody hilarious! Even Haz seemed to struggle halfway through it, looked almost more pained than before it started.’’

Niall reached up with him and sent the most obnoxious expression he could muster, and received a murderous one in return.

‘’You and Liam should watch your backs, I’ve been plotting murder since the class started. You’ll never see it coming.’’

‘’Oh lighten up Tommo, it wasn’t that bad, and I thought you fit in perfectly with the ladies, you know, sporting some feminine stretches with your lovely curves and –‘’

Every word that left Liam’s mouth was trailed with more laughter until he couldn’t hold it in anymore and Niall decided to join. He scowled back, they could laugh alright, but he would be the one to laugh best when it was time for revenge. As the word revenge filled his head something clicked in his mind, and a wave of anger flushed as he pointed at Liam with a stern finger.

''You fucking lost the game on _purpose_ didn't you, you wanker?!''

''Well, let's just say this was my way of kissing you back Tommo.''

''You get that you had to participate in this yourself right? Even wear that.'' He pointed at the blue bottoms, but Liam shrugged and dipped his head to the side.

''It was worth it to see you actually put on a pair, and blimely, seeing you all mortified and embarrassed right among the ladies, priceless.''

Steam of smoke shot from his ears, and he was barely able to stop himself from stabbing Liam's eyes out with a quick movement. He was outrageous, and he missed the sight of Harry walking out of the room, a flustered and painful expression on his face as he clutched the yoga mat to his chest so hard his knuckles whitened. The only sound Louis could hear was his own anger marching through his veins, and he spent the whole ride back to the flat cursing Liam and his stupidity. 

 

*

 

Throughout October he worked on his studies and the play, but ever since his unfortunate moment with Niall, the kiss scene barely made him blink, and even his classmate wasn’t able to ruin his confidence. In the end, Harry had helped him to shine in the class, and by stepping so far outside his comfort zone, the rest of his intimacy barriers seemed to leave regarding Niall and Liam. His promises of never stepping close to them faded into the void, and he no longer hesitated to accept the casual hugs he received. The brotherly affection even felt nice, and he'd decided to embrace it. 

What didn’t feel as nice, and surprised him, was the odd sense of nervousness and uneasiness that seemed to form whenever silence fell between him and Harry. It had occurred and stayed ever since they shared the accidental kiss on the couch, and he couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was. He felt more on edge whenever they sat too close, and he struggled to keep eye contact when it caused his chest to tighten. But he wasn’t blind, though, he’d noticed a crack in Harry’s demeanour as well, where his chatty and enchanted attitude had shifted into an agitated twitch. Something was off, but he hadn’t found the time to ask when their schedules were hectic, and the longer he waited, the more he became aware. 

It bothered him when Harry’s smile stopped reaching his eyes, and the neurotic flinch every time their skin brushed, even if it was just walking by each other. Somewhere Harry had taken over his earlier insecurities and stepped back, which he didn’t like when it caused him to worry. It was a concern he didn’t appreciate when he’d finally accepted the attention from Harry, and he rather preferred the overjoyed persona instead of the quiet retracted one.

It made him uncomfortable when Harry created a distance, and the bigger it turned, the worse he felt. He reached a point where he believed he was getting physically ill from focusing so much on the invisible wall between them, and he couldn't help the feeling of losing something. A slow churn continued to grow in his stomach, making him queasy and it raised his nausea enough to make his hands shake. His chest took a toll as well, his heart would feel heavy one minute and then suddenly pound the other, often missing a few beats and it exhausted him. Even he knew it couldn’t be a good sign, especially not the way his face would suddenly flush so red he was considering his skin was actually bleeding. 

He hadn’t shared his unease with anyone, not even Harry when he was a bit afraid of what his theory would be. Besides, if there was something wrong he didn’t want Harry to worry when he could see he had enough on his mind already. But unfortunately his reactions grew stronger, and at one point even Harry's busy mind couldn't ignore them. 

*

He thanked for dinner like he always did and when their eyes locked his stomach chose the moment to act, along with his chest. Barely able to stop the plate between his fingers from crashing to the floor he quickly steadied himself on the kitchen counter and then placed a hand against his chest. The movement caught Harry’s attention, and within a few seconds was by his side with concerned eyes.

‘’Hey are you alright? You look very flushed.’’

Only a short glance Harry's way caused his eyes to shut as a new flare made his heart shift gear, and pounded at his ribcage. It was like it hammered uncontrollably and it made his nerves tingle and buzz all over.

‘’Yeah- I'm- yeah, fine.’’

A gulp of air went into his lungs, and he could feel how his whole face was melting, portraying an intense blush across his cheeks. Something was definitively wrong, and he couldn’t keep waving it off when it grew worse as the days passed. He’d pegged it as built up stress and concern, but it had evolved into physical discomfort, and it didn’t seem to go anywhere.

‘’Are you sure, you don’t look fine at all.’’

A strangled groan pushed through his lips when Harry’s hand reached his shoulder and massaged it softly, causing the harsh heat from his face to burn down his neck. 

‘’Actually, I feel like shit. Been for a few we- days so perhaps a quick check-up at my doctor wouldn’t be the worst idea.’’

He tried to crack a smile when Harry’s brows knitted together, and it was pretty obvious from his expression he didn’t like what he heard. He didn’t say anything but quickly reached over to grab Louis’ phone on the other side to hand it to him with the number ready.

‘’If you don’t call, I will, and I’ll make them take every test possible. Text Liam or Niall after, hear if one of them can drive you since I have early lectures this week. I can skip it if none of them is avai-.''

‘’No you won’t, I’m not a child or on my deathbed so I can get there myself.’’

Five minutes later, where Harry hadn’t left his side once, he’d arranged an appointment the very next day and for Niall to pick him up. Maybe something wrong was going on with him, or he could be suffering from a new case of man flu, either way, he would find out in the next twenty-four hours, and it calmed him.

‘’There done, Niall will be here at eight-forty-five.’’ 

He sighed as he dropped his head, leaning down on the cold surface and feeling the last of his energy ebb out.

‘’Good, I have a break between nine and ten, so I’ll come home and help you if you need anything. Right now you should go to bed. You look exhausted, so go on, I’ll bring you your favourite cuppa.’’

‘’Yeah? You going to tuck me in and stroke my hair after too then since you've taken on the mother hen role?’’ 

He snorted sarcastically but managed to press out a cheesy smile as his face kept reaching a new record of heat. 

‘’Whatever you need.’’

Being sick was probably the worst side of him, and he tended to act like a big baby, especially when he knew Harry would come running at the slightest sound of a cough or a whine. He'd learned so from previous rounds of illness. It was spoiling him, and he made sure he took full advantage when his selfish part thrived in being treated like the most precious and fragile leaf in the world. The sickness hadn't been fun, but he'd always lived through when a personal caretaker who never complained did everything for him. 

Even their awkward tension didn’t stop Harry from putting it aside when the compassion in him couldn’t keep still or do nothing. It was beyond his understanding, how someone could be so- Well, Harry was in his own league of showing care, and he would be an idiot to complain. He was served like a fucking king, and he would be a fool to turn it down when Harry had been stupid enough to let him have a taste of the sweet life. The problem was that he didn’t feel the usual sick as if he had a common cold, and it made him uneasy. But he smiled weakly when Harry brought him the cup of tea, and he pulled the duvet up to his chin as soon as he crawled into the bed.

‘’Thanks, H, I fucking love you, man.’’

*

‘’Mr Tomlinson?’’

The sound of his name cut through the room, and when he looked up, a pretty blonde woman with a white coat searched for the face behind the name. She had a clipboard in her hands, and when he stood up, her eyes landed on him with a small smile as she held the door open. He tagged along, taking small steps as he tried listening to her voice, but her words drowned before they reached his ears. The moment he’d walked into the building he’d felt absolutely fine, he’d even felt fine when he’d stepped out of his flat, issues nowhere to be felt and he wondered if he’d overreacted earlier. Perhaps he wasn’t as sick as he’d thought, maybe it really had been the stress from his hectic schedule and the slight separation he and Harry had going on. He seemed to be himself as he trailed her, as healthy as usual and he started thinking a health check was unnecessarily when surely he was just easily shaken. Or dangerously paranoid.

‘’You can go in, the doctor will be with you soon.’’

He snapped out of his thoughts when he realised she’d stopped outside a grey door, gesturing for him to go inside where a simple chair already waited for him.

‘’Sure, thanks.’’

The office was empty and smelled old, even a hint of something he could only describe as disease scratched at his nose, and all he wanted was leave before _that_ made him sick. It was a mistake coming there, and he was about to sneak out when the door swung open to show an elderly man walk in, with round glasses and a few grey strings painting his hair silvery.

‘’Mr Tomlinson, long time no see son, I was wondering when you’d be back.’’

The man smiled as he sat down behind his desk and nodded for him to do the same. It wasn’t the man he had a problem with, but he hated everything surrounding the occupation, and he squirmed in uncomfortableness. 

‘’So Louis, what can I do for you today? Everything alright with you?’’

Eventually, he awkwardly sat down, stiff as a plank as he stared at his own hands and unable to stop fiddling when he didn’t exactly know where to start. The waiting stare felt like lasers, and he shifted nervously as he let a dry sigh leave.

‘’Uh, yeah or, I don’t know- I mean, I’m not sure, it’s probably nothi-’’

‘’Tell me what’s bothering you, and then we can decide if it’s nothing.’’

‘’Alright. I’ve had some cramps in my stomach lately, not always, but sometimes it gets so bad it makes me nauseous, and I’ll be all sweaty while my hands shake. Recently my heart has felt heavy, and it’ll start beating really fast for no particular reason and this fever, I think it’s a fever, turns me into a volcano.’’

After his ramble he dared to look up, noticing how the doctor studied him like he was debating and it made him fidget. 

‘’Can you describe your cramps, how painful would you characterise them and how nauseated do you get? How’s your digestive system, any changes with your stool in forms of size, colour or texture?’’

‘’No, nothing like that, it’s the same. It’s difficult to describe since I don't believe I've had this before. What I can tell is that it isn’t the same as food poisoning, I’m not constipated, and I get nauseated at times but not near enough to vomit. So I don’t know, sometimes it’s more like small bubbles keep popping and other times they get sucked into the pit of my stomach or something, but it’s more uncomfortable than directly painful.’’

The doctor kept nodding as he wrote down what he heard.

‘’What about your heart, any pain there?’’

He was about to say yes when his mouth stopped as he thought it over and confusion knitted his brows together when he reached the conclusion he hadn’t felt raw pain. It was more in the same line as his stomach, uncomfortable and unpleasant. 

‘’Not exactly pain, but something must be wrong because it’s exhausting and my lungs seem to tighten along. I can be sitting all calm and relaxed then suddenly it starts hammering and kind of skips a few beats.’’

‘’Like a flutter?’’

‘’No, yes, I don’t know, maybe?’’

‘’And that’s when you turn feverish, and your face flushes?''

‘’Yeah. This kind of tingle or vibration comes after, and it feels like my hands become numb. I turn into a bloody mess when it happens, and I can practically fry an egg on my forehead from how hot it turns. Surely there must be a reason because it’s almost like having a panic attac- Wait, is that it, I’m suffering from deep anxiety or some shit?’’

There was a small, but noticeable curve of the doctor’s mouth and he immediately felt ridiculous when the doctor was laughing at him. Obviously, he was paranoid after all, made a huge deal out of nothing, and he knew he shouldn’t have entered the building.

‘’These symptoms, when do they seem to appear, when you’re out in public? By yourself? Both?’’

It was something he hadn’t really focused on, but he couldn’t recall any of them appearing during his classes or when he was out with the lads. Not in any social situations really. 

‘’Only at home, I think.’’

‘’You live on your own?’’

‘’No, I'm roommates with a guy.’’ 

The uncomfortable twitch flicked through his chest as soon as the answer left his mouth and he became aware of the small prickle forming in his fingers. 

‘’Is he around when it happens?’’

‘’No I-‘’ He stopped short, the more he wanted to continue saying no, the less his voice worked when he realised maybe Harry had been home when it happened. ‘’-or perhaps I guess, I don't know, we’re home at the same time most days, and every night.’’ 

A frown formed as he stared at the doctor, not really understanding what it had to do with his problems when Harry had been around long before they started. The flutter of his heart sped up a bit, and he twitched uncomfortably in his seat.

‘’How long have you had these symptoms, do you remember when they first appeared?’’

‘’Uh, like a month or so I think? It didn’t bother me as much at first when it wasn’t as intense as it is now, but it gradually turned stronger.’’

‘’Did something happen or change in your life around that time?’’

‘’What, no? Stressed a bit about a project play I was rehearsing to, but got some help from my roomma- wait, it’s the pressure I felt then that’s biting me in the arse now right? Will it pass by itself?’’

A few more dribbles were written down, and he felt more confused, he’d pictured the doctor to squeeze his stomach, draw some blood or something and tell him he was delusional or had some bug. Or _kidney failure. Cancer. HIV. Going blind._ The possibilities were endless. Perhaps he took it a bit far, and he shouldn’t be so casual about such serious illnesses.

‘’Do you spend a lot of time with your roommate?’’

‘’What?-’’

He wasn’t sure he'd heard right, and if he had, he didn’t understand the purpose of the question. The twitch in his chest tightened as his eyes fell to the floor, the conversation turned strange, and it made him think about his friendship with Harry. He was glad for it, but also a bit upset when their progress had taken a step back. When the doctor kept waiting for an answer, he cleared his throat and scratched his neck.

‘’-I suppose since we do in fact share the same roof. So yeah, we hang out and stuff.’’

A small heat crawled over his cheeks, and he cleared his throat again when things were steering off topic.

‘’Am I right to assume he’s an important part of your life, someone you care about and turn to as support?''

‘’Excuse me? What the fuck has that to do with this appointment or my fucking problems?’’

‘’I'm curious to know if he's someone you trust enough to help you with your problems if you feel they'll worsen. All of us need someone close to us, someone who’s a little bit closer than others.’’

His mind was in fucking pieces, not able to grasp what was going on or why he’d ended up having a therapy session instead of a regular check-up. 

‘’How the fuck does it help you diagnose me to know how close Harry and I are or aren’t? Do I have a disease if I say we hate each other, or do you declare me healthy if I say we're the best of buddies who craft ceramics together? No? Then just listen to my fucking heart with your stethoscope or stab your fingers in my stomach already so this nonsense can end.’’

Heat flared over his skin as his anger rose and he crossed his arms in frustration as his ramble ended. The flush of his face deepened from his behaviour, but the appointment was a waste of time, and he wanted to go home.

‘’I didn't mean to upset you, Louis-'' The doctor smiled at him warmly before he slowly rose from his seat and fished out a stethoscope from his coat. ‘’-From what you’ve told me there isn’t anything pointing to be physically wrong. You might feel that way, with your body reacting the way it does but I suggest you focus on what you’re feeling the next time you’re experiencing these symptoms. I don’t think you have anything to worry about, but it never hurts to check so will you uncross your arms and remove your shirt please?-’’ 

A slight relief washed through as he did what he was told, and he jumped a little when the cold material touched his bare skin. The longest beat of silence dawned, and he gnawed on his bottom lip as the stethoscope moved over to his back. Then the doctor clasped an arm cuff above his elbow before he started squeezing the pressure gauge and didn’t stop until Louis felt like his whole arm would explode. The pain of taking it off was almost worse, and the doctor stepped back with the same warm smile.

‘’-Your heart sounds completely fine, strong and healthy beats, and your lungs sounds fine too. Maybe cut down on your cigarettes before you have to.-’’ A quick wink was sent his way. ‘’-Your blood pressure is a little high, but not much and I assume from the smoke and coffee I can smell on you along with being stressed over thinking something is wrong helped it be a bit higher today.’’ 

‘’So nothing is wrong, it’s all in my head? What about my stomach?’’

He pulled the shirt back on as he frowned.

‘’I can check it if you want, but from the way you explained it and from your lack of pain or other warning symptoms in your stool I believe it’s in alright condition as well. The last I can do is have one of the nurses draw a blood sample from you.’’

So he really was a paranoid hypochondriac then, even the doctor discreetly said so, and he shook his head in disbelief. It had to be something, his body wouldn’t go insane out of nowhere, and he wanted a solution to make it go away. 

‘’Yeah do that, just to be sure.’’

‘’Alright, I’ll show you where to go but before we do, can I ask you something, Louis?’’

‘’Alright.’’

‘’Have you experienced being in love before, or heartache?’’

It was the last question he’d anticipated, and his brows shot to his hairline as he stared dumbly at the older man, who kept watching him with a soft smile. 

‘’If I’ve ever been- okay what's the deal with all these nosy questions? I came here to check my health, not chat about my personal feelings as if I have some pressing need to share my thoughts. I would’ve gone to a therapist then. I’ll find the nurse’s office myself, so thanks for doing practically nothing.’’

‘’Before you go, take this-‘’ A small note folded in half was held out to him, and as he snatched it, the doctor sent him yet another kind smile. It was really starting to piss him off. ‘’-Please think about what I said, it might help you in more ways than one.’’

He snorted as his eyes rolled, and he shoved the note into his back pocket as he stormed off without saying goodbye and dropped closing the door. Thankfully he didn’t have to wait long before the same woman he’d followed earlier placed a tourniquet around his arm and inserted a needle into his vein. A sharp scratch later it was over, and he left the building with a small cotton wool taped to his skin and building irritation.

*

‘’How did it go?’’

He'd barely made it into the car when Niall turned his whole body to look at him, curiosity and a hint of concern hidden in his eyes. It wasn’t something he fancied discussing, but knowing Niall he would have to and a heavy sigh tore from his throat.

‘’Fine.’’

‘’Come on, can’t picture you going to the doctors for nothing so something must be bothering you.’’

‘’No obviously not, he couldn’t find anything wrong so I-'' He shifted in his seat when Niall started the car, and he remembered the note. ‘’-wait, he gave me this right before I left, perhaps it was a prescription after all.’’

He reached down to reveal the small paper, and the moment his gaze landed on the writing, his eyes rolled so hard he caused himself a headache.

‘’What does it say?’’

‘’Fucking nonsense.-'' the itch in his throat was cleared with a cough, and he mimicked the voice of his doctor as words left his mouth. ‘’-If symptoms grow worse and progress to physical pain, come back for another check. Think about what I said and try to have an open mind.-’’ A massive scoff sent his lips vibrating as he crumpled the note and threw it out the window ‘’-Bullshit Niall, that’s what it says.’’

‘’Try having an open mind, what does that mean?’’

He laughed and shook his head in disbelief.

‘’It means he’s reached the point where he isn’t suited to practice any longer and should retire before someone dies from his lack of having a brain. At least the nurse took a blood sample of me, all he did was tell me to focus on my symptoms when they happen.’’

He wiggled fingers in front of his face like magicians did before diving into their trick and a bitter laugh filled the car. Foolish, that’s what he’d been, and he should’ve listened to his gut and stayed the hell away. Or escaped the building when he’d had the chance.

‘’What are your symptoms then?’’

Christ, not again, how many times did he have to make a fool out of himself by explaining something that undoubtedly lived inside his mind? Perhaps he was a little nuttier than he’d assumed after all. Nevertheless, he had nothing better to say so he repeated what he’d told the doctor, and when he was done Niall laughed. The fucker actually laughed, and instead of feeling foolish, he grew pissed as he glared daggers.

‘’The fuck you laughing at? I’m serious, why else would I seek professional help, you idiot?’’

‘’Nah I’m sorry, but I can’t believe you thought you were dying from a little nervousness and stress. A heart flutter, sweaty hands and blushing, sounds to me like you’ve experienced the typical story of being flustered by someone. If I hadn’t known any better, I would’ve pinned you as a _smitten fool._ ’’ 

Niall gripped the wheel harder as he let the rest of laughter out, shaking his head before wiping away the invisible tear under his left eye. There was nothing hilarious about Niall’s comment, and his face twitched in annoyance. Something about it made his heart quicken and his fingers tingle, to say it short, he didn’t like it. 

‘’What did you just say, a smitten- What is wrong with you people, and every time you speak I find it harder to believe you’re a stable human when you say such nonsense.’’

‘’What, I only mentioned it because it reminds me of how I felt when I fell for this one girl way back, and those _symptoms_ drove me nuts. It’d be so funny if that’s what you’re going through and haven’t even realised- wait, _is it?_ ’’ 

Another vibration bobbed through Niall’s body as he air quoted the word symptoms, and new chuckles carved through Louis’ ears like nails. He sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation, feeling the desire to fling himself out of the car just to get away from Niall.

‘’You’re seriously asking? Jesus Niall, I would’ve known if I fucking fancied someone, you dolt. I don’t do shit like that.’’

‘’Would you, though? For real, I mean, have you ever like anyone besides wanting to get in their knickers?’’

A simple yes laid on the tip of his tongue, but truth be told, it didn’t quite feel like the right answer. Girls had surrounded his life from the day he’d hit puberty, but he’d liked them for their ability to give him pleasure, not much else. He’d never stayed with one long enough to learn more than a first name, and he'd never missed having permanent company. When he didn’t respond, Niall turned back with something unfamiliar flashing in his gaze and the way his eyes softened, made him slightly cringe. 

‘’You haven’t, have you? It’s no shame in that, someone just takes their time before opening up their heart.’’

‘’Bloody hell. While you're at it just drive right into a pole, so I'm sure I'll lose all will to live after spending time in your company. You talk so much shit all the time.’’

Sulking after someone had never made sense and being trapped in prison filled with gushy romantic emotions wasn’t his deal. He didn’t see the point in letting someone ruin his sanity by stabbing betrayal through his back when they would eventually find someone better. No, he really didn’t see the point or understand why so many longed for it.

‘’If you don’t know how it feels to be embarrassingly head over heels for someone, then you can’t label it as shit.’’ 

‘’I’ll label it the way I want.’’

Their conversation was ridiculous, symptoms of being smitten, it was a _joke,_ and it was so bad it didn’t even make him laugh. Neither had he met anyone new who’d spiked his interest, so the stupid theory fell through, hard. 

‘’I’m just saying it can be powerful you know. Throw you off guard and be a bit confusing, even scary when you’ve never experienced it before, and all these new emotions take place. Not everyone understands it, at first, takes them a while to realise what’s happening on the inside and stuff.’’

‘’For fuck sake Niall, please stop talking, you’re giving me a headache.’’

A shudder crawled up his spine and settle at the nip of his neck when Niall didn’t drop the subject. They had trailed off, and he was more than ready to steer back, or not talk at all when his heart wouldn’t slow down. Thankfully Niall took the hint at last, and the remaining ride back to his flat was kept silent. As the car came to a stop outside his building, he couldn't seem to leave when a strong urge or need to know something he really didn’t want to, formed, and he blurted out before he realised.

‘’So, you didn't understand it right away then?’’

Niall’s gaze had just passed his face before it snapped back, observing with raised brows and a surprised expression.

‘’What?’’

He looked away when humiliation formed, and he crossed his arms in awkwardness, he didn’t want to know, not really but the question had refused to leave his mind after Niall had mentioned it. 

‘’Nothing.’’

‘’No, wait- I’m just surprised you’re willingly bringing it back up.’’

The grimace that begged to form on his face made his muscles hurt, and he wondered if he concentrated enough he could manage to turn himself deaf. 

‘’You fucking drilled into my mind.’’

A small snort followed with a chuckle left Niall as he dragged a hand through his hair.

‘’Well, yeah I guess it took me a while to figure it out the first time around since I was young and didn’t know much about that stuff. It started making sense when someone explained how having butterflies in their stomach felt like, and I realised what I had, felt very similar. The puzzle fitted more when I noticed how my heart only pounded around this one girl, and how she made me blush all the time. Which was the worst, I easily turn red so you can only picture how I looked throughout that very long summer. I was fucking disgusting, all sweaty and crimson with teeth sticking out everywhere, no wonder she ran from the sight of me.’’

Niall suddenly cackled so loud Louis jumped in his seat, and he inhaled sharply from the sudden scare. The story was amusing, but his face fell instead of sporting a smile, and an itchy sweat prickled his hairline. Something about it made his stomach sink, and an unfamiliar whisper kept coaxing him to ask what he didn’t know and to push aside the curtain to see what he couldn’t. 

‘’Right, marvellous. Lovely _really_.’’ 

Sarcasm dripped from his tone and stung the air as he unbuckled his seat belt with hurry.

‘’It’s the most wonderful feeling if it’s mutual, it’ll be your turn one day.’’

His throat closed up when a shot of panic slashed through his nerves, and the more Niall kept talking, the stronger his headache grew. 

‘’Later.’’

The door slammed behind his back, and his body turned vigilant, alert of every sound and movement, and the air felt thick in his lungs. By the time he reached his flat, he was shaking, hands twitching in the rhythm from his chest and he was convinced the neighbours could hear it. It was ridiculous the way he reacted to Niall’s words when they didn’t mean anything. 

He _wasn’t_ smitten, Jesus Christ. Perhaps the discomfort in his stomach could be compared to the butterflies Niall had mentioned, but it didn’t mean it was. His heart, well it was easily explained, he obviously had an irregular heartbeat due to stress. The stupid theories his doctor, and fucking Niall, had forced into his head was screwing with his mind when they wouldn’t leave. It was utter rubbish, absurd really and he didn’t want to waste energy thinking about it. But it was exactly what he did, he thought about it and when he ran into Harry as soon as he opened the door, his mind was spiralling. Too much flicked around, throwing him off and the clothes clinging to his body felt like a suffocating rope he was ready to hang himself from. 

‘’There you are! How did it go?’’

For a brief moment his eyes connected with Harry’s and it was as if time stood still. Nothing moved in a pure sense of silence, and a genuine smile was all he could see. It was peaceful the short period it lingered, but then reality returned and coloured his face in heat. He couldn’t control it, couldn’t force his body to cooperate, and when Harry stepped closer with a forming frown, his feet backed away into the kitchen. 

The room was too hot to breathe in, and he ducked his head under the tap in desperation for something cool. Freezing water soaked through his hair and slid down to the top of his jumper, sending a fresh wave of relief from the contrast. It was pleasant, and he managed to regain a little sense of stability until a hand touched his shoulder and sent his head smacking right back into the tap. It called forward his forgotten headache, and he groaned in pain as he rubbed the sore spot. 

‘’Oi careful, are you okay? You seem upset, please don’t tell me you have bad news?’’

Bad news, perhaps, probably when he had an eerie feeling something he didn’t understand tried to scratch the surface and his attempt at shoving it back into the depth didn’t seem to work. He straightened and grabbed a small towel to dry off as he angled himself away from Harry’s stare.

‘’No I- it’s nothing, he just told me it’s stress, so I’ll be okay. Just need some rest that’s all.’’

‘’Alright. I’m glad it’s nothing serious, though. Do you need anything, hungry?‘’ 

Harry’s hands worked on their own as he spoke, he could see it from the corner of his eye, and he flinched as he could sense how fingers were about to curl over his shoulder again. 

‘’No- no, just leave me alone Harry, I’m tired.’’

He found strength in his feet and walked away with hasty steps, not stopping until he was safe in his room and tucked under the duvet like a small child. His head was still spinning, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get his thoughts in order. He didn’t need more to worry about, and he shut his eyes in a desperate attempt to find sleep where peace and quiet were achievable. How long he kept shaking in his bed, he didn’t know, but his mind stopped working at last and finally sent him into a restless slumber.

*

Later, when he woke, he didn’t feel better but at least a bit calmer, and his head throbbed as if he’d regained consciousness after being knocked out with a right hook. It took him a while, but eventually, he found the will to move, and he dragged his feet closer to the door. Carefully he peeked through the opening and scanned the room, observing every angle to see if he would be alone or not. When nothing caught his attention, he pushed his head out and whispered quietly.

‘’Harry?’’

It remained silent as he stepped forward but he listened for anything really, and he slowly walked towards the toilet. It wasn’t until the end of the living room he realised he was nervous about running into Harry, and he stilled. He had no reason to be was the thing, in theory, when they hadn’t even argued. Forgetting to check the time he moved closer to Harry’s room instead when frustration over things being weird masked his jittery. Fingers curled around the doorknob, and he twisted it before he could second-guess his actions. It swung open to reveal a messy sight, books and papers decorated the floor and in the middle of the bed was Harry. Mouth hanging open while his eyes were closed, and he was angled in a position that looked uncomfortable with his clothes still on. Even his left foot was still covered with one of his usual brown boots.

An ache settled through his jaw, and he blinked surprisingly when he felt how far his mouth had stretched from the vision. A touch of warmth spread over his cheeks when he also realised he’d been staring, and he shook his head to snap out of it. He should’ve left right away to give Harry his privacy, but a small snore brought his gaze back, and his feet automatically shuffled closer. Blue circles coloured the skin underneath Harry’s eyes, and he frowned at the way they painted a tired and exhausted expression. It didn’t belong to Harry’s usually relaxed features, and he didn’t like the thought of him stressing. Perhaps his studies were tough, draining his energy and with trying to find time for his job it probably caused him to work too hard. 

His eyes turned sad as he trailed one of Harry’s curls with his hand, feeling awful for thinking too much about himself, again, and forgetting those around. The drum in his chest strengthened when Harry inhaled and produced a soft hum as his face leant into the touch of fingers gently stroking the shape of his cheek. It was so quiet around them, he could hear his own breathing, and he bit his bottom lip when the familiar suction spread in the pit of his stomach. It was there, and the moment his brain connected what he was doing and who he touching, his heart practically stopped. 

His arm flinched back as if he’d been burned and another piece of his sanity crumbled as his throat closed up. Panic alerted his nerves as he kept backing over the threshold he stumbled on, and he yelped as he fell to the floor. Terrified his noise had disturbed Harry’s sleep, he scrambled in a frenzy and skyrocketed back to his room where he dived back under the duvet. The doctor’s voice kept bouncing in his mind along with Niall’s, and he fought against the words, not allowing them to settle when the thought of- 

‘’No, no, no. Definitely not.’’ 

Mumbles of protests drowned into the mattress as he kept shaking his head viciously back and forth. It wasn’t possible, he would’ve realised if his opinion and view of Harry had changed into something he’d never experienced or dared to consider. With anyone really. He had a better chance of developing feelings for his big toe before a person. Harry was his friend, a good friend he’d allowed access behind his walls because he’d proved he couldn’t be stopped. But it was all he was, a good friend. 

His heart seemed to disagree when it fluttered like a hummingbird inside his chest, and he clutched his head in frustration. It had to be a glitch, a malfunction somewhere and he clearly needed a transfer. There was no other explanation because he knew attraction like the back of his hand and he’d not had it directed at someone for a while. Which was another ignored detail, the fact he hadn't brought anyone home for quite some time and he'd rarely done more than receive a helping hand when he'd been out. 

*

The next morning he waited until he heard Harry leave before he crawled out of his room and left for his own class. He’d spent the night twisting and turning with restlessness, and it followed him through his lectures. Even on the way home, clinging to him like a bad perfume and his raging mind was starting to really piss him off. By the time he returned to the flat, he was too exhausted to hide in his room, and he fell on the couch like dead meat.

‘’Long day?’’

Even the realisation of Harry being home didn’t manage to spike his nerves with new energy, and he kept his position where his face was smashed into the cushion. 

‘’Nghhh.’’

‘’You alright?’’

‘’Nghhh.’’

His body felt like lead and the slightest thought about moving added more weight to his frame, so he laid still. Only his eyes reacted when warmth settled over his shoulders, and he blinked when a sweet burn spread over his blades where Harry rubbed them.

‘’You still feeling sick? You didn’t leave your room yesterday, or from what I observed.’’

Sick wasn’t precisely the word he would use, but it was a better alternative, and he hummed in response, leaving it up to Harry to find a meaning behind it. The massage was pleasant, and he relaxed under the caress, sensing how the tension slowly faded. As drowsiness sneaked up, it fooled his mind to let the thoughts he hadn’t allowed to enter, take place, and he was too tired to fight it. 

He’d never been a fan of physical touch when it didn’t involve sex, but Harry’s he didn’t mind, he rather preferred it when it usually had the effect of calming him down. Or it had used to, now he wasn't so sure, maybe. The hands were gentle, finding the right knots to rub and loosening the ache he couldn’t get rid of himself. A hum of satisfaction betrayed his attempt at being indifferent, but he didn’t care as long as Harry continued.

‘’From how stiff your back is I’m impressed your neck hasn’t snapped yet.’’

A soft chuckle reached him, and he automatically smiled, liking the sound of Harry’s voice when it was like a deep balm to his ears. He’d resented it once, found it agonisingly boring and so slow he’d suspected Harry had done it on purpose just to piss him off. It had changed, though, and he liked the way it almost sedated the room. Right as sleep was about to pull him under, forgotten images of the accidental kiss with Harry which had lingered a beat too long drifted back into his mind. It hadn't supposed to happen, but somewhere underneath his denial, it had felt different. The corner of his mouth curled at the memory of the slight tingle he'd felt gracing his skin after it had ended, and he couldn't stop the following question. Perhaps it hadn't been so bad? 

His eyes shot open in horror as he realised what he'd been thinking, and he scrambled off the couch as if Harry had fired a taser between his blades. Unable to find his footing he knocked right into the armrest and nosedived to the floor with a painful grunt.

‘’I have no comment on that.-’’

Harry’s laughter filled the room, and he groaned as he rolled over to his back and rubbed his face. He was positive by then, his mind had finally shattered, and all hope of gluing it back together was lost. Footsteps came closer, and when he removed his palms, he found Harry standing over him with an amused expression and outstretched arms.

‘’-Come on, go wash up or something while I prepare dinner.’’

As Harry bent down his eyes moved closer, and he found himself staring too long before he hesitantly accepted the lending hands while looking away. But his stare flicked right back as Harry pulled him up, forcing him to follow the traces where black pupils slightly dilated and bled into the soft shades of green. It surprisingly reminded him of spring, a passionate one where grass would fight through snow, and leafs spring back to life on bare branches. It was a struggle to blink when he felt captivated but then Harry let go, breaking the spell and dread slashed through his face. 

‘’Uh, yeah- right- I’ll do that.’’

He fled as humiliation laughed at his moment of weakness where he’d conjured up some pathetic and sentimental crap about Harry’s eyes. Inside the bathroom, he scrubbed his face until it burned and then some more, hoping it would wash away his terrifying thoughts in the process. As it turned out, it didn’t, and when he returned to the kitchen where Harry cooked with a smile on his face, he sighed deeply. He just didn’t understand, he’d been able to look at Harry’s eyes, accepted hugs and even accidentally spooned the fucker at night without feeling like a turmoil before, so he couldn’t grasp what had changed. Or when. 

‘’You hungry? Made one of your favourites.’’

Just like that, his mouth stretched into a grin, and his chest warmed when Harry revealed two sizzling burgers frying in the pan. His smile twitched when he caught on the betrayal of his body, and he felt like shoving his fist in his mouth. 

‘’Yeah, thanks.’’

He was allowed to care, Harry had made sure to punch it into his brain, and it didn’t mean something deeper laid behind it. They were close, they had grown close and that was allowed too, friends had the right to be. It was a new setting he had no experience with so it wouldn't be too unreasonable _that_ was the reason he felt flustered and affected. It wasn't his fault Harry had a way of understanding him better than most, and he wasn't ashamed he finally cared for someone other than himself for once. A significant change was all it was, and naturally, his emotions would be a bit confused and overwhelmed, they had in fact not been used most of his life. 

He made sure to have his mouth constantly full during their meal, and he kept staring at his plate when he didn’t want anything to ruin his newfound explanation. The sounds of chewing were peaceful, and he managed to lower his shoulders as he enjoyed the food. It was something he would never get tired off, and he was glad Harry would be around to make sure it didn’t end. As soon as the thought entered he choked, and as he realised the subtext, he coughed into the glass he took a sip from. 

‘’I’m glad you like it, but you don’t have to swallow it whole you know. Slow down.’’

A string of coughs left, and he gasped as soon as it lessened, but his shoulders were back with tension and his head throbbed. They had never agreed Harry would continue being his roommate or even talked about it, but for a brief moment he hadn’t question it and taken it for granted. In fact, he'd forgotten all about his mother taking away the money and the flat itself. He wouldn't even have a place to live soon, so there was no need for a roommate, but _Harry_ had made him forget. A few alarm bells were chiming at the back of his mind, but he pushed them aside as he stared a burning hole through his plate.

He was tired of being on edge and, as if he hadn’t learned from his earlier mistakes, a stupid solution formed when he wanted to prove it wasn’t Harry himself who affected his emotions. Desperation convinced him it was a good idea and he rose from his seat as Harry grabbed his plate and brought it to the sink. 

‘’Thanks for dinner, it was brilliant.’’ 

As Harry turned back, he closed the distance by wrapping his arms around his shoulders in a light hug, but he regretted it once their bodies touched. Heat swept over his skin as Harry accepted the embrace, and when a hand stroked him gently on the back, his stomach dropped to his knees. It wasn’t uncomfortable, quite the opposite and he suddenly struggled to let go and lean back. Harry was warm and soft, yet solid, and a pleasant scent of cologne eased up his nose, coaxing him to linger on. He did a few seconds too long before he wrenched out of the grip with newfound mortification and he shuffled back into his room where he crawled back under his duvet to hide. Which seemed to be a routine by then. Hours passed as he kept trying to convince himself it still didn’t mean anything and it was simply gratitude for the satisfying food he’d eaten. It had to be. 

 

*

 

The following days he reversed to keeping a safe distance while he battled his uncontrollable reactions and stayed low. Unfortunately, it also gave him time to truly observe what brought out the ‘symptoms’, and it made it harder to ignore the obvious. It _was_ in the presence of Harry, and to his dread the more he tried to deny it, the stronger it hit him back. He still couldn’t understand, where it came from or why, but his body wouldn’t listen to his plea for it to stop. The curses in his vocabulary evolved, and he was ready to explode with frustration when he’d _not_ agreed to the turn of events. He’d definitely not agreed to let his mind go through old memories and look at them differently. But it did, and he shuddered when he contemplated there might’ve been a few signs he’d ignored along the way.

He'd never really been bothered by Harry’s affection.

He'd enjoyed their time in France in a way he'd refused to admit.

He secretly preferred sleeping next to Harry, even though he'd always hated sharing a bed before. 

With defeat, he'd realised it was jealousy he'd felt towards Liam, on several occasions.

He'd allowed Harry to see the one side of him he'd tried so hard to keep hidden. He'd also allowed him to destroy his armour.

He'd chosen Harry over a shag more than once. 

And lastly, having Harry in his life felt _right._ He fulfilled a need he hadn't known he'd had, and he _cared_ about him. 

Oh god, even he could see how some of it didn’t add up to a strictly platonic friendship, and his eyes bulged as he let it sink it. All the images piercing his mind made his heart clench, and he sucked in a harsh breath as he gripped the side of his head, yanking his hair in sharp tugs.

‘’This can’t be fucking happening.’’

His eyes closed as memories kept forcing forward, flashes of the time he’d played with Harry’s curls because they seemed soft and he’d wanted to find out and how he always orbited around Harry like he was a bloody magnet. Fucking Harry who’d never questioned it but instead smiled at it because it was his nature. Harry had always been too _giving? sharing?_ with his affection among them all, and it was no wonder he’d adapted to it when it surrounded him on a daily basis. That's the thanks he received from opening up and letting someone in, having it backfire and screw up his already fucked up emotions.

‘’What are you thinking so hard about, I heard you talking, but you’ve been staring at the wall for five minutes now. I’m starting to worry since your face keeps turning whiter.’’

He flinched at the sound that wasn’t his own thoughts, and he turned his stricken expression to find Harry while his mouth popped open. It forced the last drops of blood in his face to dry out, and he fidgeted anxiously while he struggled to form words to produce. Harry’s _stupid_ smile with eyes _too_ big, _too_ intense and two _dimples_ deep enough to drown him, glared back and he hated how he reacted to it. He didn’t want to take notice of the things he hadn’t before and the longer Harry kept presenting them, the more he did.

‘’Oh god- oh god- oh fucking god.’’ 

He breathlessly piped out as he stumbled off the bed and in distress shoved Harry out of his room before he slammed the door shut. A barrier was crucial to steer his breathing back to normal and help the rest of his body compose itself. 

‘’Loui-‘’

The knob flicked while Harry’s puff of confusion seeped through, but before he could push it open, Louis panicked and pressed back. 

‘’Don’t! just- don’t come inside, I’m a bit nauseated, and you shouldn’t be around if I get sick on the floor.’’

‘’You ok? Need anything?’’

‘’No, just let me get some rest, I’ll be fine.’’

It was awful the situation he found himself trapped in and he wanted it gone, away from his attention and be brought back to where he’d lived happily oblivious. Having anything other than friendly feelings for his roommate wasn’t something he was able to possess, and it was too unfamiliar. It was more believable his libido had grown desperate from not staying as active as it once had, and it confused Harry’s presence with a promise of being satisfied. It didn’t have to be more, even though that was a huge fucking newsflash he wasn’t sure how to begin dealing with it either. He’d always had a strong desire for sexual pleasure, and perhaps it wasn’t too strange his lust thought it could be achieved with the help of a friend. 

Just the fact his thoughts went there, considering the possibility he was sexually attracted to his best friend was- he didn’t even have words. Still, he couldn’t deny it was easier to believe instead of the other option glaring from the back of his mind. As panic and frustration grew, he located his Mac, and his face flushed crimson as he opened up the google bar. A deep breath went in his nose as his hands kept shaking over the keyboard, because _fuck_ , he was such a mental case for sure. He was losing it, or no, he’d already lost it, and still all kinds of rubbish and insane shit kept shaking the broken pieces of his brain around. 

There was perhaps one quick way to see if found other directions attractive, even just a little bit and it was a very embarrassing way. Slowly his fingertips pressed the right letters, and once he was done, he hovered the enter button. It took him a few minutes; lips pressed tightly and eyes grew wider as regret made his body numb before he actually pushed it. Less than a second later his whole screen was filled with different links to several sites that labelled him depressing in a new way. He was officially a perverted loser who snooped the internet. He’d done it, willingly, and he had to swallow down his stomach when it kept crawling up his throat over what he was doing. Having no idea what he looked for he clicked the very first option and flinched a little as a new window opened up. The blush flared stronger through his cheeks as his eyes caught the sight of videos ready, showing several men in every possible position, and not. 

Before he could chicken out, his fingers tapped play and he choked when the video started right in the middle of their act. Automatically his eyes followed the movements, stretching so far it hurt, and he completely forgot how blinking worked. It was similar to watching a chain collision, not really wanting to see but not being able to look away either. For the hundredth time, it was proof his mind had shattered when he, ten minutes later, hadn’t moved a muscle and was still staring. He didn’t experience an epiphany, arousal didn't strike, but at the same time, he noticed he wasn’t as uncomfortable watching as he'd been. Or, it was disturbing to watch, but it was more from the creepy exaggerated sounds and the glorification of porn it presented. The sex itself didn't come across as disgusting, and it wasn’t, it was just sex. Too rough and mortifyingly loud but still sex, and he relaxed. 

When one of the men laid on his back with the other on top, he couldn't stop his mind from thinking how Harry had probably been in the same position. Hell, he’d been in it himself, except it hadn’t been a man straddled over his hips, but it worked the same way. Dangerous images formed when he couldn't help thinking if a girl on his lap had been replaced by a man, by Harry, _would it really have made a big difference?_ Same movements created pleasure and brought a result of satisfaction. If he'd switched the girl with a man in an oral stimulation, it probably would’ve caused the same enjoyment too. It wasn’t until his mind swapped the roles where he would be on the other end his face burst into fire, and he finally registered what he’d been picturing in his head. He slammed the Mac shut and threw it across the room, he’d seen enough to realise gay porn didn’t arouse him, but picturing shagging Harry- Well, the pressure at his fly was an indication to go by.

He gaped down at himself, he’d accidentally mind-fucked his best friend, and a short vision of them together had turned him on. It was the clearest alarm sign he could’ve received, and he took it as confirmation his libido was sexually deprived. 

‘’Ah shit! Fuck! Shit no no no, bloody hell!’’

He rocked back and forth on his bed, pressing his palms against his temples as he regretted going there. Throughout his entire life, he’d never felt as confused and split. He gripped the side of his head as he screamed on the inside, wishing he’d been able to stay oblivious. The walls of the room shrunk and trapped him inside, turning him claustrophobic and he needed to get out. So he fled, raced out of his room and out of the flat before Harry even had the chance to see his shadow. His chest hammered as he reached the garage, a place he rarely went but hurried inside the car he recognised as his own and pressed his forehead against the wheel. The engine woke to life, and for a moment, he had trouble remembering how to drive when he’d been spoiled by having Harry as his personal driver. 

With what he thought was a light touch he tested the pedals and the car jumped forward like he’d shoved his whole foot through the floor. He’d never really been the steadiest driver and he’d probably broken more cars than he felt comfortable confessing to. Eventually, he made it out with a soft tune seeping from the radio, and he drove mindlessly without knowing where he wanted to go. For the first time, he wished he had someone to talk to, someone who could offer fucking brilliant advice to help him deal with the breaking news he’d been forced to learn.

 _Can’t stop now I’ve travelled so far. To change this lonely life._  
The melodic lyric from the radio caught his ears, and he clenched the wheel a tad tighter, recognising the emotion floating was the loneliness he’d used to be drowned in. He couldn’t talk to Harry, not even as a last desperate option would he take that road when it would be less painful going through all levels of hell, twice. 

Not to mention less mortifying, and talking to Liam- absolutely not, it wasn’t even worth considering. And Niall, he’d rather walk naked through the city with that fucking butt plug his friend loved so much shoved up his arse. So yes, he felt a bit lonely once again when he had no one to turn to. He had no idea what he wanted to talk about either, but the previous situation couldn't be dismissed as nothing when he’d sported a bloody erection.

 _It looks like love has finally found me._  
He snorted at the song as he scratched his temple in irritation, not knowing what he was supposed to do when he had no guidelines. Lusting after Harry was far from good, not because he didn’t like him, he did, but it made everything difficult. If he were lucky, it wouldn't completely ruin their friendship, and if he wasn't, then well, he didn't have the energy to picture it. Losing Harry scared him, was the thing, perhaps he meant more to him than he’d let himself realise and he wasn’t ready to see him walk away.

 _I wanna know what love is._  
He groaned loudly and hit the wheel in frustration as he dropped the rising argument inside his head. It was useless when he couldn’t find a way to make things better, and the fucking song he kept hearing snippets from pissed him off. His fingers reached the radio with impatience, and as he thought he turned the volume down, his eyes bulged when he did the opposite, and the melody screeched through the car.

_-WANT TO FEEL WHAT LOVE IS. I KNOW YOU CAN SHOW ME_

It screamed in his face and made his ears bleed before he blindly pressed the buttons on the radio to make it stop. He continued to fumble and turned frustrated when nothing happened.  
_AND I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME_

‘’WHY WON’T YOU FUCKING SHUT UP!’’

His eyes flicked between the road and the radio when the song wouldn’t leave. A small bus stop caught his attention, and he almost took a u-turn to not miss it, and once his car stalled, he sighing heavily as the song abruptly stopped.

‘’Bloody hell.’’

His head dropped back in his seat with a loud sigh, and he dragged a sweaty hand down his face as he relaxed. Knowing the music would still be screeching when he turned the car back on, he studied the radio and eventually found what he was looking for. On the count of three, the engine roared back to life, and he quickly turned the volume down.  
_-YBE I'M A LONELY man Who's in the middle of something. That he doesn't really understand._

‘’You've got to be fucking kidding me.’’

He rolled his eyes as he pushed the small arrow to search for something bearable he could listen to.

_-been thinking about my own protection, it scares me to feel this wa-_

He pushed it again.

_-I’m thinking ‘bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways-_

The radio was obviously fucking with him.

_Only friends in my mind, but now I realised_  
It was always you  
Can't believe I could not see it all t- 

''What the hell is wrong with this shit?''

He gave it one final push, one last chance to play something he could listen to without flinching in distress or wanting to make himself deaf. The next station didn't play a song, only a man chatted into the microphone, and he breathed in relief as he found the pedals. He'd managed to calm his raging chest and turned the car back on the road when his whole face twitched in annoyance at the radio.  
_Up next, slowing things down a little is an old classic from the man himself, Elvis Presley with can’t help falling in love._

That was it really, the last straw, the last drop that sent his cup spilling over and he gripped his head in frustration as the song started playing.

‘’What the _actual_ fuck? What the hell do you want from me-‘’ eyes circled to the radio as he directed his words, his screaming words, to the man he knew didn’t live inside the little box and definitely couldn’t hear him. ‘’-Bloody excellent! I fucking get it alright! I get I might fancy him in a way I don’t bloody understand so leave me the fuck alone! There I admitted it so just piss off!’’  
_For I can’t help falling in love with you._

‘’Oh for fuck sake!’’

At least the music stopped when he slammed his fist through the radio, and he kept driving without purpose or meaning as he listened to the sound of rain drumming against the windshield. It was peaceful when it drowned the volume of his mind, and it was probably the reason he postponed going home. He watched as the steady stream ran, how it blurred everything except the road and trapped him inside but at the same time protected him from the terrifying reality outside. The reality he feared but surprisingly no longer wanted to ignore, too much had changed, and he didn’t want to live in his old world where nothing mattered.

His life had always been challenging with constant tests to see what would break him down. It had taken years, years with death, sorrow, rejection and lack of any good emotions, and it seemed he'd finally reached his limit. All it took apparently was the presence of Harry. He couldn’t shut off like before, he’d allowed emotions he’d used to fight, to enter, and he’d let himself feel them. Which was a bit ironically when the light he’d seen shining in the distant was suddenly starting to fade again, like an old star burning out, less visible the more he searched for it. Because the newest change wasn’t positive when he couldn’t see anything good coming from it.

He went home when the sky turned pitch black, and his eyes dropped with tiredness, coaxing him to sleep and let his mind rest for a while. But once he shut off the engine, he didn't move, allowing every fearful thought to rush back and he screamed into his hands. He sat there aimlessly, long enough for a forgotten name to echo through his mind, telling him to remember it once more, and he froze. It belonged to someone he hadn’t spoken to or seen since he was a teenager, _years_ had passed without communication, and he couldn’t understand why the name resurfaced. 

More forgotten memories entered his head, and he swallowed dryly when certain details he’d once ignored shifted some of his views on the past. But they didn’t know each other now, and he wasn’t convinced he had enough bravery to face what he remembered or suspected. Still, the name wouldn’t leave, and the only person he realised he wanted to see was Harry. A deep sigh left as he rubbed his forehead, he knew Harry would always listen, but he was afraid to talk. Afraid he would say too much. It was a risk to take, but he really needed to get something off his chest. He sighed again.

‘’Fuck it.’’

He left the garage, determined to escape the pathetic bubble of helplessness he’d created and return to normality. Attraction towards his friend he could handle, had to handle, and hiding had stopped working for him a while ago. With quick steps he entered the flat and went straight to Harry’s room with a calm face, he didn’t care what the time was, and he needed to find his confidence back. It all sounded so easy in his head, but once he found Harry sleeping, he freaked and fell into the bed where he scrambled under the duvet in panic. The movement caused the whole mattress to bounce, and shortly after Harry stirred awake with a sleepy grunt. 

‘’Louis?-’’

He was curled up as the frightened child he felt like, and he closed his eyes in annoyance at himself when Harry sat up and tugged the duvet back.

‘’-Hey, what’s the matter? Where did you go tonight?''

There it was, the quick effect Harry’s voice had on him, and he exhaled slowly through his mouth at how relaxing it felt. Thankfully it was dark, and Harry only portrayed a soft shadow of a figure, but it was enough for his stomach to clench.

‘’Nowhere, just drove around for a bit.-'' He fumbled with his fingers as he made himself say what he'd sought Harry out for. ''-I remembered a name today.’’

‘’A good one?’’

‘’Not sure. You remember when I told you about my sister?''

‘’Mhm.’’

‘’Right. I haven't mentioned her again because her death shattered me, and she was the second person I loved and lost.-'' He shook his head lightly as he allowed Harry to help him sit up, and he crossed his legs underneath his bum as he leant against the pillow. ‘’-The other was my uncle who I assume is still alive, but yeah, it was his name that entered my mind, and it still lingers. It won’t leave.’’

‘’You haven’t thought about him before?’’

‘’Barely, but it was years ago, and I’m not sure why I did today.’’

‘’Maybe you miss him?’’

‘’But he left. I don’t want to miss someone who so easily walked away from my sister and me. He didn’t even show up at her funeral.’’

‘’Is it allowed to ask what happened?’’

He inhaled deeply as he shuffled further into the pillow and tipped his head back. It was a long time ago, but the memories flared alive in his mind, and he felt sorrow seep into his chest.

‘’One day he was just gone. I was eleven at the time, he was my favourite person besides Cassy or Cassandra as her name was, and we did everything together. He was like a father to me, and I looked so much up to him, but then he just disappeared, and it devastated me. I thought it was my fault when my mother said he was tired of how I always clung to him, so I stopped asking.-’’ 

‘’-But when my sister died a year later, and he didn’t show up, I realised he wouldn’t return and grew so angry. One day I exploded, I’d just returned from the psychiatric ward my mother had put me in after Cassy's funeral, and she'd told me to stay in my room because my uncle would stop by. I didn’t listen, I didn’t care when all I could feel when I heard his name was pain. I lashed out before he had the chance to open his mouth, and yelled every swear word I knew as I told him to fuck off and never contact me again. It earned me a final visit at the psych ward since my mother saw me as a psychotic. I gave up there, shut off every good emotion I'd felt and stayed that way until you decided to crumble that safety wall.’’

A comforting touch reached his arm as Harry curled his fingers around it and he closed his eyes to focus on the feeling.

‘’I’m so sorry he hurt you and everything you've gone through. I wish I could've changed it for you, but I can’t say I’m sorry for poking holes in your armour though.’’

He snorted softly as he found himself nodding in agreement, no he wasn’t sorry Harry had done so either. It was something he needed, ages ago but it was never too late he supposed. 

‘’Yeah but there’s a catch to the story. Today when it all came back, it made me question some things, and I can’t stop thinking that something doesn't add up. Because I remember how his face looked like when I told him to fuck off, and it bugs me.’’

‘’Oh?’’ 

‘’I ignored it and didn’t care about it then, but I do now when it was agony I saw in his eyes. He looked broken and tortured, and I can't help wondering why, why would my pain affect him when it hadn’t stopped him from leaving before? To top it off I recalled something else I'd repressed, and it fucks everything up even more.''

‘’Are you being this mysterious on purpose, because it’s working and you have to explain this.’’

Harry had shifted and was sitting Indian style as curiosity stung his voice, and from the way Louis’ eyes had adapted the darkness, he could see how Harry was full of anticipation. It drew a small smile from his lips, and he cleared his throat before he continued.

‘’When I was around sixteen I stumbled over a ripped paper with my uncle’s name on it. I’d forgotten all about it since it didn't seem important, but then a few years later when I returned to the house to pick up something I somehow found it again. Or I thought because it was ripped the same way and held a name. I barely glanced at it, but what I read has apparently stayed with me since I can make sense out of it now.''

‘’ _And?_ ’’

Harry sounded impatient as he shuffled closer, and his palms clasped around his chin in suspense.

‘’ _And_ it wasn't the same, it was the other half. It wasn't just a piece of paper either, it was a wedding invitation for my uncle and his partner.’’

A loud gasp fled Harry as his fingers clasped over his mouth and his eyes bulged.

‘’No fucking way. So what does this mean, you think he felt forced to leave?’’

‘’Maybe. I know my mother, what she believes in, and anything outside the bible’s frames on how the world should work she doesn’t accept. She isn’t even a Christian, and the bible she’s following is probably Satan’s. You’ve met her, don’t you remember how she reacted when I forced a kiss on you the first day?’’

Harry scoffed sourly as he dragged a hand through his curls, pushing them away from his face before releasing them back down. His hand rubbed his shoulder as a growl formed.

‘’How could I forget, she practically dislocated my shoulder. I still get phantom pain. But would she cut her own brother from her life-‘’

‘’She would gladly cut _me_ from her life, and she’s trying her best if she hasn’t succeeded already. Even so, he isn’t her brother, he was my father’s so she has no connection to him and it wouldn’t have made a difference. From how that invitation was ripped she followed through with her expected reaction, and if my suspicions are right then- Then I don’t know what to do when everything I thought I knew isn’t right.’’ 

Silence dawned as he bit his bottom lip in unease, maybe the anger he’d felt towards his uncle could’ve been avoided if it turned out his mother was the real villain. From their history, he had trouble _not_ believing she was. 

‘’Hey, don’t do that, don’t start blaming yourself for something you had no control over. If you’re right, then this is on your mother.’’ 

She’d made his life miserable on so many occasions, and if he learned she was the reason he’d lost his uncle, then he didn't know what he would do.

‘’What if he didn’t choose to leave, and how painful it must’ve been for him as well if he was forbidden to attend the funeral. It’s disgusting if it's true, and I can’t help feeling like shit for adding-‘’

‘’You didn’t know Louis, you still don’t know. But you can find out.’’ 

A wave of guilt washed through as he thought about his past, and how things could've been different.

‘’My mother won’t give me any answers.’’

‘’No, but I’m not referring to her. You should call your uncle.’’

Ice sizzled through his veins at the thought, and his heart felt like it was beating with a tight fist clenched around it. Horror was what he felt at Harry’s suggestion, and he shook his head repeatedly. 

‘’What if he confirms I’m only trying to find a reason to shift the blame, or if he confirms I’m right and I ask why he hasn’t tried to contact me throughout the years and his answer will be he didn’t because that’s what I wanted, and-‘’

Fingers clamped around his cheeks to disrupt his ramble and stop his head from moving as it was brought right in front of Harry’s, and his voice died when a soft expression met his sight.

‘’Take a breath love, and stop overthinking everything. Call him. If you still feel like freaking out after you’ve talked to him then I’m all ears, alright?’’

He didn’t answer as Harry leant back. There’s was nothing he could think of, and he was tired, so tired he didn’t bother to undress as he shimmied further under the duvet and nuzzled his head in the pillow. It smelled like Harry, and he sighed, for a brief moment he’d been able to think about something other than his uproar of emotions, but as the scent filled his nose, he was reminded.

‘’Night Lou.’’

It went quiet, and he closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to take over but from how he managed to tap his finger rhythmically with Harry’s snores, it didn’t.

‘’Hey-‘’ he stared at the darkness as he curled his fingers. ‘’-Sorry I haven’t asked how you’re doing lately, I can see something is bothering you.’’

He didn’t expect an answer when Harry didn’t move, and he didn’t receive one. The silence stretched on as he laid staring and if he were honest, he was relieved. With a last deep inhale, he switched position as he hugged his knees closer to his chest and rested his head against the back of Harry's shoulders. It was comfortable, the warmth he felt easing over his forehead drained the last of his energy, and he eventually fell asleep. 

*

The next morning he woke alone in Harry’s bed, tucked in an oven of layers and he wrestled free when he registered the sweat coating his skin. With a glance at his phone, he saw it was still early and felt guilty for disturbing Harry’s sleep when he remembered he had early classes the whole week. Harry never complained, about anything, and always took time listening to his nonsense when he rarely showed the same kindness back. It strengthened his guilt, and he groaned into his palms as he clutched his face in tiredness. It wasn’t fair, and as he stumbled into the bathroom to brush his teeth, he kept thinking how he could do better. 

He walked around the flat mentally talking to himself while brushing when the front door flew open, and Harry stormed inside. From how he scrambled in panic as he searched for something it wasn’t hard to see he was stressed and in a hurry.

‘’Wha’ u ‘ooking fo’?’’

‘’Oh hey, have you seen the paper I left on the table like, three nights ago?’’

With a pop he moved the brush and stepped into the kitchen where he could spit in the sink.

‘’Can’t say I have, but don’t you have it saved on your Mac or something?’’

Harry, who was on his knees looking under the couch, froze for a minute straight then jumped to his feet and turned with a huge grin.

‘’Shit, why the hell didn’t I think of that first, you’re a genius-‘’ Harry’s eyes drifted from his and narrowed at his hand. ‘’-is that my toothbrush?’’

‘’What, no? I’ve always used this one.’’

‘’Really, then why does it look exactly like the one I bought last month?’’

‘’because you bought the same?’’

‘’No, that’s why I chose that one since it didn’t look like yours.’’

Silence stretched as he glanced down at the toothbrush in his hand, staring with small eyes as he considered he might not remember if it truly was his or not. He hadn’t actually paid much attention to how it looked when a brush was a fucking brush. 

‘’So. Does this mean we’ve used the _same one?_ ’’

‘’It’s a strong possibility, yes.’’

‘’Hm. Right. Well, you want it back?’’

He held it out towards Harry as he pressed his lips together and blinked innocently, not really sure why he found it as funny as he did. The baffled look on Harry, though, caused a poorly hidden snort of amusement to leave and he pressed his lips tighter.

‘’Yeah no, not really.’’

‘’Your loss then.’’ 

He pushed it back into his mouth and brushed further as he returned to the bathroom to finish his morning ritual. A splutter followed him, but nothing more came, and he heard how Harry shuffled through his room and then left as quickly as he’d entered with a shout of goodbye. 

*

Something happened during his class that day. They’d trained on monologues, each of them performed alone on stage for the other’s to analyse and when he’d finished his, he suddenly felt ready. He’d rehearsed it before, but it wasn’t until he performed it a sentence stuck to his mind. The line _I’m just what I am, that’s all_ , gave him an unexpected gush of bravery and he itched to use it. He lingered behind, waited for everyone to leave and once silence fell he took a deep breath and leant against the wall. With a racing heart and an aching stomach he found his phone, the little device that would most likely turn things upside down and he stared at it nervously. Regardless of how it would go, at least he’d tried, and he could stop beating himself up with _what if’s_. 

Fingers fumbled as he typed in the name he was searching for and when he was _90%_ sure he’d found the right number, he stared another ten minutes before he pressed call. The phone laid against his ear as the dialling sound came and he swallowed the bile in his throat. It was too late to chicken out, but it wasn’t too late to hope the number was disconnected or belonged to an entirely different person. But on the fourth ring, a small click came, and the deep voice that followed was so familiar he stopped breathing altogether.

_‘’Hello?’’_

A small ache pinched his chest and the race of emotions he felt rushing through was overwhelming enough to seal his mouth shut. 

_‘’Hello, is anyone there?’’_

Sheer panic flicked him back to reality when he realised he hadn’t spoken for almost a minute and the call would end if he didn’t pull himself together.

‘’Uhm- yeah, Hello- Hi, have I reached Charles Tomlinson?’’ 

He stuttered awkwardly as he closed his eyes and he pinched the side of his thigh to keep it from bouncing too hard.

_‘’Yes, who is this?’’_

‘’I’m- It’s- My na- Hi Uncle, it’s me.’’

The line basically went dead, and he cursed for not introducing himself properly, they hadn’t spoken in over a decade, and his uncle probably didn’t even remember him.

_‘’Louis? Is this really you?’’_

Shakiness trailed the deep voice and he prayed it was a positive surprise, he wasn’t sure what he would do if his uncle would be angry enough to hang up. 

‘’Yeah. I’m-''

_‘’Oh my god! You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this call.’’_

‘’You have?’’

In less than a second his uncle’s voice was all over the phone, clear emotion trailing his words and if Louis weren't so surprised, he would’ve laughed in relief. 

_‘’I’ve tried so hard to reach you throughout the years, but every time I thought I found a way it didn’t lead anywhere. This- come on, who doesn’t use Facebook properly these days- I can’t believe this- and no phone number registered anywhere- I’m-‘’_ a sniffle was heard, and he finally registered how his uncle was falling apart on the line. _‘’-I’m so sorry, for everything and I never meant to hurt you in any-‘’_

‘’Was it by choice, did you walk away from us because you didn’t care?-’’ He couldn’t listen to the sadness seeping into his ear, it stirred up too much inside, and he needed his question to be answered. ‘’-Because I've believed it for so long, but the other day I remembered some things that made me question everything, and I need an explanation. I spent all night thinking about what I would say to you if I had the guts to call, and you owe me the truth.’’

_‘’I never would’ve left by choice, you were both like my own, and I tried everything to get back to you, but the circumstances didn’t allow me to.’’_

‘’You mean the heart of stone herself?’’

Again the line went silent, silent with the answers he’d known all along deep down, and he bit his cheek hard enough to bleed to keep the wave of anger contained. 

_‘’She didn’t like the influence I had on you and-‘’_

‘’Influence, what a joke, and fucking _bullshit_. It’s a pathetic disguise for saying she forced you away because you married a man and she couldn’t stand it.’’

_‘’I never thought she would tell you that.’’_

‘’Of course she didn’t, she hasn’t said a word about you since the last time I saw you, but I found your wedding invitation at one point. I just didn’t care enough to think about what it meant, back then.’’

_‘’Then- why now?’’_

Harry was the first explanation that popped into his mind, but he swallowed before he could say it out loud and he took a sharp inhale.

‘’I’ve had a.. challenging year, and with some help from unexpected holds, I realised I’ve wasted too much time running from the past. I don’t want to anymore, and I started thinking about everything. You leaving the way you did, it didn’t feel right, and it never has.’’

_‘’You have every right to hate me, Louis, you were just a child and one day I vanished from your life without a word. You didn’t deserve it, and I’ll never forgive myself for putting you through that, but I need you to know how much I regret it and I’ve been trying to reach you ever since. You’ve always been worth fighting for, and I knew that one day I would have the chance to tell you.’’_

To his horror, his bottom lip started trembling, and he could feel how tears stung the corner of his eyes from the words he hadn’t known he’d desired to hear. He’d anticipated an emotional call, one way or the other, but he hadn’t thought it would affect him as strongly as it did. 

‘’I don’t hate you. Perhaps I never did when a part of me knew some of the truth all along because I can’t say I’m surprised by the confirmation. So I’m sorry too, for being so unreachable. I might not use it much, but I do have Facebook though.’’

A breathy laugh tickled his ear, and the tightness in his stomach lessened from the cheerful sound. 

_‘’Yes you do, and I’ve probably checked it every day in hopes you would turn it public so I could write you or harass one of your friends to contact you for me. Sadly I could only see your profile picture, which, by the way, what a handsome young man you've turned out to be.’’_

‘’Why do you sound shocked, I have the Tomlinson genes after all.’’

_‘’Good genes they are indeed. Now I can finally have some youth back as well, thank you for calling me. It means the world to me, it really does, and I’m saving your number since you finally made it known.’’_

He chuckled back as he blinked his eyes clear and a pleasant warmth swirled through his chest at how natural it felt talking to his uncle after so long. Too much pain had separated them, but it was relieving to find his uncle’s words so honest, and he was glad he’d called. He was. For the next hour, they stayed chatting on the phone, reminiscing through memories, learning to know each other again, and he felt a spark of hope flicker as it felt normal. It felt like old times, the good times he could remember, and he wanted more. He wanted new memories, new good times and a new start.

‘’Hey, Uncle?-’’

A squeal pierced through the phone and he winched at the sound.

‘’-You alright?’’

_‘’You called me uncle.’’_

‘’Piss off.-‘’ another chuckle left as he rolled his eyes. ‘’-I have to go, but I was wondering if we could meet up soon since you know, it’s been a while.’’

_‘’I’d love nothing more, I’ve been dying to see you, and we don’t live too far apart with you in London and us in Doncaster. Would you perhaps like to visit a weekend, you can bring someone if you want, maybe the roommate you mentioned? Or we can meet for dinner if it’s easier for you.’’_

‘’A weekend sounds good, and I’m sure Harry will be happy to tag along, he loves nothing more than emotional reunions I'm sure. Because you’ll be crying when you see me won’t you, and I can’t miss the chance at capturing it on video, so I need a cameraman.’’

Many first was happening during the call, and just like that, he heard the fondness coating his voice at the thought of them reuniting. He didn’t miss the broad smile he formed at the idea of Harry being a part of it, either.  
Oh for fuck sake.

_‘’Call me when you’ve reached a decision on which weekend suits better, I’ll keep all of mine open just to be sure. It was very lovely to hear from you Louis and if you ever want to talk, about anything, just know I’m only a phone call away.’’_

‘’Yeah I’ll get back to you and thanks. I- I’ll talk to you soon then, take care.’’

When the call ended, and the sound of his uncle’s voice left, he cried for the first time in a very long time. Tears of relief slipped down his face, and his cheeks stretched too far at how hard he grinned but he couldn’t stop it. It was too much all at once and laughter mixed into the sniffles as he struggled to breathe. But it was good, he was happy. 

*

The first thing he saw when he came home was Harry standing in his usual position, relaxed by the oven, and before he had time to think about it, he pulled him into a surprised hug. He was too pumped to worry about their awkward distance and the confused mix of thoughts he had. A smile broke free when Harry startled but didn’t push him away, and he was giddy to share the good news.

‘’Oi! You seem awfully cheery today, suspiciously cheery.’’

His head wouldn’t stop nodding as he smiled wider and kept the embrace going, not wanting to let go when he found himself comfortable.

‘’I know I've been quite a shit for a while now, and I'm sorry about that.’’

‘’A what?’’

His stomach flipped around, but since he’d figured out what it was and who caused it, it wasn’t as annoying as it used to be. It was more ticklish, and the flare in his cheeks, which he’d thought had been a sign of having a stroke at first, now made him warm in a good way. 

‘’I'll get back to it, I have something to share first.-‘’ he unwillingly lessened his grip and took a step back to meet Harry’s gaze. ‘’-I took your advice, I called my uncle.’’

‘’That’s wonderful! Or- From the way you're all goofy smiling is it safe to assume it went well?’’

‘’Yeah it was good, and I was right. Which isn’t the reason I’m glad, considering it took this long to realise, but we had a great talk. He actually invited us to visit them for a weekend.’’

‘’ _Us?_ You mentioned me?’’

The flare in his cheeks burned stronger, and he cleared his throat a bit awkwardly as he scratched at his neck. It sounded a little odd when Harry put it that way.

‘’Well he asked about me, and where I was living, so I mentioned having a roommate and how you’ve helpe- Anyway, I'm going, and he said I could bring you if I wanted, so if you have time-.''

‘’I’d love to.’’

Another wave of relief and gratitude formed in his chest and he couldn’t keep the splitting grin off his face as he rolled on his heels. Harry looked a little confused and curious as he smiled back, but didn’t voice his words as he turned to the pot he’d been stirring. Bubbles of joy he hadn’t had before, or in a very long time, made him feel like he was on top of the world and he wondered if that's what happiness felt like. It was euphoric, a state he quite enjoyed, and if it were the prize for taking a chance, he would gladly continue. He slid down in one of the chairs by the table and fiddled with his fingers as he kept watching Harry, cook. 

‘’About being a shit, I meant I’m sorry I haven’t asked what’s wrong, so I’m asking now.’’

‘’What you talking about?’’

A small sting clenched his newfound happiness when he saw how Harry physically flinched from the question and it confirmed a second suspicion that day.

‘’What’s bothering you, I may be lousy at picking up signs, but I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately.’’

‘’Oh, no- I- It’s nothing-‘’

‘’Harry, even I can tell there’s something, you look exhausted, you’re jittery, and that signature cupcake bubbly deal you usually have going on has left the building.-’’ A deep sigh left Harry as his eyes fell to the floor, Louis didn’t like where they were going and he missed the previous happy moment they’d shared. ‘’-Is it something I did?’’

The confusion in his voice reached Harry’s attention, and his head bounced back with widened eyes while his hands shook back and forth.

‘’No, no of course not. I love hanging out with you, but I’ve created a little distance lately since my studies have been killing me. It’s so much to do before the exams in December arrives, and I thought if I focused entirely on studying I wouldn't drown.’’

‘’Ah, yeah those are important, and if you have too much on your plate you shouldn’t waste time in Doncaster with me, you can join me on a later visit. Do you worry about that internship you talked about as well?’’

A surprised expression settled over Harry’s features as his brow raised, and he smirked to himself as he managed to prove he was capable of having interest in other people’s lives. Harry should feel honoured really; it wasn’t often he remembered details he had nothing to do with.

‘’No it’s important to you, and I want to go, really, my effort has paid off, and I can afford a weekend of vacation. When did you want to go by the way?-‘’ A smile returned on Harry, and Louis bashfully stared a hole through the table. ‘’-The internship has completely slipped my mind and its fine, won’t hear anything until Christmas.’’

‘’Well since October is about to end, I figured rather soon since it will be busy enough when December arrives. So whatever upcoming weekend that suits best.’’

‘’What about in two weeks time then, I can do one last round of intense studying, like you probably should too, and be sure I’m able to relax during the trip.’’

‘’Yeah that works. Shout when dinner is ready, I’m taking a shower.’’

There would be enough time for him to continue his worry in the coming days so he enjoyed the peaceful moment of content while he could.

*


	7. Chapter 7

**Updated**

When Friday arrived, a soft knock against his doorframe reached his attention, and he glanced up from the screen of his Mac he’d been glued to the last hour. A pen hung from his lips while papers decorated his bed, copying the way Harry’s room usually looked like and he bit on the cap when Harry stepped inside.

‘’This is a sight I never thought I’d see, can I take a picture?’’

‘’Try, and the curls aren't the only thing you’ll lose.’’

A loud gasp echoed the walls as Harry clutched his chest in horror, and Louis snorted amusedly at the mental picture he had dancing in his mind. Perhaps it was worth failing his exams to witness Harry shaving his hair off. Maybe not when he sort of liked the long locks. 

‘’No picture then, got it. It wasn’t the reason I came here though; I wanted to hear if you’re interested in grabbing a beer at the pub tonight? A friend of mine is in town for a few days, and I thought it would be a nice opportunity for you two to meet.’’ 

‘’You sure, if you haven’t seen him in a while I don’t-‘’

‘’I just asked, I want you to join.’’

‘’Well, alright, I never decline beer.’’

 

Two minutes after meeting the stranger Harry had presented as _dick_ , or it might’ve been something in the lane of Nate, he’d regretted his choice of accepting beer. Everything about Nate rubbed him the wrong way, he was too confident, too chatty, a complete slag, and it made him swallow the rising bile before he spat it out. The mood hadn’t lifted when he’d gained the impression he wasn’t liked back, not from the way Nate ignored his very existence after a limp shake of hands. He recognised the feeling he had inside but ignored it when he wasn’t willing to let someone like Nate push him into acting like a jealous prat. No, it wasn’t jealousy, he could handle watching Harry laugh with other people without unleashing his obnoxious side. He wasn’t pathetic, and he was perfectly fine, he certainly didn’t mind standing on the side like an embarrassing twat with only his beer to keep him company. 

First, an hour, then another painfully went by, and he was ready to either hang himself or commit cold blooded murder if he had to hear another word leave Nate’s mouth. It was a breathy agonising voice that made his soul cringe, and it pummelled his eardrums like a cotton swab being shoved too far. Who was he kidding, it wasn’t the alcohol that kept making his face adapt to new shades of anger, and it wasn’t the bad beer that made him grimace. It was Nate’s ability to talk over his words along with changing the subject every time he tried butting in, and the way Harry was too idiotic to notice. He was furious, the ugly scratch of jealousy was testing his patience, and it snapped when he heard Nate selling Harry a trip to _Paris._

‘’-it made me think of you, didn’t you always talk about wanting to go? It’s such a beautiful city, and after Andy had dumped me, I thought I’d give you the extra ticket as a Christmas present. What do you say?’’

The fake vulnerability made him physically gag, and he couldn’t believe anyone would buy the utter bullshit Nate preached, but when Harry chuckled, he almost fell off his chair. It was too late to stop what was about to happen when he realised words tumbled from his mouth in a similar sickly tone, and an evil glint flared. 

‘’Oh didn’t you hear, Harold has already checked out France, and _oh no_ , it _wasn’t_ with _you_. What a _shame_.-‘’ he cocked his head to face Harry and smiled politely, but turned away before received a reply. ‘’-Actually, _I_ brought him there this summer and _oh gosh_ , what a _wonderful_ trip, simply the _loveliest_. So many _unforgettable_ memories were made that weekend, _passionately_ danced through the night, _kissed_ under the starry sky on top of the Eiffel tower, and even shared a _deep connection_ in our room that completely changed my life.’’ 

He innocently blinked at Nate as he shifted where Harry couldn’t see his face and made sure his mouth stretched as slowly as he managed to portray the perfect _Cheshire cat_ grin. His act was stupid, so stupid and if he’d bothered to care he probably would’ve withered in humiliation from his behaviour. Instead, he arched a brow in satisfaction when the smug expression on Nate’s face turned into an angry scowl.

‘’I- well, that’s- Lou, a quick word?’’

A loud cough left Harry and his poorly attempt at camouflaging his words made both Louis and Nate snort unimpressed. He twirled around with the sweetest smile he could muster and allowed Harry to pull him away. 

‘’Funny version of our trip you remember, I can’t say it sounds entirely accurate though.’’

‘’Really, it’s _exactly_ how it happened.’’

‘’What’s going on?’’

‘’What’s going on? Why don’t you ask that slick _mother fuck_ -‘’

‘’Louis!’’

‘’He’s a fucking dick, and if you'd noticed, which you haven’t because then we wouldn’t have reached this situation, he’s been pushing me out all night! I haven’t been able to complete a whole sentence before I unleashed that.’’

A flicker of confusion swept Harry’s eyes as they scrunched, and from the way he looked back and forth without commenting, it was evident he hadn’t noticed at all. Which wasn’t surprising when he'd observed how his attention had been glued to Nate from the moment they’d met.

‘’I’m sorry, I thought you two would get along. Give it another try will you, I’m sure he’s just unsure what to say to you.’’

He snorted so hard his whole face vibrated, but he sighed in defeat when Harry shot him a begging look, and he rolled his eyes.

‘’Fine, but you’re buying my shots.’’

As they returned to Nate’s ugly face, he couldn’t help himself and threw a casual arm over Harry’s shoulder and smiled fondly.

‘’I’m glad you agree it was your _favourite_ vacation too, Harold, just say wherever you want to go next, and I’ll take you there.’’

He received a pointed look from Harry, and he bowed in surrender, throwing both his arms up as he sent a final wink as a promise he was done. With a flick of his fingers, he gestured for a shot towards the bartender and managed to steer it up to his lips when Nate’s sour voice penetrated his ears once more.

‘’Well if you ever want to experience France like actual adults I’m more than happy to take you, Harry, it’s the city of love after all, and we, who share the same passion for it should enjoy it.’’

The shot went down his throat as his eyes darkened and he didn’t break the intense stare he shared with Nate when he registered the challenge. A quiet growl pressed at the back of his teeth, and it was his turn to lose the smugness when he realised he was dealing with someone in his league of being childish.

‘’Thank you for the offer Nate, I’ll keep it in mind.’’

Even though Harry hadn’t declined, it was still a small victory when he hadn’t accepted either, and he wiggled a brow to point out Nate had lost the round. It took him another hour with alcohol and being left out, to reach the state of mind where things blurred at the edges and for his thoughts to fade. Somewhere something must’ve still worked inside, though, when he declined the offer for more, and he went out to smoke. The frosty air chilled him to the bone, but it also freshened him up a bit, enough to realise the earth was unsteady and he really should stick to water. The call of his bladder sent him towards the toilets when he went back inside, but before he reached it, a short girl with a pixie hairdo stepped in his way.

‘’Would you look at that, isn’t it Tomlinson.’’

He glanced up and squinted at her face, not really sure why when he had a zero chance at recognising her, and sent her a dull expression.

‘’The one and only.’’

‘’Haven’t seen you much around the past couple of months and it’s a shame really, you always brought life to a party.’’

She stepped a little closer as her eyes roamed over his body with a sensual bite at her lip and her hand landed on his shoulder. Her closeness felt intruding, and he leant back as she leant in.

‘’Yeah well, not interested.’’

‘’Come on, dance with me.’’

It was the last thing he wanted, and he didn’t move when she tried tugging him along.

‘’No thanks.’’

‘’I’ll make it worth your time.’’

Her body swayed closer again, too close and he could feel how her chest pressed against his as the hungry look in her eyes spoke volumes of what she had in mind. It was easy signals to read, signals he’d chased once but the sight of them made him unwell, and he pushed her away. 

‘’Find someone else.’’

‘’What? Am I not good enough for you?’’

Her voice came out rude, but underneath it, a trace of bafflement could be heard, and he sighed tiredly. All he’d really wanted was to take a piss and then quietly go home when he was fed up with Harry’s lack of reading body language. If he couldn’t see how he and Nate spat insults at each other, then it was a waste of time enduring the wanker.

‘’Trust me, you’re lucky to get away from me.’'

‘’Since when did you start to turn down a free invitation?’’

Already being drunk and irritated, it didn’t take much to make him snap when she kept pushing his buttons and not taking a no for an answer. Politeness fled through the window when she, for a third time, tried sneaking her arms around his neck without permission. 

‘’Since I stopped being desperate and honey, you don’t have what I’m looking for.’’

It was harsh, but he didn’t care, and he sighed a second time when her face flared in anger. In his mind, she was capable of handling his blatant rejection when she was drunk enough to throw herself at him within a few seconds. 

‘’Excuse me? You'd be lucky to have someone like me show you interest.’’

‘’Unlikely, since you’re missing what I’m interested in tonight.’’

It left automatically but he didn’t blink from what he’d said, and as soon as his drunken brain managed to find the meaning behind the words, he realised it didn’t sound like a lie. Not entirely. For a fleet moment the cotton fogging his head cleared and he thought about it, how it would be to explore a place he hadn’t gone before. To see where it would take him, and how it would affect him when the clench in his stomach from a mere thought hadn't felt uncomfortable. 

‘’Hello? Did you just insult me, what, I don’t have big enough tits for you or something?’’

Apparently, he was the only one who’d figured the meaning when the girl looked completely outraged. She even glanced down at herself in confusion, and he sighed for a third time while rubbing his forehead. Taking the easiest get away card seemed to be his only option left, and he cocked his hip to strengthen his next sentence.

‘’No, you don’t have it at all, or perhaps you do, but I’m not checking between your legs to find out if you’re fucking stiff or not. Now get out of my way.’’

‘’Don’t have what, like a full bush or something, is that what you're into?’’

He blinked in perplexity, unable to understand how little brain cells she had working or how she was still conscious if she’d chugged half the bar. 

‘’Oh for fuck sake, do I have to search up a picture for you? Or will you get the point if I whip out my own? A dick you dimwit, the one thing you’re practically begging me to shove up your hairless drive-through. Am I clear enough or do you want me to spell out every definition for you? Sod off and bother some other bastard.’’

A flush of blood pooled in his cheeks from the shock he saw dawning over her features and how her mouth bobbed confusedly. He’d never been good at keeping his temper at bay, but when she scrambled away like she’d been stabbed, he didn’t mind the lack of self-control. From the nearest table, who’d probably overheard his little outrage, a few eyes lingered his way, but he ignored them as he was finally able to reach the toilets. He didn’t care what people thought or what new rumours would follow his name, but when he closed the door behind his back, a chilly shiver slid down his spine. What he hadn’t considered was the fact Harry was still at the pub and could’ve witnessed the scene too, maybe overheard the speech as well, and his face flamed deeper. 

The beat of his heart felt heavier at the possibility, and he flicked the tap to splash some water at his neck in an attempt to cool down. He hadn’t directly lied, but he hadn’t exactly meant he was interested in any dick his eyes could land on, and he certainly didn't fancy the idea explaining himself. It probably didn’t matter, he was overreacting when the little attention he’d received during the night made him doubt the one thing Harry had focused on was him going to the toilets. His own reaction, on the other hand, did matter when it was stating what he didn’t want to fully admit and he found it harder to ignore. What he felt towards Harry wasn’t normal, or in other words, it didn't seem like strictly sexual attraction from a glitch. If it were as simple, he wouldn’t have behaved like such a jealous shit and felt threatened by Nate’s presence. He had no other explanation when he hadn’t acted in a similar way before, and he'd wanted Harry’s full attention, perhaps even craved it.

But he didn’t crave it enough to stay after the night he’d experienced, and once he stepped out from the toilet while flipping off a few guys who’d yelled at him through the door, his feet brought him towards the exit. His head throbbed, and his body ached with tiredness, but before he left he craned his neck for a final glance. It caused him to frown when his gaze landed on the spot where he’d left Harry, and found it empty. Frustration quickly turned into confusion, and his eyes searched through the faces to find a sign of his friend. When he still couldn’t spot him anywhere, his confusion evolved to concern, and concern into worry when he knew Harry wouldn’t have left without notice. He fished out his phone in a hurry and squinted at the screen when a new text had arrived, barely readable, ten minutes earlier.

_Wher go, youo ner backl??? Nait tawe meto his, feel weirid._

He frowned as he re-read the text several times in an attempt at understanding, and he gained a sick feeling in his stomach at the sound of Harry’s state. He’d never been the wasted type, he couldn’t remember witnessing him wasted, but the text indicated he was anything but sober. A quiet curse fled when Harry didn’t answer his call as he rushed out of the pub while he redialled, and inspected every direction to find any traces. Perhaps he was meant to be a hero of the night when a faint sound of Harry’s ringtone reached his attention, and he whipped around to find a long line in front of a taxi sign. Hurriedly he made his way over, and the alcohol in his system sent his rage seething when he noticed the sight of Nate opening a taxi door with a hammered Harry under his other arm. Several alarms went off at Harry’s barely conscious state of mind, and he called out to gain their attention before Nate managed to finish what he’d started. 

‘’Hey! Wait!’’

Nate steadied the weight as he turned his head, and Louis caught a glimpse of Harry’s silly face where his eyes were closed, but his mouth held a dopey smile. One of his arms kept flailing when Nate tried to push him inside the taxi, and it sent Louis’ feet flying across the pavement. He moved with ninja skills as he launched himself between them and the open door while he reached to steady Harry by the waist. Too angry to bother he gripped harder, enough to leave blue fingerprints but it was the least of his concern. Something was wrong as his eyes forcefully wandered over to the glaring face of Nate, and he barely contained himself from throwing a punch. 

‘’What the hell do you think you’re doing?’’

‘’I’m bringing him back to the hotel with me.’’

A small gruff left Nate as he arched a brow while the glare shifted between anger and confusion, giving enough evidence Harry wasn’t the only affected one, but Nate wasn’t as strongly. It strengthened his worry, Harry knew his limit, and if he hadn’t drunk himself half to death while Louis had known him, he certainly wouldn’t do it on awful beer for some shithead like Nate.

‘’The fuck you are, he’s not going anywhere with you.-’’

_‘’Take the bloody car or we will!’’_  
_‘’Yeah I’m not freezing my arse off to watch some drunken love triangle!’’_

He ignored the shouts from their audience in the line, and he puffed his chin out, not afraid to indulge in a fight when he was confident he could easily win. Nate only rolled his eyes as he tried pushing past, but met a wall, and he growled along with the rest of the people behind them. 

‘’-Are you deaf? Get the fuck off him.’’

A loud scoff was heard, and the angry expression returned on Nate as he tightened his grip on Harry’s shoulder, playing human tug war with Louis.

‘’Look, princess, I would’ve loved to suggest a nice little get together where we all could’ve enjoyed ourselves but you couldn’t be further from my taste, and you’re just. _So. Fucking. Annoying._ God every time I hear you speak my insides die. So, scramble before you really piss me off.’’

Murder spread across his face as he stared at Nate, and he wished his stare had been acid so it would’ve etched him away for good. Keeping himself from barking out sentences filled with nothing but insults, he gritted his teeth so hard he could practically hear them shatter. He was close, so fucking close from exploding, and he wouldn’t stop before someone stupid dragged him away. The roar of frustration from the line grew along with their agitated comments, and he took a moment to reconsider. Causing a fighting scene was perhaps the worst case scenario when he would lose Harry in the crowd, and unable to help him home. He bit his lip forcefully as he swallowed his stubbornness along with his pride, and instead took advantage of being a drama major. A grim smile tugged at his mouth as he reluctantly let go of Harry’s side, and took a small step to the side. 

‘’You know what, your right, of course, your right. It really is Harry’s choice, and if he wants to go home with you, I have nothing to say about that. Naturally, I was just concerned about my friend and wanted to see how he was doing. Can’t really blame me for that eh? My apology and please, let me help you get him into the car without him bashing his head in because he kind of looks like he wants to kiss the street.’’

His smile never faltered, and he’d never been happier about studying drama when he was able to pull off complete utter bullshit so convincing. He moved further so the door opening wasn’t blocked anymore and he blinked innocently at Nate as he gestured for him to go on. Nate seemed doubtful at first, but the alcohol screwed him over when he smirked back and lifted Harry’s arm off his shoulders to steer him into the taxi. 

They managed to place Harry’s upper body across the seats, and Nate was about to bend down and lift his legs when Louis seized the opportunity to act. Strength filled his muscles as he shoved a knee right into Nate’s crotch, and a satisfying cry filled the air. With a final forceful push, Nate fell to the ground, right as Louis hurried along to pull Harry’s legs inside and jumped in after. He shouted for the driver to go and slammed the door shut when the car started to move. The sight of Nick crawled in on himself like a little foetus in agony was the last thing his eyes saw before he turned back to Harry.

‘’Bloody hell Harry, what were you thinking! How much did you drink tonight?’’

Only a hum of satisfaction and a slow pat on his knee answered him back, and he sighed loudly, shaking his head as he crossed his arms in frustration. Just the thought of Harry, intoxicated and out of it, going home with that loser made his heart sink and his blood freeze. No one was allowed to take advantage of him that way, and he was beyond relieved Harry had been capable of sending him that text in the first place.  
A miracle, really.

If getting into the taxi had been difficult, getting out was even worse. Harry was tall with long limbs going everywhere, and when he didn’t help using them, he weighted like a fucking horse. The driver didn’t bother to help much where he watched as Louis struggled, puffed and wheezed as if he was digging his way to China. Thankfully the cold breeze seemed to pull Harry a little back to reality, and he was able to somewhat stand on his own. His weight was mostly leant against Louis' side with arms locked around his shoulders, and he praised himself lucky Harry wasn’t normally the drunken type. It was a workout getting him home, and he didn’t fancy going through it too many times. 

‘’Mmm, so warm. So. Warm.’’

Another hum of satisfaction left Harry as he breathed deeply trough his nose and leant his head on top of his, nuzzling them even closer. Warm it was indeed, and he started to sweat from the effort of pulling Harry closer to the door, staggering side to side to keep them from falling over. Feeling fatigue creeping up he conjured the last of energy he had to push through the door, and he didn’t slow down until he reached his room where he carefully untangled from Harry. 

‘’Okay there we go, steady now Harold, and we’ll get you safely tucked in bed so I can finally be able to fucking relax.’’

He angled Harry in the right position and with a little push of his fingers, he sent him tipping backwards to hit the soft duvet. It seemed to work fine until a hand clutch the hem of his jacket, and with Harry’s weight falling, it pulled him down as well. So they fell with him on top, and it was a bit harsher than expected when groans left them both.

‘’Jesus Harry, you like being this way, making a complete fool out of yourself?’’

A memory of when the situation had been reversed played, and he softly snorted at the image flicking trough his mind. For once it wasn’t his drunken arse someone else had to look after, and he sent Harry a mental apology for all the times he’d been forced to be the responsible one. Because he didn’t like the role, at all.

‘’Cuddle. Mm, yes hug.’’

Harry’s eyes flickered opened and since he was so close, he could see the blown pupils in detail, how they covered most of the green shade, and unless Harry had smoked himself high, it was obvious he had something other than alcohol his system. He cursed loudly at the realisation when he’d been by Harry’s side the entire night, except for a little window, but it hadn’t been enough time for Harry to leave, get high, and return. 

‘’That bloody shite, he’s fucking dead.’’

Anger filled his pores as he strongly contemplated leaving to search up Nate and beat him to a bloody pulp he’d desired to do earlier. He should’ve known sooner from Harry’s out of character behaviour, and the thought of Nate spiking his drink to take advantage made him boil. His limbs refilled with energy, and he tried to straighten up from their tangled position, but Harry’s arms gripped harder and held him in place. 

‘’Noo, you’re soft. Stay.-’’

He automatically calmed when a gentle touch reached his cheek, and he realised the strokes he felt came from Harry’s thumb. Hesitantly he glanced back at Harry’s eyes, and he couldn’t stop the blush from approaching when a happy smile popped out the two dimples he hadn’t seen in a while. 

‘’-I didn’t think I’d find anyone else as attractive, but the more I look at you, the more you look like him.’’

The voice leaving Harry was raspy and slow, the words sluggish in a way it was hard to understand without concentrating, and a frown pinched between his brows. Waves of offence and jealousy washed over at the assumption he looked like Nate, and how Harry preferred his looks. He didn’t want to be compared, and he certainly didn’t want to hear rambles of Nate when the scum didn’t deserve it. 

‘’Gee thanks, mate-’’ he almost growled as he wrestled out of Harry’s grip and fumbled to sit on his knees. ‘’-but say that again, and I’ll shave you bald myself.’’

‘’He didn’t like you, but I liked how he talked about France. I’d let it be the reality, I wish it were.’’

Back came the anger, and he pinched the bridge of his nose to contain the automatic insults he felt like shouting. If Harry wanted to go to France with that prick, then fine by him, it wasn’t his decision to make, but he hated the thought of it. France had been _their_ place, along with Liam and Niall's, and it was the most fun he’d had in years. Even with his breakdown, it had been successful in his book, and he felt almost betrayed how Harry wanted to go back _with Nate._

‘’So fucking go then, what’s stopping you?-‘’ he sighed as he shuffled to climb off the bed. ‘’-just go to sleep Harry, I’ll get you some water.’’

A hand closed around his arm to stop his movements, and before he could prepare, he was yanked back against Harry’s chest and another groan left from the collision.

‘’You took me home, please, let me forget him tonight. Just, get him off my mind.’’

The hand on his arm travelled up to sneak behind his neck, and once it tangled in his hair, he was pulled down where Harry’s mouth parted. His eyes barely managed to boggle before soft lips graced over his, and the light contact caused his chest to tighten while his stomach clenched. He’d kissed Harry before, too many times actually, but the current one felt very different. It was softer, tasted bittersweet from the alcohol and it set his face on fire while the rest of his body hair went bristly. With force he pressed his forehead against Harry’s, finding it harder to lean back than he’d thought, and reluctantly withdrew as he breathed deeply through his nose.

‘’What are y-’’

A shriek fled his throat when Harry used strength he shouldn’t have had, and flipped him on the bed where his back pressed into the mattress. Fingers held his arms in place, and his eyes widened in realisation when Harry leant down and kissed him again.

‘’-Mpf-‘’

His voice muffled between their mouths when he sensed more of Harry’s weight, and he regretted his attempt at wiggling free when it only heightened his nerves. A knee sneaked its way between his thighs, and with little effort, it spread them apart to erase the last space that separated them. Pleasurable shivers fought against his brain over what was the right thing to do, and he yelped overwhelmed when Harry moved his hips. The firm but satisfying rub against his crotch caused his breath to hitch, and the rest of his body froze in panic. It wasn’t how he’d envisioned the night going, it wasn't something he'd envisaged at all with Harry, and his mind raced with a hundred different thoughts of what was happening, and how much he realised it turned him on. If he let it continue, everything would change, and even though it didn't feel terrifying where he assumed Harry wanted to go, he didn’t dare to picture it. 

He didn’t have to when his mind blanked out from how eager lips kissed at the corner of his mouth and over his jaw, leaving touches that burned his skin. Harry's mouth didn’t stop moving until it reached a very sensitive spot right beneath his ear, and when he felt suction, the surprised sound that left was a sound he would forever deny escaped his mouth. His reaction must’ve spurred Harry on when the suction grew stronger, and his back arched as pleasure spread in his chest and raced down to where he felt it the most. It was getting out of hand when he had trouble making sense of anything and who he was when Harry continued towards his collarbones. Seeking fingers slipped under the hem of his shirt as Harry moved one arm, and when they trailed his figure, over his stomach and up to his chest, he spluttered a gasp. If he allowed Harry to reach his Achilles heel between his legs he might as well have stripped naked right there and spread his legs. 

‘’Harry st-stop, this isn’t- isn’t right.-’’ 

It took every bit of willpower and self-control he possessed to force the words out when his body was enjoying the attention too much. His head was undoubtedly filling with permanent cotton, and he highly doubted he would be able to protest if Harry continued circling his hips. At first chance, he hurriedly fumbled backwards and fell off the bed in a panicked mess when Harry lessened his grip. His head throbbed along with his dick, and he pressed a palm against his crotch to hide how affected he was while he rose to his feet to create more distance. 

‘’-This isn’t something we should be doing.’’

‘’Wait-‘’

‘’I’m not your replacement for Nate, Harry! Go to bed.’’

With a final glance over his shoulder, he ducked out of the room with his head low, not trusting himself with the influence running through his veins, and he needed to take a time out. Instead of standing on the street, he explored a part of his flat building he’d never seen before and climbed the stairs to the roof. It had always been there, but he’d never bothered to check it out when it involved physical exercise to reach it. The air was fresh as he entered, bloody cold too, and he hugged his shoulders as he stepped closer to the railing where he could observe the view. It was a bit disappointing when he couldn’t see much besides darkness, and the outline of his neighbour blocks, but he watched anyway. As the smoke he’d lit filled his lungs, he leant down and rubbed the back of his head in tiredness and defeat. If there had been any, any tiny parts of him that still clung to the hope he wasn’t attracted to Harry, it had been destroyed for good. He couldn’t ignore the want and need he’d felt building, and the pressure in his briefs still echoed through his nerves like lightning. 

It had felt good was the thing. Not uncomfortable or awkward like he’d expected if he’d ever ended up in the situation, and he couldn’t find many flaws with it. Or well, not if he removed the part where Harry was drugged and thought he’d been Nate. From his side, at least, he couldn’t find the flaws he wanted or waited for. Perhaps he lied to himself, maybe he hadn’t wanted to find them at all, but he was too knackered to go through the mental battle. What caused him to scoff in annoyance was the slight cut he felt, for being mistaken as someone else, and he shouldn’t have cared when it didn’t matter. But the ugly ache wouldn’t leave his chest, and he inhaled deeper to focus on the burn of the smoke instead. 

He stayed on the roof until his lips turned blue and the sky slowly lightened in the horizon. On barely functional legs he walked back to his flat, back to his room where he found Harry half-dressed and passed out in the middle of the bed. It caused a small smile to attempt stretching his frostbitten mouth, and he grimaced when the movement stung. It was an amusing picture, but it pissed him off at the same time when he had no idea how to behave after what had happened. Or what to say if Harry remembered when he woke. Too irritated to care about explaining it later, he picked up an ugly shirt laying on the floor and ripped it apart, so the buttons flew, and he felt a tad better for taking his frustration out on it. Perhaps it was a bit childish, but he couldn’t have cared less when it was either the shirt or Harry’ groin receiving damage. His own clothing fell off, and he crawled into the bed where he made room for himself by rolling Harry over.

*

‘’nnnnngh- Oh God.’’

The loud groan rumbled through his ears, and his eyes shot open when he connected it belonged to the other person in his bed. For once he didn’t wake up as Harry’s second skin but faced the wall instead, and he let out a quiet sigh of relief. The memories of the night flooded back, and his heart skipped several beats along with the twist of his stomach when he waited in fright for something to happen. He was ready to take a beating if it was Harry’s reaction, anything really as long as it wasn’t the silence he currently laid in. A movement had made the bed dip before he felt a hand touch his shoulder, and he flinched when all kinds of terror rushed through his mind. Perhaps he would be strangled, it was easy or thrown out the window which would at least end it quickly. But nothing came, and he waited what felt like an hour in the painful silence before Harry spoke. 

‘’Lou? Is this real, am I dead or at least dying, because I feel like I’m about to.’’

Well, it wasn’t what he’d prepared himself for.

‘’What?’’ 

He hesitantly turned to see Harry pressing a hand to his grimaced face, looking like he was in pain, and had recently gone through a week-long combat. 

‘’What the hell happened last night, I couldn’t have drunk enough to feel this shitty, and my mind is all bits and pieces wrapped in a hazy blur. Ah, shit-‘’ a hiss left Harry as he clutched his face harder. ‘’-my head has exploded like three times during this very short conversation so yeah, what the fuck?’’

‘’Oh, so you don’t recall leaving the pub?’’

Guilt and relief fought to take place as he believed Harry didn’t remember the worst part, and he hated how he leant towards taking the easy way out. He was supposed to be a friend, a good one but even the thought of how he was expected to share their interaction made him fiddle nervously. 

‘’No, I don’t even remember going to the pub, only how I asked you to join, and what’s left is these fleet flashes of memories. Did you leave at one point, and did we take a taxi?’’

‘’He spiked your drink.’’

That made Harry remove his hand, and his tired, bloodshot eyes blinked open as they found his while brows rose to his hairline.

‘’He- I- he did _what_ , are you taking the piss out of me?’’

‘’He must have, probably when you pulled me to the side at one point and when I think about it, you seemed a bit unfocused after that. I was in the toilet when you sent me a text, which was anything but readable, and I found him trying to shove you into a taxi. Said you wanted to go, but you could barely stand and much less form a sentence, so I kneed him in the bollocks and brought you home.’’

The corner of Harry’s mouth twitched before a smile formed, and a husky chuckle left his lips as his fingers slipped through his hair in disbelief.

‘’Bloody frightening how you think you know people and they betray you like that innit? I know I should be freaking out and be upset, but right now all I can do is laugh because thinking sounds worse than finding a screwdriver and shove it through my temple. But thank you, for having my back. I’d be horrified if I’d woken up with him, he knows I’m not interested.’’

‘’Everyone can be interested with drugs in their system it seems.-’’

He mumbled under his breath and talked more to himself as he looked away, unable to forget the words Harry had spoken during the night, and the longing his voice had carried. Instead, he cleared his throat and nodded slowly as he spoke louder. 

‘’-Yeah, of course, don’t mention it. Brilliant.’’

He fumbled with his fingers and was lost in his thoughts when another screeching sound left Harry, and he startled in his position from the volume.

‘’What the hell happened to my shirt?!’’

The picture of Harry holding up what was left of the ripped shirt with a gutted expression came into view, and he unsurely bit his bottom lip. Harry’s frown lingered before it moved his way, and he quickly looked down at his fingertips again.

‘’Eh, well, you know, you kind of, did it yourself?’’

It came out more like a question, and he mentally cursed for the stutter trailing his voice.

‘’I did?’’

‘’Yeah, you couldn’t figure out how buttons worked when you went to bed so you, well- just tore at it until it came off.’’

Harry’s frown deepened as he looked back at the piece of clothing, pouting his lip and looking so sad Louis sighed. The shirt was awful, rubbish in his opinion and the longer he stared at it, the less could he understand what Harry liked about it. It was black sure, but also covered in pink flamingos, actual pink flamingos, and it was dreadful. He didn’t feel guilty about ruining the piece of clothing, he really wasn’t, but he felt a tiny bit sorry for creating the expression on Harry’s face.

‘’But shit, this was one of my favourites. Did I really wear this last night, I thought I would’ve chosen a more casual one for a pub.’’

It did scream Harry though, and when he continued staring at the ripped pieces, his eyes popped in realisation. He should’ve noticed it when Harry would’ve stood out like a sore thumb in a pub wearing something so eye-catching, and he laughed nervously. It increased when he caught the sight of another shirt thrown beside the drawer, a very plain and casual black shirt, and he suddenly felt worse. 

‘’Where did you buy it, I’ll get you a new one since I didn’t help you with it last night..’’

‘’I didn’t buy it, you gave it to me.’’

It took a few seconds before it clicked together, and the day he’d bought a whole urban store came back to mind. How he’d managed to buy that thing in the first place was impressive enough, because he refused to admit he’d taken notice in Harry’s interest for printed silk shirts so early on. A coy feeling welled up, and he wanted to rip the shirt again, just to prove he hadn't liked hearing it had been Harry’s favourite. 

‘’Then I’ll buy it again.’’

He mentally slapped himself for acting the opposite of what he wanted to, and his neck flared up from the light chuckle leaving Harry. They laid in silence for a while, both staring at the ceiling with different thoughts running through their minds but it was somehow peaceful, and he relaxed into it. He had nothing planned for the day, and if it were up to him, he would’ve loved to spend it lazing in bed.

‘’Don’t you want to work with the company?’’

‘’What?’’

Sound reached his ears, but his attention hadn’t picked up the words, and he flicked his gaze from the spot on the ceiling he’d focused on to Harry’s profile. 

‘’After your mother mentioned it, how you didn't deserve to have a place there, I was nosy enough to google your name. Pretty thoroughly actually, and I read a lot about your father as the head of it all. Almost shit myself when I understood just how much the company is worth and how large it is. So yeah, I’m curious about your thoughts on working within it.’’

‘’A bloody stalker is what you are.’’

‘’Hey, it isn’t often I move in with _Richie Rich_ , and after reading all that stuff, I found it very strange how your mother fetched me as your roommate instead of a bulky bodyguard.’’

‘’Because I’m no one. I’m a spoiled brat who hasn’t done anything with his life besides ride on my father’s fortune, so nothing is interesting about me except the money. His law firm exploded to success before I was even born and when he died, my mother took over as the head and is now in control. So no, I don’t want to work for her when I don’t want her in my life. It may have been my father’s dream to run a wealthy company, but it isn’t mine, and how she’s changed the standard gives me more reason to disconnect from it.’’

‘’Changed it?’’

‘’I’ve read about my father too Harry, as surprising as it may sound. It didn’t faze me much early on, but it seemed to be a little honesty and justice in his work when he took on real cases. Now it’s all about choosing the clients who have the most money to offer, regardless of what cases they bring, at least that’s my impression of what I’ve read about it lately. Doesn’t surprise me though.’’

‘’You actually saying you don’t care as much about money anymore?’’

A sheepish grin spread across Harry’s face, and he rolled his eyes to keep his own from blooming. He hadn’t thought about it, not in a while but after what he’d just shared, he realised that no, perhaps he didn’t care _as much_ as he’d used to. Other things had been stuck in his mind, real things, important things, and it had given him more meaning than money ever had.

‘’Well, I still enjoy spending without restrictions, and not having to worry about bills but I guess I don’t feel like dying from the thought of it going away anymore. I won’t like it, probably going to cry and whine excessively, but I’ll find a way to survive.’’

‘’You’re saying it like it’s going to happen.’’

‘’Of course it’s going to happen, haven’t you learned anything about my mother the times you’ve met her?’’

‘’I have, but aren’t you entitled to a part of the company at least? Didn’t your father leave you a share in his testament or something?’’

‘’Yeah, _something_. He personalised his will down to every little detail and regarding me, I’ll receive a tiny percent if the company ever gets sold, and the share you’re talking about will be mine if I follow in his footsteps. Which is where the problem lies when I don’t want to be or are capable of being a lawyer. My mother knows this, she’s always known, and it’s the reason she’s paid me to stay away, too occupied with ruining myself. She never wanted me to be a part of the company and this final scheme of hers is her reassurance I’ll never be.’’

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’I know she brought you here to push me over the edge. I was already messed up, and by placing a guy like you, or the guy she thought you were, to push me further she expected me to explode fast. Regarding either partying myself to the grave or do something insane which would give her the right to lock me away somewhere and cut me off entirely. You may not believe she’s capable of wishing her son dead, but you didn’t grow up with that woman. I’m more surprised she bothered to intervene when I was very well on my way, but I guess it’s her upcoming move that set her in motion. Probably wanted the problem solved before they moved.’’

‘’Do you have any other family besides your uncle?’’

‘’Not really, my grandparents on my father’s side is gone, and the one that’s still alive on my mothers I haven’t seen since Cassy was alive. Don’t want to either, and my mother’s sister is just as bad as her, if not worse so no thanks.-’’ Too late did he realise how he sounded to someone who’d gone through what Harry had, and shame painted his face crimson as he stuttered. ‘’-Fuck I’m sorry, didn’t mean to sound so- shit, fuck, it came out wrong and-‘’

‘’Hey, no worries. I know blood isn’t always thickest and not a promise for a loving family.-’’

Large arms closed around his frame, and he blinked confusedly as Harry tugged him into a warm embrace. He didn’t resist the safety web he felt closing around his body, and he let the back of his head rest limply against Harry’s collarbones while a quiet sigh left.

‘’-And if it’s any reconciliation, I don’t think you’re nothing, rather extraordinary and there’s so much more to you than people see. You’ve been through layers of rubbish, yet here you are, stronger than your mother could ever be, and I’m grateful I had the chance to see it.’’

‘’You’re such a fucking sap, Christ, get off me.’’

He laughed as he playfully shoved Harry off the bed, and he cackled louder when a hand shot back up to clasp around his wrist to pull him down too. Ruining heartfelt moments was his thing when he had no idea how to handle them, and he wasn’t quite on board with being vulnerable.

*

‘’Should we call the lads over for the game, Niall isn’t working tonight is he? I know Liam has the weekend off.’’

‘’I don’t think he is. Perhaps we should dish up some food and make a night out of it, and by we, I mean me.’’

‘’Sure, I just want to watch the match so do whatever you want in the kitchen. Head better?’’

He fished out the phone from his back pocket and texted the other lads, not mentioning dinner when it sounded too domestic in his mind. All he needed to have a great time was someone to yell at the telly with and a cold beer in his hand. Correction, he needed someone _other_ than Harry to yell at the telly with when he still was a bit jittery from their intimate moment only he could recall. 

‘’A bit, getting there. I’ll head out to the store, anything specific you want?’’

‘’Beer.’’

‘’Apart from the obvious.’’

‘’More beer.’’

Harry shot him the middle finger as he got dressed and slipped out the door, leaving him to fall back against the couch cushion in slight relief. He was tense, not enough for Harry to pick up on, but he felt the ache from his stiff shoulders. The growth of pinches in his stomach and racing heartbeats whenever they came to close didn’t exactly ease his nerves either, and he needed to relax. While Harry was out, he used the time to take a long shower where he erased some of the built up frustration he’d pushed back from the night before. It was satisfying to scratch the itch but it also steered his focus back on the subject, and once he was done he felt knackered for several reasons. He’d always believed emotions were damaging, and he hadn’t changed his mind completely when his newly developed ones would undoubtedly ruin him in some way or the other.

Steam fled once he opened the bathroom door, and he ruffled a towel through his damp hair as he tipped back to his room to get dressed. A sound that seemed suspiciously like the telly slowed his feet down, and he jumped backwards with a scream when Niall’s face came into view as he looked up. He hurriedly pulled the towel around himself as he glared.

‘’ _What the_ \- how the fuck did you get in?’’

Niall, who sat on the couch with his hands behind his head and his feet propped on the table, blinked innocently as he shrugged.

‘’Walked through the door?’’

‘’And you didn’t bother to knock or ring me first?’’

‘’Yeah, but got no answer.’’

‘’So you just let yourself in?’’

‘’Cheers.’’

‘’The match doesn’t start until eight.’’

‘’I know.’’

‘’So what the fuck are you doing here _three hours_ early?!’’

‘’Boredom.’’

With a scoff, he continued his walk to his room and slammed the door once he was inside. He wasn’t really irritated for Niall showing up, rather grateful, but he hadn’t appreciated being spooked. A dodgy smile welcomed him when he walked back out, and he raised a questionable frown at the way Niall kept watching him. A set of brows wiggled teasingly as he sat down and he narrowed his eyes in irritation when Niall didn’t speak up.

‘’What is your problem?’’

‘’Had fun last night?’’

A stab of ice him right in the chest as Niall wiggled harder, and he quietly gulped the sudden squeal he felt climbing. Something about the way Niall looked at him made him uncomfortable, very uncomfortable, and Niall seemed to know something he shouldn’t.

‘’What are you talking about?’’

‘’Save it, I know something happened. It’s obvious.’’

His face paled further while thoughts raced through his mind, trying to find a justifiable reason as to how Niall could possibly know. They hadn’t talked in a few days, and Harry couldn’t have said anything when he didn’t remember. It didn’t make sense, but the ugly churn in his stomach didn’t lessen. 

‘’Are you _high_ or something?’’

‘’I wish, but come on mate. Share some details, are you just a slag or did you cock up, pretty feisty mark you’ve got there. Oh!-‘’ Niall straightened up as he clasped his hands and a smug smirk grew. ‘’-is she perhaps the one who’s been giving you your _symptoms_? I knew something was up.’’

Dread washed over him as his eyes widened, realisation finally dawning, and he jumped from his seat in a haste to sprint back to the bathroom. With a shaky hand he wiped the mirror clear, and once his eyes saw the distinct mark on his neck, his mouth fell to his knees. Beneath his earlobe was a bright flaring love bite. It stood out like a radiant glow of red, and he winced when he pressed his index at it. 

‘’Fucking hell.’’

He’d been marked like a teenager at the age of twenty-four, and sadly, all he could think was how _Harry_ had been the one to give him his very first one. It hadn’t even crossed his mind to think he’d received one or to check, hadn’t crossed his mind how he’d let Harry leave a mark either, and he wished he’d punched his groin after all.

_‘’So, who is she then?’’_

Niall yelled from the living room, and he took a deep breath as he wandered back, choosing his words carefully to defuse what could possibly be a disaster. 

‘’No one Niall. A random girl jumped me last night at the pub, and I had enough problem stopping her hands from jerking me off in front of everybody to stop her mouth. I forgot about it since Harry was drugged and I had to-‘’

‘’Wait what, Harry was _drugged_? What the hell, is he alright? What happened?’’

His eyes closed in brief relief as Niall chose the right part to focus on, and he smacked on his concerned mask as he sat down. 

‘’Yeah yeah, he’s okay, but I was barely able to stop his _friend_ from taking him back to his hotel room. Proper shithead that one.’’

The front door opened before Niall could say anything, but he flew from the couch with incredible speed and threw himself around Harry with a deep croon.

‘’I heard what happened, what is wrong with you?’’- the act of affection quickly turned hostile as Niall punched Harry on the arm, and a loud yelp filled the room. ‘’-Don’t you know the basic rule of drinking, _never_ leave your beer out of sight you knob head!’’

‘’Ow! I didn’t! I think..’’

‘’Oh really, Louis?’’ Niall yelled over his shoulder as he craned his neck. ‘’-Can you confirm?’’

‘’Uh, well-‘’ he sent Harry a sympathetic smile. ‘’-He might’ve left it unsupervised for a minute or two, to talk to me.’’

‘’See! Idiot-’’ Niall punched Harry’s arm one more time, a bit softer when Louis didn’t hear another cry, and then he threw himself back around Harry’s shoulders. ‘’-I’m glad nothing bad happened, buddy.’’

‘’Yeah, thanks, Ni. Or Louis is the one to thank though, he was the saviour of the night.’’

‘’Impressive really, how he managed to say no and leave a girl practically shagging him on the floor to save your stupid arse.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed that raw wound-‘’

‘’Yeah no need for thanks really, all is well and-‘’ he followed Niall’s earlier reaction and shot from his seat as he clapped his hands a bit too enthusiastically. ‘’-Anyone up for a round of FIFA?’’ 

‘’Hell yes.’’

Niall tripped back and dropped into the couch as Louis unintentionally fiddled with the collar of his jumper in a motion to camouflage the mark. When he realised what he was doing, he fled back to his room and went through his wardrobe, making a complete mess as he searched for the one polo neck he knew was in there somewhere. 

‘’A little too late for that mate.’’

An unimpressed snort left Niall once he returned but he ignored it with a middle finger as he switched the game on, and used the length of his hair to cover up what the jumper didn’t. Eventually Liam showed up, also a bit early, and as Niall repeatedly commented on Harry’s stupidity, the more Louis grew protective and counterattacked Niall. It came automatically, he didn’t pick up on his behaviour before Niall scoffed and flicked off the game to Liam’s devastation. 

‘’Oi! The fuck you did that for, I was finally about to crush Louis.’’

‘’I need more beer to handle this possessive sass attack from our boy so, care to join me as I pick up some? Need more for the match anyway.’’

‘’Fine, I could use a bit of fresh air.’’

Once they left, the silence he'd tried to avoid all day sneaked back, and he stared at the black screen of the telly as he didn’t know what to talk about. Harry was sitting in the chair furthest away and fumbled with his phone before he too seemed to realise the silence. 

‘’Well, I should start on the food.’’

‘’Great, I’ll go have a smoke.’’

Both hurried out of their seats and walked separate ways, barely glancing in each other’s direction, and he gnawed on his bottom lip in unease. Things were too awkward, and he wasn’t sure whether it was entirely his fault or not when Harry seemed just as uncomfortable. Unless Harry remembered some details, it didn’t make much sense why he should be jittery, and it caused his panic to rise back up. It couldn’t be, he would’ve known, or Harry would’ve said something. As he reached the final door to the roof, his feet froze when voices reached his attentions as soon as he pushed it open. 

_‘’-you noticed? He’s been acting strange, you think something is up?’’_

He recognised the voice of Niall, and he frowned as he pulled the door closer, leaving only a tiny glitch to let the sounds spill through. When Liam’s hum was heard next, he frowned harder, not understanding why they were on the roof instead of the store.

_‘’Not really, to be honest, isn’t he always a little glum?’’_

_‘’Yeah, but didn’t you hear him earlier, I was starting to worry he would actually kick me out of the flat. He sounded rather pissed, and Harry has been uncharacteristically quiet lately.’’_

The door squeaked from a gush of wind, and he automatically pulled it shut as quietly as he could muster while his eyes widened. He rounded the corner and peeked out, waiting to see if they’d heard, and he waited a few minutes before he took it as a sign they hadn’t. Unable to drench his curiosity he tipped back and peered the door open once more. 

_‘’-he told you?! When Liam, when?’’_

_‘’At their latest party, but you can’t say anything. I promised I would keep it a secret, and I think it was difficult for him to admit it to me.’’_

_‘’Is that why he seemed so upset?’’_

_‘’I think so, and it’s understandable, it’s tough to be around someone you like and know he doesn’t feel the same. I believe he’s always known, but I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings by confirming it.’’_

Anger filled his body, and he cursed quietly, hating the fact he’d read the situation right the night of their party. He’d had a reason to feel angry with Liam after all, and he understood Harry’s recent behaviour better. 

_‘’-don’t think it’s time to tell them then?’’_

_‘’Perhaps we should wait.’’_

_‘’Fine, but I think you’re anxious for nothing. Let’s just buy that fucking beer and get back before they start nagging about what’s taking so bloody long.’’_

_‘’Hey-‘’_

He was about to sprint away when he heard something very familiar, and to his better judgement, he created a bigger glitch to peek through. What met his sight sent his jaw falling, and a hint of horror flashed through his eyes. For the first time, he wished he’d been born blind.

*

With terror written across his face, he shuffled into the flat where he found the barstool by the kitchen counter and slid quietly into the seat. He stayed silent and unmoving as Harry realised his presence, and turned away from the stove with a raised brow. 

‘’You okay?’’

He didn’t meet Harry’s gaze but blinked rapidly as his mouth slowly opened and closed several rounds before he found his voice.

‘’I- they- I just- Saw hell.’’

A concerned frown formed on Harry’s face as he abandoned the stove and walked a bit closer with confusion in his words.

‘’You saw what?’’

‘’Hell, I saw hell. Absolute hell. Oh my god, I need to claw my eyes out, I can’t look at them the same again. No wait, the image is etched in my mind, I need a lobotomy rig-.''

‘’What’s going on?’’

When Harry’s hand closed around his shoulder, it seemed to bring him back a little, and his whole face turned into an expression of disturbance where he scrunched his nose. 

‘’What’s going on? Oh, I’ll tell you what’s going on! Our so-called pals, who were supposed to fetch beer I remind you, figured it would be much more appropriate to _assault_ each other on _my_ roof in _my_ block of flats!’’

‘’What, are they ok?’’

That drew a dry bark as he threw his hands up and gestured vividly before he rose to his feet.

‘’Oh don’t worry, they are more than fine, they’re bloody brilliant I bet!’’

‘’Lou, will you just tell me what you saw?’’

‘’They _snogged!_ Like, together with Liam all over Niall and-‘’ a deep shudder ran down his spine, strong enough to send his whole body flinching. ‘’-and they were all touchy, hands going places I never wanted to see their hands going. Seriously just- Why the fuck are you smiling, shouldn’t this upset you?’’

He stopped rambling when a genuine grin spread through every corner of Harry’s face, turning him into a living dimple, and eyes filled with fondness. It wasn’t the reaction he’d expected, especially not after hearing what Liam had said on the roof, and he felt like a nutter. 

‘’What, why would it upset me? This is great news!’’

‘’Uh-‘’ lacking a reason to explain the part where’d he’d shared too much, he focused on Harry’s happy reaction. ‘’-Great news? Why would it be great to see them molesting each other, sharing saliva and whatnot? What happens if it doesn’t work out, then our little group seize to exist.’’

‘’Give them some credit, I think it’s wonderful.’’

Harry was still grinning like an idiot, forming actual heart eyes as his chin rested on his knuckles, and he looked almost as gross as Niall and Liam had. Perhaps he was in shock or denial, he couldn’t tell.

‘’You do realise I just said _Liam_ and Niall?’’

‘’Yes, and he's been wanting this for a long time, I'm glad he let Niall know.’’

Harry twirled, seriously twirled like a ballerina as he hugged himself with the dorky smile, and Louis’ mind malfunctioned yet again. Harry’s behaviour didn’t make sense at all unless he’d already moved on, but it seemed suspiciously fast.

‘’Hold on, Liam seriously told _you_ he like, _fancies_ Niall? Why am I always the last one to hear things in this fucking group?’’

A small blush coated Harry’s cheeks as he stopped spinning, and stood in front of Louis’ frowning face.

‘’We talked about it when he admitted he's been interested in both men and women for a while, and confessed he was attracted to Niall. It’s lovely really, but I’m disappointed in my gaydar because I didn’t pick it up-.''

‘’Harry!’’

‘’Right right, he was afraid to make a move though, when he didn’t want their friendship to fall out if it was one sided but I guess he found his bravery after all.’’

More confusion settled over Louis’ face, not understanding what was going on.

‘’But if you knew, then- how- why did you try to hit on Li-‘’ Arms gripped his as Harry twirled them both while a hum of delight filled the room and cut off his sentence.

‘’This is brilliant, I know Niall never would’ve kissed Liam or agreed to casual if he didn’t feel anything back.’’

‘’Excuse me, have you forgotten how he kissed _me_ once, and he's not buying me flowers and chocolate.’’ 

He stubbornly stepped away from the ridiculous celebration Harry was doing and crossed his arms as he pointed his nose towards the ceiling.

‘’Well, I remember you kissed him first, and come on, he knew you weren’t serious. I think we all would’ve noticed if you started finding him attractive.’’

The smile on Harry’s face never lessened as small chuckles escaped between his words, and it made Louis’ frown deeper.

‘’What’s that supposed to mean?’’

‘’Oh I didn’t mean it in a bad way, but none of us has seen you smitten by anyone, so if you’d suddenly focused on one alone I think we would’ve noticed. That’s all.’’

The smile on Harry stirred something in him, and to his disbelief, he realised it was disappointment. He’d changed drastically over the year, but apparently, none of his closest friends had picked up on the biggest detail where he’d stopped bringing different women home every time he went out. But perhaps it wasn’t as shocking as he’d thought when he hadn’t bothered to care much about it himself. 

‘’Yeah, I guess so-‘’ he walked out of the kitchen as he mumbled quietly under his breath. ‘’-It seems your gaydar is broken.’’

He hadn’t tried to slow down, but at one point, shagging through London stopped being as exciting as he’d once found it, and the craving he’d usually felt had simmered. Enough it had steered him away from the worst parties and brought him going home alone to the company he preferred to be with. It was ridiculous really, how far he was sucked into his admiration for Harry, or perhaps it wasn’t too farfetched to stretch it closer to infatuation in the end. It was terrifying how much he could see it then.

A short time later Niall and Liam returned with two sets of six-packs, and the slightly gloomy atmosphere changed back to a bubbly setting. He realised just too late he hadn’t told Harry to keep the news to himself, and before he had a chance, Harry squealed loudly as he threw himself around the others. 

‘’I just heard, so happy for you guys!’’

‘’Heard what?’’

‘’You just became my favourite couple.’’

Two blushing faces bloomed in his vision from the couch, and he rolled his eyes at Niall and Liam’s poor attempt at keeping a poker face. Harry was just as bad as he looked like a blob of bleeding affection while he purred happily between them. 

‘’How- What- how did you know?’’

A strangled noise of glee left Harry as he clung to Niall’s side when Liam detangled himself and looked worriedly at everyone’s faces. 

‘’Guilty.-‘’ he raised his hand and waved it from the couch. ‘’-but please, never let me walk in on you two shagging when I I'm not able to ever erase it from my fragile mind.’’

If their faces had been red before it was nothing compared to how steam practically erupted from Liam’s ears while his eyes boggled. 

‘’See, told you they wouldn’t fucking mind you wimp.’’ Niall, on the other hand, snorted in Harry’s grip as he threw Liam a pointed look.

‘’but- did you- but- you were on the roof?’’

‘’Well obviously Lima, I was going to smoke, but the sight of you two snogging kind of put an end to that idea, and sent me shuddering away in horror.-‘’ he fully turned to lean against the cushion with a raised brow. ‘’-but what the fuck, though? Giving a brother a heads up is the least you could’ve done, and you Niall-‘’ he moved his gaze. ‘’-when the fuck did you abandon the straight line?’’

‘’I never said I was on it in the first place, not on any line in fact, and after sharing some love with you I figured it was obvious. I don’t care for labels, I just like people.’’

The gross fondness dripping from Niall’s eyes when he looked back at Liam, made him smile in defeat and he threw his hands up as he sighed in surrender. He’d planned on tormenting them, but from how depressingly adorable he found them he couldn’t locate the spirit to do it. He blamed the sappy embarrassment he’d turned into on Harry along with everything else he couldn’t explain. 

‘’Fine, I don’t have anything else to comment, just keep the PDA healthy for everyone’s sake.’’

His eyes rolled amusingly when Liam’s eyes shone with gratitude. Even Niall seemed a bit relieved as he finally untangled from Harry, and strolled over to ruffle his hair. Then something changed in Niall’s eyes, and less than a second later, he found himself crushed into a tight embrace as he bent over the couch.

‘’Niall, piss off!’’

‘’Nope, you deserve a prize for being genuinely truthful for once.’’

‘’This is all your fault Harold, I’d been completely alright with mocking them if you hadn’t started all that feeling shit and-‘’ he puffed as he struggled to get out of Niall’s hold and he used his feet to push away while he clawed at the floor. ‘’-look what it brought me! Fucking _get off_ Niall! I’m not missing the match for your nonsense.’’

He tumbled to the floor with a crash when Niall let go, and he groaned in slight pain as the force had been harder than expected. A small wink was sent his way as Niall stepped back, and he regretted giving them his half-arsed blessing. 

‘’Oi look, Liam, there’s food! Want any help Haz?’’

As he scrambled up, he saw how Liam helped Harry back to his feet from the euphoric condition he’d been in on the floor. With a few smacks on each cheek and a second round of squeals, Harry eventually managed to return to Earth, and continue the meal with Niall. As much as he didn’t want to, he couldn’t keep the small smile from forming on his mouth as he observed his friends messing around in the kitchen. He liked the picture, and he wanted it to stay.

*

Suddenly Christmas wasn’t far away and as they rounded the second weekend of November, anticipation and nervousness tore at his endings. After his class, he would go home, pack his bags, then catch the afternoon train from London to Doncaster, and the only detail that kept him from having a seizure was Harry. Knowing he had someone by his side allowed his lungs to expand with oxygen and kept the rest of his organs from shutting down. The year was almost over, and it lured at the back of his mind, but before he could stress about what would happen, he had a weekend to overcome. He’d looked forward to it, ever since they’d found the time where it suited everyone, but as it rounded the corner, he also dreaded it. He didn’t know what to expect or how to prepare when his last meeting with his uncle had been years ago and hadn’t ended well. The image he had of his uncle wouldn’t be the reality he would face, they’d both been younger, and his uncle was living a new and unfamiliar life. A smile forced through his nerves and bloomed nevertheless as he pictured his face when they would meet. He was certain it would be a positive reunion, and he did feel excited about it, it was just everything else that made him piss himself. 

Before he knew, he was seated on the train next to Harry, watching how the trees blurred together as they rushed past. It was almost a bit soothing, staring at something he couldn’t clearly see, and he sighed quietly as he leant back in his seat. It helped camouflage the worst of his agitation but he kept fumbling unknowingly with the headphones resting in his lap, and he couldn’t quite decide if he was calm or not. Different scenarios visualised in his head while he waited, how he would feel after so long and what they would say to each other. Perhaps they would hug, maybe awkwardly shake hands or settle for a simple hi. There were so many possibilities. 

‘’Are you worried?’’

The fumbling of his fingers stopped when the deep voice of Harry reached his ears, and he automatically let out a breath. He tore his eyes from the outside to see Harry smiling comfortingly back, and it helped to ease his nerves a tad more than the blurred trees. 

‘’Is it that obvious?’’

‘’No, but I know you, and I can only imagine what it must be like, seeing someone after so many years. I would be petrified.’’ 

A small curl tugged his lip, and he felt grateful for the company, the way he reacted to Harry was necessary for getting him there, and he liked how it kept him in place. He needed the strength he drew from Harry’s presence, and he trusted it would bring him smoothly through the weekend. The logical answer was not to be nervous, but it was easier said than done.

‘’Yeah, tell me about it.’’

‘’To be honest, I’m amazed by you, for reaching out to him after so long and taking a chance when you had no idea how he would react. But I’m also touched you wanted me to come along, I really appreciate it.’’

Warmth pooled his cheeks, as it usually did whenever Harry played his sentimental cards, and he cleared his throat as he flicked his gaze back through the window. 

‘’You need to cut me some slack with the emotional sap the coming days, or I’m taking the first train back to London. I have a feeling my uncle will be a tad worse than you so if you help him it will be like smearing butter on fat.’’

A soft chuckle left Harry, and it tickled his ears in a pleasant way.

‘’It’s why I said it now, so don’t worry, I’ll behave.’’

‘’Thanks.’’

‘’Did you ever know about your uncle before you saw the wedding invitation?’’

His brows knitted as he trailed the few droplets flickering forcefully across the window, struggling to stay in place from the harsh wind outside.

‘’I just put the dots together a few weeks ago Harry.-'' he turned back to send a dumb stare, but then frowned. ''-but yeah I guess I can say I feel like I’ve known since the day I found it, just didn't care enough to think about it. It's probably thanks to you I'm even on this train.''

‘’Oh?’’

‘’Don’t you _oh me_ , gloat in your victory. You know I wouldn't have come this far without your persistent kindness, ever since you walked through my door with that ridiculous outfit you forced me to reevaluate my life and decisions. I didn’t like it then, but I’m glad it worked out the way it did.-’’ Fingers curled around his arm, and he startled from the contact when he hadn’t been prepared. His own sentimentality bled through, and his cheeks flared hotter when he caught the fond expression Harry’s face had changed into. ‘’-That’s all you’ll get from me, so shut it and focus on something else.’’

He puffed in irritation but it wasn’t real, and he refused to meet Harry’s gaze when he knew his face betrayed him.

‘’I’ll take it.-’’ the pressure on his arm tightened as Harry squeezed. ‘’-I’m glad you’ll be able to talk to him about everything, must be good for the both of you.’’

‘’Yeah, me too.’’

*

‘’Louis! Oh my god, it’s really you.’’

A rush of feet sprinted his way as he stepped out of the train and a man, who ran too fast for him to see, hurled himself around his frame and smothered him in a crushing hug. It took him off guard as he tumbled backwards from the force, but as soon as he recognised the voice his body relaxed, and he hugged back. Sounds of sniffles and sobs reached his ears, and the body in his arms shook violently as the embrace turned so tight he struggled to breathe.

‘’Oi! Recognised me fast there.’’

After what felt like a century his uncle hesitantly leant back but refused to completely let go as he wiped a quick finger underneath his eyes to clear away the tears that streamed.

‘’I could never forget your face, you’ve grown so much and clearly changed, but there’s still that little kid in there. Shit, I’ve missed you, buddy.’’

Redness spread over his face as his uncle clasped his cheeks gently, and then squeezed in another hug that made sure his lungs collapsed.

‘’Yeah yeah.. well it's good to see you too, you haven’t changed much. A lot more wrinkles, but still the same long face.’’

‘’You clearly know how to lift a man’s ego.-’’

They both laughed, his uncle’s a lot more broken in emotion, and it was all it took to make him decide he’d definitely made the right decision. It felt good to see how relieved and thankful his uncle was behaving, and a dash of pleasant memories swirled inside his head. 

‘’-So who is this dashing young man with you?’’

His uncle’s red-rimmed eyes drifted past his head and landed on the shy looking Harry standing behind, who waved a small hand in greeting. It caused him to smile as he gestured for Harry to come closer, and his hand came to rest on his lower back automatically when his uncle eventually took a small step back.

‘’This is Harry, the roommate I mentioned. Harry meet my uncle, Charles. Uncle, meet Harry.’’

‘’It’s lovely to meet you, sir, Louis has told me so much about you lately. And don’t listen to him, to me you look like _his_ nephew.’’

Harry reached out his hand and shook Charles’ firmly, holding back laughter when Louis snorted loudly and shook his head. Charles’ face split in half as he let a heartfelt laughter out, looking very charmed.

‘’Please call me Charles and its lovely to meet you as well Harry. I see what you mean Louis, such a gentleman, we will get along perfectly.’’

The ride back to Charles’ home wasn’t too far, but the whole way he and Harry kept chatting like old friends, leaving Louis watching them amusedly from the backseat. Harry, as the polite and kind person he was, couldn’t shut up with his curiosity about Charles’ life, and Louis almost feared for his health when his uncle had shared details of his wedding. It was obviously too much fluffy details when Harry practically melted into pudding while smiling like a love-struck teenager and his eyes shaped into hearts. Eventually, thankfully before he had to scrape the remains of Harry from the car floor, they stopped in front of a large white house with the typically white picket fence. Another man stood by the port, waving a hand as they stepped out to grab their luggage, and Louis raised a brow at his uncle when he clapped Harry’s shoulder.

‘’I take it you already figured Harry is a sentimental fool, so for the sake of my sanity, do not reinforce this trait of his this weekend. You’ll be more than enough, and if you have him on board, I promise I’ll split the fuck off.’’

‘’Language Louis! How can you not find their story utterly lovely, it sounded so beautiful. Don’t you want that for yourself one day, to find someone you love so deeply you want to spend the rest of your life together? I know I want to, Charles and James just became my inspiration, and proof it’s possible.’’

Harry stepped around the car, and his eyes landed on Louis’, enormous and shiny while filled with determination to find his happy ending. Harry was amazing that way, always so positive and hopeful, it made his chest tighten, and he smiled back as he accepted the warmth trailing his nerves. It didn’t sound so terrifying when Harry had been the one to say it.

‘’One day I guess.’’

‘’And you will, the one who captures your heart and devotion will be a very lucky woman.’’

Harry sent him a gorgeous grin with teeth covering half his face and dimples so deep they could probably swallow him whole. It stole his breath, whisked it away and he stared confusedly yet mesmerised at the purity in Harry’s smile. Beauty laid in his features and for the briefest flare, he allowed a deeply hidden thought to scratch the surface. _What if you've already caught it, Harry, because the more I think about it the less it terrifies me to realise it feels like you might have._

The moment left as Harry kept walking, and from the corner of his eye he caught the stare from his uncle, searching yet knowing, and a rush of blood stormed to his cheeks. He felt on fire from the soft smile, and when his uncle stepped closer, he felt like jumping the car and speed off. He'd allowed something dangerous to enter his mind, and not matter how hard he tried, he couldn't erase it.

‘’Hey, before we go inside I meant to let you know something, but I just wasn’t sure-''

_‘’IIIIIIIH!!’’_

Just as they reached the man standing by the port, who introduced himself as James, a loud squeal came from behind the house and startled them. For a short second he thought maybe someone around had hurt themselves, but then sounds of excitement came closer and shifted into understandable words.

_‘’Dad!’’_

A small figure entered his sight, a tiny girl with bouncy brown waves, tied up with a red bow leapt through the port and threw herself at his uncle’s feet. She squealed as Charles bent down to capture her in a big hug and then lifted her to rest on his hip. A round of giggles filled their ears as she nuzzled her head against his shoulder while Charles tickled her side. It wasn’t until he felt Harry’s fingers around his jaw, physically closing it, he realised he’d been gaping in shock. He blinked rapidly as he looked over at Harry, who’d returned to pudding as he smiled and watched the little girl with awe.

‘’Is that- you- you have a daughter?’’

His words sounded thin, and he stuttered in surprise, his uncle hadn’t mentioned having a child, and the realisation threw him off his knockers a little. The girl seemed to notice the new company, and when she turned her head, she looked directly at him with curiosity.

‘’Who is that man dad?’’

Her features threw him more off when he couldn’t deny he saw a resemblance between her and Harry, with the same soft curls and big peering eyes in the shade of green it was almost impossible not to. It forced his mind to see a sneak peek of the future Harry dreamed of, and he found the picture difficult to erase. It stared in his face, the house, the white picket fence, the happy family with a good life, and he realised just how envious he felt. He’d had a very short taste of it once, and a part of him longed for it to return so he could make it stay. It was strange, he felt weird thinking about it when he’d never considered starting a family for himself, never desired children after the loss of his sister, and he hadn’t believed the fairy tale of finding love was real.  
Apparently, all it took was a five-second glance at his uncle holding his daughter with affection in front of their house to create possibilities in his mind.

‘’Would you like to meet your cousin, Cassandra?’’

The sound of his sister’s name broke his internal trance, and his head snapped towards his uncle so fast it would’ve popped off hadn’t it been attached to his spine. His mouth went dry while his eyes widened, and his heart felt heavy in his chest as he fiddled with his fingers. 

‘’Did you just- you named her after Cassy?’’

His voice was broken, filled with emotions as he let his eyes fall back to the ground where he didn’t have to see the loaded look in his uncle’s gaze. He’d not been prepared for what he was going through, and the knot in his chest clawed up his throat and left as a shaky breath. It took a while to register Harry was still by his side, and the gentle touch of fingers stroking his back in comfort reminded him how grateful he was for his presence. Charles let the girl down, where she took quick steps forward, and suddenly she was standing right in front of him with a kind smile.

‘’Hi, I’m Cassandra.’’

He continued with his dumbstruck stare for another ten long seconds before he realised she had spoken. With a short shake of his head, he regained himself and bent down, kneeling at her height, and let his face transform into a small smile.

‘’Hi love, I’m Louis. Nice meeting you, and what a lovely name you have.’’

Unsure of how to greet her he started reaching his hand out but stopped when he didn’t know what would be more awkward, to firmly shake a child’s hand or attempt to pat her head like a dog. Clearly, she could tell he was struggling as a small giggle left, and she rushed forward to place her tiny arms around his shoulders. Or as much as she could reach and gave him a quick hug that turned him baffled once more. He didn’t have time to attempt hugging back when she released him with another giggle and stepped back.

‘’You’re weird but funny weird, and you smell strange.’’

‘’Hey, that’s _not_ how we greet guests.’’

Charles cleared his throat as a chuckle made its way past Louis' lips as he couldn’t agree with her more, he was acting weird, and sweating on a train for two hours hadn’t left him with the best odour. 

‘’So you are my cousin then little one, watch out, the weirdness runs in the family.’’

He sent her a quick wink and bopped her nose as her whole face lit up with a grin.

_‘’Cassandra help me set the table while your dad shows these young gentlemen to their room. We can give them a tour of the house after.’’_

A new voice drifted into his attention as he watched her run back to James and grabbed his hand with a nod. As they walked back to the house, he found himself copying Harry by staring a bit fondly after her. He stood up when she was out of sight, and he noticed how his uncle had stepped closer as he smiled kindly at them both.

‘’I apologise for not mentioning her on the phone, but I wanted to tell you in person and to be honest, I wasn’t sure how you would react if it were the first detail I shared.’’

‘’Oh?’’

‘’We haven’t spoken in so long, and I wanted to focus on you and your life when you called, and I didn’t want to overwhelm you with everything that’s been going on with me. I didn’t want you to feel pressured to see us, and I thought perhaps knowing you would visit a bigger family than just me and James would’ve made you reconsider. It was selfish of me, I didn’t mean to push you with this news, and I’m sorry if I put you in a tough position.’’

‘’You didn’t, I was just surprised, but you don’t need to apologise. She’s lovely, and I’m very touched you would honour Cassy, thank you.-’’ He had to focus on something else before he really embarrassed himself by bursting into tears, and sob like his uncle was seconds away from doing. ‘’-But seriously uncle, aren’t you like ancient, how can you have a child that young, how old is she by the way?’’

It brought back their smiles while he received a smack on the head from Harry, and he tried glaring, but he ended up pouting while he chuckled. His uncle relaxed, and thankfulness reached his eyes as he grinned warmly.

‘’What are you talking about, ancient? I was your father’s _younger_ brother, not his older and if you think _thirty-nine_ is old, then you have a lot of surprises coming, son. Cassandra she just turned five, a real firecracker.’’

‘’Then I suggest you stop talking like you’re sixty, or people will believe you’re her grandfather. If you think you have a firecracker now, you’ll wish you never invited me here when the weekend is over.’’

He laughed deeper as he picked up his bag and walked towards the entrance, eyes rolling as he heard Harry reassure his uncle he wouldn’t let it go too far. How easily they seemed to reconnect lessened the burn from how they had separated, and the stupid grin wouldn’t leave his face.

*

He quickly learned his uncle and James were more like an older version of himself and Harry, where Charles behaved as the calm and responsible one, while James earned his approval with cheeky comments and a laid back persona. They fit nicely together, and with a pleasant sight of James’ chubbier face bouncing with the same excitement Cassandra had, it didn’t take long for him to feel comfortable in their presence. It didn’t take much longer before his heart brought back the earlier emotions either, and he could see it, how desirable their life was and the part that wanted the same grew a tad stronger. How could it not when he felt more at home than he’d done in the house he grew up in. 

After a late dinner and receiving a goodnight hug from Cassandra, even Harry, who beamed with joy, Charles handed them all a beer as he relocated them to the living-room.

‘’So Louis, how are you doing? You told me on the phone how you’re enrolled at the university and things are looking up?’’

‘’Yeah, the fact that I’m studying at all is rather unbelievable when I gave up on that road a long time ago. Didn’t quite see the point, but then this wanker-‘’ he flicked his thumb in Harry’s direction as a smile grew on his mouth. ‘’- happened and well. Here I am, a drama major of all things.’’

He followed his thumb to look at Harry, who was already smiling back, and the same fuzzy feelings he’d felt for weeks blossomed through his body. He owed a lot, if not everything, to Harry and he couldn’t even figure out where he could begin to thank him. Harry had been there from day one, pushed him further when needed, and he would probably never understand how he’d been able to.

‘’Oh, drama? You didn’t mention it, so I assumed you were talking about law studies, but how exciting! Does that mean you won’t be taking over the firm then? The head of the company is still Katherine I assu-‘’

‘’Oh boring, the standard daft questions can come later, I want to hear something juicy and entertaining. What do two young blokes like yourself do for fun these days and any scandals regarding the dating pool to share? Old souls like us need some imagination.’’ With ease, James cut in to steer the conversation elsewhere.

‘’Let the boy breathe for a moment before you toss him into the fire, you’ll scare him away, and I just got him back.’’ Charles scolded back as he narrowed his eyes.

‘’We have to live through them now, hon, they live the carefree young life we once did and pardon me, but I remember perfectly well how we used to be. I have no doubts these two have some stories to tell when they’re in their best years. I’m curious.’’

Charles tried sending his husband a warning glare, but both Harry and Louis could see the fondness shining through. It made him stifle a chuckle when it was like hearing himself and Harry once they started bickering. His chuckle shifted into a cough when he realised the comparison he’d made and heat centered the back of his neck.

‘’Well I’m going to be a bit disappointing then I’m afraid, my love life was quite the shit-show before and is as dead as you can get it at the moment. Our best friends just blossomed into this gross bubble of affection though, think they cheered when I was benched so they can rub it in my face, but-‘’

‘’they’re lovely, and we couldn’t be happier for them, isn’t that right? They deserve to be-‘’

‘’sickly adorable, yadda yadda I know I know. But if I find out they’ve shagged on the couch, the kitchen table or God forbid in my bed, just because you had to infest my flat with living plants that needs supervision while we’re gone, I’m seriously going to gut them. Even you-‘’

‘’will feel the same because I will be helping you. I do have boundaries of how much I can stand, and I’ll burn my bed if I learn they’ve tried it. I’ll probably burn my sheets anyway, just to feel better.’’

A soft chuckle bounced every part of James as he looked back and forth between them all before he settled on Charles. 

‘’You hear that, our boys even finish each other’s sentences, remember when we used to do that? That was always-‘’

‘’our thing I know, because we still do love.’’ Charles raised his beer to cheer, and he sighed in delight as he entwined his fingers with James’.

They continued to grin at one another as Louis’ face flared up, unsure he should take James’ words as a compliment or not. He dared a weak glance at Harry, who stared lovingly at the couple at the other side of the table and even though it was hard telling what he was thinking, he had the feeling he hadn’t minded the comment.

‘’What about you then Harry, anyone in your life?-’’

Harry looked away shyly from James' question as his cheeks copied the same colour, turning him redder than before and he shuffled in his seat. His reaction didn’t go unnoticed by any of them, and Louis couldn’t help the small ball of frustration in his stomach from forming.

‘’-Don’t try to deny now, who’s the lucky one?’’

‘’It's just someone I admire, but he doesn’t know I exist, or no that isn’t true. He does, but he has no idea how I feel, and I’m fine with it.’’

The voice leaving Harry sounded steady and calm, but Louis didn’t miss the small fall of his face even though he tried shielding it behind a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes. It made the ball tighten further, and a sudden flick of anger rose towards whoever Harry had referred to, especially when his mind betrayed him and brought Liam back to re-consider. But it couldn’t be, not when he remembered Harry's reaction to Niall and Liam's relationship, and he was back to confusion. The anger curled around Harry as well when he gained the assumption he was selling himself short to someone who obviously didn’t deserve his attention.

‘’You’re fine with it? Harry, how can you be fucking fine with it, who’s this tosser who doesn’t realise what he’s missing out on? He needs a bloody wake-up call, and you should grow a pair and tell him. If he doesn’t react positively, then he isn’t worth your time.’’

With gritted teeth, he said what was expected, but the words felt wrong in his mouth, and he regretted them as soon as they left. He didn’t like the idea of Harry spending his free time on someone else, and he mentally cursed for feeling so greedy and selfish about it.

‘’I have to agree with Louis, cheers to that.’’ James raised his beer as he shared a knowing look with his husband, a look Louis would’ve noticed and frowned over if he hadn’t been too agitated by Harry’s confession. 

‘’It doesn’t matter, it will pass, don’t worry about it.’’ Harry smiled half-heartedly before he took a sip of his own beer, and Louis could see he was trying to keep himself calm and unaffected.

‘’Can I ask why, I don’t mean to pry, but it almost sounds like you’ve given up before even trying.’’ It was Charles who’d asked, and when Louis turned his head, he frowned a little when Harry and his uncle shared a certain look, saying something only they understood.

‘’I don’t want to ruin the way things are, and I don’t want to hurt him because I know he’ll blame himself for believing he lead me on. I’ll much rather keep our friendship as it is instead of ruining it.’’

‘’He must be hell of a friend if you don’t dare to risk even a little bumpy ride to actually find out how he would react.-’’ The sound of his words came out a bit harsh, but he couldn’t help it. He was jealous, of someone he didn’t even know and he could feel how the corners of his mouth dropped into a scowl. He was mostly jealous and angry how Harry hadn’t mentioned this person before, and if his admiration wasn’t for Liam, it certainly wasn’t for the piece of shit Nate. ’’-Can’t possibly understand what’s so special about him if you chose to rather suffer over him instead of going for it.’’ 

Harry’s face chose that moment to blossom into something enchanting, with rosy cheeks and a smile so shy he curled in on himself as he bit his bottom lip. The sight tore his chest with betrayal, and for the tiniest moment, he wondered if his audience could see him wrap his heart in a tight box and hand it over with a no-return label plastered on. _Take it and break it_ echoed at the far back of his mind, and when he realised what was going on in his head, his heart fell out of his arse instead.

‘’He's just, enchanting, someone I can’t figure out. An enigma really, so difficult to solve and understand, but it’s impossible not to try when he draws you in with every fibre of his personality. There’s so much beauty hidden inside of him, he has so much to offer, and I hope he’ll realise it himself when he deserves nothing more than to be happy.’'

The room fell silent as Harry seemed to understand he’d rambled on, and he blushed harder as he cleared his throat while his eyes dropped to the floor. Tension filled the silence as Louis looked around with a deep frown, unable to remove his jealousy and too weak to close the cut in his chest.

‘’You should be honest with him Harry, what you’re describing is strong enough it won’t go away by ignoring it. If he doesn’t feel the same, then you’ll know and can start moving on, but as long as you don’t, you’ll always wonder.’’

It was exactly those words, leaving James' mouth that splashed a bucket of ice-water over Louis’ head and he couldn’t push the facts away or change them. What he felt towards Harry had grown more severe than he’d allowed himself to grasp, and he finally stopped his obsession of trying to convince himself it was only sexual attraction. Too much unfamiliarity had settled, and he felt his control slipped when he didn’t fully understand it. Perhaps he was afraid to. 

‘’Well it’s been a long day, and I’m knackered, anyone else ready to call it a night?’’

His uncle chose to be the saviour and broke the tension forming around the table before it turned too awkward. It seemed like all of them breathed out a sigh of relief and quickly nodded in agreement. After a round of quiet good nights, they reached their rooms where he put on pyjama bottoms and dropped right on the bed where crawled under the duvet to shut the evening out. He found their separate beds a blessing at the moment when it would’ve been too much to share when his entire emotional system was all over the place. Close to being seasick was perhaps his best description, and with a few more waves rocking into his body he would certainly end up spilling out a confusing bile.

*

The sound of laughter woke him up, a high-pitched sound that scraped over the walls of their room and clawed at his ears. He flinched and groaned loudly as his eyes clenched, and when he turned around, he noticed he was alone when Harry’s bed was empty. A few rounds of mental battle later he stumbled down the stairs still in his pyjamas, eyes swelled with sleep and a lazy scratch to his tussled hair, which pointed in every direction. It was by instinct he jumped backwards when a wind of a figure whirled past him at an inhuman speed. All his tiny vision could see was a wavy curtain of dark hair, and as his gaze followed, it saw Cassandra running through the living room in a search. Once she found what she was looking for, something _blue_ apparently, she squealed in victory and steered back the way she came from and ran past him once more.

‘’Morning loooooou!’’

She screamed all the way, and he merely raised a brow as he forced his feet to follow where he could see what she was up to. At last he reached what would be her room, he couldn’t remember exactly, but from the pink decorated door, he figured it had to be. He abruptly stopped in the frame while his eyes blinked widely open, and laughter barked from his mouth.

‘’Oi! This would be you if you only had longer hair so shut it!’’

There it was, a priceless vision of Harry sitting Indian style as Cassandra played a professional hairdresser with his long curls. On one side Harry’s hair was braided, several of those in both smaller and larger samples, and pinned with enough glittery pins to make him shine. The other side was decorated with all kinds of hair bobbles in different sizes, and colours of the rainbow sent his hair standing out in great tales. It was the most ridiculous and adorable sight he’d seen, he couldn’t tear his eyes away, and he kept staring with a smile so fondly his jaw prickled from the stretch.

‘’Look! Isn’t Uncle Harry pretty?’’

To his amusement, he wasn’t surprised Cassandra had adopted Harry as her uncle when everyone seemed to worship the ground where he walked. Sometimes he envied the trait and other times he kind of hated it when finding people to surround himself with wasn’t a problem for Harry, and the more he thought about it, the less he appreciated it. 

‘’Of course, the prettiest princess of them all.’’

Harry sent him a glare as he crossed his arms over his chest, but the small blush forming on his cheeks could easily be seen. Cassandra hummed in agreement as she placed the brush on the last open space of Harry’s scalp and on a clear mission to put the blue bobble in. He joined them on the floor as he encouraged Cassandra, and eventually, he ended up with a bunch of glittery pins stuck in his fringe as well, and he didn’t mind the way Harry looked at him. 

‘’Children! Time for breakfast!’’

James’ voice bellowed through the hall like thunder, and Cassandra barrelled through the door like lightning while they both remained startled on the floor. His fingers fiddled with the pins in his fringe, but before he managed to remove at least one, Harry’s hand closed over his and stopped his effort.

‘’Leave them, she’ll appreciate it.’’

‘’You’re saying you’ll wear your hair like an explosion of coloured and shiny knots?’’

A short nod was sent his way before Harry rose to his feet and left the room, leaving him behind to decide if he should follow his example or not. As it turned out, he did, and he jogged up to catch Harry right as they entered the kitchen to James and Charles’ amusement.

‘’I see someone dressed accordingly to our table manners.’’

‘’Hey, I look stunning, can’t say the same about Miss rainbow though.’’

He smirked widely as he flipped his head towards the ceiling, so his decorative fringe gained full exposure, and he chuckled at Harry’s snort. Everything felt so easy, being there, being a part of his uncle’s family felt natural, and he liked how comfortable they all behaved. It wasn’t something he was used to, it wasn’t something he had experience with, but as he sat there, chewing on a piece of bread, he noticed how much he wanted it to continue.  
When breakfast was over and James took Cassandra and Harry out to the garden, Charles sat down at the table where Louis smiled softly at the picture he saw through the window. He could sense a stare from his side, but he wasn’t willing to let the image go before he heard his uncle clear his throat to gain his attention. 

‘’You seem good Louis, better than I’d hoped after what you told me over the phone, about what you’ve been through since I left.’’

He kept his smile as he eventually turned back to face his uncle, and he shrugged casually as he fiddled with his fingers. 

‘’Yeah, I’ve had a good couple of months recently, and I don’t really understand how it’s possible to feel this light so suddenly when I’ve been a messed up wreck all my life. Was pretty dark for a while.’’

‘’Hm, I think you do.-‘’ Charles’ face changed into something fond, and he tilted his head to the side as he grinned ‘’-but I’m really relieved to hear you say things are easier, and I hope our reconnection will strengthen the positive turn your life has taken. Mine sure has.’’ 

‘’It will, just being here, seeing you, are making me think about things I’ve never considered before or wanted. I’m a bit sad I didn’t get to grow up with you and James when I’m sure it would’ve made me a better person.-’’ It was meant as a compliment, but the way his uncle’s face fell, made him frown and he wondered if he’d crossed some kind of line. Eyes turned saddened while fingers stroked Charles’ chin in distress and Louis hesitantly scooted closer to the table. ‘’-I- Sorry that was-‘’

‘’No, don’t apologise, and you _are_ a good man who’s always been a part of this family, never think otherwise. I’m just sad you didn’t get to grow up here too because I wanted you to, believe me, it was the only thing I could focus on for years, and it was devastating to realise I wasn’t able to.’’

‘’It’s not your fault, I don’t blame you for-‘’

‘’I know you don't, but I tried so hard and God, had I known how that woman treated you I would’ve turned criminal and kidnapped you. James always wanted adventure, so I have no doubt he would’ve lived on the run with us.’’

A strained chuckle escaped Charles as he placed his face in his palms and took a deep breath, trying to hold his composure, and Louis stared confusedly at the table.

‘’Wait, what do you mean you _tried?_ ’’

‘’Of course I did, after I got my life in order and especially after I saw how hurt and angry you were the last time we saw each other, I was determined to gain custody for you.-‘’

His neck whipped all the way to stare at his uncle like he’d grown two extra heads, and he wasn’t sure if he’d heard right or if his mind played tricks.

‘’-James encouraged me I had a chance, and I did, I had legal rights and hired an attorney to go forwards with my case. Unfortunately I underestimated how much of the company’s power laid with Katherine, and when she became aware of my actions, she made my attorney drop me as a client. The next thing I knew I received more of the restraining orders she’d filed from the day I was honest about who I am and every new attorney I contacted refused to represent me. I continued to try, hoping someone would help and acknowledge my rights, but years later she kept blocking every step I took.-’’

Louis' head throbbed, too much information took place and a devastating longing for a childhood he could’ve had instead of the one he’d had settled. Picturing how his life could’ve been if he’d grown up with his uncle was too painful, and he massaged his forehead in frustration. 

‘’-I should’ve known, deep down, how her hatred for me was enough to sacrifice your wellbeing, even though she’d promised me to keep you safe, but I found it so difficult to believe anyone could be that cold. When she had me removed from Cassy's funeral, I told myself she was grieving but-‘’

‘’You showed?’’

‘’Again, I tried. I felt the loss too, and I wanted to be there not only for my sake to say a final goodbye but for yours as well. I could only imagine how devastated you were because I knew how much you loved her, and I wanted to be there for you. But I was met with hostility and actual bodyguards who wouldn’t let me near the church. Instead, they threatened to call the police if I didn’t leave.-’’

His hands were shaking with rage, and he could sense how it was exploding throughout his nerves in a fit. He was hurting, for them both, and the previous hatred he’d had for his mother tripled. Before he could react and break the table in half, a gentle hand landed on his arm, and his fists tightened harder before he forced them to relax. 

‘'-I’m so sorry for upsetting you about this when you had no idea, and don’t you dare feel guilty about any of it. It had nothing to do with you, this has always been between Katherine and me.’’

‘’What else?-’’ He dared a quick glance at his uncle and took a deep breath when he saw the confusion seeping through his pained expression. ‘’-What else did she do to you, had you arrested? Ruined your wedding? Got you fired from your job? From how hard you’ve been trying to reach me all these years I assume it’s more.’’ 

‘’No, nothing like that. It’s been emotional pain, and it was the worst she could do when she knew how important you’ve always been to me. Up until you turned eighteen I could only assume you still lived in the house, and I called every day with different numbers hoping you would pick up until the number was changed and hidden. I couldn't go near the house without being arrested because of the restraining order, but I wrote and sent enough letters to fill a library. Not surprisingly they all came in return, and unopened. I’ve never been able to track you down, any specific details about you like your address and phone number have always been kept hidden from public information, and I’ve been searching practically blind. It’s not been easy, but a part of me have never been able to give up on you, and when you called me that day I think I cried for hours until I managed to explain James what had happened. I’m beyond grateful you decided to contact me; I know it must’ve been difficult, and I can only image what you must’ve thought of me throughout the years.’’

His head was pounding, and he groaned in pain as he didn’t know what to say. Everything had been shit throughout his life, but knowing it could’ve been different, and better, made the realisation so much worse.

‘’I think I need some time to process all of this, and I can’t sort my thoughts right now. Everything is a mess.’’

‘’Understandable, and I’m sorry again, for springing all of it on you like this. Honestly I think you made a wise choice to step away from the company, but I’m not sure why you’ve allowed Katherine to remain her power within it.’’

A low grunt left his lips as he deflated on the surface with closed eyes, he was done talking about his mother, and he needed fresh air. With stiff limbs, he scooted the chair backwards and scraped himself upwards as he waved a tired hand towards his uncle.

‘’I haven’t let that woman do anything, I’ve barely seen her since I left the house at sixteen and I have no intention of seeing her again after this year is over. She’s getting what she wanted, and honestly, I couldn’t care less. Excuse me, I’m going outside to clear my head.’’

With heavy steps, he reached the back yard, and his smile automatically formed as he observed Harry pushing Cassandra on a swing. Both were laughing at each other, and Cassandra squealed in excitement every time Harry pushed her higher up. It was a relaxing sight, and he felt the throbbing in his head slowly ease as he let his shoulders down.

*

The rest of the weekend went in similar ways; both he and Harry seemed to find themselves around Cassandra, playing whatever game she came up with, and to his surprise, he didn't hate it. He’d never really been around children as a grown-up, and he’d not once thought participating in an imaginary tea party or dressing Barbie dolls to create a life story for them would give him genuine joy, but there he was. A child’s innocence, her ability to be so carefree gave the whole picture about wanting a family one day new sparks and pricked a little stronger in his mind. He reached the conclusion that he, of all people, perhaps adored children, especially if they placed a warm smile on his face like his cousin did.

‘’Okay the tea party is over, now we’re playing family.’’

‘’Is that so?’’

He quirked a brow at her bossy attitude, and he chuckled lightly as he noticed the similar expression clouding Harry’s face. Their hair was once again decorated with pins and bobbles, and the golden crown on top of Harry’s curls was dazzling with all kinds of jewels, making his head shine even brighter than the first hairstyle he’d received. 

‘’Yes, clearly I’m going to be the daughter, or-‘’ Cassandra stopped for a second as she chewed her bottom lip in thought. ‘’-actually, I want to be the son this time, since I haven’t before. Harry, you can be the mum since you have long hair and Lou will be the dad.’’

‘’Duh, obviously Harry is going to be the woman, he’s even wearing a crown.’’

‘’Heey, I think you should be the mum, you’re the one with the curvier body, suits you better.’’

His head whipped around with a glare, he wasn’t curvy, he just wasn’t quite there with the whole thin and lanky figure like Harry, which was all. To Harry’s delight, Cassandra seemed to agree, and they ganged up and declared he should be the woman instead. A smug smirk curled Harry’s lips in victory, and he barely restrained himself from flipping him off.

‘’Fuc- _Fudging_ fine, I’ll be the damsel in distress. But I’m hard to get and stuck up, I won’t take anyone as my husband.’’

The word _husband_ sent a cold shiver down his spine, and when he noticed a glint flare over Harry’s eyes before he chuckled and rose to his feet, he shuddered as well.

‘’All right, I’ll have to sweep you off your feet then. Never actually done that with a woman before so this should be interesting.’’

A cheeky grin formed on Harry’s mouth as he sent him another glare, and he found his feet to stand as well. With his nose stuck towards the ceiling, he dusted his clothes and crossed his arms as Harry stepped closer, bowing his head in a respectful way and gently pried one of his hands free. 

‘’Oh beautiful, lovable _Louise_ , would you _please_ honour me your time and attention so my heart can finally stop aching so deeply for your love and affection?’’

To end his old fashioned pick-up line, or whatever the fuck that shit was, Harry planted a brief but soft kiss on top of his knuckles. The gesture hit something strange in his chest, and heat suddenly pooled in his cheeks as a blush, a fucking blush over a stupid act. 

‘’and why would-.''

‘’Nooo Uncle Lou, you’re a woman, talk lighter!’’

Apparently the status of being a cousin wasn’t good enough, so he too was upgraded to uncle, and he grimaced a little when Cassandra asked him to alter his voice. He already had a smooth one, it was embarrassing how easily he could imitate a woman, but he cleared his throat and did it anyway, to everyone’s delight but his.

‘’right.. and _why_ , dear very forward Harold, would _I_ , the _smartest_ , most _striking_ , _gracious_ and _wanted_ woman in this country chose a wobbly klutz like _you_ , who’s not impressing me by stealing the crown for himself, of all people?’’

‘’Because you make my knees weak, sends my heart racing out of my chest with your wits and beauty, so please, don’t shatter my hopes and prayers of making you, my beloved bride. I’ll give up everything for you, my love, and I’ll forever be yours as long as you’ll have me, so let my soul dance in happiness by accepting my hand.’’

He wasn’t sure if Harry was a hell of an actor, or if he wanted Harry’s voice to sound sincere, but it changed the atmosphere around them when he felt lost for words. He blinked a bit confusedly as he stared into the soft shade spewing from Harry’s eyes, and he cleared his throat a bit awkwardly when he realised too many seconds had passed.

‘’Jesus you’re so full of shi- uh, _shimmer_ , when you put it that way. A real cheesy poet for sure, so I guess- how can a lady possibly say no?’’

He fanned his face, pretending to be flustered and in reality, he was relieved he had the act to hide behind when he wasn’t pretending at all. The play went along, but a slight problem occurred when they were supposed to get married, and Cassandra had a clear definition of how it should go.

‘’-yes, I Harold take Louise as my bride, and we’re now officially husband and wif-.''

‘’No, you aren’t married until you kiss. They always do, and my dads did after saying yes, that’s what they said.’’

They shared a glance, little frowns forming as they shifted uncomfortably when neither knew what to say to get out of her command. A ball formed in his stomach as he thought what could happen next, and it dropped to his feet when Harry tilted his head with an unsure smile to face him better. Obviously, they weren’t going to go through with it, and he scrambled through his brain for something intelligent to say.

‘’As a woman-‘’ he cleared his throat and placed a hand on his chest. ‘’-let me tell you, Cassandra, and take knowledge, a woman should be _worshipped_ , she’s the one to be kissed. Always leave a man working for it, never give anything up for free, and always make sure he knows he’s allowed to.’’

It was a smart, rational speech and he mentally patted his shoulder in praise for coming up with it so fast. Surely it would lead to Harry following his words and ask permission, a permission he would stall with some other genius words. 

‘’But you’re only pretending to be a woman Uncle Lou, and you said yes to marrying him.’’

The deadpan statement seeping from Cassandra at his left sent his eye twitching, and his fingers followed when he caught the rise of Harry’s brow and how the corner of his mouth stretched in a small smirk. It made his chest fall because it sent a bad feeling up his spine, and before he could prepare, Harry leant in and kissed him.

_Or, almost._

Wiggling brows met his wide eyes as a soft thumb caressed his chin where Harry held it lightly while a barely touchable peck right above his upper lip could be felt. It was quick, too quick and Harry stepped back as he bowed innocently as he received a round of applause from Cassandra. Blood rushed harder through his face, and he struggled to keep his expression composed as he felt foolish for reacting at the smart placement of the smooch. On the other hand, a pathetic sense of disappointment tickled when a part of him couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel to share a real kiss with Harry where both were sober and very aware. Unwillingly he met Harry’s gaze and received a shrug in the saying it was no bother when they had shared a fake one before. Which was true, and he felt even more foolish.

Cassandra hopped up, and he sent a silent prayer to thank his uncle for not having the whole talk about where babies came from with their daughter yet. When their playtime was over, he was knackered, so many different emotions had forced their presence during their stay, and it drained his energy like a dry sponge placed in water. The only conclusion he was left with was that he liked the thought of having a real family and seriously entertained the idea of settling down with someone one day. Even the word marriage didn’t cause him to laugh hysterical any longer, and that was the last straw, he'd passed the insanity and entered a worse level. He’d entered Harry’s level, and he wasn’t sure what was more terrifying, how he didn’t freak out by the realisation or how strongly it had settled. 

*

At their last day with their train leaving in the evening he noticed he hadn’t talked as much as he’d wanted with his uncle, and he’d been too busy soaking up the attention his cousin gave him. He reached the kitchen and dropped down to one of the barstools, spraying himself across the kitchen bar as he sighed heavily. Tiredness engulfed his body, and he contemplated falling asleep in that exact position so his mind could receive a bit of peace and quiet. The sound of footsteps coming closer interrupted his plans, though, but he didn’t have the strength to lift his head to see who was about to join his presence.

‘’I can’t even count how many times I’ve been in that position myself, kids, they wire you out for sure.’’

The silhouette of James reached his peripheral vision, and he could see him sink into the closest chair with soft chuckles while a comforting hand tapped him on the shoulder.

‘’Ngh..’’

‘’You and Harry have been amazing with her, and I sincerely thank you, it has given Charles and me some time to relax and refill our energy.’’

He forcefully tilted his head to the side, still not sitting up and only turned to face James with an exhausted expression.

‘’She’s lovely really, but how do you survive, two days and I’m halfway to my grave.’’

‘’Ah, that’s the wonder of toys and having a back yard. Keep that around, and you can rest up between the matches.-’’ The sound leaving him was a mixture of laughter and a groan, not able to even laugh properly without sounding like a dying animal. ‘’-So when are you going to tell Harry how you feel about him, as in something more than just a friend?-’’

The question filled the silence, and he hadn’t been prepared for it, but as soon as it reached his ears the strength in his body magically reappeared, and he shot up in his seat. Eyes turned wide as he whipped around to make sure Harry wasn’t close enough to hear.

‘’-Don’t worry, Cassandra took him outside again, look.’’

James pointed a finger towards the window, and as soon as his eyes followed, he could see Harry chasing Cassandra over the ground, throwing a few snowballs while tripping over his feet. The heaviest sigh of relief left his lips, and his head dropped back down with a thud, meeting the surface with enough force to create a slight pain.

‘’Jesus Christ you scared the shit out of me. Don’t do that.’’

‘’Sorry, but I’m still asking. You aren't very subtle, and if you’re trying to be, then you’re rubbish at it.’’

A defeated laugh mixed with a snort sent his energy dropping again.

‘’Gee thanks mate, but you’re wrong. It’s not like that, I like him I do, but it’s not like I'm- I don’t know what it is or what I feel. My mind is just screwed up. Besides, why the fuck would I tell Harry I have confusing feelings or whatever when he already fancies some bloke. Nah, not going there.’’

The fact that he didn’t really try to hide his thoughts about Harry or how he admitted he was attracted to a guy, told him he was more comfortable with the subject than he’d thought. Or perhaps it was from how open and judge free his uncle and James were, giving him no choice but to be honest with them. It made his mouth twitch into a small smile, it was something family did wasn’t it, trust one another, seek advice and talk about everything and anything? A flat hand smacked the back of his head and chased the smile away as he huffed sourly at the sudden attack.

‘’Jesus, you’re just like your uncle. Amazing how stupidity and denial truly runs in your family.’’

‘’ _What the-?_ ’’

‘’The _Tomlinsons_ , fucking blind the bunch of you. I’m not sure you deserve to realise what you’re missing out on.’’

That made him silent. He kept staring at James, trying to read what his expression said, and figure out the hidden meaning behind his words. A dumb stare was all he received, and his eyes travelled on their own to find Harry through the window once more, watching a laughing face where he jumped around with Cassandra on his back.

‘’Have you lost the plot or somewhat, I hate fucking riddles. I have no intention of disturbing whatever Harry has going on with that tosser-‘’

‘’Finally we agree, you truly are a tosser. Seriously, even you can’t be that daft, don’t tell me you didn’t find the description he used a bit _familiar?_ Poor lad, I’ve been in his shoes, and it was with your uncle. Was a bloody nightmare, so for the love of dicks, present him yours before he malfunctions from lust.’’

‘’For fuck sake- Harry doesn’t lust after me you wanker, I would’ve known because that dork doesn’t know how to lie or keep a secret. If you’re about to argue with pointing out our proximity you’ll be disappointed, he’s always acted affectionate with all his friends. Doesn’t mean anything.’’

A new quick slap of a hand landed on the back of his head, harsher that time around and he snapped his eyes back to see disbelief settling through James' face. It seemed to happen a lot lately, the smacking part and he didn’t exactly appreciate it.

‘’God you’re a blind sod. That boy doesn’t know how to keep his heart closed because he hasn’t since he arrived, and he may not have told you in words, but he keeps shouting at you with his actions. I’m almost a bit concerned from the way he looks at you, he stares with such intensity he might set you on fire soon. He’s so lost I’m amazed he’s survived this long, so snap awake and see what everyone else sees. ’’

His brain was turning into chaos again. He’d been blind, ignorant and stubborn about his deepest thoughts but surely he would’ve picked up on visible signs from Harry if there had been any. Perhaps he hadn’t truly focused on him lately with everything going on, but still, he believed he would’ve noticed if Harry found him attractive. As in more than just the physical, and what James spluttered only confused him further. The more he thought about it, the more he realised he’d never, not once considered being desired back. Especially not by Harry, and he couldn’t help wonder _why_ he hadn’t. It wasn’t too farfetched it could happen, was it, they were tight and clearly enjoyed each other’s company, so why was it so hard to picture? 

_Rejection._ The word echoed from the back of his mind, and he shuddered, wanting to push it away when he certainly didn’t want to consider that aspect. What James said probably made sense to everyone else, but not in his mind, his friendship with Harry had naturally consisted of intimacy the closer they grew. Ironically it was the reason his feelings had evolved, but he’d not weighed the possibility it could’ve happened with Harry as well. 

‘’I can see from the frowns in your face how hard you’re thinking about it, surely even you can’t be dumber than your uncle. Took him forever.’’

‘’What took me forever?’’

Charles strolled in with a large smile on his face, but it fell fast when his gaze landed on Louis’ pained expression. Within two seconds he was at his side, and a warm hand gently stroked his back up and down.

‘’Hey, you alright?’’

‘’Actually, do you have a minute? I’d like to talk to you.’’

‘’Of course, I was about to buy some dinner so why don’t you come with me and we can speak in the car?’’

‘’Yeah, sure.’’

*

‘’So what’s on your mind, you’ve been awfully quiet since we left the house.’’

He had been, he'd walked in silence and slid into the passenger seat in silence, not uttering a single word as he fastened the belt. What he wanted to ask felt awkward to voice, and he was so confused by everything. A part of him desperately wanted to believe James' theory, could almost see the truth in his words but it sounded so surreal at the same time. Then it was the reality of his uncle's words, and how they could've lived together. If his brain capacity hadn’t grown twice in size over the year, he would sue human nature or evolution or whatever because he had to gain something profitable from all the heavy thinking he’d done and kept on doing.

‘’Why did you invite us to the wedding when you knew the repercussion it would bring, I mean, you had to know right?’’

‘’A part of me did, but I chose to believe in faith and foolishly hoped it could help ease some of the tension and prejudice. I wanted to share my happiness, and I mainly wanted you to be there when I’ve always thought of you as my own after I promised I would look after you. But I was also tired of hiding, so when James proposed it wasn’t ok anymore because I wanted to feel comfortable holding his hand without always worrying if anyone I knew saw us. I both regret it and not when I ended up losing you, but at the same time I was finally able to be myself.’’

Thinking back on how much he’d hated his uncle for a long time, long enough to forget him altogether, made him feel awful. They had both been screwed over, and so much causeless hatred had ruined the only family he’d known, it infuriated him to the point he wanted to murder someone. 

‘’I’m sorry I missed your wedding, I bet it was beautiful, and I surrender, Harry was right, the way you described it sounded lovely. But with the laws back then, were you allowed?’’

‘’Legally no, but we chose to create our own ceremony, so at least we felt married. We didn’t do the whole church thing, but we got to exchange our vows, and it was as real as it could be. For us at least, and that was all that mattered. We did, however, sign a civil partnership a few years back and then converted it into a real legal marriage when the law finally let us. We were thinking about throwing a new wedding party, though, to celebrate and now, with you back, we have something else to celebrate as well.’’

‘’I’m happy for you, and you have a beautiful family.’’

He chuckled lightly as he scratched his head, sensing how it was about to explode from everything that was forcefully shoved in. Instead of a big party a break sounded good, a month filled with complete silence and sleep was what he craved.

‘’You’re a part of the family, never forget that.’’

They reached the store a few moments later, and he felt a bit relieved when he had the chance to refresh his lungs along with his mind. Charles had to either be a mind reader or it showed how drained he was when he suggested meeting back at the car thirty minutes later. It let him have enough time to walk mindlessly around, not paying attention to anything or focus on anyone besides himself, and the silence allowed him to breathe.

He liked it, and all he had to use his thoughts on was avoiding bumping into people or walk straight into a wall. Then, _severely_ late, as in _thirty-three minutes_ later, his uncle strolled out with a full trolley and a same full smile. He looked too happy for someone who'd obviously blown his budget, but the sight caused him to snort amusedly along. He felt lighter, and a bit fresher as he buckled up, ready to continue with the questions he wanted to be answered. Or perhaps needed answered was more accurate. 

‘’You alright?’’

‘’Yeah I am actually, strangely enough. And I kind of, have another thing I wanted to ask about if you don’t mind?’’

‘’Shoot away, ask anything you want.’’

A shady smile slowly formed on Charles' mouth and the glint flashing over his eyes made Louis’ cheeks burn a little, it seemed his uncle already had an idea of where it was going. 

‘’James mentioned it took you forever to realise how you felt, so, how did you know he was it? Worth taking a risk on, and being, like, the one for you.’’

‘’Ah, yes poor James, tortured him quite a while I’m afraid, and I struggled with my sexuality for a long time. So I denied it as best as I could, did everything in my power to stay as far away from anything that could remotely link me to the subject and I was desperate to being viewed as an average straight teenager. During my worst years, I always kept a girl around since I wanted to prove I was one of them. But I could never make the relationships last for long, and they didn’t do anything for me, never gave me the experience I heard my mates bragged about, and I never felt a real connection. They were there, a trophy at my hand, someone to portray the love of my life that kept questions away, even my own.-‘’

Charles let out a shaky laugh as he gripped the wheel a bit tighter, brows knitted together and Louis could tell it wasn't pleasant memories.

‘’-Then I started at UNI, and something about it lifted tension from my shoulders, suddenly it felt much easier to simply breathe. I met James in one of my lectures, and the more I got to know him the harder it became to deny or ignore the differences in myself. He forced my eyes open, and when I finally allowed to question myself, the truth wasn’t far. We connected immediately, like puzzle pieces and it shocked me how right it felt to be close to him. He caused me to genuinely laugh, and I craved to be around him at every chance because he made me feel like a better person. It was suddenly so easy to be myself around him, and he brightened my day by just being there, giving me a smile or encouraging words. For the first time, the thought of settling down didn’t seem impossible anymore, it gave me hope, and to his frustration, it took me a while to realise he was the reason. Because I was still terrified of what I was feeling, didn’t know how to handle it, and I wasn’t ready to share my complicated feelings. Which was awful since I caught myself looking at him with longing, desire and curiosity. A simple touch from him made my knees weak and caused my heart to flutter in a way I hadn’t experienced before. The affection was there; I just couldn't accept it was real, and I didn’t for several years. So thank fucking god for James, without his bravery I probably would’ve lost the best thing that has ever happened to me. He eventually became fed up with my insecurity and stupidity, so he did the one thing I’d secretly wished for but never had the courage to do. He exposed what his heart wanted, and kissed a whole lot of sense into me. Everything sort of clicked then, somehow I just knew I’d found what I’d been looking for, and he made me brave enough to hold on.’’

The nervous laugh had been replaced by warmth and the lovely smile spreading over Charles' face caused his own to appear. His uncle looked so happy, so content with himself and his life, and he wondered if he would be lucky enough to ever have the same.

‘’That’s incredible.’’

It sounded so easy, yet so terrifyingly familiar when he could recognise himself in some of the details. He’d never desired a relationship with any of his previous flings, not with anyone really, and certainly not bothered to the let the idea form in his mind. He’d enjoyed the physical pleasure, but if he was honest, he couldn’t recall one occurrence where he’d honestly felt a connection to one. Not really, it had been the sexual need of stimulation that had driven him to seek out the ones he’d brought home. 

It had been easy to ignore when he hadn’t bothered to care about anything regarding other people, or himself, but he didn’t have that luxury any longer. Because after the accidental night with Harry, he’d felt it, what it was like to want, to need another’s touch, and long for the feeling. Being with someone who didn't give him that suddenly seemed meaningless, and he realised he no longer wanted just the physical.

‘’Shit.-’’

Eyes widened as more wires connected, and he choked under his breath as he clutched his forehead between his fingers. Every thought he had thundering through his head ended up finding a way towards Harry, and how he'd given him something to crave for. His best friend, the one he always turned to, and couldn’t quite picture leaving behind as he moved forward in life. Harry was the idiotic moron who caused his stupid heart to act all crazy, along with the rest of the nerves in his body. He was the one who always made him feel better no matter what the problem was.

‘’-Oh my God.’’

He squealed a bit louder, feeling the loss of his breath as he bent forward to support his elbows on the knees. The air felt heavy and wouldn’t go into his lungs right as he finally allowed the one detail he’d been scared shitless of being true, to manifest. He'd never felt anything like what he felt when he was around Harry, and he mattered more to him than himself.

‘’You alright Louis?’’ 

The fucking purity of Harry’s smile flashed behind his eyelids, and he cursed silently as he caught himself thinking he would do anything to keep it from disappearing. Because it was beautiful, so fucking beautiful, and the way Harry had brought meaning back into his life was something he could never forget or pay him back for. He spent more hours thinking about Harry than himself, and _bloody hell_ every good thing that had happened in the last year had always been because of him.

‘’No, not at all.’’

The answer was right there, probably had been for a while, but kept hidden behind fear, blindness, stubborn denial and shock, and it had taken him a long time to be capable of understanding it. Awareness shouldn’t have hit him right in the chest, but it did, and it knocked him to the other side of the world. 

‘’What’s wrong?’’

Something eventually snapped as he straightened back up in his seat, staring at the road with blown eyes and an exploding heart. Finally, he acknowledged and processed reality instead of forcing it into the depths of his mind like he’d used to.

‘’I’m fucking in love, aren’t I? _I must be._ _I have to be._ Bloody hell I am. So this is how it feels like, being exhausted all of the time and acting like a nervous twat? My fucking chest can't handle this shit.’’

It was the first time he’d voiced the terrifying words out loud, the first time he confessed what his heart was screaming, and as he heard them fill the silence, they smacked him right in the face like a harsh wake-up call. From the warmth in his uncle's eyes, it had probably been a long time coming, and it was about time he accepted what it meant.  
He was actually in love. _Shit._  
With his best friend. _Fuck._

‘’Well, it’s been tough watching you this weekend without asking you about it, but it was up to you to reach a conclusion on your own. I just want you to be happy, you deserve nothing more and remember, there’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling. Don’t let anyone convince you or tell you otherwise when you’re wonderful just the way you are. If you need to talk, I’ll always be available.’’

The honesty in his uncle’s voice touched him, and he found himself smiling weakly back, Charles and James were the only part of his family left that was genuinely kind, and he praised himself for making that call.

‘’Thanks, but- It’s just- What the fuck am I suppose to do now? I don’t know where to go from here, and I've certainly never been in a relationship. I don't know how that works, and I've never even been in love before for fuck sake, with anyone! He and I have always been close, and it obviously took me fucking forever to understand this shit so how can I even begin to think further? And he- I've always believed he would tell me- Well anything, even if he was afraid of the outcome so if he doesn't- Fuck, I don’t think I have enough bravery or strength to open that door.’’

‘’Perhaps you are more alike than you thought, seems like you haven't told him how your feelings have changed either, even though you didn't understand them. But you heard him; he’s terrified of ruining your friendship because he believes you don’t see him the way he sees you and it’ll scare you away if he’s honest. He probably fears you’ll treat him differently, and pull away.’’

‘’I don't understand how you and James can be so bloody convinced it was me he was talking about when he described a fucking question mark with a good personality for christ sake. Which doesn't sound like me at all.’’

A sharp look came his way as Charles raised his brow mockingly, and a dry chuckle trickled from his mouth. 

‘’Wow. I’ll have to agree with James on this one, son, don’t be the cliché Tomlinson. It’s ruining our reputation if we keep being this stupid. Why do you think he was vague when you were sitting right there, listening to every word? But to my ears though, the only thing he was missing from confirming it was you, was your name.-’’ A dark crimson shade spread from his chin and all the way up to his hairline as he couldn’t help sensing the word moron imprint itself on his forehead. He wasn’t entirely convinced as the other two, but he was more willing to entertain the idea. ‘’-I know it’s difficult, but don’t you think you owe it to yourself to at least try? Didn’t you say something similar yourself, and who knows how much you’ll regret your decision if you let this go without knowing. Take it from us, especially James, who’s been in this game far longer, it’s better to risk getting hurt than to wait around for something that might never happen if you do nothing.’’

He didn’t get the chance to reply when he noticed the car had stalled, and he saw the house staring back at him from the other side of the windshield. A gentle tap on the shoulder and a kind smile were sent his way before Charles unbuckled and slowly stepped out. Perhaps it was for the best when he honestly didn’t know what to say, and he quickly followed with trembling steps.

*

A wave of deep laughter and light squeals was the first thing that greeted him when he and Charles walked through the door with the groceries. It instantly caused them both to smile, and a few moments later Harry skipped out from the kitchen with Cassandra still on his back, and he kept bouncing her up and down to her delight. For Harry’s sake, Louis hoped he hadn’t carried her the whole time they were out when he worried his back wouldn’t appreciate the crouched angle.

‘’Darling you’ve worn out our guest, I think it’s time for you to let him catch his breath before he shuts down completely. Also, you need to wash up before dinner; a mud-stained face is no way for a young lady like you to address the table.’’

‘’But daaaaaad.’’

‘’Come on love, I’ll help you.’’

Harry let the defeated girl down, and she whined as she followed Charles when he grabbed her hand. Right when they rounded the corner and was out of sight, Harry lost his posture and copied Louis’ earlier actions by melting over the kitchen bar the moment he entered the kitchen.

‘’I’ve seriously never been this tired in my life, how can she still be so energetic and vivid after playing all day long, do they feed her with crack and caffeine?’’

‘’Probably, I’m even too tired to teach her some pranks. I know when I’m defeated, she’s an untameable hurricane and I’ve given up on trying.’’

Harry laughed, and he joined in, bending his head to the side so he could watch Harry’s face more. He was too deep in he realised, so lost and he didn’t have the energy to hide the affection forming on his face.

‘’Thank you, for coming with me, I really appreciate it.’’

‘’Thank you for bringing me, I love this family, _your_ family. Even with the heavy workout it has brought me.’’

His family, the sound of it made his heart blossom, and he grinned wide enough to feel slight cramps in his facial muscles. He really did have a family, the family he’d sorely longed for after his sister's death, and it was all clicking back into place. The only person he could find responsible for getting him, there was sitting in the chair next to his, and in some twisted way, he was even a tad grateful towards his mother. Hadn’t Harry entered his miserable life, he probably never would’ve reached out to his uncle, and he wouldn’t have felt the way his chest fluttered in warmth. Surely he wouldn’t have welcomed the changes either, so claiming Harry had saved him in more ways than one wasn’t even close to overselling it. 

‘’I owe you more than I can repay, so I’m taking a step away from my usual laidback exterior here to give you a mortified compliment. Don't fucking dare to use it against me or we will have a problem. But yeah, I'm grateful you stuck through my shit and didn't give up on me, you've practically been a blessing. Hell, you're most likely the best thing that has happened to me and my life, in several ways.’’

‘’Hey, you don’t owe me anything Lou, I would rather thank you for letting me become a part of your life, and for trusting me enough to have me as your friend. I know it hasn't been easy for you, and I'm grateful I was allowed to see the beautiful person you are.’’

The emotions forming in Harry’s eyes took him by surprise, and he could imagine it then, how easy it could be to go for it and lay himself bare. It was a perfect opportunity really, a moment of honesty being revealed, and even a blind man could see the bubble forming around them. All it required was a simple step, curl his fingers around the grope of Harry’s neck and bravely lean in to share his confession. It was a scary picture, but thinking how his eyes would flutter shut at the contact, and how his heart would probably explode, he could sense he wanted to do it.

If Harry chose to respond positively, the picture would be even scarier, heat would surely race through his veins, and all the cheesy descriptions of fireworks exploding would probably surprise him by being true. It made his stomach clench just considering it, but he assumed he would be relieved to have exposed himself too. If not, then he wouldn't have longed to open pandora's box and face the hard questions he knew Harry would ask. He wanted to, with or without the mental strength, and he realised he’d wanted to for a while. 

‘’Harry, I-‘’

Just as his fingers twitched with movement, he froze, and he gulped the overwhelming hesitation he felt crawling up his throat. He needed to find out when his uncle was right, he did owe himself to try, but his lack of bravery blocked his heart’s desire. The struggle pissed him off when insecurity placed too many intimidating questions in his head. _What if he wanted it too much he only saw what he wanted to see?_ _What if he craved what James and Charles said to be true, so he only heard what he wanted to hear?_ He knew Harry best, knew his nature of affectionate body language, and the ugly voice of doubt took advantage to tear the few pieces of confidence that stubbornly tried crawling back.

‘’Yeah?’’

An adorable sight met him when Harry tilted his head to the side with a shy yet confused smile, and he did the one thing he was strong enough for in that moment. He pulled Harry closer and held on tightly, smiling when Harry didn’t flinch and hugged back instead. He poured himself into the embrace as he buried his head down, hiding his anxious thoughts into the shell of Harry’s neck and wishing his mind could be heard. Desperately wanting Harry to understand what he wasn't saying, to read his actions, question his behaviour, and see what he didn't show. He just wished he would fucking get it.

‘’Thank you.-’’

He pressed out as he unwillingly lessened his grip and leant back, avoiding Harry’s gaze as he picked up on the footsteps coming closer. The heat of an intense stare burned at his side, but he twirled around in his seat as he cleared his throat and smiled up at his uncle who stepped into the kitchen. 

‘’-Hey, you need any help with dinner?’’

‘’I would advise you to kindly decline, Charles, speaking from experience.’’ 

A soft snort reached his ear, and without turning, he flipped Harry off before he rose to his feet and blinked innocently at the raised brow from Charles. Being in charge with anything in the kitchen was probably a horrible idea, but he was willing to do anything to keep occupied. 

‘’Think I’ll listen, but you are more than welcome to set the table.’’

Both Harry and Charles chuckled when he scoffed and rolled his eyes, not impressed with how everyone always seemed to take Harry’s side over his. An arm slipped over his shoulder, and he could see how Charles’ other found Harry’s too, and they were both squeezed gently. 

‘’I’m so glad you came here, both of you, and we would love to have you back soon. I already miss you just thinking about you leaving tonight, and Cassandra probably won’t shut up about her new favourite _uncles_ for weeks.’’

‘’It couldn’t be helped, I’m just simply awesome, so it was bound to happen.’’

‘’Course you are Tommo.’’

Charles ruffled his hair as he rolled his eyes, evident fondness and love dancing across his face.

 

At the end of the dinner, he could sense the dread of going home when it wasn’t much time until the train would leave, and his mood dropped. He wasn’t ready yet, and a part of him considered staying behind even though he knew it wasn’t ideal when his exams were coming up. The thought was still tempting when he for once felt welcomed at the home of his family, and he wasn’t eager to give it up already. 

‘’You reckon you’ll hear something from your mother soon, she hasn't been in contact since summer, and the year is almost over. I thought she would've figured out about your change at the university by now.’’

Harry’s voice pulled him out of his head, and he casually shifted his gaze in the direction of the sound, but before he managed to form a response, James snorted dryly.

‘’Wow, careful who you call a mother, Katherine certainly isn’t one.-‘’ James scoffed, and a frown prickled over Charles' face as he cleared his throat in a warning. ‘’-oh hush, love, she’s caused nothing but trouble and misery for all of us, I’m allowed to be negative about her.’’

‘’See, we all share the same opinion, so don’t bother to be polite for my sake, H. I’m not obligated to like her just because she shagged my father and then decided to birth me.’’

The tips of Harry’s ears turned red as he hesitantly looked between them all, and Louis shook his head amusedly as he patted him on the back.

‘’Wait, _what_ did you just say?’’ Charles who’d left the table, startled by the sink where he was currently washing his plate and dropped it like it was searing hot. His face was twisted in confusion as he twirled around, and his eyes stared intensely at Louis, whose chuckle slowly died.

‘’That Harry doesn’t need to be polite?’’

An awkward silence spread around the table as he couldn’t quite understand the sudden tension he felt floating, and the look James and Charles exchanged, caused an uneasy sensation in his stomach. 

‘’Hey Harry, do you mind checking up on Cassandra for a minute, she’s been suspiciously quiet since she left the table.’’ Charles almost whispered as he stepped away from the sink to dry his fingers on a towel, and from how James slowly rose from his seat, Louis could tell something was up. 

‘’I’ll go with you, let’s see what our troublemaker is up to.’’

A touch of understanding dawned over Harry as James smiled tightly and held his hand out, indicating it was time for them to leave. He didn’t like it, their smooth flow of conversation suddenly seemed stilted and pressed, and he wasn’t sure what he should be prepared for. As soon as the other two left the room, Charles sat down in Harry’s former seat and held an expression that belonged to someone burying their loved one.

‘’She never told you, did she?’’

‘’Obviously not, so, told me what?’’

Charles sucked in a sharp breath as he massaged his temple quite brutally, and the exaggerated dwelling sent his heart beating faster. Nothing good then, which he wasn’t really too surprised about.

‘’Wow, well that explains why you haven’t brought it up yourself, and I’m truly sorry for causing you more hurt by this. But, Louis, you were roughly six months when your father got involved with Katherine. Romantically I mean.’’

Time stopped as the sentence ringed through his head, and the distinct, _not Katherine’s son_ , revelation played like a broken record. His blood went cold while his skin paled, and he blinked slowly as the rest of his face remained expressionless. The chime wouldn’t stop, and a massive migraine slashed all the way to the back of his neck to make sure he grasped the reality of the words. It was another complication he didn’t need on top of everything else going on, and he took a deep breath as he dragged a sweaty palm over his forehead.

‘’What the actual fuck does my shitty existence exists of?’’

He mumbled under his breath as he quietly shook his head, not finding the energy to process just how screwed up his life was. As shocking as the news was, it still didn’t sound surprising when a lot of things suddenly made sense. A gentle hand landed on his arm, and he flinched from the touch as he felt agitated about pretty much everything. 

‘’I don’t understand how you didn’t know, it doesn’t make any sense, and you read your father’s testament when you turned legal, didn’t you?’’

‘’Yeah, some attorney went over it with me, but it sure as hell didn’t mention anything about being lied to my whole life.’’

‘’What did it say exactly?’’

The tone of his uncle darkened as Louis rose to his feet, still shaking his head while he paced back and forth with an angry scowl.

‘’It described my rights to the company, which are none unless I graduate as an attorney, and how big of a percent I’ll receive if it ever gets sold. There's a little loophole in there, for my moth- for _Katherine’s_ benefit, where she has the right to write me off if I fail to finish my first year or get kicked out of the university. Or if I do something scandalous, like, properly lose my mind and is sent back in the loony bin.’’

An unrecognisable growl left his uncle, and a loud slam to the table caused him to jump around to see Charles storming out of the room. He frowned after his retrieving figure and continued to stare for another five minutes straight before he heard footsteps coming back. Like his was, Charles’ face was twisted red from anger, and he stormed into the kitchen with a box in his hands. 

‘’I wish I’d realised sooner so I could’ve gone through all of this with you before you left, but-‘’ Charles popped the lid and pulled out a file, and handed it over. ‘’- take this file with you, and get yourself an attorney before she finds out, hire one who isn’t associated with the company, and gain what’s rightfully yours. Do what I failed to do.’’

Even though it was thin, it felt heavy between in fingers, and he stared at it with a slight flare of horror. The truth hiding inside would surely make him feel worse, and he wasn’t sure what would happen then. With trembling hands, he flipped it open, and his eyes scanned over the written words of his father’s testament. It was very different from the one he’d been presented the day he’d turned legal. A certain paragraph caused his eyes to widen, and a flare of harsh betrayal sent his blood boiling. 

_§ I give all the residue and remainder of my Estate, along with all my assets in forms of stocks, capital and other investments, to my son, Louis William Tomlinson. If such named is no longer in existence (collectively ‘’pre-deceased’’), I direct that his share shall pass to my brother, Charles Tomlinson. If there exist no such surviving beneficiary or contingent beneficiaries as named above at the time of my death, then every value shall be anonymously donated equally to the charities listed underneath._

Grief and heartache welled up as he read the detailed testament, and he could feel how water stung his eyes when his mind unwillingly realised the truth of his relation with his sister. His father he sadly couldn’t remember, but from what he read, he felt a new wave of grief hitting. 

_§ At my death, my son, Louis William Tomlinson who’s under the age of eighteen will not have a living parent, and I nominate my brother, Charles Tomlinson to serve as the legal guardian of such child._

A pained choke left his throat and he clutched the document harder, crinkling the sides enough to leave permanent dents but the agony building inside was too unbearable to control. He suddenly understood much better why his uncle had tried so hard to gain custody when in theory he’d had every right to. In fact, he shouldn’t have had to fight, he should’ve been brought to his side the moment his father stopped breathing.

‘’Why-‘’ his voice broke, and he clenched his eyes shut from keeping his tears back. ‘’-why didn’t you claim me when my father died, you were eighteen at the time.’’

‘’I’m so sorry Louis, I was in the middle of a personal crisis right before your father died, and since I was unable to look after myself, I didn’t want to cause you harm by providing an unstable home. I honestly believed it was for the best but I regret it now, after learning everything you went through, and I wish I wouldn’t have accepted Katherine’s promise of taking care of you until I was ready. I was young and stupid, and she took advantage of that. She undermined me ever since that day, and whenever I reached out for legal help, I was placed last not only because I lived with a man, but also from the power she held. The restraining orders and how she said I'd walked away from you didn't portray me as a healthy home for you. I couldn't beat her, but you can.’’

He understood, he really did, but he couldn’t help wishing his uncle had tried harder as he kept the tight grip on the paper. Eventually, he forced his eyes back open and blinked rapidly, trying to make out the blurred words as he took a deep breath. 

_§ I nominate my son, Louis William Tomlinson to be the heir to my company, Tomlinson Administrative, as chief executive when he comes of age and fulfils the proper training that will be provided. If such named fails or is unable for any reason to serve as chief executive, I give permission for the board to continue running the company as they see fit in the future._

The paragraphs kept going, but with every sentence he read, his migraine grew worse, and he forcefully shut the file as he took several steps away from the table. His head was pounding, exploding everything he'd thought he'd known into chaos. It was too much to take in, and he had small chances of getting around it.

‘’Fuck, he never even left her in charge. She forged the bloody testament, how else could she be where she's at.’’

‘’Do you understand now, why you need to get yourself an attorney-‘’

‘’I don’t give a shit about that fucking company, it can go screw itself for all I care, and I don’t want anything to do with it. I just learned I’ve been an _orphan_ since I was five and continuingly been screwed over by the one person I’ve had a reason to hate all along.-’’ His eyes flew to his uncle’s face but flicked away when he noticed the broken expression it turned into. ‘’-From how my father wrote this, and apparently after he knew he was going to die, I’m pretty convinced I was an only child as well. I can read between the lines, and what he’s saying, is that he only had a son.’’

‘’I wouldn’t know, he never said anything, and no papers are saying she wasn’t his-‘’

‘’But you've always suspected, right? I read about his illness and how long he was hospitalised so unless Katherine stole his bloody sperm then of course Cassy wasn’t his, god why haven’t I done the math before! No fucking wonder she did everything in her power to have you banned all these years when you were the only one who could expose her.-’’ Turning more crazed and vivid, he kicked one of the chairs around the table and yanked at his hair. A part of him wished he’d never known when the truth didn’t make him feel the slightest relieved or good about himself, and rather broke him further on the inside. ‘’-I need a fucking smoke, and please just leave me alone until we have to drive to the train station, I can’t deal with any of this right now.’’

With a heavy breath, he turned on his heel and jogged out of the house, barely bringing the jacket where the pack of cigarettes laid and entered the frosty air. The coldness attacked him immediately, but for a change, he liked the numbing sensation when it shifted his focus to something else. He smoked two in one go as he sat on the swing, sucking the nicotine like it was oxygen, and ignored how badly his throat burned as he lit up the third one. It was painful, yet satisfyingly, and he swung back and forth as he furiously kicked the ground. He didn’t know how long he sat there, but he could see the sky turning darker, and too soon came the sound of a door being opened. Without turning around or giving any signs he’d acknowledged someone’s presence, he closed his eyes and waited for what he knew was coming. It was time to leave. 

‘’It saddens me to see you go, but promise you’ll come back soon yeah?’’

James’ voice was quieter than normal, and when he felt a hesitant hand land on his shoulder, he sighed sadly and let his head fall. He hated how their last hours had turned awful, but he’d needed time alone to at least try to get his shit together. With shaky legs, he left the swing and welcomed the gentle hug James pulled him into. He would miss them, but he took comfort in knowing it wouldn’t be another decade before he would see them again.

An unstable mess was what he was, even a worse one than before, and he was shaking inside the car after the emotional goodbye with Cassandra and James. He’d avoided Harry’s eyes after everything, and he kept silent throughout the drive towards the station. The emotions, the empathy and worry he would see in Harry would be the final nail in his coffin, and he didn’t fancy having another, uglier, mental breakdown on his watch. 

‘’I meant what I said back at the house, come back soon because I’ve missed enough of your life already.’’

‘’You won’t get rid of me that easily.’’ He tried for a smile, but it turned into a grimace instead, and he hid his face into his uncle’s shoulder when he received one final hug of goodbye.

‘’Good, I’ll hold you to that.’’

The train taking them back to London rolled into the station, and a new stab of pain flashed over his chest when they had mere minutes left. If he’d had the power to freeze time, or even go back, he would’ve travelled long, reached out and frozen it for years. When the train stopped, Harry grabbed their bags and casually threw them over his shoulder as he looked over at Charles.

‘’It was a pleasure meeting you and please pass another hug to your lovely daughter from me.-.'' Gentle eyes wandered over to his with a small nod. ‘’-I’ll find our seats.’’

Then he was gone, and Louis was left standing with his uncle, feeling the ache inside deepen, and he considered if it was really worth going home.

‘’Try not to forget what’s important, Louis, that boy is included.’’

‘’Yeah, but he deserves better than all my fucked up shit and-''

‘’Hey, never sell yourself short. You’re a wonderful young man with so much to offer, Harry sees that just as much as I do. It’s time for you to let go of everything that’s haunting you and put yourself first. Be happy, you deserve it. Let me know how things go, regarding everything, alright?’’

It was difficult to fully accept when he wasn’t used to kind words. No matter how often Harry told him the same and how much it meant, he couldn’t get rid of the fucking doubt lingering. How people could be so genuine and mean it, genuinely like him for who he was, had always been unfamiliar and hard to grasp. He quickly pressed in an extra hug as silent gratitude before he swirled back around and jogged towards the train.

‘’Yeah, take care.’’

*

When the quiet train ride where Harry had given him space was over, he dragged his feet back to the flat with tense shoulders. He was knackered, something he seemed to be twenty-four hours, seven days a week, lately, and he quietly wondered if he would ever be able to fully relax again. All the complex information, which followed with a shit storm of questions, left him wishing he could sleep through it. He didn't understand, perhaps he didn’t want to either, and asking for some peace and quiet was apparently harder to achieve than winning the fucking lottery.

‘’Would you like a cuppa when we get inside?-’’

He jumped at the sudden sound leaving Harry, forgetting he was there when he hadn't spoken in a while, and he responded with a shrug. Even deciding if he wanted tea or not turned problematic when his mind couldn’t settle long enough to pinpoint an answer.

‘’-I’m truly sorry for what you discovered tonight, just know I’m here if you feel like talking about it.’’

He unlocked the door and dropped his bag the second they stepped over the frame, but he didn’t move further when his eyes flicked over to stare at Harry. 

‘’Did they tell you?’’

‘’Not much, and I didn’t ask, but your voice carried well in the house. I didn’t mean to overhear.’’

It was a bit of a miracle he was able to even stand, and with a slow drag over the back of his head, he sagged into the couch where sighed heavily. 

‘’Doesn’t matter, I wasn’t going to keep it a secret, but I don't have any energy left to bring it back up.’’

‘’Take as much time as you need, but for now, I suggest you go to bed, you look awful.’’

‘’Oi, what an uplifting compliment to receive today, darling.’’

A weak smile formed on Harry’s face as he didn’t look so fresh himself, and the concerned wrinkles forming between his eyes sent another heavy sigh from Louis.

‘’You know what I mean, Lou, and the sooner you sleep, the faster you can receive some real answers from those who knows what to do next.’’

‘’Right. So many fucking questions with such mind-blowing answers to gain, gee what a lucky shit I am. Why can't it just stop, all I want is some bloody peace and quiet, is that so fucking hard? Am I really asking for too much?''

A bark of sarcasm clouded his words, and he shrunk further into the couch, creating a comfortable spot when he had no intention of moving in a while.

''You alright?''

Harry stepped closer, and the moment a hand reached his hair to gently sweep the messy fringe away, he automatically leant into the touch. It was comforting, and the tiniest hum of approval slipped past his lips, forcing his left cheek to twitch upwards in a weak smile. 

''No, I'm so tired of all this shit, and I'm not capable of dealing with so much stress at once. I don't want to think, and I certainly don't want to be so fucking terrified all the time. I just want to sleep, preferably for the next year, so please, toss me a blanket before you leave the room.’’

Harry’s warmth faded when his head dipped back, and his eyes fell shut, letting the last of his muscles and his body turn into lead. He was prepared to sleep in the position, even happy to, but when two arms sneaked behind his back and under his knees, he suddenly felt light as a feather. Being too knackered he didn’t protest on the blushing bride pose he was carried in, and he couldn't lie, he would take Harry's chest over the couch any day. The heat radiating from Harry's body engulfed him in a sweet cocoon, and he wanted to feel it closer. With borrowed strength from Harry, who quickly picked up where he was going, he shifted in the embrace and curled his arms around his neck. His feet dangled loosely as strong hands supported his weight, and he let his head lull on top Harry’s shoulder to breathe in the soft hint of perfume he smelled. 

It wasn’t until they had left the livingroom he realised the calmness in his head, for once his mind was silenced and filled with nothing but emptiness. Perhaps not entirely empty when he was able to think how comfortable he was in Harry's hold, and how soothing the closeness felt. The steady drum of another heart gently thumped against his chest, and he took a deep inhale as he slowly opened his eyes. Right there he was at peace, sensing how every problem washed away, and he felt safe. It was what only Harry could give him, and when the grip underneath his thighs tightened, he saw it again.  
The moment he'd let pass back at his Uncle formed, and he felt almost suspiciously calm when he knew he wouldn't let it go a second time. 

''If you drop me, I swear I’ll shove my foot up your arse, and it'll be the last thing you do with your hands ever again.''

A low rumble of vibration tickled his chest as a quiet chuckle eased from Harry as he shook his head.

''Don't worry, I believe it’ll be-'' Harry's voice slowed when he slid steady fingers into his soft curls, and slightly angled his head, so their gazes met. ''-uh, be the last thin-'' he cut him off as he leant in and kissed him.

*


	8. Chapter 8

**Updated**

The butterflies in his stomach along with the soft touch of Harry's lips vanished the second the support under his thighs left, and he crashed to the hard floor. His bum took the fall, his right cheek to be precisely, and soreness spread down his leg as his eyes pinched together in a low groan.

‘’Bloody hell, if you hated your hands that much you could’ve just said so right away.’’

He rubbed his brow as he pushed up the right leg to ease the weight on his sensitive side, only wincing a little when he didn’t have enough energy to create a whine. Whether it was rejection or simply shock he’d received from Harry, he wasn’t sure, but he was relieved he was too knackered to care. 

‘’Sorry, I- you- I don’t- you-.''

‘’Today Harold, I’m blacking out here.’’

Harry, who finally seemed to regain access to his brain, fell to one knee and carefully, almost hesitantly placed a soft hand on his shoulder.

‘’You just-‘’ the words he realised he hoped for, wasn't voiced and a confusing expression settled over Harry’s face as his eyes dropped from his face. ‘’-Come on, let me help you to bed, you’ve been through enough today. I really didn’t mean to lose my grip.’’

The smallest flick twitched Harry’s mouth, and a noticeable blush coated his cheeks as his eyes shyly started to lift back up but never settled on his. A pinch of disappointment argued with the flutter of his heart, and he couldn’t decide which he felt the strongest. Something was there in Harry’s face, he could see it, but perhaps it wouldn’t be the worst idea to pick up the conversation they were doomed to have after a night’s sleep. He’d at least made a move, and he was glad for it.

‘’Sure you didn’t, I’m never letting you carry me again.’’

A shy smile decorated his lips as Harry’s gentle hand gripped his shoulder tighter, and he snorted amusedly when he received a wider smile in return.

‘’Sorry to inform you love, but I don’t care, because you’re not sleeping on the floor. So up we go.’’

‘’Idiot.’’

Without protest a second time, he allowed Harry’s arms to lift him up, and he pressed closer as his fist clenched the fabric of the shirt. The pressure around his body tightened, and he sighed in relief when he took it as a sign Harry wanted the closeness just as much as he did. Drowsiness crawled up his spine, and his eyes closed easily while his head moved to the rhythm of Harry's steps. With a final touch, he scarcely pressed his lips against the soft skin of Harry’s throat and incomprehensibly mumbled the words his mind played. _You’re all I need._ Then he slumped together, and he fell asleep on Harry’s shoulder to the sound of his low rumble. 

_‘’Such a beautiful enigma you are indeed.’’_

*

The sound of a sharp clicking noise woke him as if someone was repeatedly knocking a walking stick against the floor of his flat. He clenched his eyes tightly as he rolled onto his back, yawning and stretching to wake faster. It wasn’t until he noticed how the sound turned louder for each knock he realised it was coming closer to his room. With a pinch of panic, his eyes flew open, and he rapidly poked Harry’s side while he stared at the door.

‘’Hey, did you lock up last night?’’

The words came in a hissed whisper as he shoved the duvet from his body and jumped to his feet with a deep frown while he hurriedly dressed. Just as Harry slurred nonsense and shifted position, the noise reached outside his room, and it finally dawned where he’d heard it before. Mostly with the female population of London, and his face paled when he recognised it came from high heels meeting wood. His eyes barely widened before the door swung open and revealed the last person he was ready to face. There she was, storming inside with a sour expression, and a sound of irritation leaving her scowling mouth. 

‘’Why am I not surprised to see you still in bed on-‘’ Her voice fell the moment her eyes caught sight of another body sleeping, and her whole demeanour cracked. ‘’-What the hell is this? What is _he_ doing in your room, in _your bed?_ ’’

Her cutting voice woke Harry faster than he'd ever witnessed, and he watched how he flinched off the mattress before he could utter a single word. For some cruel and rubbish reason, she’d chosen to show up the one day they’d least expected her, and he stared baffled at the scene. It was his typical luck, wasn't it.  
The sharp inhale from Katherine blinked him back, and he could practically see the tiny veins in her eyes rupture as she stared at Harry. Her gaze zeroed in on every inked line, and he figured Harry realised as well when he scrambled around for a shirt to put on. 

‘’What are you doing here, and who the fuck gave you the right to burst right in?’’

‘’I own this fucking flat and don’t you raise your voice at me when you're the one who’s truly crossed the line this time!-'' Her face caught fire as her steely stare shifted, and landed back on his. ‘’-This is how you thank me for giving you a place to live, _spitting_ me in the face by bringing _more shame_ into my life? I gave you a chance even though I knew better, and you should be fucking thrilled your father isn’t here to witness what a disgrace you are. This is unacceptable and so humiliating, but at least it’ll let me cut you off without a second thought. I can’t even look at you.-’’ She spat the words as the disgust grew in her expression before she unwillingly shifted her attention back to Harry, who crumbled under her harsh words. ‘’-And _you_ , how dare you take advantage of my hospitality and deceive me with your lies when I brought you here to fix his behaviour, not turn it uglier. You and your kind-‘’

‘’Don’t you fucking talk to him that way or mention my father again. I advise you to get the fuck out before I truly lose it, and you can take your pathetic act with you. You’re not angry, not completely when this is what you wanted, to find a reason to finally erase me from your life. Unfortunately for you, though, I’ll be having the last laugh.’’

She was clearly insane but hearing how she attacked Harry, who was innocent in all of it, caused his blood to boil, and he wasn’t able to keep his anger down.

‘’Is that so? Did you honestly believe I wouldn’t find out about your decision to drop law for some ridiculous drama class? You sealed your fate yourself with that choice, and you’ll never be a part of the company or set foot near it.’’

A ruthless laugh left as he shook his head in bewilderment at the woman he’d once seen as a mother, so so many years ago, and unable to understand how he’d been able to.

‘’You can shove the fucking company up your bloody arse when I couldn’t care less about it, or what happens to it. So you’re absolutely right, I’ll never be a part of it, but neither will you in the future.-’’ Her stare was so hateful, but as the words reached her, he caught the smallest glint of confusion flash over her eyes before she steadied herself. ‘’-You started this year with a mission, to have me removed before your big move would happen, but I assume you didn’t consider it could backfire. You sold it as an attempt to forcefully help me get back on my feet, but we both know it was never your intention. If it had been, you would’ve given me the love and support I needed from the day you _entered_ my life.’’

The previous confusion he’d seen on her gradually transformed into realisation, then fear, and it was all the proof he needed to know he was right. Relief entered his chest along with pain, and he chuckled darkly at how long his foolishness had lasted. 

‘’I see your habit of experimenting with drugs hasn’t changed much when I can’t fathom what you’re implying here. You need help Louis, you’re on a dangerous and unheal-‘’

‘’Just save it. I’m not interested in listening to your embarrassing attempts at being oblivious when you know what I’m talking about. I _did_ get my shit together this year, I’ve reflected more on my life than I’ve ever done before, and I reached out to the _one_ person in _my_ who’s always been honest with me. You’re not allowed to stand here and pretend you’re my mother, especially not a caring one when you’ve done everything in your power to destroy me.’’

For a split second her face fell hard, eyes widened, and her mouth went slack with shock, but it didn’t last long until fury washed it away.

‘’After all these years of trying to help you get better, giving you a safe place to live and paying for your-‘’

‘’ _Better?_ Trying to get me better? Are you fucking shitting me, how can you be so narcissistic to believe your own lies? You’ve never bothered to show interest in my life until this year, and your act of _kindness_ regarding paying for me was for your own fucking benefit to keep me controlled. You took away the family I needed, the one who could’ve given me an actual childhood, and instead blocked me from the world by making sure I had enough resources to destroy myself day by day. You never wanted me to get better, you wanted me to reach the final breaking point so I would finally stop threatening the life you’ve created for yourself. Guess what, had you only waited without doing anything, it probably would’ve worked. Your own desperation and paranoia ruined your plans.’’

He scoffed in disbelief, and another dark laugh followed quickly after, not understanding how blind he’d been throughout the years. Her agenda was painfully clear, and he realised he owed Harry for still being alive as well.

‘’This delusional personality you’ve developed saddens me, and I understand now that there was never hope for you. I’ve tried, but I don’t need to listen to this nonsense-‘’

‘’I wasn’t finished.-‘’ he hurriedly stepped in front of her to block her escape route and crossed his arms as his face darkened. ‘’-I’ve read the _original_ testament of my father, and funny enough, it’s quite _different_ from the one _your_ attorney presented me. What I especially noticed, is how he _never_ wanted you in charge, in fact, your name wasn’t even mentioned _once_ throughout the very specific file. Your bullshit lies of conditions never existed, you manufactured it all and trust me, as the rightful inheritor, you’ll regret not treating me as your own from day one.’’ 

‘’That’s preposterous and just another proof you need help, Louis. If you honestly believe there exist another version of his testament, then your illness has drastically-‘’

‘’Oh piss off! Stop clinging to your desperate act, it won’t change the facts, no matter what you say, and this is happening. You are the _worst_ fucking person I’ve ever had the misfortune to know, and everything you have will be ripped away sooner than you think. I’ve been a fool, a bloody idiot for so many years, but not anymore. The cruel way you’ve treated me, and we can’t forget about Charles either, is so twisted it makes me sick beyond words. What the fuck did I _do_ to you, _why_ do you hate me this much, and _how_ could you hate me when I was a bloody innocent child?’’ 

As soon as his throat voiced innocent, the previous flare of anger settled over Katherine’s face again, and she shook furiously as she didn’t bother to pretend anymore. 

‘’There’s nothing innocent about you! I stood by your father’s side throughout his illness, I helped with the company, I took care of you, and I was the one who did everything for him. I changed my _whole_ life for that man, slaved as his assistant for _years_ before he finally noticed my effort, and _how_ did he repay me? By giving me _nothing_ , it was always about _you_ , and he made sure I had no rights to what _I’d_ helped create. He took away my _everything_ once, and then you-‘’

Her voice cracked, but from where she'd been going, he could finish it in his mind, _-did it a second time_. His eyes closed as every knot inside twisted in hurt, and he could finally see where her deepest hate rooted from. It wasn’t justifiable, he’d been tormented by guilt ever since it happened, but he’d finally accepted it hadn’t been his fault.

‘’So it goes back to her. The day Cassy died, you decided I was the one to pay for it all.’'

‘’Don’t you say her name! I made the mistake of leaving her with you for _two seconds_ , and you did _nothing_ as you watched my baby drown. It was because of you, it’ll always be on you, and you don’t deserve a life when you let hers be taken away. You should never have been blessed with wealth and having no nightmares eating away that sick, rotten soul of yours. You don’t deserve anything except the haunting of being responsible for an innocent's life getting lost.’’

It seemed like he’d reached her limit and she exploded back, face raged as her pupils turned so full they appeared entirely black.

‘’No nightmares? All I’ve had is fucking nightmares, pain and searing guilt following me, believing your accusations and blaming myself ever since. But I’m done letting you push me further down. I hadn’t even turned twelve when the accident happened, and yes, it was a fucking _accident_ because I was a bloody child myself! Don’t you dare blame her death on me when I loved her just as much as you did, and gladly would’ve switched places with her. She was my fucking sister, regardless of what I’ve recently learned, and I would’ve done _anything_ fo-’’

A burning pain flared up the right cheek of his face from the slap he received, and the echo hit the walls hard enough to make the paint peel off. His head hung heavily to the side, and he stared at the floor as a hiss left from the heat spreading over his sore skin. He was _done_ , sick and tired of being treated as a heartless criminal worth less than shit, and he was ready to stop playing the villain. He slowly shifted to meet Katherine’s murderous glare, and his voice drawled out in a disturbingly calm tone as he didn’t break their stare.

‘’-I’m so over all of this, and unfortunately for you, your attempt at finishing me off, ended up saving me instead. You ruined yourself because you-''

He let his gaze drift over to Harry, who looked heartbroken and ready to commit murder at the same time, almost as if he contemplated whether he should pick him up and sprint away or slaughter Katherine. It made his eyes soften, and his face twitched with fondness as he continued talking.

‘’-brought me _Harry_ , and he's the fucking light at the end of my tunnel. When I was at my worst, he was the one who stayed by my side, helped me when I didn’t know I needed it, supported me when I least deserved it and pulled me back to life. He's made me see what matters and to cherish the little things, he's everything you’ll never be. You can say whatever you want about me, I don’t care, but I won’t stand here and let you attack him when he’s the last person who deserves to hear your degrading shit. All he’s done wrong is share that stupidly big heart of his to those who takes it for granted-.''

He turned back to give her a final glance.

‘’-Once I’m through with every legal part, and trust me you'll be behind bars at the end of this, I never have to deal with you again. I once saw you as my mother, but you stopped being a part of my life a long time ago.’’

He walked closer to Harry, giving him the warmest smile he had and felt the knot inside his chest untie, allowing his heart to grow when Harry smiled back.

‘’I hope you rot from these choices you’ve made, but you won’t do it in my flat when I still legally own it. So get the fuck out, both of you. _Now_.’’

‘’One second, and then we’ll gladly go.’’

There were no traces of fear left, or of anything really, and he didn’t hesitate as he grabbed Harry’s shirt to pull him closer. With a wide grin, he placed a long kiss on the corner of his mouth and tugged him into a hug he hoped said it all. A similar feeling to the night before grew and the feeling in his stomach sizzled, running through his body from head to toe. Any sounds around was drowned by the thumping of his heart, and he took a deep breath as a fire settled over his skin. How long they stood there, he didn’t know, but when Harry tightened his grip, he felt ten years younger.

‘’She’s gone, I think she got the message.’’

The surprisingly saddened tone to Harry’s voice abruptly chased away his warmth, and a confused frown re-entered his features as he hesitantly stepped back. A broken sigh left Harry as he wiped a hand through his hair, and shifted his gaze towards the open door, but failed to camouflage the agony in his expression.

‘’But you obviously didn-''

‘’I get why you did what you just did because that woman is- I don’t even have words, and she belongs behind bars or in a heavily secured mental facilitation. But your bloody heartfelt speech, of how- _did you mean that_ \- what are you doing Louis? You’re so confusing I’m lost on what to do or think anymore, and it’s driving me insane.’’

‘’I wouldn't say it if I-''

‘’I don’t want to create another problem, but not knowing what’s real or not and trying to make sense of your signals is making me lose it. No matter how hard I try, I never seem to find an explainable reason for your actions, and I’ve never been able to understand when you do one thing one day and then the opposite the next. You confuse me the most when your mind is far away, just like last night.-'' A painful chuckle escaped Harry’s throat as his hand flopped down. ‘’-Or when you want to prove something, just like the very first day I met you or through that fucking play you rehearsed for. I just can’t figure you out or what’s going on inside your head. So _what_ is it, what are you doing and what does it mean to you, if anything?’’

Another sigh left as Harry’ head fell, while hands came to rest on his hips, and he slowly shook his curls back and forth in what Louis described as distress. Pained wrinkles settled throughout Harry’s face, and his heart shrunk back to normal size and then crumbled some more. He’d thought he’d made it clear the night before, but seeing the painful frustration in Harry was proof enough he'd made it worse.

‘’Harry-''

‘’You’re amazing Lou, so fucking lovely, and it’s starting to be really painful just being around you. I constantly have to convince myself it’s just the way you are, and how it doesn’t have to mean anything when most of the time it doesn't seem you're aware of what you're doing. You sneaked under my radar, which was my mistake, but I can’t change it now, and I’m sorry if this is tough for you to hear.-‘’ Harry’s voice faded as his head shifted to the side, and the saddened beauty in his eyes, the ones he'd completely lost himself in recently, bored into his. ’’-Look, it’s my fault for not saying anything sooner, and it’s not fair of me to bring it up right after you just had the fight of the century with that woman. I just needed to get it off my chest before we figure out what to do next, and a little distance might be good so we can both-’’

''Will you shut up for one second and let me finish a bloody sentence for fuck sake!-'' It wasn't exactly what he’d expected to hear, but it was close enough to believe James had been right about some details. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, but when he was about to share his mind, the last few words Harry had spoken flared through his head. ‘’-Wait, what distance?’’

‘’Didn't you just hear how Katherine kicked us out? I figured you'll probably crash at Liam’s the next few days until you find a new place? I’ll just ambush Niall in the meanti- Please don’t look at me like that, and don’t take it the wrong way, I’m not leaving you. You know I'd never do that.’’

‘’But it's exactly what you’re doing, and just like that? Without clearing things up, you just spring this on me then tug your tail between your legs and scramble?’’

The anger trailing his voice wasn’t by his choice, but the cracks slicing into his heart caused him pain. A new pain he hadn’t experienced before, and he already knew it was something he never wanted to feel again. He almost missed how Harry’s face fell further but caught it at the last second, and it sent another gut wrenching ache through his body when he could read the answer in his gaze.

‘’I’m leaving the flat but not you, and I won’t disappear from your life just because we won’t live together. But I think taking some time is the right move as of now, and you need your space to focus on the legal matter.’’

No. He didn’t accept the lousy excuse. Harry wasn’t allowed to strike him, and then run away when he'd finally found the bravery to be honest about his feelings.

‘’No. Don’t you dare. You don’t get to do this to me, not now.-’’ With quick feet he stepped forward and pinned Harry to the wall, slamming his back hard enough to draw a grimace, but he didn’t stop. ‘’-People say I’m stubbornly blind, but bloody hell, I swear you’re incapable of seeing what’s right there yourself. You don’t get to throw this at me and then just walk away.-’’

His hands rested on each side of Harry's head, blocking an escape as their eyes locked, and he stared with such intensity he probably could've carved a hole.

‘’-I'm very aware of what I did last night, and yeah, I was tired, but I wasn’t in a fucking comatose, having my brain fried or whatever nonsense you’re explaining it with. I'm sorry for confusing you, but trust me, I've been just as confused with myself, and I didn't understand what was going on with me. But you don't get to speak for me or label my poor attempts at expressing how I feel as instability caused by whatever you've told yourself.-''

He took a deep breath as he stepped even closer, moving his face barely an inch from Harry's and he took notice of how the lump in his throat was swallowed.

‘’-I’m so fucking sick and tired of being on an emotional rollercoaster, and after everything I've learned the past twenty-four hours, I've decided insecurity doesn't get to control me anymore. I kissed you because I bloody _wanted_ to. I have for a while because it finally dawned on me that you are a stupid idiot who I somewhere along the way fucking fell for. You're all my messed up head thinks about, and I feel like shit whenever you're not around me, _do you get that?_ You’ve been like a sharp breath of reality, and it has forced me to realise what I want, you. _You_ make me _better_. I owe myself to try and see what this can be, even though it scares the hell out of me, so try to run all you want, but I’ll fucking chase you.-’’

He was angry, hurt and so utterly gone. Trying to express everything he wanted was like hitchhiking a tornado, but for once he’d been able to voice his feelings with the right words and to the right person. The grimace on Harry’s face had morphed into bewilderment during his ramble, and when it was over, shock replaced it when he used his bravery and erased the last inches between them. From the adrenaline rushing through his veins, the kiss turned rather brutal, but he hardly registered as he focused on sliding one of his hands from the wall around Harry’s neck.

A loud gasp left Harry’s frozen posture, but eventually, trembling fingers found the fabric of his t-shirt, and it crumbled under the clenched fists. A sense of relief washed over when he felt the kiss was returned, and he sagged against Harry’s chest to press their bodies together. He took it as a win when Harry didn't storm off when they pulled apart to breathe, and he closed his eyes as he let his forehead drop.

‘’-If you dare accuse me of being unstable, which I’m going to be if you do, I’ll rip your bollocks off and make you eat them.’’

The sound of a gurgled roar rumbled in Harry’s throat, and he could feel how the hands against his sides squeezed tighter.

'’I won’t, but you really mean that, everything you just said?’’

Feeling the warmth of Harry’s skin so close made his tingle, and he was glad Harry had never managed to fully close his shirt, while he’d been busy screaming at Katherine

''Now you're just disappointingly slow Harold.-''

If Harry had any lingering doubt about what he was shoving down his throat, then he was more than okay with _physically_ shoving it down his throat. He gently untangled Harry’s fists to entwine their fingers and nibbled up the side of his neck.

‘’-I just bled my heart out like an obsessed stalker, and I’m biting your neck as I speak, what more do you need from me? I'm the one who should be nervous about your reaction, you haven't said much.''

‘’I hadn't expected you to- it's a bit overwhelming, but I'm glad. _Very_ glad.’’

Harry stuttered breathlessly as the rest of him quietly shook, clearly having a difficult time taking it all in and Louis softly smiled. It was better to have Harry work a nervous behaviour than a rational one when from experience he hadn’t been so successful with his words.  
He moved back down while leaving soft bites until he reached collarbones, smirking too smugly when the distinct sound of sharp intakes reached his ears, and he bit a tad harder. The influence he seemed to have on Harry pleased him, and he quite enjoyed how sensitive he was to every touch he left. His fingers worked on their own as they slipped from Harry's to flick the few closed buttons of his shirt, and he didn't hesitate to slide it off his shoulders. The choked groan he heard caused his smirk to widen, and he captured Harry’s lips with newfound confidence as he seized the opportunity to explore further once their lips parted in a mumbled gasp.

He wanted or perhaps needed Harry to understand how strongly he felt, and he sensed how all of his restrictions fled when Harry tugged him closer. Their tongues moved faster as the kiss evolved into a passionate snog, desperate to chase the desire and hold on to the feeling. It was a situation he'd been in before, but it was so much more when he knew they both had chosen it and wanted it. Heat spread through his body as nails carved into his neck, and his breathing deepened when Harry bit his bottom lip. The t-shirt he wore felt like a wall, and he wrestled his mouth free when he craved to feel his skin against Harry's.

‘’Get this fucking straightjacket off me.’’

He looked up, and a shot of arousal flooded his stomach when Harry’s eyes darkened with a flare of lust. In less than seconds, the fabric left his body to hit the floor with a soft flick, and it stole a pleased gasp from his throat. He wasn't the only one who'd regained his confidence, and Harry pushed off the wall with a hungry stare while he moved them both towards the bed. The sudden dominance took him by surprise, but he would be lying if he said it wasn't exciting, and he allowed Harry to take control.

Rosy lips found him when Harry bent down, and seeking fingers played with the waistline of his sweats. The clench in his stomach tightened as he took a step back while Harry pushed them down, and he growled when a firm hand slowly slid over his briefs. He was already too turned on, and he fell backwards with Harry when his calves hit the bedframe. His legs automatically spread like a welcome when Harry's thighs moved in between and when he laid his weight down, he was pushed further into the mattress.

‘’Tell me you want this Louis, I need to hear you say it.’’

‘’I do, so show me what I’m sure you’ve fantasised about.’’

A rough growl escaped Harry as he kissed him deeply, and he enjoyed the desperate hunger growing inside his nerves. Everything felt good, and right, but when a hand teased down his chest to reach his hipbone, he felt a certain nudge of conscience prickle at the back of his mind. It was the last thing he wanted to think of at the moment, but he couldn’t erase how Harry deserved to know before they went further.

‘’Harry, wait-''

Harry’s body stilled at once, hand frozen on his hip and the moving mouth at his neck stopping along with the breath he’d heard.

‘’I’m going too fast, shit, I’m sorr-.''

‘’No no, fuck no, but I should tell you something that’s bothered me a while, and I assume it’s better if I do it now instead of later.’’

The mattress shifted a little when Harry moved, and his head came up to meet his slightly widened eyes where nervousness was written. It didn’t take Harry long to notice, and a small unsure frown formed while thumbs gently circled his side.

‘’What is it?’’

‘’Shit this is so stupid, and really pathetic so if you feel like shouting at me or whatever, go ahead.-‘’ he pinched his eyes in annoyance before he took a breath and let it out in one go, ripping the bandage off. ‘’-I kind of took advantage of you, but it was never my intention. I didn’t see it coming and was caught off guard in a fragile state of mind, which isn’t an excuse, and I’ve felt like shit for a while since I didn’t have the guts to tell you about it.’'

‘’Oh, alright, but- I’m not exactly sure _what_ you’re referring to.’’

If he could have, he would’ve gladly shot himself right there, just to escape having to explain it further.

‘’That night when you were drugged, you said how scary it was the morning after, thinking you knew people, and then they betray you like that. Which made it worse for me, since you didn’t remember and then thanked me for helping you out. Which I did, but I also didn’t stop the situation that escalated between us right away, so I wasn’t exactly innocent myself.’’

The silence stretched between them as he witnessed how Harry’s brain worked on overdrive, trying to stitch the pieces together and make sense of the new information. To his relief, Harry didn’t flinch away, and he couldn’t find any traces of anger when his eyes circled back to his.

‘’You mean we- did we-.''

‘’No, but I think it could've happened since it was going there, and it’s unexplainable how I managed to stop it, really. Doesn’t mean it didn’t matter though because it went too far when you were drugged and wanted someone else.’’

He’d felt embarrassed and ashamed of the weakness he'd shown that night, and the warmth pooling in his cheeks was giving him away.

‘’Oh wow, so that- _that wasn’t a dream?_ ’’

‘’I feel awful abo- wait, you- you _remember?_ -’’

It was Harry’s turn to flush red as it copied the embarrassment, and a slight chuckle pressed out when Louis’ mouth went slack with surprise. He blinked in confusion for about five seconds before his eyes narrowed, but the small curve to his mouth couldn’t be helped.

‘’-You little shit! I’ve been beating myself up for that, and you bloody remember it?!’’

‘’To be fair I was very high that night, and when I woke up with all those blurry images swimming in my head, I did check for any signs they were memories. I couldn’t see or feel any- well, obvious evidence so I figured it was only a very, very vivid dream and was more relieved you didn’t harass me for like, rutting against your leg during the night. Like you, I didn’t have the guts to actually ask if something had happened.’’

They stared dumbly at each other before laughter broke the silence, filling the room and causing them both to shake in amusement. If the situation hadn’t been so bizarre, he probably would’ve felt a bit more awkward about it all.

‘’You’re not mad then?’'

The laughter faded as Harry held his gaze, still smiling but there was something vulnerable and honest in his eyes, and it kept the heat inside burning.

‘’I’m actually a bit flattered you found me attractive when I was an unstable drooling mess, and I’m also aware _I_ was the one who created the situation.’’

‘’But you were fucking drugged, so you have a good excuse. It wasn’t even me you wanted, and I felt like shit because I didn’t care that I helped you forget that shithead Nate when I selfishly enjoyed the attention.’’

The smile on Harry widened into a shy grin as he tipped his head to the side, sending a new string of confusion through Louis, and he scolded himself for bringing it up. Fingers grazed his cheek as Harry let his gaze flick over his face.

‘’I can’t say I remember exactly what I said to you, but I know you have that _wrong_. If I wanted to forget someone that night, it wasn’t Nate, who I thought brought me home.-'' Their eyes met, and he caught the serious flick to them as Harry let his voice drop lower. ''-It was someone I believed I couldn’t have, and what I do recall, is no matter where I looked, all I could see was that someone’s face.’’

‘’What?’’

A thin squeal forced its way from his throat as Harry’s words sunk in, changing a whole lot and the situation replayed in his mind. If he interpreted it right then it meant Harry had wanted to forget _him_ , not Nate, and he bashfully bit his bottom lip when his chest expanded with warmth.

‘’You still have the title as the most oblivious love, and since you were honest, I should probably share something to ease your guilt a bit. During your period of sleepwalking, you tried to kiss me in your sleep, twice, and I let you the second time.’’

‘’You messing with me now?’’

‘’No. I hadn't expected it, and my emotions took over for a second because I realised I liked it. Felt really bad about it since I knew you were sleeping but was too afraid to tell you when it probably would’ve meant an early death for me.’’

He could see a frown forming on Harry, and he almost laughed in disbelief when they seemed to share similar incidents. It was too stupid to take seriously, and he couldn’t hold back the vibrations crawling up, creating a rather strange choke at the back of his throat.

‘’This is so pathetic.’’

The redness coating Harry’s cheeks burned a little stronger, but the same choked chuckle fled his mouth as well, and they ended up spluttering at each other. He didn't bother to dwell on it for long, and he tugged Harry closer to cut off the laughter as he was more interested in picking up their previous actions. Harry hummed in response as he got the message, letting soft fingers slide back to brush over his stomach and tickle the small trail of hair growing from his belly. They seemed eager to explore, and when nails scraped over the sensitive skin on his inner thigh, a shudder of pleasure passed through his body. Lips returned to his neck and moved down, touching every curve of his shoulder and collarbone. Once a hand finally slipped under the waistline of his briefs and closed around his strongest need, the same embarrassing sound from the time Harry had rocked against him, escaped. If he hadn’t been aroused through the roof, he would’ve shoved the warm chuckle he felt muffled at his chest back into Harry’s throat.

‘’So you _like_ that?’’

An unimpressed grunt left as he pinched his eyes together, arching slightly off the bed as Harry stroked him a bit harder while giving one of his nipples attention.

‘’Fuck Ha-Harold, why don’t you ask me if I actually have a dick next since you’re asking such stupid ques-.''

The rest of his sentence turned into a whine as Harry moved, leaving burning promises and closed his teeth around the other nipple to break him further. The sharp sting sent clenches through his stomach, and his nerves heightened as he trembled underneath. His mind was shutting down from how strongly he reacted, and the hand working him was really all his desire could focus on. It was good, so good he was on his way back into his teens by coming embarrassingly fast if Harry kept the pace.

He didn’t want to care, but a part still did when he’d wanted to be the _giving_ one for a change, and with a painful effort, he surged forward to take charge. With determination, he flipped them, where he was looming over the rising chest of Harry, and he took a minute to appreciate the view. Hooded eyes with lust roamed the inked lines of tattoos spread over Harry’s body, and the skin felt like velvet under his touch as he traced them. Every part of Harry seemed to spur him on, and he craved to ravish him, wreck him to the point where he’d be too lost to think.

‘’You’re bloody gorgeous H, fucking _stunning_.’’

A few strangled moans filled the room while he kissed his way down, and he didn’t stop as he met a thin trail of hair growing. Relieved he didn’t have to struggle with Harry’s ridiculously tight trousers, he easily slipped the briefs off before any nervousness could settle. The sounds reaching his attention hypnotised him further, and he spread Harry's thighs to find a more comfortable position. The closeness was real, very much happening as his hand found Harry, and he stroked him in the same slow way he used to do to himself. It felt foreign and new, but at the same time so familiar, and he caused Harry’s back to arch when he left a bite on his hipbone.

‘’Ah shit, I’m not going to last long since it’s been a while.’’

It was what he didn’t want to hear when he wasn’t done testing the new scenery, and he sensed the urge to take a challenge before his confidence crumbled. He lessened his grip to let go, and instead placed his hands on the soft thighs to spread them wider. The angle was just right as his head dipped, and with a few soft caresses of his mouth he moved closer to where Harry wanted him to be the most.

The muscles under his fingers tensed as he kept going, barely touching but using just enough pressure for Harry to quiver. It was teasing, and he liked the effect when whimpers and moans mixed together to fill the room. He felt daring, itching to try what he’d never considered before, and a sudden flare of courage broke free as he opened his mouth and flicked his tongue. It stroked up Harry's length, all the way to the tip of his head and the change caused Harry to splutter a loud gasp. It didn’t taste bad, and from Harry’s strong response he couldn’t help but feel smug enough to do it again. Just hearing the volume sent his lust higher, and his mouth curled in a sly smile as he enjoyed how vocal Harry turned.

‘’I’ve never done this before, so I obviously won’t be an expert, but just- tell me if it’s horrible.’’

‘’You don’t hav-.''

Harry never finished the sentence as his whole body stiffened when his mouth closed around him, and slowly slid down. It was a strange feeling, having someone inside his mouth, and he wasn’t quite convinced he knew exactly what to do. He’d received before, but it was an entirely different story giving, and he quickly realised as much.  
Noticing the size of Harry, and it being his first time he ruled out taking it all in, persistent he was but a complete lunatic trying the impossible he was not. His hand closed around the base as he shielded his teeth and continued to sink as far as he was able to before the stretch of his throat became too uncomfortable.

His head bobbed in slow movements, testing the feeling and contemplating how he was doing, but from the spluttering nonsense leaving Harry, he gained the impression he wasn’t too bad. It was encouraging, edging him on as he sucked a little stronger, and gripped tighter as he turned up the speed. A shift caught the corner of his eye, and he hummed pleased when he saw how Harry’s fists clenched the sheets so hard his knuckles turned white.

‘’You ne- Need to push my hi-hips down.’’

The words gasped out, but he wasn't quick enough to connect them and was unfortunately enlightened the painful way when Harry’s hips buckled up, and his mouth became too full. A brutal stretch burned down his throat as his eyes watered, and a cough wanted to leave but couldn’t. It got stuck, and the clench of his stomach sent his head snapping upwards, removing himself before he received a painful gag. He heaved as he wiped his eyes, and he startled when he felt a warm hand curl around his cheek.

‘’Fuck I’m sorry, should’ve-''

‘’No it’s fine. I know how it works.’’

He composed himself as he gently smacked Harry’s hand away, sending him a small smirk as he turned back to his task. He wasn’t a quitter, and a small set back wouldn’t scare him off when he was more persistent than most of the population he believed. Before he closed his lips around Harry again, he looked up, watched with a glint and kept eye contact as he dropped painfully slow. It was sexier than he’d thought it would be, and seeing Harry’s jaw go slack as his blown pupils turned wild with arousal, sent his nails digging into Harry’s hips. He pushed down as his cheeks hollowed, and he rubbed his tongue along with his bobbing. Fingers tangled in his hair and after a while he heard the hitched breath coming out much quicker and sharper, knowing it wouldn’t take long.

‘’I’m close. Very.’’

So he gave it his all like his life depended on it, and when Harry tensed up, his mouth popped off. It found other sensitive spots, and he used his tongue to flick around teasingly while his hand worked. A throaty moan filled the room as he stroked through the orgasm, and the muscles in Harry’s body clenched as he came.  
He watched with strange fascination how Harry twitched in his hand, and how his release decorated his stomach in long streaks. It probably shouldn’t have been as fascinating, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away, and it followed every movement. As the orgasm rode through, he felt his breath hitching, and he didn’t let go before Harry slumped on the bed with a small hiss as the tension left. The arousing trance he was swallowed in drove his hand forward, easing over the stained skin and through the come that slipped over the hips. It was a mess, but it was a mess he was the reason for, and he curiously brought his fingers back to let the tip of his tongue swipe over.

Well, _that_ , unfortunately, didn't turn out to be as hot as he’d hoped it would be.

It was sticky and gooey, lacking a pleasant taste he wasn’t sure why he’d thought of, and his mouth stretched into a thin line as he held back a dissatisfied grimace. He smeared the remaining back at Harry’s thigh as he kissed his way up, and sighed when he reached plump lips, feeling another smile fulfil it.

‘’Yeah, I really can't figure you out, but I can’t say I didn’t find the little show arousing.’’

He just shrugged as he cocked his head to the side with a raised brow, practically saying what else had Harry expected and it caused them both to snort amusingly. He dropped to Harry’s side and rolled his eyes as he noticed himself, the tent in his briefs was prominent, and the ache to take care of it twitched his fingers.

‘’Join me in the shower? I’d like to repay you differently, but I’d appreciate if we were both a bit cleaner.’’

The teasing voice sent his eyes relocating to Harry’s with confusion, and the smirk on Harry’s mouth grew wider. A small thought of what it could mean popped in his mind, and he slightly stiffened when he realised he wasn’t quite ready to go _all_ the way at once. It must’ve shown on his face when gentle fingers stroked over his chest.

‘’I’m not expecting anything, but I want to show you something else if you let me. Some like it, others don’t, but it doesn’t physically hurt, and I _really_ enjoy giving. If it’s not for you, then I’ll stop, you up to try?’’

Even though he had no idea what it could be if it didn’t involve something being shoved up his arse, he found himself slowly nodding as his body moved on its own. Just like when Harry had touched him the very first time, his desire took control, and he didn’t hate it when a part of him wanted to be played with. Curiousness was another part that drove him further, and as they entered the shower, he shuddered in excitement from both the hot water and how Harry stepped closer from behind and pressed them together.

‘’You know, my first thought when I met you-‘’ hands settled on his hips and slid painfully slow to feel the curve of his bum. ‘’-was how unrealistic _this_ had to be, no guy could be so bloody blessed. But then you walked out of your room wearing nothing except briefs and I cursed every higher power that might exist because this-‘’ Harry gently massaged each cheek with care.‘’-is sinful, and I hated that you had it and how I had to see it every day.’’

‘’I fucking knew you drooled from the start.’’

'’Believe me, I tried not to.’’

His chuckle shook as Harry found the intimate wash to fill his palms before they settled back on his hips, and soft lips reached his neck. Fingers rubbed forward, teasingly swiping right above where he wanted to be touched, and a small moan left as he closed his eyes and leant back. He was teased some more before the hand finally moved over his length, giving him a few lazy tugs and then gave the rest of him a few gentle rubs. It was enough to pull mumbled nonsense from his throat, and his nose took a sharp intake when Harry steered back to his bum where he stroked a finger between the cheeks. The movement was repeated with stronger force, and his body shuddered as his eyes blinked open.

‘’I’m not sure you want me or if you want to do it yourself, but I would appreciate if just a little more of you gets cleaned. It doesn’t have to be much.’’

A very careful push against his rim told exactly where Harry wanted the cleaning to be done, and he automatically tensed a little from the contact. He’d never had anyone, not even himself, go near for other reasons than the obvious, and he wasn’t sure what to expect. The slow massage he was receiving felt too good to decline, though, and since he was a curious, impatient little shit, it didn’t take long to decide.

‘’You’re the expert.’’

A warm chuckle eased into his ears as Harry placed a tender kiss right beneath his ear and followed the shape of his neck.

‘’I’ll wait until you relax and just tell me if you want me to stop, I don’t want you to do somethi-''

‘’Just get on with it.’’

The impatient whine caused Harry’s finger to press a tad harder, and his breath deepened from the unexpected flare of pleasure it brought. He felt it firmly, unmoving but still firmly, and once the tension slipped from his shoulders, Harry pushed in. Another sharp intake went up his nose as he clenched around the new intrusion, and he took notice in the strange feeling to his system. It wasn’t painful, but it was unfamiliar, and he wasn’t sure how to describe it.

‘’You ok?’’

His head nodded before his voice followed, and his sound had turned thicker, throatier as he croaked the words out.

‘’Yeah- yeah it's just different.’’

Extremely different when Harry circled his finger, and a surprising flare caused a moan to crawl from his throat and break free as he sagged backwards. It was the confirmation Harry needed and with a few more rounds where he pushed in and circled, Louis was breathing heavily as he had trouble standing still. Too soon he was left feeling strangely empty, and Harry planted a firm kiss on the top of his shoulder.

‘’Why’d you stop, I was starting to enjoy that.’’

He pouted as Harry chuckled and kissed him up the neck, deepening the suction as he steered them closer to the wall, and let his hands roam.

‘’Good, I have a feeling you might like the next part then. Use the wall to steady yourself.’’

His mind was dizzy, but he placed both palms on the tiles in confusion, and only realised Harry had crouched down when he felt warm hands slide up his calves. He shivered as they continued up his thighs and ended on his bum where Harry massaged and kneaded it thoroughly. A hum vibrated over his skin, very close, and a strong shudder ripped down his spine and pooled his stomach with heat from the thought of Harry being so close to him from the angle.

‘’Don’t forget, just tell me to sto-.''

‘’For fuck sake Harry, I may be new to this, but I’m not a bloody _virgin_ , so kindly knock off treating me as on-‘’

The amusing tone to his voice died on the spot, and his head snapped up in shock the very second he felt his cheeks spread and a wet tongue flicked between. A buzz of satisfaction sizzled to his already pounding erection, and the unexpected strength caused his heart to stop.

‘’alright?’’

‘’m-hm.’’

He wasn’t able to form words, and from the high pitched squeal that left his mouth, he didn’t dare to try. Every part of his body was tense while his mind raced and he was so out of his comfort zone when he’d never had another man, _not anyone_ , fucking lick his arse before.

‘’You sure, you’re very tense.’’

So he wasn’t the only one to notice, and he took a deep breath to collect his focus when he refused to give up before trying. Especially when it wasn't discomfort he felt.

‘’Yeah, bit overwhelming, but good.’’

That was the thing, everything with Harry would be new and unfamiliar, and out of his comfort zone. How could it not be, when he was the first man he’d been intimate with. It wasn’t as terrifying as he’d thought it would be when so far, he’d experienced positive reactions and pleasure.  
When Harry kept going, kept caressing his sensitive skin it eventually dawned how much he seemed to enjoy it, and he stopped holding back. After the third moan had left, his body seemed to sag in relaxation, and it perked Harry up enough to work harder. Several licks later and the way Harry continued kneading his bum, he was a panting mess, and every thought of it being unfamiliar was wiped from his mind. He fucking needed it, and all sense of pride and modesty ceased to exist as he pushed back to chase the pleasure. Sweat seeped from his neck while he gurgled a deep moan the moment Harry breached the final barrier and pushed his tongue inside. Only it left too fast, and he almost growled in response.

‘’Jesus fucking Christ, you’re such a bloody tease.’’

After a few more rounds of Harry teasing the tip of his tongue inside and Louis writhing around with hyperventilating desperation, Harry finally took pity. The edging on lessened when he felt a hand close around his aching front, and he whimpered from the satisfaction hitting him everywhere. The sweat continued down his spine, and his vision blurred when Harry’s mouth worked faster along with a hand that pumped harder.The pleasant warmth in the pit of his stomach brought him closer to his relief, and he choked when Harry roughly pushed his tongue deeper. It was too much, and the constant stimulation from both sides sent him over the cliff with a sharp cry. His pounding heart was the only part of him that worked after his release, and when he collapsed against the wall like a dead meat suit, he ungracefully tumbled down. Thankfully Harry’s arms caught his falling figure before his head could crack on the floor, and he was too drained to snort at the stupid grin he was met with.

‘’That was fun, take it you enjoyed it as well.’’

A hand slipped from his thigh and stroked up his back, causing him to hiss at the sensation when each part of him felt raw.

‘’mmmm- need a bloody smoke.’’

It was all he could manage, and from the sound of cockiness in Harry’s laughter he took it he was pleased with himself. Louis was too, very pleased. Perhaps too pleased when his muscles was broken. It took him several minutes to regain some normal brain function and compose himself as he crawled closer to the stream of water Harry had turned back on. He sighed at the warmth soaking him, and he contemplated if sitting in the shower for the rest of the day was worth it even with cold water. His energy was drained, and he scowled at the thought of using strength he didn't have to move around, there really was no point when he could only sit on his arse doing nothing. Having failed his attempt at bringing Harry to the state he was currently in, didn’t bother him at the moment either, not when he felt too satisfied. It would be his turn next time. The thought made his lips form a sluggish smile, and he felt pretty convinced he wasn’t the only one who wanted another go.

‘’From the look of you, I’m not sure I should feel obnoxiously proud of myself, or worried.’’

A soft chuckle echoed between the glass doors, and it grew louder when he forced himself to flip Harry off.

‘’I’ll let you have your glory if you carry me to bed and take a nap with me.’’

‘’What if Katherine comes back?’’

The water stopped, and he blinked open to find Harry’s fading smile, replaced with a small frown and he rolled his eyes as he scoffed.

‘’Then I give one fat fuck. If she couldn’t stand seeing us hug, then I highly doubt she’ll stick around to observe us sleeping in the same bed. She won’t be back today.’’

‘’Maybe not her, but- she might send someone?’’

‘’Harry. Just carry me to the fucking bed.’’

So Harry did, and once the soft duvet curled over his frame, Harry shuffled closer into his embrace, and he threw a tired arm across his waist. Damp curls tickled his nose, but he took a deep inhale as he nuzzled further, placing his face in the dip between Harry's neck and shoulder, and he sighed in content. Finally, his mind was again empty, freed from problems, and he drowsed off with a peaceful feeling when Harry entwined their fingers as he brought them up to his chest.

*

A few hours later when he woke, relaxation was swept away when his unfocused eyes blinked open to find a wall of darkness. Two black pupils came into view, barely an inch from his, and the closeness startled him enough to flinch backwards.

‘’Fuck Harold! Have long have you been practically laying on my face to do that?’’

A deep groan pushed out, and he threw his head back, hiding his face in his palms as the sudden fright passed him.

‘’It really happened right?.’’

‘’What the hell are you talking about?’’

Unwillingly he removed his arms and lifted his head from the sweet cocoon the pillow had turned into to look back at Harry, who watched him with caution and a nervous tick in his fingers.

‘’Oh god, I’m losing my mind.‘’

Watching how Harry rubbed his temples in unease and chewed on his bottom lip in distress made the previous question not seem so strange after all. He pushed himself into a sitting position and swallowed back the sudden bark of laughter he felt crawling up his throat. It wasn’t really funny when he could see how anxious Harry was, but at the same time, he couldn’t help finding it a bit amusing.

‘’Calm down love, your mind is sane.’’

‘’So, real then?’’

Harry barely whispered as he looked almost terrified to hear the answer, and Louis fondly smiled as he leant forward to leave a brush of a kiss at the corner of his mouth. It was a faint one, but it painted a shy grin on his face as he fiddled with one of Harry’s curls.

‘’Very real.’’

It was all Harry needed as he let out the heaviest sigh he’d heard, and flopped down to spread his arms wide while his eyes closed in relief.

‘’Thank fuck. If it weren't, I would’ve officially not been able to know the difference between reality and fantasy anymore.’’

He just laughed as he grabbed his bravery by the neck and switched his position, swinging a leg over Harry to straddle his waist where he wanted to be. The invitation was too tempting when he laid there so precious, arms open with a large invisible welcome sign between, and it was hard to decline. Confidence used to be his strongest card, but he couldn’t help the small blush from appearing when he felt how Harry’s hips automatically lifted from the sudden weight.

‘’It was, and I don’t know about you, but I quite enjoyed it.’’

The relief eased from Harry’s face and was replaced by fondness as he rose up, pressing them even closer by sneaking steady arms around his hips. He liked the possessive trait of Harry's personality, and he surprisingly enjoyed his own need to touch when he hadn't with anyone before.

‘’I did too.-’’

A hum of approval drifted between them, and he shifted enough to link his arms around Harry’s neck, clinging on as he craved the heat from his body. His head dipped, and they were pressed tightly as their lips found each other, tasting regardless of the hint of morning breath that lingered. It wasn’t lustful or desperate like earlier, and he acknowledged he liked the softness just as much. It made his skin tingle with warmth, and it fitted around his heart like a comfortable hug. Everything felt a bit surreal when he’d started the day with an ugly fight and then ended up straddling Harry’s lap after sharing intimate pleasure. Surreal was perhaps putting it lightly, but he gladly took it when he wouldn’t have changed anything, not when it taught him something very new about himself. He liked being the one causing someone else satisfaction, liked making Harry moan his name, and he was already picturing different ways to do it again.

‘’-I still can’t believe this. Why didn’t you tell me?’'

Harry pressed their foreheads together as his whispered breath danced over his face with gentle strokes. It was the question he struggled with himself, and he sighed as he closed his lips, unsure how to form a useful response that would make sense.

‘’This is _me_ we're talking about, I've never been good at expressing how I feel. Everything took me by surprise, and it crashed down too fast to handle. Scared the shit out of me, and when I couldn't find any more excuses to explain it away, I was freaking out about it all. I had no idea how you would react if I said something, wasn't even sure I really understood what was going on, and I didn't want to do anything that could end up hurting you. But then I guess I had that epiphany you mentioned way back, and it sort of- I don't know, _clicked_.-'' He looked up as he thumbed over Harry’s cheek, feeling how every part of him needed to be allowed to touch and he had the urge to voice his embarrassing thoughts. It felt right, having Harry close and he should’ve listened better to his emotions when he suddenly couldn't understand what he'd been so afraid of. ‘’-You didn’t say anything either.’’

The usual confidence he carried cracked a little more at the subject, he knew Harry felt something, but he just wanted to know _exactly what_. It was stupid, he almost scoffed for being _that_ person, and he shouldn’t need to have it literally described when he could see affection written in Harry’s eyes. It was there, bright and evident once he finally looked, but he just couldn't shake the pathetic desire to hear Harry voice it out loud. Like he’d done.

‘’No, but how could I?- The smallest chuckle left Harry as he let his head fall a little. ''-You have grown as a person, done so well with your life in such a short period, and I was afraid if I, who was supposed to be a supportive friend, suddenly ambushed you with confessions, you’d freak out. You were out of my reach, and I didn’t wish to be someone who helped strengthen your armour when I’ve tried so hard weakening it. I didn’t want to cause you any more problems to deal with and give you another reason to think poorly of yourself. I know how it sounds, and I don’t mean it that way, you’re _not_ weak Louis, you’re probably the strongest person I know, but I- I just couldn't do it. I feared it would hurt you because you are so passionate and fierce about the things you _do_ care about, yes that’s exactly what you are, so don’t shake your head at me. More than you'll admit and I knew if you didn’t feel the same, you would blame yourself. Because you do that, always paint yourself as the villain even though it isn’t your fault, and you would’ve beaten yourself up for thinking you'd led me on. I didn’t want that.''

His face was burning, no, radiating heat, and he didn’t meet Harry’s eyes when he struggled to keep his reaction steady. It was too fucking lovely, and how he deserved to have someone so sweet in his life, not to mention wrapped between his legs, was rather incredible.

‘’God you’re such a knob, gross really, I can’t stand you-.'' He smiled as he said it, continued smiling as he dropped his shaking head to Harry’s shoulder, and his heart drummed faster when the chest he leant on, vibrated with laughter. ‘’-But didn’t you realise it, see it, I’ve been so bloody obvious lately, according to James at least when he brutally informed me I was.’’

Another chuckle left Harry as he tipped his head back.

‘’I could ask you the same. I’ve been obvious too, even Liam noticed, and he’s been giving me shit about it ever since. Bloody exhausting avoiding the looks he kept sending me.’’

‘’ _Wait_ , you told Liam before me? Seriously you guys are such shitty friends I swear; you never tell me anything.’’

A childish pout tugged the corner of his mouth downwards, and Harry bopped his nose before pushing his fringe out of his face.

‘’I didn’t plan on it love, but I slipped up once, and he was watching me at the right moment. So he figured it out and when he asked me about, it I couldn’t find myself to lie when he already knew. Then I felt the need I to talk to someone and well, I kind of stuck with him.’’

‘’Alright, fair enough.-‘’ some pieces of the puzzle he’d been thinking about, started coming together, and he dared a glance back at Harry when an uneasy sensation dawned. ‘’- _when_ did he realise?’’

‘’The day you flipped out on Dean, he saw my obnoxiously smitten face when I stared at you during dinner, and he asked me about it at our party later that night.’’

‘’Wait, _what?_ -‘’ his jaw dropped as he watched how the blush on Harry grew darker. ‘’-but that was so _long_ ago, you’ve- what- this entire time, and bloody hell, I was convinced you wanted Liam that night. No wonder he was so unimpressed with me.’’

‘’Liam? Why would you think that?’’

A blush of his own carved over his cheeks as he casually looked away and fumbled with his fingers, not wanting to see Harry connect the dots.

‘’becauseyouwerelikeallovereachotherthewholenightanddancedtogether.’’

‘’It suspiciously sounds like you were a bit jealous Louis.’’

‘’No. _Absolutely_ not, of course not.-’’ His arms crossed and he stuck his nose towards the ceiling as he snorted in offence, realising his response only confirmed what he tried to deny. Then something else also dawned, and his face fell. ‘’-So I was the one who hurt you at the party, not Liam at all, God I practically shoved it in your face.’’

‘’Hey-‘’ Harry gripped his hands and steered him back to where their gazes met. ‘’-I was already a bit drunk and emotional, as were you. Besides, you didn’t know, and you didn’t hurt me in the end. You came to check up on me, and stayed even though you could've gone back to find a girl who didn't fall under your _only-one-girl rule_.’’

‘’It wasn't the reason I walked away.’’

‘’Hm?’’

‘’I had forgotten about the rule, I just realised I didn’t want her when we reached the bedroom. I somehow found myself thinking more about you, throughout the whole evening actually.’’

‘’Oh.’’

‘’Yeah.’’

A stupid grin spread over Harry as he leant in and nuzzled his head into the crook of his neck, and he squealed when warm breath tickled his skin. Embarrassment burned through his face but bubbling laughter escaped his mouth and joined Harry’s amusement.

‘’Aw, you _liked_ me before you knew, that’s _adorable_.’’

‘’Piss off, I don’t appreciate this mockery.’’

Harry’s laughter grew stronger, and he shook enough to cause them both to vibrate.

‘’Right, sorry, it’s hot. Extremely manly.’’

‘’Better.’’

They continued laughing a while, enough to cause his stomach cramps and he shook his head in disbelief at how embarrassing he’d become. He was behaving all _lovey-dovey_ , something he’d never thought he would, and to his horror, he didn’t hate it.

‘’We're kind of pathetic, not realising.‘’

‘’Nothing new there.’’

His eyes rolled as he leant forward to taste again and the familiar heat in his stomach flared up. He deepened the kiss as he gently pushed Harry down and smirked when he seemed to get the memo and automatically spread his legs further. If it was something he wanted, it was making up for wasted time and from the interesting news they’d shared, he had a lot to catch up on. Sneaking a hand between his thighs to find the rest of Harry's naked body seemed to be an excellent start.

*

**3 weeks later**

‘’You brought your butt plugs with you, right?’’

Harry, who'd been busy brushing his teeth, whipped his head too fast to realise the cupboard beside the mirror was open and smacked his face straight into it. His hand automatically went up to press against his face, and he stumbled backwards as the toothbrush fell to the floor. All to Louis’, who stood in the doorframe witnessing it all, amusement and he swallowed a laugh.

‘’Ah shit-'' Harry groaned as he rubbed his face a tad harder. ''-Why do you ask?’’ a grimace formed one last time before he removed his hand and blinked his eyes towards Louis.

‘’I want to try one.-’’ He couldn’t help himself but struggled to keep his face expressionless when he saw how Harry’s jaw fell to the floor and how his eyes bulged. His mouth eventually closed, then opened and closed again for several times where he stood, looking rather stricken and apparently not believing what he’d just heard. ‘’-Okay, that's disappointing. I expected you to find the mental image of that appealing, but you look like you’re about to have a stroke.’’

Harry’s face flushed crimson, and he cleared his throat before a few strained words managed to escape.

‘’I- uh- well-.''

‘’Jesus relax, I was kidding.- his brow arched and a small smirk reached his lips.’’-At least for now. But I do need to borrow one, I haven’t made Liam pay for yoga yet, and it's long overdue. Since we're having dinner at his place tonight, this brilliant idea just formed in my mind. I crave some distraction from all the meetings with my attorney this week, and I need some time off from all the heavy shit going on. Just let me be childish and have some fun on Liam’s behalf without chastising me.’’

Harry snapped out of his daze and composed himself as mischief painted Louis’ face into an evil genius. It was a fair ask in his opinion, he was up to his neck with meetings regarding his father's testament, and he deserved a pause to breathe. He’d been so occupied he hadn’t found the strength to even step a foot near a discussion about where he and Harry stood or what they were doing.

To be honest, he was relieved Harry hadn’t pushed the subject when he had enough going on, but at the same time, he knew they had to talk about it _sometime_. Things had sailed rather smoothly between them after their awkward confessions, and he’d learned a lot about himself, including his ability to explore, in the meantime. The newfound smile on his face seemed to be permanent whenever Harry was around, and he struggled to keep his hands to himself when they weren’t alone. The change in their relationship was overwhelming but yet so pleasing, and for the first time, probably, he couldn’t care less how people would react. But they hadn't shared the news with the other lads yet, and he was glad for it when Niall would've been a pain in the arse about not shagging in any room after he'd offered his flat for a temporary home when they'd left Katherine's. To his surprise it hadn't been difficult at all to pack his shit and leave, he rather enjoyed Niall's humble home instead of a luxurious suite at a hotel, and he guessed Harry did as well.

A humorous smile entered Harry’s face as he was waiting for a reply, and his brow arched when Harry walked out with a curling finger, gesturing to follow.

‘’Alright, I’m not saying I condone this, but I guess I can’t stop you either, so, what size were you thinking?’’

‘’Hm, I hadn’t thought about that. Let's see what you've got.’’

He followed Harry, and a sudden flick of excitement grew, he knew the toys had always been around but he hadn’t really thought much about it. Not until that moment at least and he could feel how his cheeks tingled as different scenarios played through his mind. A very detailed image flashed, and his steps slowed a little when a particular heat pooled in his stomach. He mentally cursed for finding it so alluring when he was supposed to set his vengeance plan into action and didn’t exactly need the distraction.

Harry seemed a little hesitant before he retrieved a black bag he'd stashed underneath Niall's bed and fumbled through it, then slowly pulled out a small box. His face was still flaring red, and he guessed a minor embarrassment of showing them loomed in his mind. What he hadn’t anticipated was how they actually looked like once Harry opened the lid, he’d expected- well, he wasn’t exactly sure, but the sight in front of him was certainly _not_ it.

‘’Why the hell do they look like some large fancy _piercings_?’’

Three silver or probably steel, _spade-ish_ shaped plugs laid neatly beside each other, and one bigger than the other. A thin notch was attached to a flared base that actually held a gem, a fucking gem and he had the urge to laugh. It wasn’t even surprising how Harry would be the one to decorate his bloody arse with a flashy _jewel_.

‘’I don’t know, to look pretty I guess? I can assure you these are unused since, unbelievably, I don’t really fancy having a sparkling ruby or sapphire stuck out of my arse. Someone gave me this box as a joke for Christmas last year.’’

‘’Right, _totally_ buy it. So, which one of these would complement Liam’s eyes best?’’

Harry laughed when he wiggled his brows teasingly, and he could almost hear how Harry stored a mental note to never pull a prank on him, ever. Well, not unless he wanted the backlash to follow him into his grave when he realised Louis could hold a grudge for a long time.

‘’You really want to go through with whatever complicated thing you have planned in your mind? And Liam agreed to let Niall stay with him so we could have this flat, even though it might be soon for them, so don't ruin their flow. Can’t I distract you enough by offering a messy dry hump on the kitchen table for you to forget about this battle you have going on with him?''

Unfortunately, Harry didn’t have that much power, but it riled him up even so as it pushed the right buttons and he grabbed the collar of Harry’s shirt with a growl.

''Sorry love, but you can distract me enough to make us late, and _I_ can distract _you_ enough to join my vengeance.''

‘’Pff, you might be irresistible, but I’m not _that_ much of a sucker.’’

‘’ _Sure you aren’t_.’’

*

‘’Just do your part, and this will hopefully be an amusing evening.’’

‘’What if it doesn’t even phase them, or I mean Liam, they’ve been attached at the hip lately, surely they must’ve taken their relationship further by now. Maybe they’ll just find it funny. This is a bad idea, how the fuck did you convince me to agree to this? Fucking lust.’’

He scoffed at Harry’s ramble. Obviously, he hadn’t spent enough time with Liam if he thought _he_ would find it funny.

‘’It’s Liam we’re talking about, come on. Even if they’re already shagging, which is gross to think about, do you honestly think he, of all people, would be feisty enough to indulge in _sex toys?_ He almost had a seizure when you informed us you had one.’’

Liam was the conservative type, while Niall had the impression of being the exact opposite, and the two was a strange pairing.

‘’Still, this is so going to fail and land on us. No. Probably on _me_ , because it’s expected of you, but not me. I’m the _nice_ guy.’’

‘’Yeah if you keep up with that positive attitude it will. Look, just get Niall alone and keep him from blabbing, that’s the hardest part of this. Still can’t believe you bought them something they’ll appreciate to pull this off, it’s supposed to be my _revenge_ , not an early bloody _Christmas._ ’’

Harry just smiled along to his words while he slammed his fist against the door, acknowledging their arrival while rolling his eyes. Seconds later Liam welcomed them with a warm grin and a small nod as he stepped aside to let them in.

‘’Late as always, never saw that coming. I'll let it slide since you were actually the one to suggest this Lou. Which should make me a bit more frustrated really but hey, what the hell.’’

With a wiggle to his brows, he walked further into the flat and smirked when he noticed Niall on the couch, waving a little welcome as his eyes never left the telly.

‘’Yeah figured it was about time we visited your place for a change, and let’s face it, if we’re going to have this awesome inside barbeque thing, we might go to someone who actually owns a grill. I couldn’t bother buying one, but I did bring this.-’’ He held the bag open to show the ingredients he’d never seen raw before and gladly allowed Liam to take it off his hands. It wasn't a stretch to say he’d just bought whatever Harry had thrown into the shopping cart when he hadn't been remotely near knowing what to get. ‘’-See, I fixed food, Harry brought beer, you have the grill and Niall will be the saint who makes something delicious out of this meat bag.’’

With a side glance at Harry, he swallowed the amusement he felt rising, and he schooled his expression when he received a defeated sigh. His plan was ridiculous, he was aware, but he craved a night off where he could simply laugh his lungs out and torment Liam. He needed to be entertained by shit only he could come up with, and as Harry approached Niall, he flopped into a waiting chair where he leant back and waited for his cue.

‘’Hey Ni? You don’t bring any of your golf equipment here by any chance, do you? I’ve been, uh, thinking lately, you know, about trying it out sometime and was hoping you’d have some tips for me?’’

The sound of golf immediately perked Niall up and he jumped from his seat with a face splitting grin. His eyes were practically shining with pride and Louis camouflaged his scoff with a cough but couldn't stop his eyes from rolling. Harry was shit at acting when he didn't like the play, and he was relieved Niall was too enthusiastic to take notice.

‘’See that’s what I’m talking about. _Finally_ , someone in this group decided to appreciate what a magnificent sport golf truly is. I don’t have anything here, though, but I have some pictures of my gear on the phone, and I can search up a few websites for you to look at later.-'' Niall practically tripped where he stood, and he suddenly jogged across the room before Harry could reply. ''-Nah I'll do it now, just hang on a second, left it with the charger in Liam’s room.’’

‘’Wait, I’ll come with you. I have to use the bathroom anyway.’’

It was hard to keep a straight face as he watched Harry sprint after with a big frown, and he was almost impressed how his little effort had worked. As soon as they both were out of his sight, he let the smug grin out, and his eyes found Liam strolling around the kitchen.

‘’Ey Payno, get me one of those beers will you?’’

Being patient was not something he would describe himself as, and after he’d finished the bottle, he drummed fingers against his thigh as he continued to throw glances in the direction of Liam's room. It was almost suffocating to wait in silence as Liam chopped up the food before he fumbled to plug in the indoor grill, and eventually he couldn’t take it any longer.

‘’Be right back, need the loo.’’

He quickly tipped closer to where Harry and Niall was, and he casually leant against the wall to listen to the conversation, hoping Harry pulled off his part.

‘’-Noooo you should surprise him, yeah yeah like, tell him you left a _mind-blowing_ gift in here, and, uh, let him find it. As in later, after dinner or something. Make him curious, and then just picture the look on his face when he realises what it is, right? He'll be, uh shocked. _Very_.’’

‘’Hm, that would be a bit awesome.’’

He hurriedly walked closer to the living room when he heard them approach the door, and he casually turned right back to face them when they stepped out. The shameful colour Harry had adapted told him he wasn’t too happy with himself for participating in the scheme, but he sent him a small smirk in return anyway. Niall merely gave him a weak fist bump as they passed each other, and as soon as he was alone, he practically ran into Liam’s bedroom where he shut the door with an evil laugh.

He found the tickets for the upcoming soccer match with Niall’s favourite team Harry had bought, and he hurriedly hid them inside the drawer before pulling out the bag he’d put inside his jacket earlier. He placed two out of three plugs on the bed, and adjusted them into a fine line as he chuckled to himself. The small note he’d firmly persuaded, or more worked his jaw off, for Harry to compose copied Niall’s handwriting, and he used a pillow to make it stand right behind the items. As soon as he was done and right before he leapt out, he snatched a picture of his presentation because, well, the moment _had_ to be captured even though he would probably never forget it. He could barely keep from cackling when he came back to see Niall jumping in his seat and Harry shaking his head while he tried hiding his glare. 

He counted on Niall’s impatience, knowing it wouldn't take too long before he would break, probably before dinner, and tell Liam the news. Wrong he wasn't, it took approximately _ten minutes_ of Niall's giddiness, to gain Liam’s attention, and once he asked what was going on, the show was rolling.

‘’AAAH I can’t wait, seriously Haz, can I tell him? Let me tell him, I _have_ to tell him!’’

‘’Tell me what?’’

Liam tipped his head in confusion as his eyes shifted from Niall’s bursting face and Harry’s horrified one, not able to keep his mortification down. Before Harry could even reply, Niall jumped in his seat with waving arms.

‘’Harry got us the best present _ever_ , I swear it'll make you scream, I still want to.’’

Bless Niall for his choice of words; Louis couldn’t have asked for a better description.

‘’Really? Wha-’’

‘’Oi! Not until Niall puts dinner on the table, because I’m fucking starving here, or else we'll take it back. I'm not waiting an extra hour listening to you squeal about it; I want food.’’

Just to be sure Niall didn’t ruin everything by actually _saying_ what the gift was, he jumped in before the question could form on Liam's mouth, and shot him a stern glare, indicating he was serious. The puppy eyes formed on Liam’s face as he looked back at Niall but the bright Irish lad had already bounced off the couch and was on his way to the kitchen.

‘’I’m on my way babe, I’m sure dipshit over there won't threaten you the moment he smells the meat.’’

Fifteen agonising minutes later the sweetest scent reached his nose, and he deeply inhaled while water practically fell from his mouth. The sounds his stomach made was loud enough to gain Harry’s attention, and he lightly chuckled as he took a sip of his beer.

‘’It smells so fucking delicio-.''

‘’That’s the cue, check out your room babe. Dinner is almost ready.’’/p>

By all means, he wasn’t going to stop Liam that time when he’d been waiting the whole fucking day for him to see the reaction. A dark laughter threatened to spill as he watched Liam close in on his bedroom and once he was out of his sight, he quietly let it out.  
Liam was a fool to mess with him.

Seconds and minutes ticked away without any signs of Liam running back with glee written all over, and the lack of cheery shouts strolling down the hall made Niall raise a brow and Louis snigger. A sigh had left Harry before he scoffed and he sent a motherly look, pointing out the silence was what he’d been afraid of. Sure Niall would find it hilarious but Liam, oh he’d probably had a heart attack as soon as his eyes landed on the bed. If he’d survived the sight then surely the little note was more than enough to make his brain explode. Then, what felt like an hour later, Liam walked back, his face so red he made blood look bleak, and his fingers twitched uncontrollably while his eyes wouldn’t settle for anyone or anything.

‘’Awesome right?! I'm just saying, if I weren't obnoxiously into you Li then I would've married our boy here. He's a fucking gem because everything was already sold out when I tried getting a pair.''

As soon as the words left Niall’s mouth, Liam’s eyes bulged so much they were seconds away from exploding and Louis spit out his sip of beer. He’d never actually believed his plan would succeed so well, but it went over all his expectations with Niall’s unawareness, and he simply couldn’t hold it back. He gasp-laughed loud enough to draw a choked chuckle from Harry as well, and they both hid their faces in their palms.

‘’Um, I- yeah, _awesome_. So you- I mean, did you ask Harr- Like, do you talk about that stuff with him?’’

Liam stuttered and portrayed an entirely new shade of red for each word as he refused to look in Harry’s direction. Niall, who’d just finished cooking, walked out of the kitchen with the largest pile of meat Louis had ever seen and placed it at the centre of the table. With a confused look, Niall glanced back at Liam before he turned to fetch their plates and the rest of side dishes.

‘’Why wouldn't I? We're dedicated fans, hell, all of us here spend time playing around so don’t you dare tell me you aren’t excited. I can't bloody wait for all the action, and I almost feel sorry Lou and Haz can't join us when he pulled some strings to get us those.''

It kept getting better as another round of laughter escaped his mouth, and he clamped a hand over to silence the sound, not wanting to cause too much attention to himself.

‘’ _What?!_ I- no- You can't just- that's- _What?!_ -''

‘’I know right, it's- _wow._ -'' Niall sent a quick wink as he plopped on the couch with a hungry stare at the decorated table. -''I'll fangirl more with you after babe because this looks like a fucking feast.’’

Louis was rupturing on the inside, every muscle was tightened so hard to keep himself from rolling on the floor gasping for air, and his head felt like it was about to burst. Harry looked distressed as he seemed to have trouble controlling whether to laugh or be concerned for Liam’s health. Liam cleared his throat, quietly shuffled closer to the table, and spent so much time figuring out where to sit that by the time he sat down, Niall had almost finished his first serving.

A few minutes went by in peace, but when Louis took a break from chewing and reached out to grab his beer, he noticed how Liam’s face kept twisting and frowning as he couldn’t keep still. The blush never left his cheeks, and his eyes were practically glued to Niall’s bum, staring so intensely he actually looked a bit frightened. It didn’t take long to observe the strange behaviour to connect the wires, and when it finally dawned, he coughed roughly into his beer. That was fucking it; he wasn’t able to hold back, and he exploded in a fit of howling laughter as he fell off the chair.

‘’You- oh my god! You fucking _did_ it didn’t you, _holy shit!_ ’’

He wasn’t sure he’d laughed so hard in his life and tears trickled down his cheeks as his stomach clenched painfully. The sound of Harry choking on his food registered in his mind but he wasn’t even able to breathe properly from how hard he was shaking.

‘’Did I miss something, did what, see the tickets?’’

Liam’s stare shot up, and he gawked at Niall with his mouth hanging open.

‘’What do you mean _see the tickets?_ What fucking tickets, your little note didn't mention anything about tickets!

Louis forced his eyes to move so he could witness how Niall looked like a huge question mark and how Liam glared almost appalled at the innocent question.

‘’Note?’’

‘’Yes _note_ , Niall! The one you placed right behind the _gift_ you left on the be-.'' Apparently Niall’s dumbfounded face finally registered in Liam’s mind, and his own paled before a new wave of blood rushed to his cheeks. It was almost easy reading all the humiliated thoughts racing through his head, and Louis directly hit his thigh several times as he continued switching between cackling and gasping like a dying animal. ‘’-Oh my god. So you didn’t- you- He- Okay, I’m going to stab Louis now, then myself and then just to be sure I _die_ I'll set myself on fire.’’

Liam shrunk to half his size as he hid away his flaring face and a small choked whine escaped through his lips.

‘’I told you this would fail, I think you might’ve taken it too far this time.’’ Harry sent him a pointed look as he whispered quietly.

‘’Oh come on H! It’s not my fault Niall said all the right words, and excuse me, but who would’ve anticipated that _Saint Liam_ would shove one u-.''

‘’ _Stop talking!_ Please just stop talking!’’

Amazingly they all did from Liam's loud shrill, but small barks of suppressed laughter bounced from Louis' mouth, and he struggled to remain still. Harry seemed concerned, of course he did, and Niall still looked like the biggest question mark as he let his gaze flick around.

''Does this have anything to do with how weird you reacted about the tickets? I feel I'm missing something here.''

No one answered, and it wasn’t until Louis wiggled his brows while flipping a thumb over his shoulder that Niall got the message to move. He jolted up and disappeared before Liam had the chance to experience a new stroke. He counted in his head and right when he reached _three_ the recognisable and predictable bark of laughter reached their ears. In the corner of his eye, he saw how Liam flattened on the table, probably more than ready to die from mortification, and he couldn't help the evil smile forming.

‘’Are you guys serious, are these real? Fucking awesome, this _red_ one is rather pretty.’’

It was Harry’s turn to send a cough into his beer when Niall came back with the plug twirling between his fingers, and he spluttered over the table as the rest dribbled down his chin. It stirred Louis right back up and once again the room was filled with peals of laughter while Liam whined.

‘’Would you look at that H, our choir boy here isn’t as _innocent_ as he pretends to be after all. The _middle_ size Liam? Wow, you sure are full of surprises.’’

Harry’s cheeks copied the redness Liam sported at his mocked tone, and he gloated at how well his plan had worked out.

‘’Middle size? You mean this red one is the _smalles-_.''

‘’Shut up shut up shut up! I get it; I’m a bloody pervert just fucking stop talking about it!’’

Liam barked as he straightened up, and before his mind could anticipate what the sudden movement would do, a high pitched squeal pressed out. His palms slammed against his mouth, and he looked utterly mortified and pleased at the same time, but the damage was already done, and three pairs of eyes bored into his.

‘’Well I’m impressed, babe, not only that you believed from the note that _I_ was able to walk around here using the _largest_ one without being affected but also that you went through with it _knowing_ the lads were here. You know how I feel about confidence, it _really_ floats my boat.’’

A very knowing glint flared over Niall’s eyes, and how his voice turned dark made the laughter die from Louis’ mouth when he could sense how the room heated up the wrong way. At least for him, and his left eye twitched when he noticed how Liam’s face morphed into something he'd never wanted to see. The prank had been hilarious, and he would live a long time laughing at it, but the way things were turning into something much less fun caused him to grimace like a little child. He was not willing to witness some perverted ritual where he would be scarred for life, and he hurriedly found his feet.

‘’That’s our clue to get the fuck out before we’re traumatised by something we’ll never be able to erase-‘’ He hoisted Harry to his feet while he backed away at an alarming speed. ‘’-BYE!’’

The slam of the door was loud, but he was too busy walking away to notice the startle going through Harry.

‘’What the actual hell, what has happened to Liam?’’

Once they reached the car, he shook his head in disbelief while Harry softly chuckled and smiled too widely.

‘’Yeah, guess Niall has a nice influence on him.’’

‘’Ni- _Nice_ influence? He just shoved a fucking _plug_ up his arse while we were _there_ because he thought Niall wanted him to play a game of who could last longer without being caught or have a fucking blow in their briefs. I never thought he would take the note seriously, Jesus, he might actually be more perverted than me. Who does that while throwing a dinner?’’

‘’Christian Grey? Perhaps they felt inspired by his ways.''

With a dumb stare, he found Harry’s face, and he stared at him long enough to show how little impressed he was by the reference.

''If you say you’ve read those I can never think of you the same. I don't mean that positively.''

Another soft chuckle left Harry as he opened his door and slid inside, waiting for him to do the same before speaking again.

''Well if you still want the title and beat our friend, you ought to step up your game.’’

He closed the door and reached the wheel, because obviously he was the one driving the car lately, and glanced over at Harry with a raised brow. The flare he found in his eyes, sent his stomach curling since well, Harry didn’t seem or sound like he was joking.

‘’Perhaps I should.’’

The car didn't move for another twenty minutes and the fogged up windows unfortunately scared the life out of an old lady walking by when loud growls erupted. In the midst of it all, he selfishly hoped two other people had heard the sounds as well.

*

‘’I demand you make me something cause I’m still hungry, I was only able to eat one plate before they started mentally shagging. The extra activity in the car burned those calories right off.’’

He threw the keys on the coffee table before dropping his weight on the couch where his limbs spread out in relaxation. A light scoff reached his ears as a familiar ringtone filled the room and caused them both to glance at Harry’s phone.

‘’If that’s either one of them, don’t answer it, just send them a picture of your dick with the caption _busy_.’’

‘’No it’s- I should take this.’’

Harry sounded unsure, and when his eyes lifted, he saw a frown forming on his face as he stepped further into the kitchen before taking the call. Curious like he always was, he shifted position to where his chin rested on top of the couch cushion, and his ears shamefully listened in. Bits and pieces reached his attention, but not enough, and he crawled a little further over the edge to hear better.

‘’-oh really? That's amazing- yes of course-’’

Harry’s voice was quiet, and his words were difficult to connect from the distance so before he knew he tumbled over the couch and fell to the floor in a sprawling mess. He quickly flipped on his knees and crept a bit closer, staying levelled as he neared the kitchen like the _invading creep_ he was. It was surprisingly easier than he'd thought.

‘’Within a week? That’s- a very short notice if I’m honest. No no, but could I have a few days to consider it? It’s not long until Christmas- no, I understand. I’ll call back with a final answer soon, and I’m very honoured to receive this opportunity. I’m just conflicted about the distance, Los Angeles is pretty far away-.''

‘’ _Los Angeles?_ What’s going on?’’

During Harry’s conversation, he’d inched close enough to hear everything, and without noticing, he’d risen to his feet to stand right behind Harry. The sound of Los Angeles sent bad shivers down his spine, and his thoughts had escaped his mouth without thinking. Harry whirled around with wide eyes, and once their gaze met, his mouth slowly fell while he stared speechlessly. Apparently, the one on the phone spoke when Harry cleared his throat and let his eyes cowardly move to the wall.

‘’Yes I’m still here, I apologise. I’ll think about it, and I’ll be in touch, thank you for calling.’’

As soon as Harry placed the phone down, Louis jumped in before he had the chance to speak.

‘’What final answer about Los Angeles? Was that call from the place you applied for an internship?’’

‘’No I- or yes kind of, it was my professor-.''

''And it's located in Los Angeles. Right. So you're- You decided- _What the fuck Harry_ , you're just going to move to the bloody States all of a sudden? You applied for an internship halfway across the globe without even mentioning it?''

''What, no I didn't-.''

‘’So you were always going to leave then, just like that? Wow, here I was actually starting to believe I’d been wrong, but guess I was right after all then, people are full of _bullshit_. Don't give me some excuse about not knowing; you must’ve, that’s why you wouldn’t talk about it when I asked right? Yeah, I remember how you avoided answering.''

‘’Of course not Louis, I would never-.''

‘’Then why haven't you said anything about your intentions and still bothered to talk so highly about staying? I don’t want to think you spewed me a bunch of shit after everything you've done for me, but, I can't understand why you’ve kept it hidden.-‘’

A sharp aching pain spread through his chest when he saw how Harry’s face fell and how his broken eyes searched for his. He didn’t want to be cruel or jump to conclusions when he _knew_ better deep down, he did, but what he’d overheard made him panic, and the rational part of his brain shut off. The simplest thought of Harry leaving after everything he'd realised, and after he’d finally allowed someone in, shadowed what they’d been through when being walked away from was his biggest fear. He couldn't go through losing yet another important part of himself; he wouldn't survive it.

‘’-And why you still kept it hidden after I bled my bloody soul and heart out not long ago, I thought we-‘’

He believed what he felt was something real, no he knew it was, and he hadn’t doubted Harry shared his view, which turned his panic so much worse. He’d confessed and stripped himself bare, done everything he'd promised never to do again because he'd trusted Harry when he'd said he’d be there. But when the ugly ache nurtured his overwhelming insecurity, the dark places of his mind started questioning everything.

‘’-I thought it was mutua- Just, why then?''

It fed him doubts, uncertainty, and wariness about Harry's words, how much contained the truth, and what he truly felt. Unfortunately, his mind couldn't help thinking about the fact Harry had never really said he'd fallen as well, he'd bought the behaviour, but what he'd pathetically wanted to hear hadn't been said. His emotions argued when deep down he knew Harry didn't have to say it when it showed, but the betrayal he felt wouldn't let him listen to it. Because if Harry considered leaving it obviously wasn't strong enough, or not as strong as he'd thought.

‘’Of course, it's mutual, it was one sided from me for months before you realised! Louis, calm down and listen to me, this is all a big misun-.''

But he didn't, he _couldn’t_. He was too busy fighting the irrational thoughts, and trying to realise how fucking stupid he was by creating drama out of assumptions. Panic and pain did so, but he was the one feeding it by shutting Harry out instead of keeping calm long enough to hear an explanation.

''So this thing between us was what to you then, an exciting challenge to see if you managed to be the one who finally tamed the _slut_ in me? You wanted to have some fun before you fucked off?’’

''What? No! Why would you even say that? You know I would never purposely hurt you, and I’m fucking sorry you feel betrayed, but you’re reaching the wrong conclusion. Please just stop to breathe for a moment and-’’

‘’You know what, I get it, it’s your career, and it’s important. I understand so you should go. It’s what you want since you applied for it, and I certainly won’t stand in your way. From the sound of your conversation, it seems you only have a short amount of time to think about it, so yeah. _Go_ , I want you to.’’

‘’Will you shut up and listen! I'm not bloody leaving- where are you going?''

With a shaking head he quickly stepped backwards while avoiding Harry’s smouldering stare, he wasn’t able to see the look in his eyes when he could hear how upset he was. Running away screamed _wrong_ , but the ache in his chest grew, and he couldn’t handle it with Harry in the room. His behaviour was cowardly, but his safe option had always been distance, and he needed to get the hell away before he lost it.

‘’I need a bloody smoke.’’

Then he turned on his heel and almost sprinted out, barely able to hear Harry’s last words before the door closed behind his back.

_''Louis please, don't run from me.''_

*

Which was exactly what he’d done.

He never went back because once his feet had touched pavement, he hadn’t stopped and he’d continued to walk until he’d reached a familiar building. The one where he’d lived before the flat came around, and he'd bought a stay for the night. No matter how many times Harry called, he couldn't bring himself to pick up, and it strengthened the guilt he was feeling among everything else. He couldn’t hear the hurt he knew trailed Harry’s voice, and he was too fucked up to apologise. Eventually, after the seventh call, shutting off his phone was the only option besides flinging it out the window and he slumped against the wall with a sigh.

He stared angrily at the floor, knowing he had no right to be as mad as he was when, in reality, he and Harry weren’t together. They weren’t an item, just Louis and Harry, separately. They had fooled around, and unfortunately, feelings were mixed into it, but Harry had no obligations to stay by his side and hold his hand like a fucking reassurance. Still, he ran away like Harry had cut his lifeline and left him to drown. He’d reacted wrongly, he knew as much after spending a few hours doing nothing but think, but he’d always acted irrational, idiotic and pathetic in painful situations. It was a petty part of him and instead of trying to heal the wounds; it had always been easier ignoring they even existed. It had worked in the past, but to his dismay, it didn't anymore, and the longer he hid away, the worse they turned. The guilt never lessened, it continued to grow the more his panic cooled off, and he growled in anger at his behaviour. Harry was the last person to use him in any way, and he clutched his head in shame over how disgusting he’d been to throw the accusation straight to his face. Using low blows and cruel words was another petty part, a defense mechanism he’d always used to protect himself, and he kicked the floor in anger.

Even though he realised he was the main reason for the whole mess and knew going back was the right thing to do, his body felt frozen. He just couldn’t, not when he was something he’d only experienced twice in his life, _heartbroken_. It was also his fault, but the thought of losing what he’d had with Harry felt like someone ripped open his chest and stuffed it with nails. That's what happened when he let his emotions and feelings take control and the way he felt about Harry, well, it didn't matter when he wouldn't survive if he witnessed Harry physically leave the country.

*

Being torn made it almost too easy to steer his focus over to his attorney and their meetings instead of snapping out of his hole of fear. Keeping the legal battle going against Katherine was a way for him to push everything else to the back of his mind, but it also prevented him from making things right. It was how cowards acted, and he was the biggest one alive.

_Four_ days passed. Four fucking days where he avoided the problems he’d caused, and the realisation he only made it worse the longer he stayed out of contact. Four days ignoring his phone as it was the plague while he spent the time at his attorney's office and learned things he was probably better off not knowing. The reality of who his birth mother had been, how her labour had been complicated, and how the surgeons had saved one life but lost the other didn't give him peace. How the trusted attorney of his father had turned his back and helped Katherine compose the fake testament. The information made him sick to his stomach, and new sadness crept up his back to settle along with the one he had for Harry. No, it didn't give him peace at all, but in one way, it seemed to finally bring the clarity he sorely needed, and it forced him to really see how ungrateful he was.

He’d received nothing but honesty, kindness and compassion from Harry and he’d shown selfishness and cruelty in return because he felt hurt over something he'd spun in his head. It was ironically really, he’d chastised Harry for trying to run away once, and then he’d been the one who tugged the tail between his legs and fled in the end. Life was too short to hide away, sulking over something he could fight for, and he'd already wasted too much time. Without caring to check out, he ran to Niall's flat where he burst through the front door with enough guilt to drop to his knees, plead his sorry, and beg for forgiveness until Harry would consider listening to his pathetic excuses. What met him instead was a dark flat, lacking any sounds or signs of anyone being around and he frowned as he ran from room to room.

‘’Harry? H? You here?’’

Only silence kept him company, and after frowning at his feet in confusion, he recalled the piece of technology he'd abandoned and scrambled to turn it on. It had left his mind the day he'd shut it off, and a flare of terror struck when he understood it also meant he hadn't let Harry know if he was even alive. Again, for four fucking days.

He was tired of realising it but, he kept being the most selfish fucking wanker gracing the planet.

The screen came to life, and after he'd tapped his code, it exploded with notifications of missed calls and an alarming amount of messages. He’d received most from Harry, which punched a new hole through his chest, but when he also noticed there were several from Liam and Niall as well, he felt even worse. He hadn't even _thought_ of them, and once again he'd done it, pushed away the people he cared for. Hesitatingly he tapped Harry’s name, and his screen drowned in words, words that went straight to his heart, and he felt it clench painfully.

_Friday (4 days ago)_  
_4:27 pm where did you go?_  
_4:27 Please just come back, you misunderstood, I'm not leaving._

_5:31 you’ve been out a while, are you alright?_

_5:51 Where are you?_

_6:25 Louis, please answer. I know you’re angry and hurt, but just give me a sign you're ok._

_6:52 don’t do this, I'm getting worried._

_7:05 I’m not sure whether you decline my calls or if you shut off your phone but it’s starting to freak me out._

_8:10 it’s official, I’m worried. Are you safe?_  
_8:10 Don’t do anything reckless._

_09:04 Bloody hell, pick up, you're scaring me._

_10:59 that’s it, I’m going to look for you._  
_10:59 If I find you in the hospital I will kill you myself._

_11:02 I didn’t mean that. Just please don’t be there._

The messages kept going in the same worried tone all throughout the days, and he felt sickness form inside his stomach, reading the vulnerable and helpless pleas was awful.

_4:21 am (2 days ago)_  
_Fucking hell, Louis! I’m freaking out; you aren’t answering, and I have no idea where to find you or how to contact you. I’ve searched fucking everywhere in fear of you lying in some ditch somewhere. Where are you? Just give me a sign that you’re fucking alive._

The oxygen in his lungs fled at the thought of how worried Harry had been that night. Not to forget the following days when he never received a single sign. He scrolled faster, not able to read all the painful texts where Harry grew more frantic with worry and finally reached the last one.

_5:11 am (Today) I trust you to be alive so whenever you’re ready, find me. I’ll be here; I’ll always be._

He’d received it in the early hours of the morning, and the lump in his throat rose too fast, and he choked out a whine. Next, he unwillingly opened the ones he’d received from Niall; it wasn’t as near as many and definitively not as pleading, but even those made his stomach drop further. They consisted of manning up, get a grip and fucking grow some bollocks. It wasn’t until he read the last _two_ from Liam that his blood ran cold because what he read he hadn’t expected after Harry's final words.

_09:14 am (Today)_  
_If there’s one thing that might get through that thick skull of yours and realise what you're doing, it might be this. Since you obviously can’t even give Harry a sign that you're fucking breathing, I told him I think it's best you two have some distance for a while. He doesn't deserve to have his chances thrown away just because you throw a tantrum, and I convinced him to take the internship, his plane leaves today._

_1:16 pm I guess I was wrong._

That message, the one saying, Harry, was, in fact, leaving drained the colour of his face and he stopped breathing. Harry said he would always be there, just hours ago so he couldn’t be leaving. It was a cruel mind-game they were playing when Liam never lied, but neither did Harry and it only resulted in bringing his panic back. He quickly checked the time and prayed no matter what was going on the flight Harry would take in a worst-case scenario hadn’t already left. Too afraid he would reach Harry’s voicemail if he called, proving what he couldn't picture, he pressed Liam’s number and placed the phone to his ear. It only called twice before Liam answered with a bark of curses.

‘’Yes Liam I know, I’m the worst fucking human possible, and I deserve every bad shit that can happen, trust me I know and whatever you want to say you can. But can you please just hold on to your speech and tell me if you were serious, you told him to go?’’

His voice was small and vulnerable, barely audible and Liam must’ve heard how weak he was because he sighed heavily and breathed out a sad sigh.

_‘’You’re not the worst; you just need to learn how to handle problems better. Much better. Harry, yeah- he’s-‘’_ the phone went painfully silent, and he was about to turn hysterical when Liam’s voice returned. _‘’-he hasn’t left yet, but he will soon. He didn't want to leave without talking to you, but- well it-‘’_

''When?''

_''At 2:00 pm.''_

‘’What! But that’s in forty fucking minu- Which airport?''

_‘’Heathrow.’’_

‘’Am I pathetic enough to-’’

_‘’I’ll text you the flight details.’’_

‘’I’ll never make it.’’

_‘’Probably not.’’_

‘’Fuck off.’’

*

As he'd predicted, he was too fucking late./p>

By the time he reached the airport, drenched in sweat and anxious, the screen served him the news he’d hoped not to see. _Gate closed._ The plane was about to take off, and it left him staring emptily at his reflection in the huge window. He stepped closer and watched the runway, seeing several planes in line and just the thought that on one of them was the person he cared about the most, devastated him. Nausea grew in his stomach as he could physically see how his heart hit the floor and shattered around his ankles. He felt alone as he walked back out, and the cold breeze hit his skin like an ice wall. He should've listened, and just fucking stayed from the start, but no, he never seemed to be capable of making the right choices.

He let his head fall as he forced his feet to move, further from the entrance and closer to a column where he slid down in defeat. His hands turned numb from the frosty air, and since he'd left in such a hurry, he could only hug himself when the jacket was forgotten at home. Going back was the last thing he wanted, too much had happened, and the only real thing he’d wanted to keep wouldn’t be there to welcome him. His chest ached at the thought of Harry being gone, and he cradled his head between his palms as he cursed.

‘’Fuck fuck fuck! You’re such a fucking idiot Louis!’’

He slammed his fist against the concrete in an attempt at feeling something else, but the pain was dull and barely noticeable. For a split second he wished he could hate Harry for conning him into developing emotions he'd never wanted, but it faded as soon as he thought it. Freezing fingers reached into his pocket to find his phone, but he struggled to tap the code as he needed to send Harry an apology and make sure he didn't think it was his fault. He grew angrier when his fingers wouldn’t cooperate, and he took a deep breath to keep himself from throwing the phone across the road when he’d tapped the wrong letter four times in a row. In the end, he ended up with a pathetic _sorry_ because his fingertips threatened to break if he continued to touch the screen, and he pulled his arms inside his jumper. The cold ground numbed his bum as well, but still, he remained in his spot, not really caring and he stared blankly at the tip of his shoes.

‘’Such a fucking screw up, what the bloody hell is wrong with me.’’

His voice was shaky and thin as he dropped his head to his knees, hiding his face and sensing how his throat itched.

‘’Well, you're a bit reckless and dramatic.’’

The close sound of another voice startled him enough to send his head shooting up and right into the column, creating a new pain ripping through. A groan fled his mouth as his hand reached back to rub the spot, and he winced at the soreness. Finally, when he blinked open, his glance landed on tired green eyes and a beautiful face which held a weak smile with the familiar dimples he’d come to love. His lungs collapsed, and his mouth fell wide open when he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. Or who he was seeing. It was either reality, or he’d been sitting out in the winter air to the point his mind was playing cruel tricks. He wasn’t sure what he hoped for./p>

‘’H?’’

His voice cracked as he slowly rose from his position, all stiff and painful and it was then the tightness in his chest burst. An unintentional tear breached his struggle to keep it back, and it laughed at his attempt at staying calm as it fell on his cheek.

‘’Hey, don’t cry love, and what the hell are you doing sitting out here without clothes! Are you insane, you’ll get pneumonia or something wors- oof!’’

The word love was all it took for him to react; he wiped his eye while he threw himself forward with an intense sense of relief and held tightly. Fingers locked around the scarf Harry wore, and he pressed his face against his shoulder, clinging like he would disappear if he didn't hold on enough. He nuzzled his head further and inhaled the faint smell of perfume, not bothered to care how he behaved or how people around them ogled.

‘’Wh-what are you doing here, aren't you’re supposed to be on a plane?’’

His words muffled against Harry’s coat, and he could feel the small shake of the chuckle Harry couldn’t suppress. It made him relax because it had to mean Harry was there, and not a hallucination.

‘’Not at all-’’ Harry pulled out of the embrace as he unbuttoned the coat and tugged him back in, making sure the fabric closed around them both. ‘’-shit, you’re like an ice cube, my nipples will fall off.’’

‘’I hope you didn't toss a ridiculously expensive ticket and said _fuck my career_ just because I've been a shitty brat. If so then bloody hell you’re stupid.’’

He groaned lightly as he hugged tighter to steal the warmth, and shook his head in disbelief even though he knew Harry was more than capable of pulling such a stunt. It should’ve made him feel guiltier than he already was, and he had no doubt he would later, but right there in the comforting hug he couldn’t stop smiling. He felt safe again, and he pushed closer as he realised just how badly he was freezing.

‘’Well if you're _that_ dramatic about it, I guess people do stupid things for the people they can’t be without. I never bought one, and never planned to either.’’

Soft hands trailed his chin and slowly lifted his head to where his eyes finally met Harry’s, and he shuddered at the warm breath stroking over his skin.

‘’What? You were never even at the airport in the first place?’’

‘’No. I told you I’d always be here, and I meant it.-’’ Harry smiled, looking shy as fingers thumbed over his cheeks, carefully moving right beneath his ear and he couldn’t stop staring. The cold wind was once again forgotten when Harry took a deep breath and leant in to leave a soft touch at the corner of his mouth. It felt so gentle and his face flushed when he realised his lips chased the affection. ‘’- _Because I'm stupidly in love with you_ , and have been for a while. You’re the one person who’s always stuck in my mind, and I’ll do anything for you so never question that. I was never going to accept the internship, I can’t because I don’t want to. I haven’t wanted it for a long time when I have too many reasons to stay, and not taking this opportunity doesn’t mean it’s the end of my career. You heard me wrong on the phone, I said I would think about it, but my mind was already set months ago. I just didn’t want to immediately decline so my professor thought I at least considered it after all the help he’s given me.’’

His fingers curled around Harry’s waist, and he clenched the fabric of his shirt in anger, he was so fucking pissed at himself, and he dropped his head to rest on Harry’s chest.

‘’I’m going to chop all of Liam’s limbs off before I'm encouraging you to do the same to me.''

‘’Yeah he called me when I was working and told me what he’d done. I left in such a panic I forgot my phone, so I’m both glad and furious I found you here. _Without clothes_.-‘’ a small chuckle left Harry as he tried to sound strict, and his hands rubbed Louis’ back up and down. ‘’-If I could’ve punched his face through the phone, I would’ve, and I'm considering doing it later when I see him. He had no right to do that, but I’d be lying if I say I’m not a little bit relieved when it seemed to drag you out of hiding.’’

‘’Fucking hell I'm going to slaughter that ugly lying mug of his, he even bothered to search up your imaginary flight details for me. Bloody hell, and he didn’t drag me out, I was already home searching for you when I saw all the messages. But, I can’t deny his torment made my arse move, and to be fair, I did deserve it for being such a shithead. I know I acted like a selfish wanker, and I’m sorry for doing that to you. I can’t explain, my mind just shut down all common sense and-‘’

Warm lips cut him off, and he sighed in defeat as his eyes closed at the familiar rush of heat spreading through his chest. Standing between Harry’s arms right outside the airport unsurprisingly settled as one of his favourite places. The kiss was slow, not demanding and barely moving, but somehow it was better and more honest. Harry let go as he shook his head, but a smile formed as he tilted his head to the side.

‘’It doesn’t matter, I'm just glad you're alright. But promise to stay and talk the next time fear ambushes you because running away never solves anything. I believe you've realised as much, and I know how betrayed you felt, I saw it in your eyes but please don’t you ever do something like that again. Yes, I will murder you and yes, it's a very real threat.’’

He savoured how patient and forgiving Harry was able to be, and he slowly nodded as he made the same promise to himself.

‘’Hey-‘’

‘’If you dare throw a witty comeback I’ll punch you and leave you here.’’

Laughter he couldn’t hold back sprung from his mouth in barks, drawing a crooked smile from Harry as well, and he rolled his eyes.

‘’No, I was going to say I won’t, and then thank you for being so ridiculously understanding. Perhaps ask if we can go home too. Since you know, it’s fucking freezing, and I’m afraid my bollocks will shrink into nothing soon.’’

Before Harry could reply, he tugged him back to his face to leave a more passionate kiss so his lips wouldn’t turn entirely blue. His fingers pulled at the hair on Harry’s neck, and he could feel a soft moan vibrate between their mouths. Once Harry gasped he let his tongue slip inside, and he growled at the desire he felt pooling in his stomach. It probably wasn’t the best place to pin himself against Harry, but he did it anyway and unashamedly let his hips grind to cause enjoyable friction. Harry's inhales turned deeper, and he smirked at the reaction he received, pleased he wasn’t the only one who felt affected by the building tension. It drew him in, and he wished to feel Harry’s skin against his own, feel how his heart pounded and see every shape of his body. His mind was continuing to drift into heated places, creating lustful images in his head and his jeans felt tighter as Harry grew more impatient. The slight problem was their location, sporting a rather inappropriate show to people walking by and he unwillingly moved his mouth closer to Harry’s ears, breathing heavier as he whispered.

‘’I _really_ want to go home.-‘’ his hands sneaked closer to the waistline of Harry’s trousers and then pulled at it. ‘’-If we don't move _now_ , we'll be here a while.’’

A strangled groan left Harry, and the grip around his waist tightened enough to form bruises, but he smugly smirked as he could tell Harry actually considered the idea.

‘’Let’s go, I drove here.’’

‘’Brilliant.’’

*

They barely made it through the door before the first piece of clothing vanished and hit the floor with a soft thud. Needy hands roamed and desperate mouths connected as they battled to remove the rest of the layers and at the same time reach the bedroom. He found the hem of Harry’s shirt and pulled it up, practically wrenching it off, and he ignored the faint sound of it ripping. The response was Harry’s darkened eyes, hooded with lust and an inviting smirk he wouldn’t dare say no to.

‘'Fuck’’ he panted as his eyes wandered over Harry’s torso, taking in all the inked art and the muscles rippling underneath the silky skin. He never thought he would find someone so appealing, but as he kept lusting over Harry’s naked chest, he knew he’d been missing out.

‘’I’ll let you take a picture.’’

Harry’s voice was seductive as he stepped closer to grab his hips, then bent his head to reach the sensitive spot underneath his ear, and hummed when his knees wobbled. Hands travelled and settled under his bum before Harry quickly hoisted him up, causing a squeal of surprise to leave as he linked his ankles so he wouldn’t fall. The pleasurable nibbles continued as Harry carried him closer to the bed and threw him on while following quickly after.

‘’Eager are we?’’

He was already breathless, feeling how his stomach clenched with the anticipation of what was coming, and he squirmed when he saw the heat in Harry's gaze.

‘’Extremely. You know bloody well how fucking tempting you are, and you riled me up at the airport.’’

Harry was straddling his waist, and every time he moved even the slightest, pleasure raced through his nerves and settled between his legs. His hands slid up Harry’s thick thighs, and he squeezed harder when Harry rotated his hips. As he shuffled and straightened into a sitting position, Harry came closer to his chest, and his mouth trailed over his collarbones. He loved the smoothness of Harry’s skin, and as he traced his nose across the chest, he realised he loved his smell as well. It was intoxicating.

Lips wandered and found one of Harry’s nipples, and as he dragged his teeth over it, his fingers found the final clothing and tugged it down. With a little help, the fabric slid off to expose his arousal, and his mouth never stopped working as he gently pushed Harry onto his back and let his hands wander. The wave of confidence that came was very appreciated, and he smirked against flushed skin where the muscles in Harry's stomach tensed. He spread Harry’s legs wider as he kissed down his chest, his belly, his sharp hipbones and the soft skin of the inner thigh. At the closeness, Harry arched his back, and quiet moans left while Louis inches closer to where he wanted to go. The sounds turned louder once he brushed his unshaven face over the same soft skin, letting the stubbles scratch and tease.

‘’Ah fuck, more of that.-’’

So he did, and Harry arched again, toes curled into the mattress and the sheets clenched between fingers as he moved his chin. Just the simplest touch from him caused such a reaction from Harry, and it made his ego shoot when he loved the effect he produced.

‘’-You're never allowed to shave again, the scratch if fucking blissful.’’

Another shudder went through Harry as he continued to kiss underneath his hipbones where he felt a few hair tickle his nose. His hands slid up to Harry’s chest, and he spread his fingers to cover as much as he could before he slowly dragged them down, using his nails to leave faint marks. Whines reached his ears, and he could both see and hear how hard Harry breathed, enjoying the slow torture he was putting him through. Teasing was something he quickly learned he enjoyed, not being teased but teasing Harry sent thrills up his spine. Unfortunately, he was a bit impatient, and he couldn’t keep away from what he wanted to do. He licked his lips as he let his wet tongue make contact and he dragged it up Harry’s length before he flicked it.

Once his lips parted and sank further, he sensed the movement felt easier after the rounds he'd been through, and the stretch wasn’t as uncomfortable. If it was his newfound confidence or only his own arousal that edged him along he wasn’t sure but it didn’t matter. He bobbed his head while pushing Harry’s hips down, twirling his tongue around and stealing deep moans from the gurgling mess that was supposed to be Harry. It made him smirk, and he sucked a little deeper, then dragged his teeth along the vein and flicked his tongue as he kept going a bit faster. Instead of continuing when he heard how Harry’s breath changed he slowly popped off and sucked a love bite at his v-line. He moved up, leaving marks along the way, forming his signature for everyone to see Harry was taken, and how he belonged to him.

He was euphoric and the energy he felt settle he used to his advantage, exploring what he hadn’t dared to before. Memories of their first shared shower eased into his mind, and he focused on it as he guided his hand between Harry's thighs. Without hesitation, he went further, letting his fingers slowly curl and just from the slight touch, Harry produced a pleasured moan. He took it as a sign to continue, and he brought his fingers back to his mouth, meeting Harry's blown eyes as he slid them between his lips. As he slowly dragged them out, he silently asked if he was allowed to do what he hinted at, and Harry’s gaze turned darker as he nodded with a slack jaw. He grinned crookedly as he bent forward, biting a nipple and placing his hand back down between the spread legs. His index circled, and he bit down harder the moment he used a little more strength to push inside. It was unfamiliar territory, but he’d never felt surer of what he was doing.

‘’Alright?’’

Harry moaned as his eyes shut tightly, enjoying the satisfaction and coaxing him to go on.

‘’Please, don’t stop.-’’

His finger sank further inside and once he felt his knuckle surrounded by tightness, a moan of his own left his clenched teeth to echo Harry's. Another memory came to life in his mind, and he moved to place his face next to where his hand was. He carefully let his tongue join, touching where his finger didn’t, and when he found a nice rhythm, Harry's hips moved to chase the pleasure. Harry was turning louder, and he fucking loved it. Before he knew, he was two fingers deep and eagerly licked to keep the movement smooth while pressing his face so close it was almost hard to breathe. He found more speed, and Harry was a stuttering mess above him, rolling his hips and pressing down to meet the thrusts.

‘’-Fuck, more.’’

When a third pushed inside, he was practically fucking Harry with his fingers, and he couldn’t tear his eyes from the sight. He pulled his face back to observe how his fingers moved and stretched, and how Harry reacted to it. The picture was hot, and the pounding in his briefs became almost painful as he continued to neglect it.

‘’Jesus H, you should see yourself right now. You’re killing me.’’

Harry growled and continued to meet his thrusts, and when his fingers curled, the loudest gasp he’d heard during fled Harry as he arched his back so hard he was surely about to snap in half.

‘’There! Right there, oh fuck, there.’’

He hissed as he kept going, curling at the same spot while Harry kept shaking and twisting at the feeling. He must’ve done something right when Harry continued trashing around, and breathy growls filled the room. Harry’s eyes opened, and once their gazes met, he flipped on his knees and rested his upper body on the mattress with the help of his elbows. Which _oh god_ , seeing Harry in the position caused his head to conjure up filthy images and the breath choked in his throat.

‘’Bloody hell, you can’t do this to my weak, perverted mind. Shit Harry, you want me to pound on you because I will if you keep that up.’’

Harry’s knees wobbled at his words, and he threw his head back, searching Louis’ gaze with desperate, greedy eyes.

‘’If you aren’t going to go through with that thought you’ll have to create your own fucking orgasms from now on.’’

‘’You really want me to?’’

‘’No Louis, I’m just standing here on my knees, pressing my arse in your face for you to simply _smile_ at it and-.''

‘’Ride me first, or I'll end up hurting you.’’

If he thought Harry would question his demand, he was proved wrong when he leant forward and reached the nightstand. With quick hands, Harry flipped through the drawer and fished out two items Louis knew hadn't been there a few days ago. At least not after they took over Niall's flat and he cocked a brow as Harry slid back and tossed them over.

‘’What, I like to be prepared for the unexpected. Like now.’’

Harry smirked back as Louis watched him chuckle lightly before getting rid of his briefs and ripped the condom open. Once it was on, he looked up to meet Harry’s gaze, sensing how his nerves filled with excitement and pressure. He’d done anal before, but not often and the girl had always had to help herself since he'd been too fucking lazy to. This time, Harry was already ready and sharing a new intimate connection with him would be different. It meant something, and he wanted it to be good. It would be easier to enter Harry as he was placed on all four, and it seemed Harry had the same thought when he positioned himself better while spreading his legs.

A shaky palm slide between Harry’s shoulder blades and down his spine before it settled on his hip, gripping tightly as he needed an anchor. The small bottle of lube felt heavy in his other hand, and he poured a decent amount over himself, coating every part and hissed at the flare of satisfaction, before he circled Harry's rim. With the hand still attached to Harry’s hip, he used his thumb to press the left cheek to the side, exposing Harry and once he positioned himself, he took a deep breath. It needed to be slow at first, and he gently pushed forward, struggling to keep composed when the tightness felt incredible, and he heard how a strangled choke left Harry.

‘’I can’t promise I’ll last long.-’’

He had to bite his lip from screaming as he steadied himself; both hands reaching Harry’s love handles, and he slowly moved further, inch by inch while his jaw fell. Apparently, he went too slow and gasped when Harry pushed back, taking his length in one go with a whine.

‘’- _Shit_ , fuck fuck fuck. Do that again, and I'll be done in a second!’’

His head fell on his shoulders from the intensity, and as Harry continued to push backwards, thankfully less desperate, his body followed, and he leant back on his heels. It burned the muscles in his thighs, but all he could manage to focus on was how Harry felt around him. So tight and warm, clenching and sending heat all the way up to the roots of his head. Harry’s body came closer until he was sitting on his lap, and he gently swirled his hips in a way that stole Louis’ breath. Sweat laid like a shiny glow over Harry's skin, and he could see how muscles worked when strong arms reached behind to steady the weight on his thighs.

Harry panted as his hips continued to circle, and Louis’ hands found his body, roaming up his chest to press them tighter. He’d never felt closer to another person, it was something unbelievable, something deep that meant more and the burning heat inside made him smile into the crook of Harry’s neck. The slow pace and graceful twirls Harry created were more than satisfying but if it was wanted and asked, he would go as rough as desired. He left new marks along the shoulder and under the ear while Harry picked up some speed and used the strength in his thighs to bounce. The new sensation caused him to leave a rather sharp bite while he yanked Harry's hair, but from the deep guttural moan Harry made, he took it as a sign he liked the flare of pain.

It seemed it edged Harry on, and when he kept pulling his hair and pinched his nipple, Harry clenched tighter around him. Their pants turned deeper each time Harry sank, and his breath hitch when Harry lifted himself back up. Afraid he wouldn't last long enough to make Harry come first, his hand reached around his waist, and he pumped fast and steady to bring him closer. It didn’t take long before Harry’s movements turned messy and he shook in his lap, not able to contain the moans or the volume of them.

‘’Fuck, harder. I need it harder.’’

There it was, Harry asked, and he wasn't hard to beg as he let Harry drop back to rest on his elbows. He was close himself, so he acted fast and gripped Harry's hips, finding the last of his strength and his thrusts was hard enough to make Harry claw at the sheets. The sound of skin hitting skin filled was more erotic than he could've imagined, and the vision of pushing into Harry made him hiss with lust. Harry was barely holding himself up, and his sounds were swallowed by the mattress as he gave the rest he had. His hand found Harry one last time, and with a few quick tugs he brought his climax and heard him scream out.

The way he clenched tighter from his orgasm, sent him over as well, and he groaned out and bit down on Harry's shoulder as the spasm raced through. He kept going until he couldn’t, and he slumped over Harry's shaking body, heaving for air and a pounding heart. It pounded so fast and so strongly he was sure it would burst right through his body at any moment. Mutual hisses left them both as he slowly pulled out to peel off the condom and threw himself on his back, wiping the sweat from his forehead and pushed his hair from his eyes. Harry followed after as they laid there with heaving chests, and strangled chuckles left their shaking bodies once their gazes met.

‘’Fuck, why haven’t we done that sooner?’’

‘’Because we’re morons.’’

Harry turned to face him, and fingers stroked over his chest before damp curls came closer as a nose nuzzled at the crook of his neck. A pair of wet lips left a soft kiss right above his throbbing pulse, and the small gesture caused him to swallow hard. It wasn't difficult to say he was fucking whipped, and all he could think was how right everything with Harry felt. Real and meaningful, and he couldn’t picture a scenario where they weren't together.

‘’Continue living with me.’’

‘’What, don't tell me you're asking me to move in with you?’’

Harry’s voice carried a teasing sound as he chuckled, but the longer he thought about it, the stronger did he want it as a reality.

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’Wait, _what?_ ’’

‘’I’m tired of always being a coward so yes, I’m officially asking you to find a new place to live with me because I want you to _be_ with me, and not as a roommate. No more bullshit all right, I’m not afraid to admit what I want when I finally know, so I am. I _want_ to call you _mine_.’’

There wasn’t any nervousness to find as he confessed his desire, knowing it was something he felt ready for, something he wanted, and he smiled shyly when emotional green eyes met his before Harry brought him in for a passionate kiss.

‘’Fucking finally.’’

*


	9. Epilogue

**Updated**

_**Five years later.** _

‘’Happy Birthday love!’’

‘’Cheers for the old man!’’

‘’Now things starts to sag, and your skin wrinkles.’’

Harry, Niall and Liam all clinked their glasses as they lifted them in the air, saluting Louis, who'd finally turned _thirty_ and he watched the three with a warm smile. He took a deep breath to blow out the candles on the cake Harry had baked, and ended up gasping when he'd underestimated how much effort it actually took to get them all. A small shake of his head and a low chuckle eased out when he saw how the others sniggered and giggled into their glasses; no one would think either one of them had grown out of their teens.

‘’Yeah yeah thanks and hey Horan? Even if my perfect skin tries to wrinkle it will never compare to the prune you call a face.’’

He saluted them back when a round of laughter formed, Niall being the loudest one and nothing, absolutely nothing he'd said during the years had seemed to offend his Irish friend.

‘’What did you wish for?’’

Harry stepped closer with a huge grin, wrapping arms around his waist, and softly leaving one of his addictive kisses at his jaw and down his neck. After five years he would’ve assumed the butterflies and the race of his heart would simmer down, but whenever Harry touched him, he felt them just as intense as he'd done the first time. It was thrilling the way he shivered when Harry’s soft lips left his skin, and he closed his eyes in contentment.

‘’I can’t say, or it won’t come true. You know that and I really really want it to.’’

He sent Harry a quick wink as his hand came to rest on the bottom of his spine, holding him close while taking a small sip from his glass. A little hum left when he saw the familiar pout form over Harry's features, and he leant in to fit his head in the crook of his neck.

‘’Gross. You still act like you’re in the blooming crush state, who would've thought Louis could be this way.’’

Niall rolled his eyes but smiled even so, not able to hide his fondness, and a sigh of delight flowed from his mouth when Harry's grin evolved. Liam found Niall's side and brushed a small touch on his cheek before he entwined their fingers.

‘’Like we have the right to say, we’re just as gross-.'' Liam kissed Niall once more before his attention went back towards Harry with a questionable look on his face. ‘’-So what are your plans for tomorrow, are you celebrating Christmas alone? If you don’t have any plans, you're more than welcome to join us for my mum’s special ham.’’

‘’Thanks for the offer, but we might take you up on it another year. We're going to Doncaster to surprise Charles and James, planned it out with Cassandra earlier today when she begged us to let her stay with us for the holidays. Instead of having them here I think it’ll be more comfortable leaving the city, having a shot at some peace and quiet.’’

He nodded along to Harry’s response, and he couldn’t wait to get out of town when he was in desperate need for some quiet time with the family. There he was, Harry still by his side year after year and a real family they both loved and felt a significant part of. Being one of those disgustingly happy couples he’d heard about and earlier detested almost made him laugh out loud. He'd learned to understand why none bothered to care about the jealous looks because both Harry and himself shined brightly enough to drown every glare and comment.

‘’That sounds lovely, please greet them for us and tell them to come back to London again soon. We can all have dinner, perhaps at new years? We can all celebrate here at yours, and Niall can whip up his cooking skills and-.''

‘’Easy there, family man-.'' he chuckled as he waved his hand in front of Liam to stop his ramble. ‘’-We’ll ask them alright? If they don’t already have plans, I’m sure they’ll love the idea.’’

The evening went on, and the four of them celebrated until Harry’s eyes dropped from exhaustion and Louis couldn’t stop yawning. It had been a long day, and he suspected Harry craved the softness of their bed just as must as he did. From the moment he woke up, where he was well, happily surprised with a knockout blow from his beloved man, the day hadn't been still for a single moment. His uncle, James, and Cassandra had arrived early to leave both birthday and Christmas presents, and Louis and Harry had taken Cassandra out to see the city. Which wasn’t a quiet and relaxed trip when she was growing up into a energetic young lady, too hyped with curiosity and excitement.

Taking a _ten-year-old girl_ shopping down Oxford Street on Christmas Eve had been fucking nightmare, one so anxious it almost killed him and Harry with stress. He'd been through enough painful moments to have the authority to claim the last one as the very worst. Trying to keep sight of the euphoric girl bouncing between shops and a billion other stressed out people was as easy as attempting to spot Wally at the final picture from across the room. The experience had sent his nerves screaming, and he’d realised time had moved too fast, not understanding what had happened to the little girl he'd used to play tea parties with. 

He already dreaded the day where she would physically make his heart stop, the day she would announce she’d reached the dating point, and it would be downhill from there. How James and Charles would survive, he had no idea, but he felt sorry for them and overjoyed he wasn’t in their shoes. He could get away with being the concerned _'uncle'_ but they, as _fathers_ , had a rough path ahead. Even with all the dreadful times to come, he was currently in the happiest time of his life.  
He’d finished his bachelor, then continued studying, and he was pleased with working as a drama teacher instead of being up on the stage himself. It gave him more than he’d thought and he loved being able to teach the younger minds when they gave him so much back. 

Harry, on the other hand, had discussed the lost internship with his professor and had been able to stay much closer to home when he spent six months learning from that exact man instead. It was educational, but to Harry, it wasn’t enough so he'd continued to work towards his PhD. Which was the part where it had been tough, and years of constant studying had practically sent him into a coma. But Harry was robust and persistent, his dream was to open a practice one day, and that was Louis’ birthday wish as well. For Harry to achieve what he dreamt of when he deserved nothing more, he’d worked hard for it and still did. They had one more year to go, and he was more convinced than ever that their wish would come true.

Going through the tough times and having Harry by his side during the long-lasting legal battle against Katherine truly opened his eyes to what love was really about. It was being there for each other with support and stand stronger when you break the hardest while life seemed at its darkest. He took the lessons to heart, engulfed it and used it when Harry was the one who needed a rock by his side. Working hard for so many years straight took a toll, but it wasn't long until they could finally lower their shoulders, take a deep breath and slow down to really settle. 

Simply said, he was _happy_. Genuinely happy and he could say he had anything he'd longed for. He was finished with anything involving attorneys and the name Katherine, and she'd received her penalty while he’d received what had been rightfully his. With the money, he'd created a fund in his sister’s name when she would always be remembered as a part of him, and the rest he'd shared with is Uncle. He had a great career he was proud of and satisfied with, he was surrounded by loving friends, an extraordinary family and he had the love of his life by his side. The stocks in the company his father had founded and built had eventually ended up in his hands, but it was a victory he hadn't wanted. Ugly memories and unhappy feelings followed with, and he'd left every thought of taking over a long time ago. He'd wanted to be as far away from it as possible, and the moment he’d sold his share, he'd finally felt free. Everything was falling into place, and he realised the happy ever after Harry had always spoken to highly about, wasn't far away. Perhaps they had already reached it when it felt like they had, and he believed he wasn't the only one feeling it. 

‘’Did you have a lovely day?’’

He crawled under the duvet as Harry asked, and sighed heavily as his aching back touched the soft sheets which stroked his skin like soft feathers. Harry wasn’t far behind and let the same noise drift from his lips as he slowly shuffled closer.

‘’Yeah it was great, long, stressful and fantastic but I have a suspicion tomorrow will be better. Can’t wait to see our family's faces when we bring the secret present at their door.’’

‘’What secret present?’’

‘’Oh did I forget to mention it?’’

His eyes were closed, but his mouth stretched into a curved smile as his arms snaked around Harry’s waist to tug his back closer to his chest. He followed the curve of his neck with his lips and hummed in delight at the familiar smell of the lavender shampoo. A small shudder went through Harry, and he pushed back a little closer, turning his head a bit to the side to give more access.

‘’Mmhm. I think you did.’’

‘’Hmm, well I guess I’ll have to tell you about it then. It’s beautiful, extraordinary and one of a kind really.’’

A little whine of impatience and curiosity filled the room, and he chuckled softly as he kissed right beneath Harry’s ear, knowing how eager he would be about it. He also knew if Harry hadn’t been so tired he would’ve demanded an answer straight away but sleep was taking over, and he felt him sag together in his arms.

‘’Come on Lou, tell me before I fall asleep. Spill.’’

He continued with his kisses over Harry’s shoulder, then slowly, almost agonisingly, returned up his neck, and when he reached his ear once more, he softly whispered what his heart screamed to share.

‘’It’s _you_. Hopefully, a little more decorated by the time we reach their door.''

''What?'' a sluggish sound of confusion followed as Harry barely tilted his head. 

'' _Marry me, love_ ’’

Almost as if he'd stabbed Harry with a needle full of adrenaline, his eyes snapped open, and his whole body jumped off the bed as he twirled around with such wide eyes he almost looked like a deer caught in headlights. It was a funny sight, and he stifled a laugh as he innocently blinked up at the way Harry gaped in shock.

‘’Oh no, you don’t seriously dare to give me that look right now! You- You can’t do this to me, it’s so not bloody fair!’’

The tension vanished from Harry’s shoulders, and he pouted his lips while he stomped his feet on the floor, portraying a stubborn child who didn’t get his way. The whole scene drew a sharp bark from Louis, and he tilted his head to the side in fond confusion.

‘’I’m not sure what you mean. Honestly, I placed my money on you crying your eyes out and sobbing for the rest of the night, but hey, this reaction is quite adorable too. Unless you-.''

‘’Oh I will fucking cry alright, but right now I'm stubborn and childish because you _never_ let me do firsts. So no, this is not fair at all because you just _ruined_ my plans, you lovely shithead.-''

He pressed the palm of his hand against his mouth to stop the laughter that threatened to spill as he stared at Harry who continued to pout. It didn’t take long until Harry met his gaze, and his shoulders started shaking before he too had to let a chuckle leave his lips.

‘’-I know I’m behaving insane but seriously love, I had all these big plans about proposing the _grossest_ way a man can according to you. The _whole deal_ you know, taking you to a romantic dinner with burning candles where I express every embarrassing way you’ve changed my life and made me the happiest I’ve ever been. _But_ before that dinner, I would throw a ridiculously amount of _rose petals_ all around the flat so it would be like a fucking _rose garden_ in here when we came back. You would’ve suspected what I had in mind by then and probably blushed so hard in mortification over how much you actually loved it, but before truly realising it, I would've already been down on one knee with a second heart bleeding speech you fucker. Yet here you come, wiping away my plans by being your sweet lovable you and present me the most fucking lovely proposal I never knew I wished for but just realised I did because I fucking loved it-.''

Harry took a deep breath and shook his head as a new round of laughter spilt from his mouth.

‘’-And here I am ruining the beautiful moment by acting like a mental case because you stole my chance to be first for once. God, how do you keep up with me?’’

‘’Fuck you're attractive when you ramble, but I’m not sure I follow your whole first thing here?’’

‘’You manned up and told me you were in love with me first, even though I tipped around you like a love-struck teenager for months. Then you asked me to be yours before I even had the guts to form a plan to ask you in my mind and at the same time, you invited me to move in with you. Don’t get me wrong, I loved how confident and sure you were about it and since you took that step I thought, at least, I would be the one to voice my love first. But nooo, you beat me to that as well because apparently throughout these five years I never, and still haven’t learned my lesson about underestimating your bravery and impatience.-‘’

Harry smiled as he looked back, showing he was far from angry or disappointed, just a little amused at himself for never being able to take him by surprise.

‘’-I thought I should wait, so I wouldn’t scare you off because yeah I admit, I was a bit afraid it would make you feel pressured if I said it soon. But then one day, you just casually hugged me from behind while I cooked dinner and quietly told me you loved me like it was something you’d said every day in your whole fucking life. Everything you do or say just sends my heart galloping, and I’ve had a fucking stroke every time you surprise me like that so here tonight, I’m not sure if I’m in a coma right now or actually dead. So yes, you've always been first, and I was so ready to be the one making you piss your pants by popping the big question.’’

He crawled closer to the end of the bed and leant back on his heels as he grabbed Harry’s hand in his own and kissed it softly. He couldn’t stop smiling at his idiot who was too good to be true, and his heart tripled in his chest.

‘’Well I can't say I'm sorry, but I can always take tonight's question back and let y-.''

‘’Don’t you fucking dare or this will be the bloodiest night of your life.’’

They grinned so widely their cheeks started to hurt, and it was just perfect really, they fit like puzzle pieces, and he knew he would never be bored in his life again. They fulfilled each other and who other than Harry would find his cheeky ridiculous personality the source of his happiness?

‘’Then will you surrender and accept my hand?’’

When he bent down and fished out the small box he’d hidden underneath the bed, the reality finally seemed to dawn on Harry, and his jaw dropped. There it was, the shocked reaction he'd anticipated, and once the plain but graceful silver ring settled on Harry’s finger, the waterworks flowed. Tears fell down his cheeks as he threw himself around his frame, stuttering out a chant of _yes'_ and squeezed hard enough for bones to break.  
_It was messy, intimate, goofy and simply them._

‘’Hey, will you adopt, with me? Not right away, of course, but I'm saying it _now_ to secure me a huge first before you swoop in and steal it as well, causing me another heart attack. Just remember _I_ was the one to voice it first, and I'll murder you if you pretend to forget it later on. I also love you grossly to the moon and back by the way. You know I grew up in foster homes and how tough it can be, even though I met some nice families along the way, so yes, we are so going to adopt down the road. Did I say I love you? And remember, still _me_ who asked you _first_ , so I got at least one first.’’

Harry rambled again and hiccupped sniffles into his ears, a strange, beautiful mixture of crying and laughing at the same time and he hummed in agreement as he gently pushed Harry down to kiss all over his flushed face. He left gentle touches on his chin, the corner of his mouth, up his cheeks, over his eyes, across his forehead, down his nose and then finally his quivering mouth.

‘’Yes you did and you, being your brilliant goofy adorable you keep making me love you more each day. _I can't wait to have a miniature you running around_.’’

 

~ Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it, and I hope the end didn't disappoint.
> 
> Thanks for the all feedback and kudos, you're too lovely!


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